Ranma 1/2: DCM #5 [FanFic]

[Edward T. Hrzic III]

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Ranma 1/2: The Dragon Comb Mystery -- Part 5
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by Ed Hrzic
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Copyright (c) 1995 by Ed Hrzic
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Based upon characters created by Rumiko Takahashi
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Previous parts may be found at "ftp.std.com" in "archives/anime-
fan-works/Ranma".
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Direct any comments to me at "bd...@yfn.ysu.edu".
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Text between < and > are used to denote a
character's thoughts.

<<< CONTINUED FROM PART 4 >>>

[Pan upon exterior of Doctor Tofu's building (hospital, or
whatever it's really called).]

[Cut to inside of Dr. Tofu's office. Ed is laying in one of the
beds, covered with a blanket. Dr. Tofu looks at him quizzically,
then leaves.]

[Cut to waiting room. Ranma, Akane, Genma(panda) and Nabiki are
waiting. Dr. Tofu enters.]

AKANE. Well?
DR.TOFU. Well, he's alright. He's going to be asleep for a while.
You don't have to worry. You can all go home.
RANMA. (standing) Well, at least he's safe.
AKANE. (standing) Yeah...thanks Dr. Tofu.
GENMA. (various hand motions) Growll...blurb...rrroow...
AKANE. Yeah, it's probably time for dinner, Mr. Saotome.

[Genma nods in approval and with Ranma in tow.]

RANMA. Hey! Let go of me pop! (trailing off) Let me go...!
AKANE. Thanks again.
DR.TOFU. My pleasure.

[Akane begins to walk out.]

AKANE. You've been relatively quiet, Nabiki...
NABIKI. I'm going to stay here...
AKANE. Huh?
DR.TOFU. If you want to watch over him, that's fine, but I'll be
here, so...
NABIKI. It doesn't matter.
AKANE. Oooookay. I'll tell dad that you aren't coming home for a
while, and I'll get Kasumi to drop something by later. Bye. (she
leaves)
DR.TOFU. Well, I'm going out for dinner. Please take care of the
office. (he leaves)

[Nabiki walks into the room where Ed is.]

NABIKI. <Idiot...> (she thinks) <What was he talking about?
'Pain?' And 'dating?'> (she shakes her head) Poor guy. (she sits
down in the chair across the room)

[Cut to Tendo household. The family is seated around the dinner
table.]

KASUMI. So, Nabiki isn't coming home?
RANMA. (eating) Nope. She's still over at the doc's office.
KASUMI. I'll have to bring something for her...
SOUN. She's been quiet all of the sudden. Not like usual.
KASUMI. Perhaps she has some romantic inclinations.
RANMA. Nabiki? Personally, I don't think she CAN have romantic
inclinations. Have you ever seen her with a guy?
AKANE. What about Kuno?
RANMA. I mean a 'real' guy. He doesn't even count for plankton.
If I didn't know better, I'd say she was-

[Akane boots him into the pond. Ranma-chan pops out.]

RANMA-CHAN. What'd you do that for?
AKANE. Idiot! (she walks off)
GENMA. Things are definitely getting interesting, Soun...
SOUN. (folding his arms and nodding) Yes, they are...
KASUMI. (standing and picking up a package) I'm going to Dr.
Tofu's office. I'll be back soon.
SOUN. Take care. (he starts pulling out the usual game board)

[Cut to Dr. Tofu's building.]

KASUMI. (opening the door) Is anyone here?

[No answer.]

KASUMI. Nabiki?

[She walks into Ed's room.]

KASUMI. Oh, you're asleep... (she places the food down on an
empty table. she looks at Ed) Hopefully you feel better...
(she takes a blanket and puts it over Nabiki, then leaves)

[Cut to later that night. Ed stirs.]

ED. (getting up) Ow...get me the license number of that truck...
(he holds his head)

[He looks over at the package.]

ED. What's in here?

[He opens it up.]

ED. Food! (he begins to eat) <Hmm...always did like Japanese
cooking.>

[He looks around and sees Nabiki sleeping.]

ED. <Damn...why's SHE here? Another scheme?>

[Ed shakes his head.]

ED. Forget it, that was five years ago.

[Ed goes and lay back down.]

NABIKI. What happened five years ago?

[Ed jumps to the ceiling.]

ED. DON'T DO THAT! (he jumps down, back to the bed) I didn't know
you were up.
NABIKI. Well, I am. Just what happened five years ago?
ED. Oh, so you can use it for blackmail, Nabiki? I know how your
scheming mind works.
NABIKI. Oh really?
ED. Yeah, I'm watch more than half the series. I know.
NABIKI. (getting up) Are you so sure.
ED. (laying back down) Yep.
NABIKI. Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do! I stay here almost all
night for your silly sake, and you- (she stamps her foot in
anger) Aargh! You are so impossible! You're just like everyone
else! I'm feeling like Akane screaming at Ranma!
ED. (sits up and turns around to face her) Oh? So, then tell me,
why am I sooooooo wrong about your personality, Nabiki?
NABIKI. (pointing at him) Do I ALWAYS have to be greedy? Huh?
Don't you think for once that I would like to be something
different? Everyone EXPECTS me to be a greedy, scheming person,
so I am! Wouldn't you think- No, I guess not.
ED. I'm used to greedy people, so it comes natural, Nabiki. I'm
sorry.
NABIKI. (still agitated) What happened five years ago?
ED. Huh?
NABIKI. What you said a while ago, something about an incident
five years ago.
ED. Oh... Some girl I fell in love with. She was greedy as well.
Everyone told me so, but I didn't believe them. I wrote a whole
bunch of poetry and stories for her...just for her. Then, she
takes them all, and re-writes them, and publishes them under her
name. I was never more pissed off in my life. (pause) Actually, I
was more HURT than anything else. (sigh)

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: No, this didn't happen to me. I thought I'd make
the 'Ed' of this fic a little different than me.]

NABIKI. So what did you do?
ED. What else could I do? I hit her during school, and was
suspended for a week.
NABIKI. Just for hitting her?
ED. She was the principal's daughter.
NABIKI. Oh.
ED. Sorry. I didn't mean to get into your life. My apologies,
again.
NABIKI. Why were you in so much pain?
ED. To tell you the truth, I barely know myself. It could be that
you remind me of her, and that pain that I had when she abused me
was too much to bear. The only other idea is that I'm slowly
turning into an anime character...and I'm breaking my link with
reality.
NABIKI. That's deep.
ED. No kidding.
NABIKI. What did you mean yesterday, about 'Are you going out
with anyone?'
ED. Never mind.
NABIKI. I'm not.
ED. Good.
NABIKI. That's it? Nothing else?
ED. No.
NABIKI. Okay then Ed, are YOU going out with anyone?
ED. Are you kidding? Of course not. Take a good look at me. Do
you think ANY female would even try to do so?
NABIKI. Huh?

[Cut to next day, top of Doctor Tofu's hospital. Ed is sitting,
Indian style, in thought, not in ponytail.]

ED. <This is getting terribly pathetic. I'm stuck here...no way
back. I'm starting to turn into an anime character... Hell, good
thing I haven't gotten into any more trouble, like Shampoo coming
by or something.>

[Ranma and Akane walk by.]

AKANE. Nice to see you're up and around!

[Ed looks down at them.]

ED. Where are you two going?
RANMA. To school!
ED. (laughs evilly) I'm a graduate! (he sticks out his tongue)
RANMA. Shut up!
ED. (leaps down) Hee hee. Sorry... I get a little carried away by
lowly underclassmen...

[Cut to walking.]

AKANE. So why EXACTLY are you coming to school with us?
ED. I can't wait to see if the principal is as corny as he
appears on T.V.
RANMA. Just don't let Ms. Hinako think you're a delinquent
student...
ED. (stopping) She's still here?!
RANMA. Yeah, why?

[Ed gets a BIG grin on his face and continues to walk,
whistling.]

AKANE. What're YOU so happy about?
ED. By the way, Ranma, I thought you stopped her absorption
power?
RANMA. No. It got a little tedious grabbing her for a week. I DO
admit is was a bit enj-

[Akane boots Ranma to his classroom.]

ED. You know, I think that's the only time Ranma's gotten to
school early.

[Cut to front of school. 8:26 am.]

ED. Yep, there's the hole Ranma flew through.
AKANE. Right into his desk, I bet.
KUNO. It is YOU!!!

[Ed turns.]

ED. Huh?

[Kuno steps up.]

KUNO. You cretin!
ED. Is that your favorite word?
KUNO. Wouldst though desire me to use another?
ED. Yeah. How about... <Hmm.> Alas poor Yorick! I knew him
Horatio!
KUNO. That is 'I knew him well.'
ED. I read that too. But I think the Mel Gibson version touched
upon the tragical comedy of the plot, but missed a few key
elements.
KUNO. How dare you!
ED. What? Mel Gibson is a good actor!

[A crowd gathers.]

KUNO. You did not use a skull as a basis in your left hand!
ED. Excuse me?
KUNO. If thou wishest to pick a scene from a play, it would do
justice to prepare for one!
ED. Yeah, you're as stupid as I thought.
KUNO. WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
ED. I think that pretty much proves it.

[The crowd laughs.]

KUNO. Silence!
NABIKI. Bets here people!

[Kuno pulls his bokken out of nowhere.]

KUNO. Then we fight for your insult!
ED. Come on! I've never fought anyone in my life!
KUNO. You start now!

[Kuno rushes, Ed rolls backward.]

ED. <Agility increase... I need to get out of here, and quick.>

[Kuno unleashes a down swing. Ed jumps over him.]

KUNO. Stand still!
ED. And get throttled into oblivion?! No thanks!

[Ed pulls out his combs.]

ED. <Okay now. How do these things work?>

[Kuno rushes.]

ED. <YOU CREATED THE BLOODY THINGS! THINK! THINK!>

[Kuno swings. Ed parries with both of them. Kuno hauls his bokken
back again, and swings to the side. Ed tries to parry but is
thrown clear across the front of the school. He lays there with
his eyes closed. He puts his head to his temple.]

ED. <Youch... It's true. The less intelligence they have, the
stronger they are.>

[He opens his eyes and sees a young girl dressed in a yellow
dress.]

ED. Uh...hi... I probably know you, but I can't tell right now.
For one, the sun is overshadowing you, and I had REALLY bad
headaches for the past several days...
KUNO. There you are!
ED. And there's one of them over there...

[Ed hears some incantations, several flashes of light and Kuno
suddenly drops.]

ED. Cool. Who are you?
WOMAN. I am Miss Hinako Ninomiya.
ED. Gah!
HINAKO. Are you alright?
ED. Gah...whoa...tha...you-you're...Mi...you're Miss Hi-Hinako...
HINAKO. Are you a student here?
ED. Uh...weeee...tha..the...n-no...
HINAKO. Then what are you doing here?
ED. Vi-visiting...
HINAKO. Shouldn't you get up? I mean, I don't like people looking
up my skirt.
ED. (sits up) I wasn't! Honestly!
HINAKO. I believe you.
ED. I'm glad someone does.
AKANE. (running over) Are you okay?
ED. I don't think so...
AKANE. What? Did Kuno hit you hard?
ED. No, but she (pointing to Hinako) had the effect of hitting me
pretty hard.
RANMA. Hello Miss Hinako.
HINAKO. Miss Tendo. Excuse me, but I must get back to class.
ED. Thanks for saving me.
HINAKO. Since you're not a student, then are you going to help
around the school?
ED. I guess so. If I'm needed. It's either that, or stay at
Akane's house and play Go with her father and Mister Saotome.
HINAKO. Then, would you mind help me?

[Ed falls over and twitches.]

HINAKO. He hasn't been feeling well, has he?
AKANE. It would take too long to explain.

[Hinako reverts back to her normal state.]

HINAKO. Would you take him to the nurse's office?
AKANE. Sure. (she picks up Ed, who is still twitching)
HINAKO. Tell him to walk by after he's recuperated. Bye! (she
laughs as she runs off in normal Hinako style)
AKANE. What are we going to do with you?

[The bell rings.]

AKANE. Now I'm late!

[She speeds off.]

[Cut to classroom.]

RANMA. Hey, Akane, what took you so long?
AKANE. Shove it.
RANMA. Where's Ed?
AKANE. Recuperating.
RANMA. From what? That hit of Kuno's?
AKANE. No, from Miss Hinako.
RANMA. She hit him?
AKANE. No. He looked at her.
RANMA. Oh.

[Miss Hinako begins teaching.]

[Cut to principal's office.]

PRINCIPAL. Aloha! And what is your problem?
ED. Nothing. Just wanted to make sure that I'm allowed to walk
around the school.
PRINCIPAL. Aren't you a student?
ED. No. I'm a graduate from a place far, far away.
PRINCIPAL. I don't see what not. Just don't disturb any of the
teachers while class is in session.
ED. Got it.
PRINCIPAL. What's your name?
ED. Ed.
PRINCIPAL. Oooookay.

[Ed leaves.]

PRINCIPAL. I might be able to use him for some reason or
another...cleaning up this school. Since Miss Hinako seems not to
be able to do it well, I'll just have to improvise...

>>> END OF PART 5 <<<

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Coming soon...Suds #7...Ranma 1/2: DCM #6...Iczer-4 #3...Video
Girl Hosoi #2...Mune Knight #4...
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--
-----------| Ed Hrzic, Anime Fan and FanFic writer! |-----------
A MATTER OF OPINION...SUDS...RANMA 1/2: DCM...VG HOSOI...MUNE
KNIGHT...ICZER-4...AND MORE...COMING FALL '95: MEGA-CROSSOVER...
---------------------| bd...@yfn.ysu.edu |---------------------