Perfectionism and Misogyny

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Ilya Shambat

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Jul 26, 2022, 8:04:40 PMJul 26
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One of the worst approaches to relationships is that of the perfectionist. The perfectionist fixates on whatever he thinks is wrong with the partner while completely failing to see her good qualities. He makes everyone miserable, including himself.

The women in my life – the women I’ve been with, but also my mother and my daughter – have all been better than perfect. They were wonderful. They had many fine qualities that, in some cases, were theirs rarely or even uniquely. If I had been a perfectionist, I would have failed to see these qualities. Instead I would have focused on wherever I thought they fell short of perfection. And that is a stupid way to live.

The ancient Greeks allowed their perfectionism to lead to misogyny. They had impossible standards for women, so they decided that women were bad. They passed on this disastrous attitude to posterity; and women today keep suffering as a result.

When I lived in the Melbourne suburbs, I had a policeman neighbour who said that if it was up to him, he would make women better. I do not see how he could possibly create anything like human female, much less improve on her. His wife struck me as a good enough woman. And I did not see her saying that if it was up to her she would make an artificial man as improvement on her husband.

So we have asinine comments such as that of HL Mencken, who said that love was an illusion that a woman was different from all others. Oh yeah, and all the women are the same. So are all men. You are the same as Genghis Khan.

Unbelievable what foolishness people come up with.

I do not want perfection. I want kindness, wisdom, talent, beauty, compassion, intelligence. All of these are things of which women are capable, whether or not anyone deems them perfect. See things for what they are and benefit from them. And forget trying to impose upon people a code of conduct that fails to benefit from their goodness and only crucifies them for things that they are not and can’t be.
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