Arthur Spitz..? Oh wait, wasn't he the Pre-Retcon Hour version of me?
Yes it's all starting to come back to me now. I remember this Arthur
Brilliant Man. Visionary Genius. Tapdancer Extraordinaire. And of
course one of the Greatest LNH Authors to never exist.
Among his brilliant works were:
Buddy the Hard-Drinking-Liquored-Up LNH Receptionist
The moving life affirming story of an ordinary joe who tries to not get
fired by the Ultimate Ninja while at the same time drinking as much as
The World's Most Corrupt Innocent Bystanders
These were tales of the vilest and most depraved of the innocent
bystanders who bribed unscrupulous LNH Authors so that they could
maintain the coveted Innocent Bystander status while remaining outside
of the LNH's jurisdiction as they terrorized Net.ropolis.
Cheesecake Eater Lad Vs Cheezus Christ
Perhaps the greatest LNH story ever told. An insane Cheesecake Eater
Lad goes back in time and battles various important religious figures to
the death. This mini-series answered such burning questions like if you
should meet the Buddha do you engage him in a cheesecake eating contest
to the death? And did Muhammad prefer raspberry or blueberry topping?
And answered once and for all whether God does indeed exist and if so
does he wear Boxers or Briefs? I believe this was the first LNH story
to win the Nobel Peace Prize.
And among his works in other imprints...
When the NTB masters were out battling mystical menaces (or engaged in
drug orgies or what ever they do when they're not around) these furry
lil critters had their own cute lil William Burroughesque adventures.
Omega Eye for the Feeb Guy
Every week five hep swinging metrosexual Omegas took an ordinary human
loser and by using Harrakin technology, dissection, home decorating and
grooming tips turned him into a major ladies killer. This was the
series that started the whole reality net.fiction trend which ultimately
made RACC unreadable.
The Severed Head of Superguy
A boy and his best friend, The Severed Head of Superguy, take a magical
journey through the post-apocalyptic future of the Superguy Universe.
This one only lasted about two issues because many Superguy readers
found it to be done in poor taste and were also bothered by the fact
that Superguy had a mustache.
As far as creating Very Disturbed Scary Creature Man and Mood Arrow
though, I don't believe he did.
He did do a series called the Saviors of the Nets which was about how
all the greatest superheroes in the world banded together to save the
New Jersey Nets franchise and help them win a basketball championship
unaware of the social and political ramifications this act would cause.
It was sort of a cross between The Bad News Bears and Watchmen. Two of
the characters were called Man-Creature-Scary-Disturbed-Very and the
Lewd Arrow which is probably why you got confused.
Man-Creature-Scary-Disturbed-Very was different from Very Disturbed
Scary Creature Man in the sense that MCSDV instead of being a man who
wore a costume of a bunch of scary creatures attached to it was a
horrible monstrous abomination that wore a costume made of rubber
humans. Also MCSDV's favorite book was Catcher in the Rye, while VDSCM
hated JD Salinger with a passion.
I can't remember what the Lewd Arrow did, but I don't believe it
involved shooting Mood Arrows. Of course any resemblance between the
Saviors of the Net and Saviors of the Nets is purely coincidental.
Alas Arthur Spitz fate wasn't quite as happy as the Saviors of the Nets.
Back in '94 the LNH writers were becoming ancient dinosaurs. Some were
in their late twenties and some were even in their mid thirties. The
LNH readers demanded newer hipper LNH writers that they could relate to.
And so the Great LNH Author Revamp of '94 had begun.
John Byrne (who was an LNH writer at the time before he revamped himself
into the artist for Power Man and Iron Fist) was in charge of the LNH
Author revamp storyline and was responsible for changing many of LNH
writers. He brought down Arthur Spitz's writing abilities to that
of a mere mortal because no one could really believe in an LNH writer
who was constantly winning Pulitzer and Nobel Peace Prizes. He gave him
the weakness of getting writer's block everytime he was exposed to the
light of a yellow sun and took away his super ventriloquism powers. And
perhaps John Byrne's most brilliant move was adding the 'er' to the end
of 'Spitz' making him Arthur Spitzer.
All ownership of Arthur Spitz characters were transferred to Arthur Spitzer
(The post Mutton Mania version). Arthur Spitzer also owns the rights to
Arhur Spizer's and Otter Spitter's characters.
And there you have it folks. The story of why Arthur Spitz couldn't
have possibly created Very Disturbed Scary Creature Man and Mood Arrow.
And that of course just brings one burning question...
How can John Byrne get away with this?
Arthur "Yeah I know. Who is this guy?" SpitzER
He did not gain the rights to Ator Spotsors characters, because it
was decided LNH continuity was better off without them.