[FanFic] Ranma no Daigakusei - Episode 4

[Ranma Saotome]

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Their relationship has been a volatile one.
She, a boy-hating tomboy.
He, a martial artist cursed to be an aquatranssexual.
Engaged against their will, they learned to tolerate each other.
Now, their relationship is moving on to the next level.
They must learn not only to cope with their new relationship, but with college.
Their names are Ranma and Akane Saotome.
This is their story.

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Ranma no Daigakusei

Episode 4: "One For The Road..."

Written by David Tai and Paul Gallegos

Based on characters created by Rumiko Takahashi

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[Evening at the Nekohanten, in the Nerima district. Shampoo is closing up for
the evening. She sighs, leans with her back against the wall and closes her
eyes.]

Shampoo: [murmurs] Ranma. Why you leave Shampoo? Shampoo much better wife than
Akane. [sighs] Must be way to get Ranma back. Must be. If only there
was sign from gods to tell Shampoo...

[Suddenly, the area is bathed in a reddish glow. Shampoo opens her eyes and
sees a streak of red heading for the stars in the distance. The object
disappears, leaving only the red, glowing trail, which soon fades back into
the night sky.]

Shampoo: [claps her hands together in joy] Aiyah! Shampoo now know what to do!

[She bounds upstairs towards her room, as a pair of eyeglasses silently
watches from the shadows. The same pair of eyeglasses watches as Shampoo comes
down the stairs riding her bicycle, to disappear somewhere.]

Mousse: [turns around from where he is perched] Now what is she up to?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[Early morning, Mizunoikan University campus. All is calm, all is quiet...
except for a bunch of glaring young men, whose eyes are on Ranma and Akane.]

Ranma: [looking around] Why are those guys looking at me?

Akane: [nervously] Oh... no reason. No reason at all.

Ranma: [glancing at Akane] Uh... some of those guys seem to have murder in
their minds.

Akane: [hesitating] Well... there might be one... small... reason.

Ranma: [after waiting for an answer from Akane]: Yeah? Go on...

Akane: Um. Never mind.

Ranma: WHAT IS IT?!

Akane: Uh. Ranma, remember the first day you went to school at Furinkan?

Ranma: Yeah. All those guys fighting to... waitasec. WAITASEC. You don't mean
to tell me those guys were fighting over a kawaiikune girl like you?

Akane: [starting to slap Ranma] BAKA!

Ranma: [grabbing hand before it reaches him] Ok, why aren't they attacking?

Akane: Let go of me! [pulls hand back.]

Ranma: What... what EXACTLY did you do?

Akane: Well... last year, when it first started...

[Flashback sequence starts- Akane's first day at Mizunoikan. She is being
mobbed by many boys, all of whom are trying to chase her. Unfortunately, each
guy is met by a fist or a foot. When the battle ends, Akane is standing
victoriously.]

Akane: [panting] This gets more annoying every time...

[One boy, clad in a common school uniform, stands up slowly.]

Boy: Akane... we... we will never give up...

Akane: ... Give up. You'll never get me.

Boy: N-never...

[Akane pauses for a while, thinking back to the days when she had to fight off
boys from Furinkan High... and makes a decision.]

Akane: I have a fiance.

[Moans of groans come from the boys. Akane merely sniffs and walks off. End
flashback.]

Ranma: So- the guys left you alone after that?

Akane: Yes, but... umm...

[A boy steps forward.]

Boy: [pointing at Ranma] Hey you! Are you Akane's fiance?

Ranma: No.

Boy: [nods] Ah... good.

Ranma: I'm her husband.

Boy: [face-faults] HUH?

Akane: Uh, Ranma...

Ranma: Shut up, Akane. You have a problem with that... um... hey, who ARE you?

Boy: My name is Tanaka Lardizabal, and yes, I do have a problem with that.

[Lardizabal Tanaka charges Ranma, only to get knocked out by a well-placed
punch to the face.]

Ranma: The name's Saotome Ranma. [turns to Akane] Haven't lost my touch.

Akane: Ranma, uh, maybe you shouldn't have done that...

Ranma: Problem?

Akane: Well, it's just that...

Ranma: [interrupting] Why _do_ these guys want such a kawaiikune tomboy like
you, anyway?

[Akane starts to hit Ranma, only to have Ranma grab her wrist.]

Ranma: [starts to stick out his tongue] Kawaii-

[Akane hits Ranma with her OTHER fist, sending Ranma flying into the sky.]

Akane: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. BAKA!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[Approximately a few kilometers away, in a town area, Ranma comes flying down,
flipping to land on his feet.]

Ranma: -kune. [sighs.] Where did Akane send me to this time?

[Ranma glances around, before noting the sign on the building he lands near.]

Ranma: [reading sign] Grand opening tonight? Of the... [mouth agape]
NEKOHANTEN?!

Voice: [behind Ranma] Nihao!

Ranma: [eyes bugging out] ... No way, it can't be... [slowly turns around.]

[As Ranma turns around, he gets ambushed by a bundle of energy.]

Shampoo: Nihao! You like new restaurant?

Ranma: [trying to breathe] New... restaurant?

Shampoo: Hai! Came here to save you from Akane!

Ranma: Save... me?

Shampoo: Hai! I be your wife!

Ranma: But... I ...

Shampoo: Have another!

Ranma: No way. I'm already married...

Shampoo: Village laws do not forbid man from having many wives. Men rare in
village.

Ranma: [at a lost for words...] ... uh. But... then why... but...

Shampoo: Prefer to have you all to myself. If must share, then Akane can have
Ranma-chan. I want Ranma-kun!

Ranma: ... urk... can you let go of me?

Shampoo: Oh! Sorry! [releases Ranma.]

Ranma: [takes several deep breaths before he talks] I am NOT going to have two
wives! [thinking of Nodoka and her swords] I CAN'T have two wives...

Shampoo: [sly smile] Shampoo be better wife than Akane!

Ranma: N-no...

Shampoo: Will convince you sooner or later. Akane not make good wife for you.
Shampoo cook better, fight better, do better things!

Ranma: [obviously trying not to agree with Shampoo] ...

Shampoo: [changing subjects] Come to tonight's opening! Bring everyone! Even
Akane!

Ranma: ...

Shampoo: [looking at Ranma with doleful eyes and clutched hands] Please?

Ranma: Er...

Shampoo: Good! See you tonight! Zai jian, Ranma! [Bounces into her restaurant]

Ranma: [clutching his hand to his head] Oh... boy.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[Ukyou's room at Mizunoikan. Ukyou is sitting in front of Makiko's Macintosh,
pencil clenched between her teeth, trying to type a paper while simultaneously
reading "The Mikado". There's a knock at the door.]

Ukyou: Hai?

[A figure enters, carrying a stack of flyers. All that is visible is a pair of
round glasses.]

Mousse: Kuonji Ukyou?

Ukyou: [putting down her book] Mousse! How did you find me?

Mousse: I was in town. Came to warn you.

Ukyou: About?

Mousse: Shampoo. She's moved the Nekohanten here.

Ukyou: Oh, dear. That could create some problems. [thinking of the wedding, and
the part she played in stopping Shampoo]

Mousse: Don't worry. She thinks the ceiling fell on her. So you don't need
to worry about the Kiss of Death.

Ukyou: [cocks her head] And how did she think that?

Mousse: [looks down] Uh- I told her.

Ukyou: [smiles] Arigato gozaimasu!

Mousse: Hai. [embarassed smile, rubbing his head with his hand]
Umm... Here. [Hands Ukyou a flyer.] You and everyone else are invited
to the grand opening. Sayonara! [starts to walk out]

Ukyou: [looking up from the flyer] Mousse, wait!

[Mousse walks out- through the window. Screaming is followed by a *THUD*.
Ukyou looks out the window, put her arms on the windowsill, with her chin
cupped in her hands, and sighs.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[At Maison Sabaku, in Room 4, Akane is complaining to herself as she pours some
hot tea.]

Akane: What an attitude! [sips tea] He could at least be nice once in a while...

[Outside Room 4, Ranma pauses at the door.]

Ranma: [muttering to himself] "Akane, would you like to go out to eat at the
Nekohanten?" [shakes head] No, that won't work...

[Ranma enters.]

Ranma: Tadaima!

[Akane sniffs... and takes another sip of her tea.]

Ranma: Uh, good news! No... no... [thinks for a moment]

[Akane looks at Ranma curiously.]

Ranma: Umm... do you want to go to a restaurant tonight?

[Akane gets a suspicious look on her face.]

Akane: Why?

Ranma: Well... [blinks] There's a nice new restaurant in town... I... I
thought you might want to eat out once in a while. I know I'm not
B-chan or P-chan, but...

Akane: [thinking] He's actually trying to be nice... [to Ranma] O-okay.

Ranma: Uh, g-good.

[Akane suddenly smiles, and leaves to dress, as Ranma stares after her,
puzzled over the change in Akane's attitude. The phone rings.]

Ranma: [picking up the phone] Moshi moshi!

Ukyou's voice: Ran-chan! Shampoo's here!

Ranma: Tell me something I don't know. She invited me to the restaurant.

Ukyou's voice: Mousse brought me an invitation. Want to go together?

Ranma: Yeah. Why not?

Ukyou's voice: I'll bring Makiko, that all right?

Ranma: Sure.

Ukyou's voice: Okay. See you there- sayonara!

Ranma: Bye! [hangs up]

[Ranma considers briefly, then calls up Kasumi and Nabiki, both of who accept
Ranma's invitation. Ranma then sits down, and turns on the TV. After a while...]

Ranma: [tapping his fingers on the table] What's taking Akane so long?

[After a longer wait...]

Ranma: AKANE!

Akane's voice: Coming!

[Akane comes out, dressed very nicely.]

Ranma: [eyes bulging] Uh... nice dress, Akane.

Akane: Thank you. [cocks head] Aren't you getting ready?

Ranma: Uh... yeah. B-be back in a few m-minutes.

[Ranma leaves to change, as Akane sits down to watch TV, After a few minutes,
the phone rings...]

Akane: [picking up the phone] Moshi moshi!

Kasumi's voice: Oh, Akane! Ranma just invited me to Shampoo's new restaurant.
But I'm a bit puzzled as to exactly where it is- can Ranma
please clarify his instructions?

Akane: [wide-eyed] Invitation? I thought it was just the two of...

Kasumi's voice: It'll be nice to see Shampoo again!

Akane: [eyes narrow] I see. Excuse me while I talk to Ranma...

Kasumi's voice: Sure!

[Akane places the phone on the table, and leaves the room. There is a moment
of ominous silence...]

Akane's voice: WHAT IS SHAMPOO DOING BACK?!

Ranma's voice: Uh- didn't I tell you?

Akane's voice: NO! And tell me something else- WHO DID YOU INVITE?

Ranma's voice: Uh...

Akane's voice: RANMA NO BAKA!!!

[*SPLASH*]

Ranma-chan's voice: KAWAIIKUNE!

[Zoom in on the phone...]

Kasumi's voice: Hello? Everything all right?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[The new Nekohanten. Shampoo, looking resplindent in a purple gown, is busy
welcoming people into the new restaurant, as four people come into view. A
damp Ranma straggles behind Akane. Kasumi and Nabiki are talking to Akane,
who is pointedly ignoring Ranma.]

Shampoo: Nihao! Welcome to new Nekohanten!

Akane: [glaring at Shampoo] *WHY* are you here?

Shampoo: Didn't Ranma tell you?

Akane: [turning to Ranma with a glare] No, Ranma didn't tell me anything.

Ranma: [mutters] Maybe if you hadn't splashed me with cold water, I would've
told you SOMETHING!

Akane: This is your "nice new restaurant?" It looks like a bar to me. And I
don't trust the food... or the owner.

Shampoo: Part is bar, hai. College students prevalent here, so need gimmick.
Still same good food.

Nabiki: [whispering to Kasumi] Certainly more edible than whatever Akane
cooked...

Akane: [glaring at Shampoo] I don't trust *YOU*, actually.

Shampoo: [glaring at Akane] Want fight?

[There is a moment of dramatic tension, as Akane and Shampoo clench their
fists...]

Ukyou's voice: Konbanwa!

Ranma: [relieved] Ucchan!

[Ukyou comes up to the group, Makiko following.]

Makiko: Can we eat now? I'm starved! Sitting in front of a terminal all day...

Ukyou: I'm surprised you actually want to go out to eat. You'd think that
computers were your life blood or something...

Makiko: Well, that's usually what Computer Science majors have to...

Ranma: [interrupting] Ladies, can we eat?

[The party enters the restaurant, although Akane and Shampoo are still glaring
at each other.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[The gang is seated at one of the larger tables in the restaurant, Ranma and
Akane side by side with their backs to the wall, while Kasumi, Nabiki, Makiko
and Ukyou occupy the other seats.]

Kasumi: [Looking around] Well, this place sure looks decent...

[Shampoo bounces up to the table and, with a flurry of her hands, puts
chopsticks, menus, plates, and glasses of water on the table. In the process,
she "accidently" spills some water on Akane's dress.]

Akane: Hey!

Shampoo: What would you like?

[Ranma orders soup, entrees, and rice. Shampoo nods, gathers the menus, and
bounces to the kitchen.]

Makiko: Weird girl.

Kasumi: She's very nice. We all know her from our hometown.

Makiko: Ah.

Kasumi: [turns to Ranma] So, how is married life?

[Akane, Ukyou, and Nabiki lean forward, staring at Ranma. A drop of sweat
appears on Ranma's head, as he stutters. Makiko looks on curiously.]

Ranma: Er...

Nabiki: [leans back and smiles slyly] Kasumi, you can't ask him that. Some
details are just too... intimate.

[Nabiki, Kasumi, and Makiko laugh, while Ukyou remains silent and Akane
blushes bright shade of red.]

Ranma: Actually, we haven't done anythin- *oof*

[Akane digs an elbow into Ranma's side, causing Ranma to cut off in
mid-sentence. He gives Akane an annoyed look, rubbing his side.]

Akane: [changing the subject] How's college, Kasumi?

Kasumi: It's been interesting. [smiles] Classes have been very fun so far. My
roommate's in a bunch of my classes. She's a very nice girl. I'll
introduce you next time...

Nabiki: [whispers to Akane] Better watch out- Kasumi's roommate is a mad
scientist.

Akane: Really?

Nabiki: Really. Experiments all over the place. I'm afraid to step anywhere in
that room... I never know what's going to jump out at me.

Kasumi: [overhearing] She's just an enthusatic student. Very impressive girl.
How about your roommate, Nabiki? What is she like?

Nabiki: Who? Junko? She's pretty quiet. Keeps to herself most of the time. Kind
of the opposite of my old roommate.

Ranma: Wasn't Akane your roommate last year?

Nabiki: Exactly. [smiles]

[Ranma and Ukyou laugh, as Kasumi smiles and Akane frowns.]

Makiko: Well, Ukyou and I... tolerate each other. [smiles]

Ukyou: It's really fun, although I don't think I'll ever get the hang of a
computer.

Ranma: Hey, Ucchan, since Shampoo has a restaurant here, why don't you reopen
the Utchan here?

Makiko: Utchan?

Ranma: Ucchan owns an okonomiyaki stand. Okonomiyaki's her life!

Makiko: [muttering] That explains why I keep waking up in the morning wrapped
up like an okonomiyaki...

Ukyou: [to Ranma] I don't know yet. I'm going to see how much time I have left
after classes...

Nabiki: Why worry? The hard part is over... college is actually easier than
high school!

Makiko: Right! I hear that in the United States, students actually have to
do WELL in college to get jobs!

Nabiki: Thankfully, just getting in college and graduating is enough to get a
job in Japan. You're basically set for life, Ranma. [smiles]

Ranma: [under his breath] If Akane doesn't kill me first.

[Shampoo comes back with a large tray, full of bowls and entrees.]

Shampoo: Dinner is served!

[Shampoo sets out the entrees, gives everyone a bowl of rice, and leaves,
to wait on another table. Everyone starts eating, although Akane gives her
bowl of rice a suspicious eye...]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[The remaints of a full course meal litter the table. Shampoo stands, beaming,
awaiting further orders.]

Ranma: Whew. I'm stuffed. Haven't eaten like this since... since...

Shampoo: ... the last time you were at my restaurant, ne?

Ranma: Well...

Akane: [frowning] We're done! Thank you!

Ranma: [reaching in his pocket] How much do I owe?

Shampoo: For friends, is on house. Come again! [leaves to check another table]

Akane: [eyes narrowing] ... Shampoo is up to something.

Ranma: [drop of sweat on his forehead] Uh...

[The party gets up and prepare to depart. As Ranma walks past the bar, a hand
sticks out. A familiar figure is sitting on a bar stool.]

Lardizabal: Remember me, Saotome? [downs a drink.]

Ranma: Yeah. You're the wimp I punched out earlier today.

Lardizabal: Hmph. [downs another drink.] You caught me at a bad time. Want to
try me again?

Akane: Ranma, leave him alone. He's drunk.

Lardizabal: Hey, bartender! More sake!

[Mousse comes over and pours another glass. Lardizabal downs this one, too.]

Ranma: You're right. He's totally out of it.

Lardizabal: Out of it, eh? You think I'm out of it, just because I had only 20
drinks? *hic* Have some sake. [tries to hand Ranma a cup.]

Ranma: [batting sake aside] I don't drink.

Lardizabal: Insult me, will you? You don't turn down a friendly offer of a
drink!

[Lardizabal swings at Ranma, who ducks. Lardizabal follows with a low kick,
forcing Ranma off his feet. Lardizabal assumes a classical drinking style,
holding his hands as if he is grasping cups, still sitting on the stool.]

Ranma: Why you...

Ukyou: Wait...

[Ranma tries to throw several punches, but Lardizabal simply swerves on his
stool, continuing to drink from the assorted drinks lying on the bar.]

Makiko: [whispering to Nabiki] Who's he?

Nabiki: [whispering back] One of Akane's more persistent suitors last year...
although I don't remember him fighting like this...

[Ranma aims a dead-center punch at Lardizabal, who isn't there to absorb the
blow, having simply fallen off the stool. Lardizabal lashes out while falling,
kicking Ranma in the stomach. Lardizabal then lands, and lies prone on the
floor.]

Lardizabal: *hic* Think you can beat my drunken style kung fu?

Nabiki: Drunken style?! Ranma, wait...

Ranma: You're just drunk. Can't even stand up!

[Lardizabal moves quickly, tripping Ranma. Both of them leap quickly to their
feet.]

Ranma: Lardizabal, wasn't it? What kind of name is that?

[Ranma aims a fist for Lardizabal, who simply falls down, then does a spinning
kick while on his back, tripping Ranma.]

Lardizabal: [jumping up] My mother is Chinese. Problem with my name?

Ranma: [jumping up] Just wondered what idiots would name their son
Lardizabal...

Lardizabal: [growls] You're dead, Saotome.

[Ranma and Lardizabal trade several blows...]

Lardizabal: You're VERY good, Saotome... perhaps I need my special brew.

[Lardizabal somersaults onto the bar for some breathing room, and takes out a
gourd from somewhere in his jacket. He opens the gourd, and takes a swig.]

Ranma: Forget it. I ain't fighting a drunk. Let's go. [motions to the girls]

Lardizabal: We're not done, Saotome. For the humilation you have put me
through... [throws a glass of beer into Ranma's face.]

[Ranma glares...]

Ranma: Get back. I'll take care of him.

[Akane, Ukyou, Kasumi and Nabiki sigh, with "Here we go again" looks on their
faces. The girls take a seat, as Ranma leaps into the air. Lardizabal falls over
backwards off the stool, only to lash out a foot and kick Ranma aside. He then
leaps to his feet, and starts swaying like a drunk bum, leaving an inviting
target for Ranma.]

Nabiki: Oh no...

Akane: What?

[Ranma leaps for Lardizabal, only to get pushed aside when Lardizabal steps
aside and introduces an elbow to the back of Ranma's neck.]

Nabiki: Definitely drunken style. Ranma is going to have problems here...

[Lardizabal continues swaying back and forth, in danger of losing his footing.]

Akane: What *IS* drunken style?

[Ranma jumps for Lardizabal, pulls up, and ducks the kick coming his way. Ranma
then grabs Lardizabal's foot.]

Nabiki: It's a style in which the martial artist gets extremely drunk. His
kung fu gets better as he gets drunker. What's more, the very
appearance of being drunk also lures opponents off guard.

[Lardizabal simply jumps up, kicks Ranma in the face with his free foot, lands,
and then falls over, as if in a coma, landing heavily on Ranma with his elbow.]

Akane: But... Lardizabal doesn't seem drunk.

[Lardizabal pulls Ranma up.]

Nabiki: Drunken style masters can hold their liquor very well. The only way to
beat one is to catch him sober... [shakes head] No wonder you and Ranma
were able to take him down so easily before...

Kasumi: Oh dear.

[Just then, the front door opens, and Choji Ketibeppu walks in, prompting
shouts of "CHOJI!" throughout the bar. Choji takes in the sights. Spying Akane,
he saunters over and slides into a seat.]

Choji: Konbanwa, Akane-san. Who are those lovely ladies?

Akane: Not now, Choji.

Choji: [following Akane's gaze] Hm, Ranma-kun doesn't appear to be doing well.

Makiko: [whispering to Ukyou] Does this kind of thing happen a lot?

Ukyou: [whispering back] With Ran-chan? This is actually a pretty normal day.

Makiko: [whispering] Sounds like a fun date...

Ranma: [wiping blood from his mouth] I'm through being a punching bag!

[Ranma's cry of "TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN" becomes a cry of pain as Lardizabal dodges
and delivers a blow to Ranma's face. Taking advantage of his opponent's
outstretched arms, Lardizabal quickly puts cups on Ranma's outstretched arms,
pours drinks from his gourd, then rapidly gulps down the drinks. Unfortunately
for Ranma, each cup hits his chin on its way to Lardizabal's mouth. The last
cup, Lardizabal puts extra emphasis on, sending Ranma flying into a table, as
the drunken master gulps down the final drink.]

Lardizabal: [wiping mouth] Ah, gomen nasai, Saotome. What did Grandfather use
to say? Ah yes... BANZAI!

[Lardizabal pulls out the gourd, toasts Ranma, and starts to put the gourd to
his mouth. Ranma, flipping out of nowhere, shoves Lardizabal aside, grabs the
gourd, and drinks the remaining brew from the gourd.]

Ranma: [wiping mouth as he tosses aside the gourd] Now we're even. I've got
your special brew... [Lardizabal merely smiles.] What are you smiling
at?

Lardizabal: You. I don't think you can handle that special sake.

Ranma: Sake? Whaddya...

[Does the phrase, "three sheets to the wind", ring a bell? The impact is
immediate, and strikes Ranma like a ton of bricks. Ranma starts swaying, losing
motor coordination.]

Lardizabal: Heh. A special brew that my mother's ancestors have been
perfecting for centuries. [grabs Ranma by the chin] Wonderful
stuff. 190 proof. A little goes a long way... [examines Ranma's
zoned-out expression] I really shouldn't take advantage of your
condition, but... humilating you will be ... pleasant.

[Lardizabal starts toying with Ranma, spinning him around, and slapping him.]

Ukyou: Hey, that's not fair!

Lardizabal: [turns to Ukyou] Life isn't fair.

Ukyou: Leave him alone!

[Lardizabal looks at Ukyou... and something seems to soften in his hard eyes.]

Lardizabal: For your sake... I'll give him a fair chance. [looking at Ranma]
You have 10 seconds to do whatever you want. I suggest you make
peace with your gods. [releases Ranma, and stands still, counting]
1... 2...

Akane: Ranma!

[Akane stands up, trying to stop Ranma as he tries to go after Lardizabal, who
is counting with a smile.]

Lardizabal: Move aside, Akane. This is none of your concern. 4...

[Akane turns her back to Ranma, and spread her arms.]

Akane: Lardizabal, leave him alone!

Ranma: *hic* Go *hic* away, A-*hic*-ka-*hic*-ne. [drapes an arm around Akane,
as he tries to push her aside. Akane struggles against the hold...]

Choji: Phew. That boy is seriously plastered. [starts to light a cigarette.]

Makiko: Hey, no smoking! [swats the lit match away. The match spins in a high
slow parabola...]

Ranma: *hic* Kawaii-*hic*-ku-*hic*-ne.

Akane: [eyes narrow] RANMA NO BAKA!

Lardizabal: ... 8... 9...

[Akane drives an elbow into Ranma's midsection, causing him to exhale a
tremendous amount of air out. The breath crosses with the lit match, causing a
large fireball. *WHOOSH* The fireball surrounds...]

Lardizabal: [burned, with hair frazzled to a crisp] T-ten... [*THUD*]

[Shampoo comes out of the kitchen, carrying a tray full of food.]

Shampoo: Nihao! Did I hear... [looks around...] My new restaurant!

[The tray splatters all over the floor.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[An ambulance is standing outside the Nekohanten, sirens blaring, as paramedics
load Lardizabal into the back. The paramedics roar off. Choji turns around, and
looks at Akane, who is supporting Ranma.]

Choji: So, Akane... need help getting Ranma-kun home?

Akane: I'll be fine, thanks.

Shampoo: Sure?

Akane: [glares at Shampoo] I'll take care of him. Go away.

Shampoo: [glint in her eye] I can help.

Akane: No.

[Akane starts marching home, dragging Ranma behind her.]

Ranma: Akane... *hic* I...

Akane: Ranma- hush. I'll take care of you...

[The couple disappear into the horizon, leaving the others to stare after
them.]

Shampoo: [whispering] Ranma... will save you... someday.

[Shampoo enters the restaurant, leaving Choji standing with the other girls.
Choji sighs, then pulls out a cigarette, lights it, and takes a puff.]

Choji: So, what are you lovely ladies doing for the rest of the night?

[Several slaps echo through the night...]

------------------------------------------------------------------------ finis.