[Ranma][FanFic] Ranma's Fiancees - Epilogue
jstai...@earthlink.net
the Boy Scouts of America and the Freemasons. Fnord.
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Ranma 1/2: Ranma's Fiancees
By Lady Tesser and Jack Staik
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Epilogue
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Cologne sat in the still-closed Nekohanten, deep in thought.
Ranma Saotome had been selected by the Tendo girl as her
mate, and Shampoo was defeated by her. And since the defeat
occurred while she fought several opponents at once, it was
clear that Shampoo could never honorably slay Akane. Thus,
according to the Amazon Laws Governing Outside Contact and
Marriage, the marital claim was weakened, and could be
honorably invalidated.
Shampoo seemed only mildly disappointed by this. Her new son
(as the only post-menarche pre-menopausal marriage-age
female available, the adoption fell to her) took most of her
attention. She seemed well-suited to motherhood. Cologne had
no doubt that Happosai would grow up properly this time.
(Cologne briefly meditated on the paradox, that Shampoo's
own great-grandfather was now her son.)
Mousse was at first ecstatic that Shampoo was now un-
engaged, but disappointed that she didn't even notice him,
engrossed as she was in the care of Chibi-Happosai. In fact,
it depressed the hell out of him. He cried even more than
the Soun-creature.
"Hiba-chan," Shampoo said, carrying the child on her hip,
"Shampoo been thinking - 'Happosai' not proper name. How
about 'Detergent'?"
"[You can speak our own tongue, child,]" Cologne said in the
Amazon dialect. "[I see no point in keeping the language
policy at this point.]"
"[Thank Artemis,]" Shampoo said. "[My Japanese is
terrible.]"
"[Agreed. You sound like a complete bimbo.]"
Shampoo looked annoyed. "[Anyway, about the baby's name -]"
"[It seems that but a single option remains.]" Cologne
interrupted.
<What now, you old mummy?> "[What do you mean, Honored and
Respected Elder?]"
The excessive honorific bordered on insubordination, but
Cologne let it slide for now. "[I have but one option left
to make Ranma yours.]"
"[NOOOOOOOOOO!!!]"
"[Shut up, Mousse!]" Cologne snapped, hurling a bowl. Mousse
yelled in pain as the projectile connected.
Cologne got out a small teakwood box with several ornate
locks on it. With a ring full of several tiny keys, she
carefully unlocked the box. Cautiously, she removed a plain
silver ring.
"[This, child, is the Love-Wish Ring.]" she explained. "[It
grants one wish to the wearer, as long as that wish is
related to love.]"
A metal claw snapped the ring out of Cologne's hand, pulling
it to Mousse. He slipped the ring on and cried out, "[I wish
Shampoo would love me forever!]"
<WHANG!!>
Cologne shook her head at the duck-boy's stupidity (and made
a note to buy a new skillet - this one had a Mousse-profile
in the bottom) as she recovered the ring.
"[As I was saying - this is an ancient *Amazon* artifact,
and as such it is usable only by *women*.]" She took a
moment to kick Mousse in the head before returning to
Shampoo.
"[Put it on, and wish for Saotome.]"
<Damn, how do I get out of this? If I use this, Akane will
hunt me down. She was bad enough when she fought three at
once. If she comes after me - and she's really pissed -
I'll be kitty litter!>
A notion struck her. She slipped on the ring. "[I wish for
my One True Love to appear!]"
"YAAAAHHHH!!!" <CRASH!>
Ryoga picked himself up from the wreckage of the table and
dusted himself up. "Where the hells am I now?"
<Wait a second - my 'One True Love' is ... *the Lost
Boy*!?!"> Shampoo gazed in an appraising manner as he bent
down to pick up his backpack. <Yowza! I could do worse ...>
Ryoga noticed the Amazons around him. "Hi Shampoo, Cologne.
Hi, Mousse. How did I get here?"
"AIREN!!" Shampoo cried, glomping onto him.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!" Mousse cried. "You shall *never* marry
Shampoo!!" He cried an incoherent battle-cry and slashed at
Ryoga's head with a weed-whacker.
Ryoga barely managed to duck, pulling Shampoo to the floor.
"What's with you, you idiot? You almost hit Shampoo and the
baby!"
Then he noticed that Shampoo was on the floor, and he was on
top of her. "YEEK!!" he cried, leaping backwards.
Mousse took advantage of Ryoga's disorientation and slashed
again. The combat umbrella came up, blocking the weed-
whacker, and the combat became serious.
Cologne watched as Ryoga and Mousse battled, wrecking parts
of her restaurant. <He's a good martial artist, possibly the
physically strongest male on the planet, and has a proper
male attitude - meek toward women. Shampoo could do worse.>
* * * * * * * * * *
Ukyo struggled against the restraints, growling and
snapping.
"Can't you tranquilize her?" the pretty-looking girl asked.
"We did," the attendant said. "You should have seen her
before. The red button summons help, in case she gets
loose." As the attendant left, he said over his shoulder,
"You have five minutes, Miss Kunoichi."
"Arigato," Konatsu Kunoichi said in a demure fashion.
"Ukyo-sama?" he asked quietly. "Can you hear me?"
"Of course I hear you! My ears aren't strapped down!!" she
shouted. "I'm a lunatic, I'm not deaf!"
"You aren't a lunatic, Ukyo-sama." the transvestite said
soothingly. "You're just ... upset. And tired. You need a
bit of rest."
Ukyo started sobbing. "He doesn't love me! I can't win him!
I can't get rid of Akane! I've lost him!"
"Poor dear," Konatsu cooed. "He wasn't right for you anyhow.
All he did was use you for free food and a shoulder to cry
on. He never even asked you what kind of day you had - not
even once." He pulled out a handkerchief and cleaned up the
ravages the tears and tantrums had done.
Ukyo sniffed and sobbed as Konatsu delicately fussed over
her, like a mother hen with a chick. <Ranma *never* treated
me so nicely.> she pondered. <Konatsu doesn't even have to
be here.>
Several minutes later, the orderly looked in and noticed
that the Kuonji woman was alone. Thinking that the cute
Kunoichi girl had already left, he went about his rounds.
Konatsu stepped out of the shadows and continued to pamper
his Ukyo, giving her care and comfort.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Hmph. The Poor Little Rich Girl back?" one of the orderlies
said, noticing the small man in the ninja outfit.
The head duty nurse shook her head. "Nope. He's just getting
her personal effects."
"They found someone else to take the Kuno girl? I thought we
were the only place left."
"It seems that, along with injuring those orderlies when she
broke out, she tried to kill some boy she had been stalking.
She was found in a clinic in Nerima, raving about trying to
kill several people. The police interviewed the other people
there, and found probable cause to lock her up for assault.
"Plus, when the police checked her home, they found enough
controlled substances to make every hophead in Japan happy
for a week."
"So where's she going now?" the orderly asked.
"A maximum-security institute for psychiatric review. What
happens after that depends if she's sane enough to stand
trial."
Sasuke shook his head at the gossip. Mistress Kodachi wasn't
mad ... just misunderstood.
Still, perhaps the hospital people could make her take her
medicine on a regular basis. She'd be much happier with her
lithium.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Are you all right, Akane-sama?"
"Yes, I feel fine, Ranma-sama. Please stop hovering."
Ranma looked somewhat sheepish. "I was just worried. Tofu-
sensei said you needed to rest."
Akane smiled at him. "Just because I can't sleep doesn't
mean I'm not resting. This attic is just - claustrophobic."
"Sorry," he said. "I never noticed."
"It's not too bad," she said. "I guess I'm just being over-
sensetive."
"As usual," he said. Then, "I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I DIDN'T MEAN
IT! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!"
"That's okay, Ranma," she said calmly.
"You're not upset?" he said wonderingly. "You're not going
to cry or hit me?"
"No," she said. "You're right - I do overreact. A lot. I
guess my emotions are run too ragged right now to erupt."
"But you'll get better?"
"I hope so."
Ranma sighed and hugged her. "Good. If my tomboy didn't
mallet me every now and again, I don't know what I'd do."
"And if my baka didn't say something stupid at least once,"
she replied, hugging him back, "I'd probably go nuts."
The pair snuggled into each other's embrace, and soon fell
asleep.
Akane lashed out in her sleep, as she always did, kicking
and punching and delivering blow after blow. Ranma, in turn,
blocked each punch, parrying and riposting, soon working
inside her guard and embracing her.
Ranma and Akane sighed and became still, quiet, and at
peace.
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All the fiancees are accounted for; Shampoo has Ryoga,
Kodachi has a strait jacket, Ukyo has Konatsu (and a strait
jacket), Akane has Ranma.
Stay tuned for the third story "A Matter of Romantic
Chemistry". Ryoga will court Shampoo (kinda), Tofu and
Kasumi will reach a turning point in their relationship
(sorta), and the Mysterious Fourth Sibling shall wreak a
hideous vengeance (well, after a fashion)!
And Ranko will have a lemon scene! (Probably not, but at
least a bit of lime.)