Ranma 1/2: TDCM #3 [FanFic]

[Edward T. Hrzic III]

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Ranma 1/2: The Dragon Comb Mystery -- Part 3
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by Ed Hrzic
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Previous parts may be found at ftp.std.com .
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Okay, so I got a burst of Ranma inspiration after looking at the
listing of Ranma FanFics (there sure are a hell of a lotta 'em!)
Dragon Comb will probably run for 6 or more parts, then change to
"Ranma IS Real."
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Direct any comments to me at "bd...@yfn.ysu.edu".
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Text between < and > are used to denote a
character's thoughts.

<<< CONTINUED FROM PART 2 >>>

[Akane, Ranma and Ryoga stand, looking at the young man that
stands down the road a bit from them.]

[Flashback.]

MAN. (points to himself) Oh? Me? My name's Ed, Ryoga.
AKANE. How do you know our names?
ED. (his glasses flash) That's my secret.

[Return to reality.]

RANMA. (buries his head in his hands) This is getting to be too
much for me to handle.
AKANE. (glancing at him) You and me both.
ED. (walking toward them) So, where is he?
RYOGA. Gone.
ED. Oh, well. I guess he'll show up sooner or later.
RANMA. (slapping his head) I need to think this through.
ED. (to Ranma) What's wrong?
RANMA. Trale pops up, tells me I don't remember...He isn't
real...Ed pops up...
ED. But, you do remember what he was talking about, right?
RANMA. Eh? Whadda you mean?
ED. (clears his throat) Let's see if even *I* can remember.
(thinks) China, you were 8 years old.
RANMA. (thinks) I follow you so far.
ED. When you and your father were camping out, didn't a young man
stumble upon you two?
RANMA. (thinks) Uh...
ED. You gave him some food, and for about 2 years, he hung around
you?
RANMA. (thinks) Duuuhhh...
AKANE. You'll have to excuse him, his brain has been vacationing
since birth.
ED. (chuckles and continues) Well, he studied some martial arts
with you for a while.
RANMA. Hmmm... (he seems to be remembering)
ED. Then, he disappeared, just as mysteriously as he had
appeared.
RANMA. I think...
ED. And you went to search for him, just before you and your
father had the accident in Jusenkyo.
RANMA. Yeah, just before the acc-Hey!
ED. (steps back) What?
RANMA. How did YOU know?
ED. Uh...would you believe a little bird told me? (he looks
around at Akane, Ranma and Ryoga who are closing in on him)
RYOGA. Try again.
ED. It would take too long to explain here. And, besides, I could
use some rest. I've been walking and standing nearly all day.
AKANE. Okay then, come with us.
ED. So I get to go to the Tendo's?
RANMA. Yeah.
ED. Cool! (Ed is obviously happy. he bounces around, does a few
cartwheels, etc.)
RANMA. (whispering to Akane) What's his problem?
AKANE. I don't know. If we want to, we better get him home.

[Cut to Tendo household. Kasumi is washing dishes. She hears the
door open. She walks out to greet them.]

KASUMI. Akane? Ranma?
AKANE. Hi sis.
KASUMI. Where's Trale?

[Ed walks in.]

KASUMI. Oh, there he is.
RANMA. It isn't Trale.
KASUMI. Eh?
AKANE. We don't understand either. He (she points at him), Ed,
will tell us.
ED. (gulp) I hope so.

[Cut to Tendo living room. Ed, Akane, Ranma and Ryoga sit around
the table.]

ED. I don't know where to begin.
AKANE. First, who are you?
ED. Well, my name's Ed.
AKANE. We know that. Your full name.
ED. Ed Hrzic. I'm a student in Rota, Spain.

[Akane, Ranma and Ryoga look at each other.]

AKANE,RANMA,RYOGA. Rota?
[Ed pulls out a map out of nowhere and puts in down on the table.
He points to southern Spain. READERS, please look get out a map
of Spain and look, too.]

ED. Right next to the peninsula of Cadiz.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: "Cadiz" in Castilian Spanish is pronounced "Kah-
deeth. Not "Ka-diz".]

RANMA. So what does it all mean?
ED. Just a little background info. (he takes off his backpack and
places it down on the ground) I was typing a FanFic one day at my
computer, and-
RYOGA. A FanFic? What's that?
ED. To tell you the truth, even I don't know. I think it's an
abbreviation for "Fan Fiction." I'll have to ask MegaZ when I get
back. Anyway, I was typing during a thunderstorm.
AKANE. Isn't that a little dangerous?
ED. Well, yeah, but I was typing, then the storm popped up. I
thought it would have passed, so I kept typing.
RANMA. And, what happened?
ED. Well, it didn't. Next thing I know, I wake up in China.
AKANE & RYOGA. China?
RANMA. How did you know it was China.
ED. There was a guy in green clothes, smoking a pipe, and
carrying a bunch of cue cards. Chinese character are more
intricate than Japanese kanji, so I guessed so, plus...

[Flashback.]

GUIDE. Hello sir!
ED. (getting up) Ow...what happened?
GUIDE. You fall from orbit. Very bad. (he helps Ed up)
ED. Where am I?
GUIDE. You in China.
ED. (goes berserk) CHINA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? What the hell am I
doing in China?!?!?!?!
GUIDE. I not know, why are you?

[Ed peers at the guide.]

GUIDE. What wrong?
ED. You look familiar.
GUIDE. Some say I look like American actor Bruce Willis.
ED. No, not that. I know. I can't believe it!
GUIDE. You okay? You crazy?
ED. And why can I understand Chinese? (thinks, then snaps his
fingers) Of course! The FanFic!

[Back to the living room.]

RANMA. So, what does this "FanFic" have to do with it? And why
can you understand Chinese AND Japanese because of it?
ED. (Ed sighs) Look, this world is not real.
AKANE. Huh?
ED. It is the product of the imagination of a woman named Rumiko
Takahashi.
RYOGA. You're putting us on!
ED. Am I? Name something that only you three would know. Ask me.
AKANE. (turning to them) What should we ask him?
ED. I'll just pick stuff randomly...Akane, you're engaged to
Ranma...Ranma, you and your father fell into Jusenkyo...Akane's a
tomboy...
AKANE. Hey!
ED. ...Sorry...Shampoo used to have a vengeance against Ranma-
chan...Shampoo changes into a cat...What else?
RANMA. That's general knowledge. Most people here know that.
ED. That you can change? How about I tell Kuno? I'm sure he'd
love to know that he's been chasing a GUY for all this time.
RANMA. How did-?
ED. Or how about I tell about the pig-

[Ryoga has just slapped his hand over Ed's mouth.]

RYOGA. (nervously and loud) Well, I believe him!
AKANE. What pig? P-chan?
ED. Uh- (remembering) <Shit! I shouldn't have done that!> about
the pig that Shampoo tried to cook once for Ranma at school.
RANMA. Well, I believe him too. I don't know why.
AKANE. If you two do, I guess I do as well.
ED. It's a little more complicated than that. You see, you are
real, but you aren't.
RANMA. Huh?
ED. You are real as I talk to you. You have your own thoughts and
actions. I don't control them as I did in the FanFic. So you are
real, but created.
AKANE. Sounds simple.
ED. Gee, you're taking this well.
AKANE. I don't know why.
RANMA. How do you know all about us?
ED. Well, you're from a series called "Ranma 1/2". It's a
Japanese animated show about all of you.
RYOGA. Animated?
ED. Yeah.
RANMA. Wait, how many people watch this show?
ED. Oh, I don't know. Probably a million or so.

[Ranma slumps over the table.]

RANMA. We're in a soap-opera.
AKANE. Do you watch it?
ED. Of course! That's why I hunted down the Tendo dojo. It was
the one real place I could relate to.
RYOGA. Then, who is Trale?
RANMA. That would clarify things.
ED. Trale is a character I created. He was supposed to be based
on myself to run around in your world. I used to control Trale's
actions. Now that I'm in the FanFic, he'll have free reign.
AKANE. Would that be bad?
ED. Possibly. For all intents and purposes, Trale IS me, except
with a few changes. He has the same unstable emotions as I do,
and could do most anything I would.
RANMA. Unstable emotions?
ED. Yeah. Mood swings and such. There's another problem, though.
RYOGA. What's that?
ED. I've been in this world for about a month, and I've been
starting to adopt characteristics of an anime character.
RANMA. What?
ED. I'm starting to become an animated character. I've been
jumping higher and farther, plus my eyes are starting to get
bigger.
AKANE. What's so bad about that?
ED. I don't know. I'm just worried that when...IF...I get back,
will I stay like this?
AKANE. We'll try to help you.
ED.I need to find Trale, first. He has the first key to the
mystery.
RANMA. You mean-?
ED. Yes, the Dragon Combs.
RYOGA. Then we'll hunt for Trale tomorrow.

[Cut to dinner table. The crew is sitting around it.]

ED. Thanks for the food Kasumi, but I'm not really that hungry
tonight.
KASUMI. Why? You should eat. Is it my cooking?
ED. No, no. I've got a lot of things to think about. If you'll
excuse me-
SOUN. By all means.

[Ed gets up, and vanishes into the courtyard.]

SOUN. Of friend Ed seems to be troubled.
AKANE. I feel sorry for him.
RANMA. (to her) Don't tell me you're getting soft for him!
AKANE. No, no. Ed just has something...
RANMA. (making hand movements for her to continue)
...something...
AKANE. I don't know. He's either hiding something, or is
regretting something.

[Cut to roof. Ed is laying down, looking at the stars.]

RANMA. You spend all your time alone?
ED. Huh? Oh, hi Ranma.
RANMA. Mind if I join you?
ED. Sure. Pull up a piece of tile.

[Ranma lays next to him.]

RANMA. What you were saying, about all of us, was it really true?
I mean, us not being real?
ED. Yeah, but now I'm not so sure.
RANMA. What?
ED. Well, I see all of you now, and you're as real as the people
back where I come from.
RANMA. Is that good?
ED. I don't know either. (he sighs)
RANMA. Is there something wrong?
ED. No...
RANMA. (sitting up, looking at him) Look, I may not be the
smartest person in the world, but I know when something's wrong.
ED. Everybody says so.
RANMA. Then...?
ED. It's one of those moods, I guess.
RANMA. Moods?
ED. I get like that sometimes.
RANMA. You're weird.
ED. I agree.

[A ladder hits the edge of the roof. Ranma and Ed look. Kasumi
pops her head up.]

KASUMI. (climbing up) So there you are. We've been looking. I
heard talking from the roof.
ED. Just... (looks at Ranma) just talking.
RANMA. Well, I'm going to take a bath. We'll talk later Ed. (he
leaps from the roof)
KASUMI. (calling after him) Be careful!

[Ed returns to looking at the stars.]

KASUMI. (sitting down next to him) Beautiful night.
ED. Yeah, it is. I've never really looked at the stars before.
KASUMI. What's wrong?
ED. Hmm? (he looks at her) What?
KASUMI. Something's wrong.
ED. Why would you say that?
KASUMI. Feminine intuition. (she smiles)
ED. Why is it always the females who do that?
KASUMI. Do what? Tell me. I'd love to listen.
ED. Sometimes I get this way. It's just, I feel so lonely
sometimes.
KASUMI. We're here for you. Even though you're a stranger, we've
come to know you somehow.
ED. It's not that. (he sits up) I have all the friends in the
world, more than I'll ever need, and I still feel lonely.
KASUMI. Why?
ED. Why? Why? (he shakes his head) I don't know why. I think it's
that I don't have anybody to share my time with.
KASUMI. A girlfriend?
ED. You're batting 1000 so far, Kasumi.
KASUMI. What about the girls where you come from? Don't they like
you?
ED. Competition is high since it's a small school, and those that
aren't taken are too fickle. (he stands) I mean, look at all of
you. You have Dr. Tofu...Ranma has Akane...Nabiki has
Kuno...Ukkyo-
KASUMI. Nabiki and Kuno? (she laughs) Are you serious?
ED. Yeah. Look at them. She always treats him terribly, but I
guess it shows she cares.
KASUMI. I don't know about that. She detests him. She's doing it
for profit.
ED. Well, perhaps I'm wrong.

[There is a long pause.]

KASUMI. Then what about here?
ED. Huh?
KASUMI. Someone here. In Nerima. There are girls all around that
would like to be with a handsome young man like yourself.
ED. No, I'm not...
KASUMI. You have an inferiority complex.
ED. Can't help it. I got it from a friend.
KASUMI. Then how about Nabiki?
ED. Nabiki? I'm afraid she'd try to sell me to one of the raving
lunatics that chase Ranma constantly. Since I do look like Ranma,
even slightly.
KASUMI. Well, give her a chance.
ED. What am I supposed to do? I've never been good with women.
KASUMI. Even being Nabiki's sister, she is unpredictable. Buy
flowers or something.
ED. Do flowers actually work?
KASUMI. Most of the time, to tell your feelings without saying
them.
ED. Ah...
KASUMI. Well then, I better get going. (she stands)
ED. (standing) Kasumi?
KASUMI. Yes?
ED. Thanks. (he takes her hand, and like a gentleman, kisses it)

[Kasumi laughs, and climbs back down. The ladder disappears. Ed
lays back down. There is a small tap behind him.]

MOUSSE. Hey Saotome.
ED. Huh? (here's Mousse's voice) Oh, put on you're glasses
Mousse. I don't even sounds like Ranma.
MOUSSE. Eh? (puts them on) You're not Ranma.
ED. How perceptive. Have a seat.
MOUSSE. (sits) Then who are you?
ED. I'm Ed.
MOUSSE. Then, who was the other one?
ED. Trale.
MOUSSE. I'm confused.
ED. Don't worry, it gets even more so. (pause) So what are you
doing here?
MOUSSE. Hunting for Shampoo. I saw you up on the roof, and
thought it was Ranma. I was going to ask if you had seen her.
ED. No, I've been talking to Ranma and Kasumi for a while. If she
did go by, I probably wouldn't have seen her.
MOUSSE. Hmm. Then I'll leave you.
ED. Come back again.

[Mousse leaves.]

ED. (putting his hand to his forehead) Everything is changing so
fast.

[He hears another tap behind him.]

ED. Back already Mousse? (he looks)

[Trale is standing behind him.]

ED. Trale!
TRALE. We meet again.
ED. I've been searching-
TRALE. I know who and what you are.
ED. What are you-
TRALE. (pulling out his combs) I will not let you take me back!
ED. What?!

[Trale slashes forward, Ed rolls forward, only to fall off the
roof and hit the ground.]

ED. Ow! Shit!

[Trale leaps down.]

TRALE. I will not let you.
ED. (scooting back on the ground) Trale, I don't want to take-

[Trale holds the combs forward, and two energy bolts fly toward
him.]

ED. TRALE!

>>> END OF PART 3 <<<

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Coming soon from me!

A Matter of Opinion #6
Suds #3
Ranma .5: DC #4
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ED HRZIC, author of the Macross and a RanmaMUCK(Ed) and
FanFic "Ecstatic Vision", the AnimeMUCK(Goku) user!
Crisis Hard Suit Rifts stats E-MAIL--bd981@ yfn.ysu.edu