Does Elf Shit Stink.
Robert J. Kolker
Bob Kolker
Georg Schönegger
>
> Do elves shit? And does their shit stink?
>
> Bob Kolker
depends on their diet.
georg
AC
> Do elves shit? And does their shit stink?
An even better question is why one would post such an idiotic query.
--
A. Clausen
Joy
> Do elves shit?
Of course.
> And does their shit stink?
Of course not. They excrete beautifully perfumed amber teardrop jewels.
Sneaky dwarves have been known to mix up their semi-precious stones with elf
doodoo.
-joy
Peter H
> Do elves shit? And does their shit stink?
>
> Bob Kolker
>
You certainly deserve the responses you get on this one.
Pete H
--
The first rule of intelligent tinkering
is to save all the parts.
P. Erlich
Robert J. Kolker
Peter H wrote:
> You certainly deserve the responses you get on this one.
It is a perfectly reasonable question. Elvenkind are nearly angelic.
Would such elevated beings have fecal discharge that smelled bad. The
more general question is how carnal are the elves.
Bob Kolker
zett
> Do elves shit? And does their shit stink?
>
> Bob Kolker
We can't know the answer to that because AFAIK Tolkien never addressed the issue.
I like Joy's answer, though.
Jaime Frontero
>
> Bob Kolker
>
scholarly (or perhaps not ;-> ), this may very well be a perfect post.
it is an unexplored subject, perhaps slightly offensive enough to the 'usual
suspects' to draw them in; and filled with the humor of the unrepentant non
sequetoriallist. it has appeal to the intellect, and the followup is a cry
in the night to your average logician.
it even made _me_ think. no mean bipedal appendages. <ouch! no, stop!>
and it doesn't have an answer, i don't believe. i think either answer is a
reflection of whatever desire we may have for anthropomorphizing the
elves...
i go wit' the other guy... joy's answer is probably the best -- or, anyway,
the one i'm most prepared to live with.
it did make me think, though. thank you kindly.
j
Hasdrubal Hamilcar
> Do elves shit? And does their shit stink?
>
> Bob Kolker
>
Don't know, but Strider sure stank.
In general, if one assumes that elves shat, then the next question is
where? Well, in the trees next to their beds probably. So if you are
walking the great forest one day and you see a sign with a
gender-specific elf icon on it, and an arrow pointing up, then don't
stand there too long....
on a gantry,
in the sh*t-tree
In the dwarves' case, they have a double problem. There are no bacteria
in the middle of the mountains (since there is little life there) and so
how will the waste decompose? Well they may have solved it by the same
means they solved the air and light problem, by digging long shafts to
the surface. Only these would slope downwards instead of upwards (like
air shafts.)
So if you are walking by a mountain one day and see a downward sloping
shaft in the mountainside, don't tarry under it and DONT look up into
it, ... you might find yourself being able to answer the question about
whether their stuff stinks or not.
in a mountain, aft,
he sh*t in the shaft.
Hasan
WindS...@webtv.net
some fun with it, any how.
>A physician claims these are actual
>comments from his patients made while
>he was performing colonoscopies:
>1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going
> where no man has gone before."
>2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
>3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
>4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
>5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
>Are we there yet?"
>6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now
>legally married."
>7. "Any sign of the trapped miners,
>Chief?"
>8. "You put your left hand in, you take
>your left hand out. You do the Hokey
>Pokey...."
>9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet
>feels!"
>10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must
>aquit!"
>11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find
>my dignity."
>12. "You used to be an executive at
>Enron, didn't you?"
>13. "Could you write me a note for my
>wife, saying that my head is not, in fact,
>up there?"
Ok, I did not love the crude language of the Original Post. Butt Hey,
now I realize it gives me a place to submit some humor to the groups,
which otherwise I would have to turn summersaults and jump through a
series of flaming hoops at varying heights in order to pretend fits in
here. (Get it? Flaming? Ha. Ha. Ha.) As you can see, I only have to
jump through one or two hoops to fit this in here, and with any luck at
all, no body will set them ablaze while I am stuck in the middle.
So, Did the Healers at the Houses of Healing perform colonoscopies?
(Right. I know, but work with me on this one) And if so, what silly or
stupid comments would they have heard from their patients during the
procedure?
Your challenge: Using the above comments, translate the
tension-breaking ridiculousness of these comments into Gondorian humor.
And don't say I never gave you anything communicable.
Disrespectfully,
Affectionately yours,
Windy
or whosever comes up with the right amount of mithril and adamant
Peter H
> Do elves shit? And does their shit stink?
>
> Bob Kolker
>
A seond thought: "Stink" is highly subjective; not all cutlures will
think of it or define it in the same wys.
Michael O'Neill
Chocolate Death
>WindS...@webtv.net wrote:
>[...]
Quite a compliment, coming from you, Mr. O'Neill.
Windy
Just another ho-hum day in paradise.
Hasdrubal Hamilcar
> Do elves shit? And does their shit stink?
>
> Bob Kolker
>
"Fee Fi Fo Fum.
I smell the blood of an Englishman."
Gollum had two names given by Sam, Slinker and Stinker.
I think you should have two names too, Kolker, some of your mails sound
a lot like Russ's rants.
And whats more nobody else on a.f.t. writes 30 column ad hominems like
Russ does.
Hasan
Hasdrubal Hamilcar
But I forgot to ask, are you really Russ, Bob? I won't expect an answer
if you really won't want to reply.
anyhows,
Hasan
Robert J. Kolker
Hasdrubal Hamilcar wrote:
>
> And whats more nobody else on a.f.t. writes 30 column ad hominems like
> Russ does.
I don't write any ad homs. I guess I lose.
Bob Kolker
Robert J. Kolker
Hasdrubal Hamilcar wrote:
>
> But I forgot to ask, are you really Russ, Bob? I won't expect an answer
> if you really won't want to reply.
I am Bob. I do not know who this Russ is. I simply ask questions that no
one else would think of asking.
Bob Kolker
Hasdrubal Hamilcar
No it my mistake, I am wrong. They are not ad hominems, they are pithy
30 column sententious sentences. (Check dictionary.com for the meaning
of those words: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=sententious.)
Full of meaning, bandwidth efficient. As long and narrow as a wizards
staff.
Hasan
Bill O'Meally
<WindS...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:20620-3E...@storefull-2157.public.lawson.webtv.net...
> You may well have found this in your own inboxes recently. Let's have
> some fun with it, any how.
>
> >A physician claims these are actual
> >comments from his patients made while
> >he was performing colonoscopies:
>
> >1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going
> > where no man has gone before."
<snip>
I've seen this before. While the comments are hilarious, I don't think
it is authentic because:
A) Colonoscopies are almost always performed under sedation. The patient
is essentially asleep through the procedure.
B) The originator of this post could have been referring to flexible
sigmoidoscopies, which I do. These are performed without sedation, and I
have yet to see a patient in the frame of mind to be blurting out such
witticisms!!
No, I doubt the Herbmaster of Minas Tirith performed such procedures!
<silly Windy><g>
--
Bill
"Wise fool"
Gandalf, THE TWO TOWERS
http://wedding.weddingchannel.com/pwp/ww_guestview.asp?wauid=201309120
the softrat
(Chocolate Death) wrote:
>
>Quite a compliment, coming from you, Mr. O'Neill.
>
to throw up.
... as you would at any other highly revolting and thoroughly
disgusting heap of slime and feces.
"It used to be a man once ..."
the softrat ==> Careful!
I have a hug and I know how to use it!
mailto:sof...@pobox.com
--
You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of
horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating
dance.
Chocolate Death
><WindS...@webtv.net> wrote in message
>news:20620-3EB1ACB3-97@storefull-2157.p
>ublic.lawson.webtv.net...
>>You may well have found this in your own
>>inboxes recently. Let's have some fun with it,
>>any how.
<snip sensible, reasoned stuff>
>No, I doubt the Herbmaster of Minas Tirith
>performed such procedures!
><silly Windy><g>
>--
>Bill
Darnit, Bill! Stop making sense!
<delete TMI ramblings about medical procedures>
I'm just trying to contribute harmless fun to distract from the less
pleasant ridiculousness hereabouts. Give the nice pipples something to
do, eh? And hey, bonus points for annoying Michael O'Neill ;-)
Windy
p.s. I don't care if Balrogs have wings, so long as they have good
adhesive strips.
J Swanson
news:ykksa.72043$kYH....@news01.bloor.is.net.cable.rogers.com:
> Gollum had two names given by Sam, Slinker and Stinker.
>
> I think you should have two names too, Kolker, some of your mails sound
> a lot like Russ's rants.
>
> And whats more nobody else on a.f.t. writes 30 column ad hominems like
> Russ does.
Hasan, look in Google groups for Bob Kolker and Robert Kolker, and you will
see that whatever he is, he's not Russ.
Joy
> Robert J. Kolker wrote:
> > Do elves shit? And does their shit stink?
> In general, if one assumes that elves shat,
Shit... shat... shut?
-joy
Bill O'Meally
"Chocolate Death" <deathbyc...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:3940-3EB...@storefull-2152.public.lawson.webtv.net...
OMea...@wi.rr.com (Bill O'Meally) responds:
><WindS...@webtv.net> wrote in message
>news:20620-3EB1ACB3-97@storefull-2157.p
>ublic.lawson.webtv.net...
>>You may well have found this in your own
>>inboxes recently. Let's have some fun with it,
>>any how.
<snip sensible, reasoned stuff>
>No, I doubt the Herbmaster of Minas Tirith
>performed such procedures!
><silly Windy><g>
>--
>Bill
>Darnit, Bill! Stop making sense!
Well, if they performed them in Rivendell or Lorien, it would go far to
answer the question in another thread: does Elf shit stink?
Hasdrubal Hamilcar
Open it, ...s...s...shut.
The last shut is neccessary, or else the elves will stink.
Hasan
The American
>
No and so, no.
Elves didn't shit.
No one did in ME.
If they had potty breaks Tolkien would have told us.
He didn't say, so they didn't.
They didn't have zippers either.
:-)
T.A.
Michael O'Neill
>
> On Thu, 1 May 2003 18:32:53 -0700 (MST), deathbyc...@webtv.net
> (Chocolate Death) wrote:
> >
> >Quite a compliment, coming from you, Mr. O'Neill.
> >
> Actually the observation that O'Nil has noticed you is a great excuse
> to throw up.
>
> ... as you would at any other highly revolting and thoroughly
> disgusting heap of slime and feces.
>
> "It used to be a man once ..."
Sounds like a prelude to a link showing Softies tastefully censored nude
picture...
M.