MISC: Super Stomach Girl #4 - You Knew the Job was Dangerous When You Took It
Jerry
by Jerry Shaw
The next day, Saturday, Roz started her training.
"You know, you're going to have to find the best way to get your powers
activated, and once activated, be able to control them," said Kara.
"OK, teach me. You know what I have to do to unleash my powers. I need
to know what it takes for this, to learn what my limits are, and how to
control my powers, as you said. After all, I may not always want to
send someone flying 50 feet through the air. I may just want to knock
them out. And I need to know how much I can take, how much it takes for
me to transform. And of course, I want to get stronger. I want to get
so strong that... that... that even YOU can't put me down."
"Well, I don't think you're ever going to be that strong," she said
with a slight frown. That worried Roz, until she saw the frown turn
into a broad smile. "Gottcha! But remember, no matter, there will
always be someone stronger, better than you.
"So are you ready to start?"
Roz nodded, and they went to the gym in the back room. There were
slight differences in the layout there from yesterday, but she couldn't
see what they were.
Against one wall, there was a set of holes drilled from the floor to
the ceiling, and a peg stuck in one of the holes. Kara pulled out the
peg and looking Roz over, put it several notches higher. She was
smaller than Roz was, so had to jump to reach the hole she picked. But
she jammed it precisely into the middle of the hole the first time.
"Back up against the wall and jump up and grab that peg and hang there.
We're going to let you get used to being punched gradually. And maybe
we'll see if we can trigger those powers of yours."
"And then I'll be ready?"
"Yes, ready for more punches. Hopefully, if all goes well today, you'll
walk away from here with your stomach hurting so bad you'll be all bent
over from the pain. And maybe, just maybe, you'll want to come back
tomorrow, or maybe the next day.
"And if everything goes right, you'll no longer want to be a superhero.
Because that pain's what you have to look forward to for the rest of
your life, you know."
Roz had never thought of it that way. But of course, she was absolutely
right. As a superhero, she would be expected to shrug off anything the
villains threw her way. She would have to endure all sorts of hurts,
even well beyond anything she could ever stand. And with her peculiar
power, she could expect it to be especially painful.
All this frightened Roz.
And excited Roz.
"OK, strip."
Well Roz had been planning on a fight today, so she was ready for it.
She took off the sweatpants she had pulled over her suit and pushed the
suit up and down to form a tiny bikini bottom, and a sports bra that
was only slightly less tiny. She backed against the wall as Kara had
told her, and jumping up, grabbed the peg. This had the effect of
stretching her out as she hung there, her feet a good six inches off
the floor.
"Would you look at that!" Kara said, looking directly at the center of
the bullseye. "I've seen it in the videos, but it looks so much more
impressive up close!"
Roz had half been expecting that.
"That's the flattest, most impressive stomach I've ever seen up close!
I can't wait to dig my fists deep and hard into that."
Roz hadn't been expecting that. But knowing Kara's propensities, she
guessed she should have been expected it. She should have known what
Kara would have been most interested in.
Kara started out as she had said, easy. She punched the center of Roz's
stomach a little. Roz had the sense to tense her stomach before the
punch so barely felt it. Kara kept punching the same spot, right at the
bullseye, harder and harder with every punch. And as her punches got
harder, she gave Roz more and more time to recover. Eventually, her
punches were hurting so much that Roz was groaning between each one,
panting a little to get her breath back. Evidently, this was the level
Kara wanted, since she kept punching her at the same strength, and with
the same cadence. But of course, that didn't make it any easier on Roz,
as her stomach was starting to give out from the strain of trying to
ward off those punches and from the pain of receiving them. Roz was
just about ready to tell Kara to stop, when she stopped of her own
accord. And Roz did a stupid thing. She relaxed.
Kara threw an incredibly hard punch directly to the middle of her
stomach, to the precise spot she had been softening up for the last
half hour. It sunk in deep, all the way back. Roz released her hold on
the peg and dropped hard to the floor, thanking Kara for having those
mats installed, but cursing her for that sucker gutpunch.
Kara bent close to her as she laid there rolled up in a ball
whimpering. "Lesson one, don't ever relax. If you're going to be a
superhero, you have to be ready at all times. No villain will ever stop
to let you recover. Ever. You can always count on them to take
advantage of every opening you give them, do that which will cause the
most damage, inflict the most pain. Count on it. Expect it. So don't
ever relax.
"That's enough for today. We can pick this up tomorrow when..."
"NO!!
"No! I won't give up. Not yet."
Well, Kara thought. She's much better than I had expected. I think
she'll make a fine superhero after all.
"All right then," Kara conceded. "What do you want to do now?"
Slowly Roz got up against the wall again. But this time, she didn't
jump and grab the peg. Her stomach was on fire. She knew she wouldn't
be able to jump even that small amount to the peg. But she had
something she needed to do.
"You said it yourself. A villain would never stop to let me recover.
You've taken me to my limit, and a little beyond. I want to feel what
it's like to be taken well beyond my limit. To be helpless to prevent
the pain. Not to go on until I say to stop, but until my body says to
stop."
Kara hadn't expected this of Roz. She knew she was tough, but never
this tough. And of course, She was happy to oblige. It would be a
pleasure to punch that flat, hard, wide belly of Roz's until she
collapsed, and maybe a little bit beyond.
"OK, get back against the wall."
And Kara reached around behind her and pulled out a set of padded
handcuffs.
When Kara told Roz she wasn't into whips and chains, she was telling
the truth. But handcuffs and ropes, those she had galore. And while the
numerous handholds and chinning bars around her gym were usually used
for exercises, they served the purpose of restraints very well.
Especially when a body like Roz's was begging to be abused. And it
wouldn't be the first hard body which had begged Kara to be abused, in
those handcuffs, on those restraints. And it most certainly wouldn't be
the last.
Kara snapped the handcuffs on as Roz held her hands out in front of
her, being careful to make sure they would not chaff her wrists. I
think she knows what is coming, thought Kara, as she offered her wrists
to me willingly. Or maybe she has done this before. Now there was an
interesting thought, thought Kara.
Roz looked at Kara. She was small but strong for her height. Kickboxing
and Tae Quon Do would do that for you, build up your muscles. "Hold
your hands high above your head," Kara said, as she grabbed Roz by
either side of my stomach and easily lifted her up, hooking the
handcuffs over the peg that was still there. The feeling of her strong
hands, her thumbs digging deep into Roz's broad, wide, flat stomach
excited her, excited them both. But to business.
"Ready Roz?" was all Kara said. Roz just nodded.
Kara started where she had left off. She threw those same punches to
her tight belly. "Slap... Oof... Slap... Guuh... Slap... Nnnh..."
The sounds of fists burrowing into her stomach, the sounds of her
reaction. All exciting, thought Kara.
Kara thought carefully about what to do next. She increased the
punches, both in frequency and in strength. She kept the same target
though. No matter how much Roz thought she was ready for her strongest
punches, Kara knew she wasn't. So she moderated her punches and their
location. Eventually, she knew, Roz would be able to take her strongest
punches, and even in the most sensitive, the weakest parts of her
stomach. Though not today.
Kara pounded away on Roz's stomach, right at the bullseye. It was
hurting her, she knew. Hurting her bad. She was no longer grunting with
each punch. The grunts had become a continuous, low whimper, only
changing a little as each punch landed. She knew Roz was in tremendous
pain, pain that grew with each punch. She also knew that Roz would
never, ever forgive her if she stopped. She had read her correctly the
first time. She knew that once Roz set her mind on something, she would
never give up until she had accomplished her goal. And now, her goal
was to feel helpless, to feel completely at the mercy of another. In
short, her goal was to have Kara punch her until she was unconscious.
And Kara was having fun. She got carried away, enjoying the feel of her
fist pounding away at Roz's helpless belly. Feeling it land on a taut,
hard belly, knowing that she was asking for it, and maybe even liking
it.
Deeper and deeper, harder and harder Kara punched. She had already
passed Roz's limit, and was approaching her own, when there was a
bright flash that threw her backward. The next thing she knew, Roz was
standing there, the heavy steel handcuffs broken and lying on the floor
in front of her. She had transformed.
I felt it just like before, the first time I transformed into Super
Stomach Girl, Roz thought. Kara's punches were digging deep into me.
Each punch was a searing jolt of pain. I remember thinking, "So this is
what it feels like to be beaten, beaten to within an inch of my life."
Then, they just faded away. They were as little love pats. And I knew I
was about to transform. One instant I was Roz, my stomach on fire. The
next instant, I was that other person, with no pain, but that
incredible strength coursing throughout my body.
"Congratulations," Kara said. "It took quite a while longer this time.
Maybe because we started out slowly. Let's try out your new body. Oh,
and I like the red suit."
That suit. I don't think I'll ever get used to it, thought Roz. A
second ago, it was a white bikini. Now, it was a bright red, spray-
painted-on suit, that completely covered my body, except for the bare
bullseyed stomach, and the silver boots.
"OK Kara, what do you want me to do, bend steel with my bare hands, or
should I say my bare stomach?"
"Let's start out simple. Go over there and punch that heavy bag. Go
light at first. I don't want to have to repair a broken wall."
I punched the bag a little. It reacted just like I thought it would. It
didn't move. I tried harder and harder punches. I knew I still had my
super strength, I could feel it. But the bag only swung back and forth
a little.
"Try punching at stomach height. If that doesn't work, imagine it's a
villain's stomach. Picture it as Jessie's stomach, the leader of that
girl gang that attacked you."
It didn't work. Nothing worked (though I did wonder how Kara knew the
gang leader's name).
"OK, let's try this. Punch this," Kara said as she held out her hand.
"Punch it as hard as you can."
The slapping sound my fist made when it impacted her sweat-covered hand
was loud, but not too loud. She just shook her head and said, "No super
strength there."
"OK, last test. Stand over here," and she spun me around so I faced
away from the equipment, facing down the long expanse of the padded
area. Kara stood in front of me, and took off the baggy sweater she had
been wearing. She had the best looking stomach I had ever seen. Taut
with broad sheets of muscle. Evidently she practiced what she preached.
I wondered what it would take to penetrate that.
Kara grimaced and said, "Now I want you to very gently punch me in the
stomach."
I thrust my fist slowly forward, just sort of pushing it forward. The
punch (if you could call it that), pushed Kara back. I, however, didn't
move at all. It was almost as if I had put on a couple tons, my mass
holding me in place.
"OK, now punch a little harder, but only a little harder, right here.
I've seen what you can do when you're angry."
This time, I actually threw a punch. Not a hard one, as she had asked,
but a punch just the same. It hit her directly on the spot she
indicated, just above her navel, in the middle of the broad sheet of
muscle there. The punch penetrated that hard muscle, knocking her
backward. She tucked and rolled backward onto her back, then over and
up to her feet again, in a beautiful backward tuck-and-roll, one I had
not really been able to master back when I was a cheerleader. But I
noticed she stayed bent over a little longer than she should have. So,
I still had the power, and a strong one at that.
"Let's try this," she said, as she pulled me toward the wall and leaned
back against it herself. "Push your finger, just your index finger,
right in here. But please stop if it starts to go in. I'd hate to have
to repair a finger-hole in the wall, and in my stomach too."
I tried as she asked. I could see she was straining with all her might
to keep her muscles tight. But my finger went into her stomach as if it
was butter. I pulled it out and tried another spot, with the same
results. I found that I could press my finger deep into her stomach
with no effort at all, though I could see she was straining with all
her might, all her muscles, to keep my finger out.
"Stop!" she said. And as I backed up, she bent forward gasping for
breath, more from the exertion than from my finger exercises. She stood
back up.
"OK, one final test," she said as she walked back to her original
position. "And this one will hurt me much more than it will you, I
know. Punch me full force, as hard as you can, right here in the middle
of my stomach."
I knew what she was doing. She was gauging my strength. I could hit and
punch anything I wanted. But the only thing I could hit that would
engage my super strength mode was someone else's stomach. And that was
what she was offering. I knew she had seen the stomach punches to the
girl gang members, so she knew precisely what she was doing. So with
that in mind, I drew back my fist as far as I could, and punched
forward with all my might.
As Kara saw Roz's arm go back, she tightened her stomach as tight as
she could make it. Her abs shook from the strain. She knew she was
going flying, but hopefully, her stomach would survive.
Roz's punch landed more-or-less where Kara had indicated. It penetrated
the rock-hard sheath of her muscles with ease. And if it hadn't been
for those muscles, it would have bounced off her spine. But for all
their hardness and bulk, they only acted as a thin cushioning for the
punch. The punch lifted Kara off the ground, as she had expected, and
drove her backward. Fortunately, it was a straight punch instead of an
uppercut, so she landed on the gym mats about 20 feet away. She had
been thinking about how she would handle the punch, knowing she would
be airborne from it. So she rolled up into a ball (which occurred more-
or-less naturally as a result of the deep punch to her stomach). She
knew that if she could stay in a ball, in the worst case, she could
roll on the spongy mats, hopefully slowing her enough so she wouldn't
slam into the far padded wall too hard.
Kara remembered the punch landing, an instant of consciousness when she
tried to form a ball, then nothing.
Kara awoke abruptly to Roz slapping her. "It hurts!"
"What, your stomach?" asked Roz.
"No, my face! Stop slapping it. How long have I been out?"
"Sorry. About fifteen minutes."
"Then I'm OK. Don't worry about it. After all, 'You knew the job was
dangerous when you took it.'"
"Come again? Where did that come from?"
"Super Chicken." And seeing the blank expression on Roz's face, she
continued. "A cartoon from years back. Come to think about it, you
could probably learn a thing or two from that. I'll get on the Net and
download a couple of episodes for you."
Slowly Kara got up. Her stomach was on fire from the strong punch,
literally a super punch, she had just taken. She knew she would be
feeling that punch for some time, maybe for days. But she wasn't going
to let Roz know that. She had to steel herself so as not to grimace as
she rolled over and pushed herself to her knees, then to her feet. She
was pretty sure she had done that maneuver gracefully enough that Roz
wouldn't realize what she had done. Having Roz hold back whenever she
was punching her would only complicate things, and slow her training.
Roz had to think that she could go all-out with Kara if they were going
to train effectively. And at least she knew how hard Super Stomach Girl
could punch, at least at this stage of her training. But Roz knew she
was going to have to do some training herself, as much as she could,
and as soon as possible, if she was going to let Roz do that again. But
of course, she didn't let Roz know that.
"Are you still in your super-form?"
"No, it wore off a couple minutes ago."
Glancing up at the clock on the wall (just for an excuse), she said,
"OK, I have some things to get done this afternoon. Why don't we pick
this up tomorrow. Now shoo!" and she sprightly escorted Roz to the
door, hanging up her "Closed" sign on it.
After closing the door, Kara dropped to the floor and curled into a
ball. Roz's punch felt like it was still embedded in her stomach. She
didn't think there was any internal damage, but it really felt like
there was. It quite literally was the hardest punch she had ever taken.
And of course, she knew she would have to take many more of these
before Roz was fully trained. Yes, You knew the job was dangerous when
you took it," applied to her as well. But she was a masochist. Anyone
who trained in kickboxing just about had to be. You had to take kicks
and punches to all parts of your body, then get up and take some more.
But it was a little more than that for her. She actually liked the
pain, especially the pain in her belly after a particularly hard punch,
kick or knee to the gut.
Kara awoke to a loud knock on the door. At 6:30 in the morning! Of
course, it was Roz.
"Hey, let me sleep a little will you?" she said.
"But I wanna train."
"Come back at a reasonable hour for a Sunday morning, say around 11:00
or so."
Roz left grudgingly, vowing to be back at precisely 11:00, not a minute
later.
After Roz had left the previous day, Kara got to work. That one punch
had completely winded her. But she knew she would have to take more,
and soon. So she went back into the gym and did some strenuous abs
exercises, those that targeted that exact spot in her aching gut. So by
the time she went to bed, she was almost completely pain free, with
only an occasional twinge. But she knew it would come back in the
morning, and had planned on more exercises before Roz got there. But of
course, that was before Roz's early morning visit. So she used the four
hours respite she had to continue working out, not only to help the
lingering soreness but also to strengthen and limber up her muscles. It
had been a while since she had been in a kickboxing competition, so she
needed to get back that edge she once had. And by the time Roz returned
(precisely at 11:00, as she had warned), Kara was ready, or at least as
ready as she could be on such short notice.
Kara had a plan, or at least an idea for one. She had noticed that Roz
didn't have a stomach that was particularly muscled. Flat, yes, but not
muscular. Her punches had sunk in without meeting much resistance at
all. So, besides getting Roz used to having her stomach punched to the
point of pain, they would have to work on strengthening her stomach.
Kara didn't know if Roz's weak stomach had helped her to transform, and
if a stronger one would prevent her from transforming, but she did know
that if she could put Roz out with a gutpunch, so could any criminal
she would be fighting. So one plan for the day was to show Roz how to
exercise, how to build up that sheath of muscles she needed to deflect
the punches to her belly that she required.
The second plan was to see exactly what was the best way to get her to
transform. But of course the prime plan was to teach Roz how to control
her punches. They'd also need to work on her general fighting skills,
her punches and even kicks, so she would be able to defend herself
before she had transformed, and after her super powers had worn off.
And she would also need general fighting skills for those times when
her opponent's prime target, their stomach, wasn't an option. Kara
didn't think even Roz could super-punch through an inch of Kevlar
battle armor to get to the soft stomach behind.
Kara told most of this to Roz. "OK, right now we're going to work on
getting you used to taking a punch. You can't even think straight if
you're hurting as much as you were yesterday. We're going to have to
work on that. Now strip."
Kara would never get used to seeing that red bullseye on that
wonderful, flat stomach. But there was something else about her stomach
that she would have sworn hadn't been there yesterday. Muscles! Yes,
they were only tiny rows of ridges. Yes, the light had to hit them at
just the right angle to see them, but they were there.
Without being asked, Roz backed against the wall and jumped up to the
peg, hanging there, stretching out, her stomach flatter and more
pronounced that ever. Kara had all she could do to restrain herself.
She so wanted to punch that flat, wonderful stomach, punch it with all
her might, as hard as she could, inflicting as much damage, as much
hurt, as much pain as she could. But her good sense won out. After all,
this was Roz's training, not hers.
Kara started out with a medium punch, harder than she had started
yesterday, and got another surprise. Not only did Roz look like she had
muscles, she actually did. Kara felt the familiar resistance of
knuckles digging into a stomach, but a stomach with a hardness, a
firmness that she knew wasn't there yesterday. Yesterday, it had been a
belly. Today it was a stomach. With abs. She continued, increasing the
power of her punches. Yes, it was true Roz was still grunting with the
harder punches, but not until the punches were much harder than
yesterday.
Kara got to work, working over that stomach. Hard abs or not, she still
couldn't take a punch. Not yet, at least. Kara punched her dead center
in the bullseye. Roz didn't drop. But she did curl up a little, bending
at the waist. And of course, Kara took full advantage of that.
Kara punched as she had been taught, driving her fist in, and further.
To really have a strong punch, you had to punch right through your
target. So she aimed at the wall behind Roz, driving her small but hard
fist deep into her stomach on the way to its target, letting it sink
into her newly formed muscles.
Kara liked the feel of it. She liked the feel of her fist on Roz's
flat, little, hard stomach. She liked the feeling at the moment of
impact, that stiffening of those flat sheets of muscle as the wave of
pain from her punch jolted them, startling them into involuntary
contraction. She liked the feeling of the muscles as they relaxed to
let her punch penetrate further in. She liked the feeling of that
secondary stiffening of her muscles as they were crushed between her
fist and the relative hardness of Roz's backbone. She liked the feeling
of her muscles' final surrender when they realized that they could not
stop the onslaught of that hard, relentless fist. She liked the feel of
that final shudder as the pain of their being crushed shot out from
them, invading every nerve ending in Roz's body. She liked the feeling
of Roz's stomach wrapping itself around her fist, keeping that shape
even after she withdrew it. But she liked most of all that Roz's
muscles straightened up, inviting her next punch, knowing the impact,
the pressure, the pain would be repeated, again and again. Kara liked
that feeling.
Roz, of course, had other feelings. With every punch, her stomach
twisted into a knot of agony. Kara's punches were hard now, harder than
any she had ever felt before. They dug deep inside her, like a living
thing, trying to get in, to rip her stomach to shreds on its way in.
She was reminded anew of that lion, clawing and chewing on her stomach,
tearing shreds of belly-meat out and devouring it, each gnawing bite,
each chew sending new waves of pain throughout her whole body. But she
knew this was not the case. Those knuckle-knives had never even
scratched her stomach. The alien had seen to that. While she could feel
it, feel it all, it did no damage to her delicate-looking stomach. She
knew that when she transformed, all that hurt would go away. There
would be no pain, not even a little, not even a lingering one. It would
be as if it had never happened. And that was the only thing that kept
her going. That and the overwhelming desire to become that other
person. The one who was strong. The one who could laugh at the pain.
The one who wasn't her. And as she thought it, it happened.
Kara noticed it first, well before Roz. She noticed that tightening of
her muscles, the same as the day before. She noticed her punches were
no longer penetrating as deep, and when they did, her stomach muscles
were pushing her fist back out. She could just about count the punches
off.
Three more - Roz's stomach was becoming rigid, starting to deflect the
punches. Kara punched harder.
Two more - Roz's stomach was barely dented by Kara's punch. She made
only a small grunt at the impact of her punch, but not much more. Kara
punched harder still.
One more - Now it was Kara's turn to feel pain, as her fist, her
knuckles, impacted Roz's now rock-solid stomach. Kara punched as hard
as she could, right to the center of Roz's solar plexus, the blow that
had put Roz down for the count that first time. Only this time, Kara
didn't hold back. She punched with all her might, with every ounce of
strength she had, with all the skill she had acquired over years of
martial arts training.
Roz transformed.
Kara had seen it before. But she was still amazed at the
transformation. Roz transformed from a very fit girl into quite
literally a super-girl. She even held herself differently, with more
confidence even. And her stomach transformed too, a little. There
weren't rows on rows of stomach muscles, the classic six pack or eight
pack or even ten pack. Instead, they just gained a little in thickness,
but retained their flat plate-like shape. This let her stomach keep its
flat shape, that flat, hard shape that Kara liked so much, that Kara
liked to punch so much. But of course, she knew that would be futile
now. And she knew what was coming next.
Roz transformed. She had felt it before, and it was the same now. She
was in excruciating pain from Kara's punches. The pain got less and
less, then went away completely. And with the next punch, there was a
flash and she was Super Stomach Girl. And looking at the resignedness
on Kara's face, she knew what came next.
Kara was the one to speak. "OK, we both know what we have to do. Only
this time, you have to learn to control your punches. Start out with a
medium punch to my stomach, and we'll go from there."
Kara was glad she had been working out. Over the next fifteen minutes,
until Roz's powers died again, Kara took punch after super punch, right
in her stomach. She was knocked down only twice, but got right back up.
And all this when Roz wasn't even trying hard.
After that set, Kara called a halt. She needed time to recover before
the next round. Yes, she was going to do it again, to see if Roz could
transform a second time. Only this time, she wasn't going to hold back
with Roz's stomach. She was going to see exactly how much it took to
put Roz out now. And Roz reluctantly agreed. But they rested for right
now.
They discussed Roz's stomach. Even Roz had felt the change in it since
the previous day. She had felt a hardness there, one that was not there
yesterday, and a hardness that she had not felt since her days as a
cheerleader. But of course back then, she had to do strenuous exercises
every day just to retain that hardness.
They discussed this. It was obvious it was the work of that alien, that
what little exercise Roz had the day before had been enough to grow a
month's worth of hard stomach muscles. But the actual mechanism of it
was open to debate. It was not clear yet whether the muscles grew from
the workout or from the punches. And this was an important point. If it
was from the workout, then Roz could grow harder muscles just by doing
some stomach exercises every day. If it was from the punches, it would
be a lot more painful, and Kara had her work cut out for her. And if it
was from Roz doing the punching, Kara really had her work cut out for
her, and in a very painful way.
In all that day, Roz transformed three times. And Kara got the beating
of her life, including another full-power punch from Roz's hardened
super-fist, that again put her out. But she had also been able to put
Roz out several times too (before she transformed, of course), if for
no other reason than to show her that she was still vulnerable.
Kara was well bent over from Roz's super attacks when she shooed her
out of her apartment, both girls slick with sweat. After what she had
been through, she didn't see the need to pretend Roz hadn't hurt her.
Roz had been more than eager to punch Kara's sore, red stomach when
asked, even using her full super powers. She didn't seem to be worried
about hurting Kara, which was what Kara had hoped all along. And
wanted.
Kara had enjoyed the day. She got the chance to punch a flat, little,
broad, muscular stomach. She got the chance to punch it as hard as she
could, as long as she could, until she was worn out. And that broad,
flat, little stomach asked in return, "Please, sir, can I have another?
Can you please punch me until I can't stand it any more? Can you please
punch me until I pass out from the pain?" Roz's stomach asked all that
of her.
She also got the chance to get her own stomach beaten. And that was
more enjoyable still. To feel those hard punches of Roz's penetrate
deep into her own stomach. To crush those abs of hers she had thought
could take anything. To batter the breath out of her body, leaving only
breathlessness. To be punched deep into her stomach, harder that anyone
had ever done.
Yes, it had been an enjoyable day. And before Kara went to her hot,
soothing shower, and then on to her soft, comforting bed, she hit the
Internet and planned another enjoyable day, a couple weeks away. Then
she got on the phone to make the arrangements for that future enjoyable
day.
Kara slammed her body down on her bed, refreshed from her shower. And
in a matter of minutes, was dreaming, of the bellypunches she gave Roz
on this most enjoyable of days, of the bellypunches she took herself on
this most enjoyable of days, and of the belly punches to come on that
enjoyable day to come.
Yes, it had been an enjoyable day.
Copyright 2006 Jerry Shaw
Tom Russell
The first thing I want to say to Jerry Shaw is, welcome. It's been a
long time since we've had some new blood here on RACC, and it's
refreshing indeed. I hope you stick around for a while-- it's one of
the best places on the net.
I'm curious as to how you found us: are you a long-time lurker? Did a
friend bring it to your attention? Was it Wonderful Wil Alambre's
Amazing RACC at Wil's Ego page? The LNH Wikipedia article? Do tell.
The second thing I want to say, having read through Super Stomach Girl
# 1-4 is this:
This is the weirdest, kinkiest, and just plain most off-beat story I've
seen on RACC in a long, long time. In fact, touching on that
much-maligned second adjective, it's probably the most, period. And
that's not a bad thing.
The funny thing about fetishes, boys and girls, is that what works for
one person doesn't work for another, and often that's enough to turn
one off not only sexually but also to turn one off from a story
altogether.
The film CRASH (Cronenberg's, not the shrill Oscar-winner for the best
picture) depicts people who are turned on by fatal and near-fatal
automobile crashes and injuries resulting therefrom. Well, I can tell
you straight up here, that's not my thing. In fact, I don't think
that's anybody's thing, which was part of the point: the film was about
the power of fetish as an abstract and obsessive force. If he had
zeroed in on a fetish that people could realistically have, then a
portion of the audience who didn't have that fetish would be excluded.
This way, everyone is excluded and everyone is distant. It's an
admirable aim, but it didn't work for me, and that might have as much
to do with the type of fetish on display.
Now, I'm not saying that SUPER STOMACH GIRL would be better suited to
one of the sex stories newsgroups. It's not a porno story. But, come
on, let's face it: it's about a fetish.
Obstentiably, it's about Roz (Super Stomach Girl) who, when empowered,
has an invulnerable stomach and can deliver super punches (but only to
the belly). But Roz only becomes empowered after sustaining massive
and painful damage to her stomach (upon which is helpfully emblazoned a
target). And it just so happens that her voyeuristic friend Kara loves
to see women with flat, hard tummies; and the one thing that especially
makes her mouth water is to *punch* those tummies, hard. The thing she
fantasizes, longs for, and obsesses about, the thing that brings her
incredible panty-dampening knee-clanging joy is to punch Roz's stomach
over and over again, as hard as she can. And this is basically what
the story is about. A fetish for seeing women punched and pummelled
and otherwise punished right above the naval.
Now, I'm not saying that this is Jerry Shaw's particular fetish. I
make no assumptions about the author and I want to be clear about that:
I'm not knocking anyone, or singling anyone out as weird. I am merely
extolling the virtues of this delightfully off-beat piece of work.
It's not Jerry Shaw's fetish-- it's Kara's. And while the fetish is
weird enough to make the story interesting, Shaw doesn't single Kara
out as being weird herself. And there's a couple different ways that
he does this.
First, during the stomach-beatings that result in Roz's death and
resurrection, and the discovery of her powers in the first place, Roz
describes her stomach beatings in excrutiating, obsessive detail: the
kind of language with which Kara might describe it. By doing this,
Shaw sets the tone of this strange little world he's created. Since
Roz describes her own belly and its torment, it gives Kara a fellow
fetishist, if only by accident.
Now, the first three issues are in first person, told from Roz's point
of view. In the third issue, with a couple of parenthetical
statements, Shaw gradually shifts the POV to third person, and
basically to Kara's point of view, indirectly. This helps to prevent
Kara from being singled out in the viewer's mind.
While it's true that Roz is happy to find someone willing to punch her
in the stomach, if the story continued from her point of view, it's
more likely that she would comment on how strange Kara's fetish is.
That would make Kara the loony. The weirdo. It would write her off
and she would cease to be an interesting character.
In fact, this shift to third-person/Kara's indirect POV is an excellent
choice for another reason: Kara is a much more interesting character,
and, even if she's not the title character, it really becomes her
story. And that's as it should be: after all, it is her fetish on
display. :-)
I don't share Kara's fetish. It's a little extreme for my tastes. But
I understand Kara, I understand her fascination, and I accept her for
who she is. Basically, Jerry Shaw and SUPER STOMACH GIRL (at least so
far) has managed to do what David Cronenberg and CRASH failed to do.
At least, as far as this reader is concerned.
As I read a story, especially when I'm enjoying it and getting immersed
into its world, the nit-pick/story doctor in me gradually fades away,
and things that would stand out like sore thumbs before are hardly
noticed if at all. Since Jerry did an excellent job of engaging me as
a reader once Kara had entered the picture, my only substantial
stylistic complaints are with the pre-Kara issues.
In the first issue, early on, there's a metaphor that doesn't really
work for me: "like a TV channel going off the air from a direct nuclear
strike." And the reason why is that it failed to engage my own
every-day experience. I've had the television click off abruptly
(power outages) and I've had sudden static and technical difficulties,
but I've never experienced a channel going off the air from a direct
nuclear strike. I can't quite get a handle on it.
Also, the beatings Roz sustains in the beginning, while it certainly
help set up the stomach-punching centric world the story takes place
in, were a bit gory for my tastes. And, I know, it was supposed to be.
You can't fault a thing for being what it is, but you can say that you
didn't care for it.
I think the impact was lessened somewhat by the fact that it was a
flashback (and, indeed, flashbacks *always* lessen impact and
immediacy); we knew that Roz had already come back to life, so the gore
isn't _quite_ as troublesome. Had we not known that she would
survive-- had it, for example, happened in chronological order and in
third perosn-- I probably wouldn't have read any further and I wouldn't
have met the wonderful and enchanting Kara.
One other thing, which is certainly going to sound weird coming from
the guy who writes HAIKU GORILLA-- slow down! Posting four issues in a
single night is going to turn a lot of people off. If you're going to
be posting fairly frequently, I would strongly suggest either, (a), a
weekly or bi-weekly schedule, or, (b), post it in the same thread, as I
do with HAIKU GORILLA and as Arthur's doing with the UNFINISHED
SENTENCE-VERSE. Otherwise, posting several a day, you'll be knocking a
_lot_ of different titles off the Wil's Ego page, rendering a
disservice to your fellow RACC authors.
And, once again, I cordially welcome you to our ranks. :-)
--Tom
Jerry
I'm sorry I didn't get back to you earlier.
Thanks for the review
"Tom Russell" <milos_...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>Spoilers below.
>
>The first thing I want to say to Jerry Shaw is, welcome. It's been a
>long time since we've had some new blood here on RACC, and it's
>refreshing indeed. I hope you stick around for a while-- it's one of
>the best places on the net.
>
>I'm curious as to how you found us: are you a long-time lurker? Did a
>friend bring it to your attention? Was it Wonderful Wil Alambre's
>Amazing RACC at Wil's Ego page? The LNH Wikipedia article? Do tell.
Actually, I was looking for a review of my writing by other writers, a
critique of it so I can see the flaws I've been making.
This series is straight (well, sort of "straight") out of comic books. I
looked up Comics in my Newsgroup list and looked at the FAQs and Charters of a
few of the Groups. I found that this one was best for getting a solid review
of my writing style, looking to improve it.
>The second thing I want to say, having read through Super Stomach Girl
># 1-4 is this:
>
>This is the weirdest, kinkiest, and just plain most off-beat story I've
>seen on RACC in a long, long time. In fact, touching on that
>much-maligned second adjective, it's probably the most, period. And
>that's not a bad thing.
Thank you (I think). I've always wanted to be "the most" something. I knew
when I started the series it would be off-the-wall (in fact, just after I
posted it, I E-mailed the Moderator to see if it was too much for this Group).
>The funny thing about fetishes, boys and girls, is that what works for
>one person doesn't work for another, and often that's enough to turn
>one off not only sexually but also to turn one off from a story
>altogether.
>
>The film CRASH (Cronenberg's, not the shrill Oscar-winner for the best
>picture) depicts people who are turned on by fatal and near-fatal
>automobile crashes and injuries resulting therefrom. Well, I can tell
>you straight up here, that's not my thing. In fact, I don't think
>that's anybody's thing, which was part of the point: the film was about
>the power of fetish as an abstract and obsessive force. If he had
>zeroed in on a fetish that people could realistically have, then a
>portion of the audience who didn't have that fetish would be excluded.
>This way, everyone is excluded and everyone is distant. It's an
>admirable aim, but it didn't work for me, and that might have as much
>to do with the type of fetish on display.
>
>Now, I'm not saying that SUPER STOMACH GIRL would be better suited to
>one of the sex stories newsgroups. It's not a porno story. But, come
>on, let's face it: it's about a fetish.
I had looked into posting it in one of those Groups, to get writing style
feedback. But as you said, it didn't seem to fit in any of them. On the other
hand, if you have any suggestions about where this type of story is more apt
to fit in, I'd welcome them. I'm always looking for reviews and especially
critiques of my stories from a writing perspective.
As with all things, no one ever knows exactly what another person thinks. In
this case, I don't think Roz will ever realize the depths to which Kara is
into this. Probably, Roz will continue to think of this as just a training
session with a good friend. I believe that Kara's deep obsession with this
fetish will be kept a secret from Roz. While Roz knows she's into it, she'll
never realize exactly how much.
>In fact, this shift to third-person/Kara's indirect POV is an excellent
>choice for another reason: Kara is a much more interesting character,
>and, even if she's not the title character, it really becomes her
>story. And that's as it should be: after all, it is her fetish on
>display. :-)
The shift to third person was an afterthought. I had originally written this
issue (and most of the previous one) in the first person, from Roz's point of
view. I also wanted to tell parts of it from Kara's point of view, so I
switched to hers at appropriate points. After getting more than half done with
it, I re-read it, and decided I should be using the third person. So I went
back and revised it that way. So overall, I'm not too satisfied with these
issues, as I know I would have done a better job if I had started out in the
third person at the beginning.
In the future, I'll be consistent throughout each issue, either first person
singular or third person, with only a couple minor excursions into the other
person, as needed.
>I don't share Kara's fetish. It's a little extreme for my tastes. But
>I understand Kara, I understand her fascination, and I accept her for
>who she is. Basically, Jerry Shaw and SUPER STOMACH GIRL (at least so
>far) has managed to do what David Cronenberg and CRASH failed to do.
>At least, as far as this reader is concerned.
>
>As I read a story, especially when I'm enjoying it and getting immersed
>into its world, the nit-pick/story doctor in me gradually fades away,
>and things that would stand out like sore thumbs before are hardly
>noticed if at all. Since Jerry did an excellent job of engaging me as
>a reader once Kara had entered the picture, my only substantial
>stylistic complaints are with the pre-Kara issues.
>
>In the first issue, early on, there's a metaphor that doesn't really
>work for me: "like a TV channel going off the air from a direct nuclear
>strike." And the reason why is that it failed to engage my own
>every-day experience. I've had the television click off abruptly
>(power outages) and I've had sudden static and technical difficulties,
>but I've never experienced a channel going off the air from a direct
>nuclear strike. I can't quite get a handle on it.
I'll need to remember this point in the future. I tend to use similes and
metaphors as needed. I'll have to look at them and see if they are something
that the average reader would be familiar with, and make sure they are (though
I may need to use some unfamiliar ones that get explained later on).
>Also, the beatings Roz sustains in the beginning, while it certainly
>help set up the stomach-punching centric world the story takes place
>in, were a bit gory for my tastes. And, I know, it was supposed to be.
> You can't fault a thing for being what it is, but you can say that you
>didn't care for it.
>
>I think the impact was lessened somewhat by the fact that it was a
>flashback (and, indeed, flashbacks *always* lessen impact and
>immediacy); we knew that Roz had already come back to life, so the gore
>isn't _quite_ as troublesome. Had we not known that she would
>survive-- had it, for example, happened in chronological order and in
>third perosn-- I probably wouldn't have read any further and I wouldn't
>have met the wonderful and enchanting Kara.
That was my thinking too. I wrote it in the order you read. Because of that,
when it came to the flashback scene, I could go a little over the edge on her
"death." I thought the reader would accept the violence of it for that reason.
And it did make the reasons for the Alien to have given her the powers she had
"believable."
Kara was not the original focus of the story. She was just going to be a
sidekick (in fact, the third issue was going to be titled just that). She was
going to be an Oracle-type character, advising but never participating. But as
I started writing for her, her whole character evolved, and her deep-seated
fetish came out all by itself. Kara's true nature was hidden to me, that is
until I started to write her sections. Then she just took over.
>One other thing, which is certainly going to sound weird coming from
>the guy who writes HAIKU GORILLA-- slow down! Posting four issues in a
>single night is going to turn a lot of people off. If you're going to
>be posting fairly frequently, I would strongly suggest either, (a), a
>weekly or bi-weekly schedule, or, (b), post it in the same thread, as I
>do with HAIKU GORILLA and as Arthur's doing with the UNFINISHED
>SENTENCE-VERSE. Otherwise, posting several a day, you'll be knocking a
>_lot_ of different titles off the Wil's Ego page, rendering a
>disservice to your fellow RACC authors.
I wrote those first four issues between mid February and the end of March.
I've been slowly working on more issues since then, when I have the time. It
took me this last month to find this Group, after looking in others. I wanted
to have other writers give me a solid critique on what I'd written so far. So
I posted all the issues I had up until that time.
I hope to post an issue a month, assuming I have that much spare time after
the overtime I'm putting in at work. That four-issue post was a one-time deal.
But I'm not writing all the issues sequentially, as one may peak my interest
and I need to get it started, at least before I lose it. And for these, there
may be prequels that are needed as set-up for it. So there may be some cases
where I have two issues done at the same time. But I'll try to space their
posting out. It will also allow me to do more revisions, to correct mistakes
and to change the wording a little here or there, especially to add details
that will lead into other, future stories.
>And, once again, I cordially welcome you to our ranks. :-)
>
>--Tom
Thank you again, Tom. I've been writing for about 6 years now, mostly obscure
stuff, in a pen name (we won't go into that now). Since I'm 59, I started
late. I just picked up a pen/keyboard and started. I'm having fun writing,
trying to create a character and situation that is interesting and (well, up
until now), believable.
I tend to over-use parenthetical expressions and commas. The first comes from
my being a software engineer for over 35 years. The second, because I prefer
to use commas to break my sentences where I want the reader to pause, as if it
were a dialog and he was emphasizing the point.
I have no idea where Kara's character will go from here. I have a few stories
of her on her own, ones that Roz will never hear about.
Roz will, of course, meet more villains.
I have over sixty issue scenarios, a paragraph or so each. Each will be a
complete story in itself, though they will, of course, depend on the
characterizations created previously. In future issues, the villains and
situations will take on more of a comedic bend. Basically, I see this series
as a parody of the Superhero comics.
I usually don't plan out an issue, other than having a general idea what it is
about. So, as with Kara, I don't really know where this series will go.
I'm always willing to accept criticism on my writing style, especially if you
can point out what I'm doing wrong and how it should be done (or how you would
do it). That's what I'm here for, to improve my writing.
Thanks again,
Jerry
Tom Russell
Jerry wrote:
> I found that this one was best for getting a solid review
> of my writing style, looking to improve it.
If you had made that statement four or five years ago, I would have
asked if we were on the same newsgroup. :-) But it's true, RACC
interaction is on a definite upswing, with more people commenting on
stories, even writing stories _as_ comments on stories. And that's a
good thing, in my estimation.
I think the best way to guaruntee that you'll get yourself some reviews
and comments, is to give reviews and comments to others. I've been
very lucky this past year, I've been blessed with more comments than I
thought I'd ever have. And I want to thank everyone for it-- it's been
tremendously helpful-- but there are many other authors, just as good
and better, who probably aren't getting as many comments. Be sure to
drop them a line, too. Let's spread some of that love around.
.
>
> I had looked into posting it in one of those Groups, to get writing style
> feedback. But as you said, it didn't seem to fit in any of them. On the other
> hand, if you have any suggestions about where this type of story is more apt
> to fit in, I'd welcome them. I'm always looking for reviews and especially
> critiques of my stories from a writing perspective.
I actually think this is probably the best place for it-- I think it
fits here quite nicely.
Just about everyone who writes here writes something different, and
it's nice to see that. There are no generics here, everyone stays true
to their muse, and I eagerly await the next installment of many series.
(Speaking of which, are Jochem Vandersteen and Rick Hindle still with
us? Haven't seen anything in a while, and I hope we haven't lost them.
I really enjoyed the Goddess and the Bomb, and Godling was one of the
main reasons I wrote the Wish Fulfillment essay and talked about it
therein.)
> The shift to third person was an afterthought. I had originally written this
> issue (and most of the previous one) in the first person, from Roz's point of
> view. I also wanted to tell parts of it from Kara's point of view, so I
> switched to hers at appropriate points. After getting more than half done with
> it, I re-read it, and decided I should be using the third person. So I went
> back and revised it that way. So overall, I'm not too satisfied with these
> issues, as I know I would have done a better job if I had started out in the
> third person at the beginning.
I actually think the start in first person was nice; it makes the
reader more aware of the shift. If you had started in third person,
when the focus shifted to Kara, the reader might not have gone along
with you on it, or they might have been wondering when they were going
to get back to Roz and the "real story". The formal shift prepared us
for the focal one.
But I understand your discomfort with it: I have similiar discomfort
with the shift from third person to second between the first and second
issues of my SPEAK! (Not as much discomfort, though, as some people
had with the thing being written in second-person.) :-)
> Kara was not the original focus of the story. She was just going to be a
> sidekick (in fact, the third issue was going to be titled just that). She was
> going to be an Oracle-type character, advising but never participating. But as
> I started writing for her, her whole character evolved, and her deep-seated
> fetish came out all by itself. Kara's true nature was hidden to me, that is
> until I started to write her sections. Then she just took over.
I think this happens to us all from time to time, especially if it's an
interesting character. Harry Cash pretty much took over SPEAK! for a
while, and Jesse Willey said the reason he started writing ONION LAD
was because that character was threatening to take over VEL.
Life is casual and full of surprises; so is good fiction. I'm very
glad that both you the writer and we the readers discover the magic
that is Kara at the same time. It's a very genuine and special thing,
and if you had tried to rewrite the story to introduce her earlier, I
don't think it would have had nearly the same effect. Letting her take
over, in just the way that she did take over, was precisely the right
choice, in my estimation.
> Thank you again, Tom. I've been writing for about 6 years now, mostly obscure
> stuff, in a pen name (we won't go into that now). Since I'm 59, I started
59? Wow. I think that makes you our oldest RACCer. I never would
have figured from reading this. Good writing is good writing, no
matter the age of the author, but this really felt like a young man's
work. Not just because of the superhero genre and the fetish angle of
it, but the style was very fresh, a lot of verve.
> I usually don't plan out an issue, other than having a general idea what it is
> about. So, as with Kara, I don't really know where this series will go.
I'm the same way. Usually, I have a general plot outline, but I almost
never stick to it. I recently began a series called THE NOSTALGICS,
which is a bit of a murder mystery: we know _who_ did it, what remains
to be seen is _why_, _how_, and the identity of the victim. And, to be
brutally honest, I have no idea what the answer is to those three
questions. But that's what makes it fun. :-)
> I'm always willing to accept criticism on my writing style, especially if you
> can point out what I'm doing wrong and how it should be done (or how you would
> do it). That's what I'm here for, to improve my writing.
Like I said before, there's a sense of community and interaction slowly
growing over the last couple months. Hopefully, it's here to stay in a
big way. But even if it isn't-- even if the only comments are those
from Stalwart Saxon Brenton's End of Month Reviews-- keep writing and
posting. Writing is its own reward.
>
> Thanks again,
>
> Jerry
Tom
martin...@yahoo.com
>
> Now, I'm not saying that SUPER STOMACH GIRL would be better suited to
> one of the sex stories newsgroups. It's not a porno story.
It is and it isn't. Change the word "transform" to "orgasm" and you
have this girl, Roz, who reacts very favourably to torture.
> Obstentiably, it's about Roz (Super Stomach Girl) who, when empowered,
> has an invulnerable stomach and can deliver super punches (but only to
> the belly). But Roz only becomes empowered after sustaining massive
> and painful damage to her stomach (upon which is helpfully emblazoned a
> target). And it just so happens that her voyeuristic friend Kara loves
> to see women with flat, hard tummies; and the one thing that especially
> makes her mouth water is to *punch* those tummies, hard. The thing she
> fantasizes, longs for, and obsesses about, the thing that brings her
> incredible panty-dampening knee-clanging joy is to punch Roz's stomach
> over and over again, as hard as she can. And this is basically what
> the story is about. A fetish for seeing women punched and pummelled
> and otherwise punished right above the naval.
Yeah. I read the first three issues and thought they were good but I
started feeling a bit uneasy when the focus shifted to Kara. Now, I
have no personal problems with Kara's voyeurism except that it IS
illegal and if it had been a guy watching her then Roz might not have
been so forgiving. That's not the only double-standard: if a guy were
watching other guys taking a shower then you'd say he was gay but Kara
says she isn't a lesbian just because she likes to watch muscular women
take showers. Right. There's nothing sexual about that. Even you say
that she's experiencing "incredible panty-dampening knee-clanging joy".
Roz accepts that Kara is not a lesbian because if Kara is getting some
kind of sexual satisfaction from all this and Roz is a willing
participant then does that make Roz a lesbian? Women don't seem to
worry so much about this: they can go all the way with another woman
and call it "experimenting". I'm not saying this is a bad thing. In
fact it makes one wonder if there is such athing as a clear distinction
between lesbian and straight women or if they don't just go for
whatever strikes their mood. But that's a whole other discussion.
It wasn't the sexual aspect that turned me off. In fact, truth be
told, the sexual tone of the story turned me ON. Kara wanted to see
how many times Roz would "transform". Roz ended up "transforming"
three times. I was on the verge of "transforming" myself reading that.
(Too much information?) No, what bothered me were the unanswered
questions. If Kara saw the second attack, did she see the first? Why
didn't she call the police? At the very least she could have called an
ambulance. Perhaps, as it was implied, Kara was responsible for these
attacks, that she pays street gangs to hit girls in the stomach and
kill them. Um, that would make her the villain, not a sidekick. Maybe
Jerry was deliberately trying to throw people off when he describes
Kara as a "sidekick". Jerry's made it quite clear that Kara isn't
taking a subordinate role to Roz. In fact, most of the time it is Roz
who is the submissive one and Kara who is dominent. One wonders what
sort of "training" Batman and Robin endure. But that's a whole other
discussion.
Is this a parody of comics? Maybe Japanese comics. I grew up in
Canada and if there were American comics that involved sadomasochistic
beatings then they might never have come out in Canada. One could
argue that Batman and the Joker, neither of whom have any real
superpowers, are like sadomasochistic lovers. That may have been a
subtext to Miller's The Dark Knight: the Joker smiles when he learns
that Batman is back in action. It's like he can't wait to get back
together with him and get another beating. Perhaps if Kara turns out
to be the villain and Roz will have to fight her for real then the fact
that they both enjoy getting beaten will be subtext here too. Except
that sadomasochism is no longer a subtext at this point in the story,
is it? Roz even wondered if Kara was going to use whips and chains
but, as it turned out, Kara went no further than rope bondage and
punches.
> While it's true that Roz is happy to find someone willing to punch her
> in the stomach, if the story continued from her point of view, it's
> more likely that she would comment on how strange Kara's fetish is.
> That would make Kara the loony. The weirdo. It would write her off
> and she would cease to be an interesting character.
Well, I just compared Kara to the Joker and I really think that this is
where the story is going so perhaps Jerry shifted from first person to
third person so as to not give too much away. As you say, by showing
things from Kara's point of view, she still seems centered, still seems
sane, even though, come on, she gets off by hitting people in the
stomach (or seeing people getting punched in the stomach). It's
interesting how Kara doesn't seem to like getting punched in the
stomach herself but, rather, will hide the pain so that Roz doesn't
know how much it hurt. This is so that Roz won't give up, I think.
Kara is willing to get punched in the stomach herself so that Roz will
continue coming. Compare that to the sort of thing you'd be willing to
do to get a blow job. Me, personally, I wouldn't like the taste of
menstral blood. Ew.
> I don't share Kara's fetish. It's a little extreme for my tastes. But
> I understand Kara, I understand her fascination, and I accept her for
> who she is. Basically, Jerry Shaw and SUPER STOMACH GIRL (at least so
> far) has managed to do what David Cronenberg and CRASH failed to do.
> At least, as far as this reader is concerned.
Again, I think this is the point. By seeing things from Kara's point
of view, you are more accepting of them. She likes to watch. She
likes to hit. Imagine that this, like Speak!, were told in second
person. "You like to watch women take showers. You like to hit women
in the stomach. You sick bitch."
> In the first issue, early on, there's a metaphor that doesn't really
> work for me: "like a TV channel going off the air from a direct nuclear
> strike." And the reason why is that it failed to engage my own
> every-day experience. I've had the television click off abruptly
> (power outages) and I've had sudden static and technical difficulties,
> but I've never experienced a channel going off the air from a direct
> nuclear strike. I can't quite get a handle on it.
I did a double take here too. But the line "like a TV channel going
off the air due to a power outage" wouldn't quite work either. It's
not an everyday thing. Yet, at the same time, it's no big deal and
doesn't suggest the same level of urgency. On the other hand, most of
us have probably learned about electromagnetic pulses from movies and
we know that this is no minor occurance.
> One other thing, which is certainly going to sound weird coming from
> the guy who writes HAIKU GORILLA-- slow down! Posting four issues in a
> single night is going to turn a lot of people off.
It was posted May 8th. It is now May 25th. That's more than two
weeks. I put off reading it because four issues is a lot to read at
once and then, when it was no longer at the top of the queue on google,
I had to look for it. I might never have read it. In fact, I rarely
do read stuff that isn't LNH, LNHY or 8FOLD. On the other hand, the
fact that it was four issues meant that I could be certain the story
was going somewhere and that it wasn't going to be a one shot. I hate
that: somebody writes a story, I crtique it and then they don't post
again. Did I say something wrong? I'm sorry to be so blunt. It's
just that if I were to write a story and somebody were to come back
with "Great story! Write some more!" then I'd feel good but I'd wonder
if the reviewer had even read my story because they didn't actually
write a critique. :)
Martin
Tom Russell
Or, in this case, commentary on commentary on commentary, with
shameless plugs by Tom Russell.
(There is a minor spoiler for my own NHOP below. I mean, I wrote the
series three or four years ago, but in case you're just joining us in
the TEB editions, be warned.)
martin...@yahoo.com wrote:
> Tom Russell wrote:
> >
> > Now, I'm not saying that SUPER STOMACH GIRL would be better suited to
> > one of the sex stories newsgroups. It's not a porno story.
>
> It is and it isn't. Change the word "transform" to "orgasm" and you
> have this girl, Roz, who reacts very favourably to torture.
Well, that would be foregrounding the subtext, and then, perhaps, it
would have been more suitable to one of the alt.sex.stories groups.
But I think the fact that it is a subtextual thing saves it from being
looped in with pornography.
It's like the difference between BLACK NARCISSUS and NAUGHTY NUNS.
Both (if Naughty Nuns exists, which I'm sure it does) are about really
horny nuns trying to control their urges. With BLACK NARCISSUS, it's a
subtext: albiet a candy-coloured and blatant one. With NAUGHTY NUNS--
though I haven't seen it, if it does indeed exist-- I think it would be
safe to say that it's foregrounded. BLACK NARCISSUS is a
long-cherished work of cinematic art. Pornography seldom aspires to
the level of art, and I think one would be pulling an Armond "Mr. 3000
is one of the best movies ever made about being black" White if they
tried to argue something like NAUGHTY NUNS is on par with the work of
Powell & Pressburger.
> Yeah. I read the first three issues and thought they were good but I
> started feeling a bit uneasy when the focus shifted to Kara. Now, I
> have no personal problems with Kara's voyeurism except that it IS
> illegal and if it had been a guy watching her then Roz might not have
> been so forgiving. That's not the only double-standard: if a guy were
> watching other guys taking a shower then you'd say he was gay but Kara
> says she isn't a lesbian just because she likes to watch muscular women
> take showers. Right. There's nothing sexual about that. Even you say
> that she's experiencing "incredible panty-dampening knee-clanging joy".
> Roz accepts that Kara is not a lesbian because if Kara is getting some
> kind of sexual satisfaction from all this and Roz is a willing
> participant then does that make Roz a lesbian? Women don't seem to
> worry so much about this: they can go all the way with another woman
> and call it "experimenting". I'm not saying this is a bad thing. In
> fact it makes one wonder if there is such athing as a clear distinction
> between lesbian and straight women or if they don't just go for
> whatever strikes their mood. But that's a whole other discussion.
Even among the gay community, there's a certain skew towards the
acceptance of complex female sexuality over complex male sexuality.
Hell, in society in general, lesbian and bi-sexual women get a better
deal than gay and bi-sexual men: mainstream society is more accepting
of two pretty women getting together rather than two ugly men.
People are uncomfortable with gay men. Hell, look at the use of Frat
Boy since last October: it's a big joke. If the story was a sincere
one, a sweet or even a sexy one, it would make most readers very
uncomfortable.
On the other hand, my characters Lily and Michette, as long-time NHOP
readers know, are very much in love with each other. And the scene in
which that is revealed is, in the author's own estimation, sweet and
emotional and, yes, sexy.
It might come down to the fact that women are innately sexy and men are
not. It's usually men who are driven crazy with lust for women, not
the other way around.
However, one notes in most comic books, a certain homoerotic tension;
just as women are idealized and to a degree objectified as ideal lust
objects, men get the same treatment. The taut muscles, the costume
clinging to every inch...
Some of these overtones will be explored, in a more serious fashion, in
THE NOSTALGICS.
> It wasn't the sexual aspect that turned me off. In fact, truth be
> told, the sexual tone of the story turned me ON. Kara wanted to see
> how many times Roz would "transform". Roz ended up "transforming"
> three times. I was on the verge of "transforming" myself reading that.
> (Too much information?)
Thank you for sharing, Martin. :-P
> No, what bothered me were the unanswered
> questions. If Kara saw the second attack, did she see the first? Why
> didn't she call the police? At the very least she could have called an
> ambulance. Perhaps, as it was implied, Kara was responsible for these
> attacks, that she pays street gangs to hit girls in the stomach and
> kill them. Um, that would make her the villain, not a sidekick.
I personally hope that's not the case, and the conversation she had at
the end of #... 2? 3?... struck me as very odd, and certainly supports
that theory. I personally hate those kind of twists, and with a
character as interesting as Kara, I hope it's not the case.
> Is this a parody of comics? Maybe Japanese comics.
I was watching a commentary track for BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES (it
was the Robot two-parter that introduced Babs Gordon into that
continuity) with my wife, and one of the animators mentioned getting a
lot of his ideas from LEGEND OF THE OVERFIEND. I then had to explain
the tentacle rape genre to my sheltered, Catholic wife.
_Man._
The Japanese are _weird_.
> Except
> that sadomasochism is no longer a subtext at this point in the story,
> is it? Roz even wondered if Kara was going to use whips and chains
> but, as it turned out, Kara went no further than rope bondage and
> punches.
Well, similiar to the aforementioned BLACK NARCISSUS, it becomes a very
blatant subtext. But, until sexuality is _expressly_, uh, expressed, I
think it remains a subtext.
> Kara is willing to get punched in the stomach herself so that Roz will
> continue coming. Compare that to the sort of thing you'd be willing to
> do to get a blow job. Me, personally, I wouldn't like the taste of
> menstral blood. Ew.
It ain't much different from regular blood. And besides bringing your
lady some pleasure, it can relieve some of the crippling pain and
discomfort during her period.
>
> > I don't share Kara's fetish. It's a little extreme for my tastes. But
> > I understand Kara, I understand her fascination, and I accept her for
> > who she is.
>
> Again, I think this is the point. By seeing things from Kara's point
> of view, you are more accepting of them. She likes to watch. She
> likes to hit. Imagine that this, like Speak!, were told in second
> person. "You like to watch women take showers. You like to hit women
> in the stomach. You sick bitch."
The difference is-- Kara's possible criminal negligence aside-- Kara's
actions don't actually _hurt_ anybody, if one defines hurt as
non-consensual violence against another person. Gregory Dingham, from
SPEAK!, does inflict considerable and malicious hurt upon others. It
might be a knee-jerk reaction or come out of petty anger, but he does
purposefully inflict hurt upon others.
Kara-- at least, until Jerry reveals otherwise-- has not crossed that
line. She would not punch someone without their permission, and that
permission is the important thing, that's the dividing line.
Because Kara doesn't cross that line-- because she keeps things safe,
sane, and consensual-- she does not deserve the moralizing accusatory
tone of Speak!; what she's doing is not morally wrong. Gregory, on the
other hand, trangresses against other people (and, as Saxon pointed
out, even his own sense of self, which I think prompted the
second-person in the first place) and the second person is a way of not
only dramatizing his inner conflict, but also a device by which to
distance audience sympathy from the protagonist: I don't want people
identifying with Gregory's actions to the degree that they think
they're positive actions or worthy or emulation.
I want some degree of identification, and that's why-- even in second
person-- the story is told completely from his point of view and his
knowledge of what's going on, instead of cutting to Sandy or the cops
or whatever. I want people to reflect on times in their lives that
they've done wrong, and I want Gregory to illuminate a darker part of
themselves. I want people to think about the true self, and what it
means to trangress against that self, what motivates that kind of
trangression.
But I don't want people cheering him on, and so that's why I struck
completely the opposite tact.
Kara, on the other hand, at least from these first four issues, totally
warrants cheering on, and I've got my pom-poms ready should I need
them. :-)
> I did a double take here too. But the line "like a TV channel going
> off the air due to a power outage" wouldn't quite work either. It's
> not an everyday thing.
It is in Detroit. :-P
> It was posted May 8th. It is now May 25th. That's more than two
> weeks. I put off reading it because four issues is a lot to read at
> once and then, when it was no longer at the top of the queue on google,
> I had to look for it. I might never have read it.
We're over 200 posts again this month, and we've had quite a few
topics, to boot. Congrats, everybody!
> In fact, I rarely
> do read stuff that isn't LNH, LNHY or 8FOLD. On the other hand, the
Thank you on behalf of my fellow Eightfoldian(s).
Speaking of Eightfold, it appears that our "spot the Superman line"
contest in THE NOSTALGICS has stumped everyone. If no one gets it by
the end of the month, I'll just post the answer and hold another
contest some other time.
Here's a hint: it's from one of the most important and often-reprinted
Golden Age Superman stories.
> fact that it was four issues meant that I could be certain the story
> was going somewhere and that it wasn't going to be a one shot. I hate
> that: somebody writes a story, I crtique it and then they don't post
> again.
Newbies can be sensitive, as my past antics no doubt can attest.
That's why I was so glad that Jerry was a very good, imaginative, and
technically sound writer. It made my job as critic that much easier.
:-)
>
> Martin
--Tom
Jesse Willey
>People are uncomfortable with gay men. Hell, look
>at the use of Frat Boy since last October: it's a >
big joke. If the story was a sincere
>one, a sweet or even a sexy one, it would make most
>readers very uncomfortable.
It think it has to do with Frat Boy as a character.
It is why I tried to walk a very thin line with the
stories with him and Weiner Boy. I think he came a
little off model character wise... but then again the
presence of an ex-lover can make anyone act a little
off, unless it is one of those rare cases where the
whole 'just friends' thing actually works.
__________________________________________________
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Tom Russell
Jesse Willey wrote:
> It think it has to do with Frat Boy as a character.
> It is why I tried to walk a very thin line with the
> stories with him and Weiner Boy. I think he came a
> little off model character wise... but then again the
> presence of an ex-lover can make anyone act a little
> off, unless it is one of those rare cases where the
> whole 'just friends' thing actually works.
Well, that, and it completely contradicts the entire point of LNH vol 2
# 10, which is that he is experimenting. But I'm not about to get
defensive, even if my story was invalidated, as he isn't my character.
Remember, I never meant for the whole gay thing to stick, anyway.
--Tom
Jesse Willey
> Well, that, and it completely contradicts the entire
> point of LNH vol 2
> # 10, which is that he is experimenting. But I'm
> not about to get
> defensive, even if my story was invalidated, as he
> isn't my character.
> Remember, I never meant for the whole gay thing to
> stick, anyway.
You hit on a good idea. Good ideas tend to stick.
I remember watching the commentaries on the first two
seasons of Scrubs where they said they only reason
they didn't go in that direction with 'The Todd' (who
is a very similar character to Frat Boy if you think
about it) is that they didn't want a ratings backlash
and didn't know how to bring the character back from
that if they did. Whereas the LNH has maybe 10
readers at most and that type of backlash doesn't
exist.
Tom Russell
Jesse Willey wrote:
> Whereas the LNH has maybe 10
> readers at most and that type of backlash doesn't
> exist.
Ten? Only ten?
I know we've got myself, Willey, Brenton, Enright, McClure, Phipps,
Spitzer, possibly Rogers, possibly Perron if he's still around,
possibly Jaelle-- yeah, I guess that's ten. Of course, there' s always
lurkers...
But look at it _this_ way-- the archives are going to be around for a
long, long time. Which means that the LNH will always have an
audience. One of the reasons I started "The Greats" was to point
towards stories people may have overlooked, or ones that have become
obscure with time. Potentially, there's an unlimited audience for the
LNH.
I think one of the reasons why I try to write my LNH stuff as
accessible as possible is the archives. I'm not writing for the
audience of today, but rather the schoolchildren of tomorrow.
--Tom, who, if he had went to college and gotten a teaching degree,
could easily teach a course on the LNH as Literature, though his real
passion would be Lee-Ditko Spider-Man.
Jesse Willey
Ultimate Ninja gathered Master Blaster, Deja Dude and
Vel in the armory doorway. Vel was running his
portable scanner across the room. After several
seconds he turned his attention back to the Ninja.
"We've got the stop him!" Ninja said.
"Do you mind if I ask you one question?" Vel asked.
"What?" Ninja said.
"If you were him... where would you go?"
"The sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-basement. It is where you're
storing that Dorf transport device we recovered from
the museum," Ninja said. (See Vel #-5-1/2.)
"Thank you," Vel said as he ran out of the room.
Ultimate Ninja followed after him. "Now quickly...
let's go."
"What's up with them?" Master Blaster said.
"Ultimate Ninja and Vel are going to go after Ultimate
Ninja," Deja Dude said.
"I know where this is going," Master Blaster said.
"It was inevitable really. Aren't we going to help?"
Deja Dude frowned for a moment.
"No. I kind of like being alive," Deja Dude said.
"Yeah and if we got murdered, our wives would kill us.
Of course, she might murder me for what I did to
Wikiboy yesterday," Master Blaster said.
"Not again..." Deja Dude responded. "What did you do
this time..."
"All I can say is it involves Massachusetts and Frat
Boy."
Killfile Wars #3 of 6
Triumph
By Jesse N. Willey
Barney the security guard was at his checkout point.
The desk had dozens of screens watching various rooms
of the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-basement. Nothing ever
happened down here. The upper levels had activity
all the time. The lower subbasements had crazy stuff
like that all the time. This was normal. It was
almost as if the building had declared this neutral
territory.
That's why he always snuck a portable television down
to here to the game. Since nobody ever came down
here, nobody noticed the six pack of soda and the
large bag of potato chips either. He sat down,
turned on his TV. As a large ball came into focus an
energy globe burst through the television screen.
"Oh Crap!" Barney shouted.
________________________________________
Onion Lad wheeled the tray down the hallway. He got
to Teri's door and knocked. After three minutes
nobody answered. He pushed the door chime. She came
to the door dressed only in a pair of pink Power Puff
Girls pajamas.
"Oh Chuckles... you brought me Peanut Butter and Banana
sandwiches to celebrate my finally getting my LNH
memberships. How sweet," she said.
Smiled and kissed his cheek. He stumbled and hit
his head on the doorway. She slammed the door. Onion
Lad waited outside the door for several minutes.
The he hear her scream. Teri came charging out of the
room in full Teryaki Chick costume.
"He was here! He turned my sandwiches into
I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter," she said.
________________________________________________
The Ninja was crawled through the vents of the
sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-basements. He snuck through the
vents so Barney wouldn't alert anyone. Not that the
old man would pry his eyes away from the game.
Each time he came to grating, he peaked down to make
sure he hadn't gone past his objective.
"Lab where the wererat cure is being worked on... no.
Repair shop for old pinball machines... no.... vending
machine area...." He thought.
He finally found the right room. He saw the
deactivated tunnel. Now he just had to wait for her.
He knew she would be coming here. It was the only
thing that made any sense. The first rule of combat;
know thy enemy.
Within seconds, she was there. He snuck out the
microgun that Master Blaster had taken off some crazed
mad scientist a few. He missed this. The sneaking
around and hunting. This is what a ninja was supposed
to do. Not sit behind a desk and chair meetings.
He aimed it precisely and fired. Deliahs's blood
spattered from her stomach.
_______________________________________
The computer beeped. Angelica Weinstein crawled out of
bed. She didn't want to wake Josh. He made the
cutest noises while he slept. Sometimes after a long
night, she when she laid awake he night she would
listen as his growling stomach magically played tunes
from `The H.M.S. Pinafore'. He'd always said that it
was because his mother had done so much community
theater when she wasn't busy being a super villain.
The walked up to her laptop and turned the monitor on
as dimly as she could.
"What is it Computer," she whispered.
"There is a new email in one of your brother's old
dummy email accounts," The Computer said. "I know I
normally handle the day operations of the
intergalactic and xenotechnology reverse engineering
part of the company, but I thought this one required
your specific attention."
"Pull it up," she said.
To: Masterprog...@weinsteinonline.com
From: K_Night...@AASN.org
You lying sons of bitches! You said you were going
to use the nanos to help humanity, not to play
Manchurian Candidate. I've been watching you. I
told you I would be.
--- Dalton.
"Okay... what's the problem," Angelica said.
"I have no idea what he's talking about," The Computer
said.
_______________________________________
Limbo was nothing, if not a learning experience. It
had taken time but Doctor Killfile had learned to view
other worlds. Some were pathetic. He wanted to
beat the crap out of Doctor Lifefile. There had been
other worlds he'd watched too.
"I tire of sitting here observing. I'll see how my
daughter fairs at her hair brained revenge scheme,"
Killfile thought. His eyes spun in his head for
several seconds. "I see... I must use all my training
here. Concentrate... take all the energy I've
collected here into one blast. It shall take care
of something I should have handled a long time ago."
_______________________________________
She reached for the portal control. Ninja loosened
the vent covering and leapt down. She stumbled
backwards.
"If you don't use your healing factor, you'll be dead
in two or three days tops. You've lost," Ninja said.
"Not as long as," she grunted. "I see him and you in
the grave."
Her face went blank as she healed the wound. She was
still in pain.
"Now you'll be dead in three months. You've made it
much harder to get that bullet out. It had more than
trace amounts of plutonium. If the radiation
poisoning doesn't get you... you'll develop cancer. The
more your healing factor tries to heal it... the worse
it will get. The same thing happened to Badass,"
Ninja said. (See Vel #1-2)
"You wouldn't..." she said.
"You killed me. It is only fair," he said. "You
killed me... and I'm going to have to live with it for
the rest of my life. So I want you to go slowly and
painfully."
"But you're a hero.."
"No... I'm an instrument of justice. Big difference."
She turned and blasted him with a bolt of energy.
Her step still wobbled as she made sure not to reopen
the wound in the middle of combat.
"That's right. I killed you. But how can I miss
you, you never go away!" she shouted.
She reached the controls and pressed a sequence of
keys. She stepped towards the middle of the portal
to see her handiwork. She began to laugh as a cloud
of energy exploded outward. Her body simply
evaporated but no energy globe erupted. When the
blaze ended a man walked through the glowing doorway.
"Please, Ninja... you didn't think I was gone did you?"
he said.
To Be continued....
Ultimate Ninja created by wream. Master Blaster,
Deja Dude and Doctor Lifefile created by Phartin
Mipps. Barney, Teryaki Chick, Angelica Weinstein,
Joshua Chesterfield, Computer, Dalton Asters and
Badass created by Jesse N. Willey. Deliah Killfile
created by Tom Russell Jnr. Onion Lad created by Tom
Russell Jnr and Dane Martin. Doctor
I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter created by Dane
Martin. Doctor Killfile is public domain.
cabbage...@yahoo.com
"Oh Crap!" Barney shouted.
________________________________________
the room in her full Teryaki Chick costume.
martin...@yahoo.com
> "What is it Computer," she whispered.
"It's a device used to make rapid, sometimes simultaneous,
calculations. But that isn't important right now..."
> Doctor Lifefile created by Phartin Mipps
Who is Phartin Mipps and when did he create Doctor Lifefile? I
searched using google and, as far as I know, he's a new character.
Martin
Jesse Willey
> Who is Phartin Mipps and when did he create Doctor
> Lifefile? I
> searched using google and, as far as I know, he's a
> new character.
Actually, you mentioned Doctor Lifefile as a side
joke during in one of those alternate reality stories
about two years ago. Obviously, whoever edited that
issue for me didn't catch that misspelling of your
name.