[Ranma][FanFic] Biker 1/2 chapter 7
Calum Wallace
Yes! I've remembered it! It's Ranma 1/2 and it's not my fault!
Beware, this fic contains MAJOR quantities of swearing.
Words in "<this>" kind of brackets are spoken in Cantonese.
Chapter 7: Quiet day at the Tendo dojo.
窟hh, it's time to relax. And you know what that means...' - The Offspring,
intro voiceover to the album "Smash"
************************************
Ranma placed the socket spanner on the floor and selected a screwdriver. He
unfastened the lock screw then removed the final engine bolt.
"Hey - Ryoga - gissahand gettin' th' motor outta this thing, huh?"
Ryoga nodded and ambled over. She grabbed the massive V12 and heaved while
Ranma steered it to the floor.
"Well - I'll say this much for your mother. She's got a terrific taste in
engines, man. Talk about big-bore!"
"Hey, it's not bad fer a stock turbo diesel. Could be a whole heap better.
Will be a whole heap better."
"Airshifter, supercharger - anything else?"
"I'm gonna add some more bracin' onta th' beast's chassis. She's startin' ta
show stress damage in a couple o' places an' I don't want Mum bustin' her
truck's chassis at full rip, do I?"
Ryoga nodded thoughtfully. "S'pose not."
"Hey - any idea how that crew're gettin' on in there?"
"Oh, they're halfway to done."
************************************
Akane sighed slightly. Her feet were resting on the table. She was dressed
in a crop top, her leather trousers and her ever-present dog collar.
Kasumi glanced up from her sewing. "What're you, like, sighing about?"
"Oh, I still feel a bit queasy."
Shampoo frowned at her.
"Is so? I feeling sick this morning too."
Nodoko rolled her eyes. She was no longer dressed in her boiler suit - she
was wearing a somewhat battered Kenworth T-shirt that was visibly too big
for her and a pair of denim jeans.
"Don't say both of you guys are gonna crash out on us with some sort of
bug?"
Akane made a face. "Actually, I'm planning to go down to Dr. Tofu's... see
if he can tell me what's going on." She kept her suspicion to herself.
Shampoo shot her a conspirative wink. "Akane, is you thinking what I is
thinking?"
Akane saw the wink and nodded. "If you're thinking what I think you're
thinking."
"Please say again but not gibber?"
************************************
Nabiki sat and stared blankly into space. Ranma Saotome had been in Nerima
for around two weeks. He had already changed everything.
It was like he was some kind of emissary of chaos.
She looked back at the answers she had received from the mailing list. Good
thing the weirdo demon hunter guy thought she was somebody from the Japanese
government - he had sent her answers. Answers about her family, the Saotomes
and the Chinese Amazons. Answers that scared the hell out of her.
Why couldn't everything be exactly what it seemed? She sighed to herself
then mused on Ryoga's startled answer to her offer of pay.
"You're family"
Yes, she was involved in this in a big way. She was in at the deep end. Out
of her depth. This didn't just concern Ranma, Shampoo and Akane. It
concerned Ryoga, Kasumi, Soun, Genma and Nabiki. Maybe even Nodoko.
Nabiki sighed again and tapped off another query. She would find out. She
would take that information and use it in the way most likely to protect her
and her family. After all, they were all in the same boat here - if what
that guy had said was true. It being true added up with everything Soun and
Genma had said.
************************************
Genma smiled slyly and tossed the letter over to Soun.
"Read that."
Soun did, muttering the letter just below his breath. "Genma, it's good to
hear from you again. I'm glad you and your sons - make that son and daughter
- are keeping well.
I was most interested to hear of the involvement of Joketsuzo in all this -
so the plot thickens, huh? Take no action as yet - I will speak to their
representative at the Conclave and explain the situation. We may have the
solution to a millennia - old conflict here. See if you can find out more
about this Xian Pu - what is her standing in Joketsuzo?
On a more personal note, how badly is Ranma taking everything, particularly
Jusenkyu?
Your loving great - grandfather, Akira Saotome."
Soun smiled. "Hmm, he took that better than I expected."
Genma nodded happily. "Yeah, what a relief!"
************************************
Ryoga grinned at Kasumi.
"Hey - what sorta top end do ya get outta that Corvette?"
"Like, two hundred or so... I've never had to go as fast as it can go, man."
"Oh yeah? I've hit the double ton fifty."
"Two hundred and fifty, like miles per hour? That's unreal, man!"
"Nah - that's raw, unadulterated speed. Nought to sixty in under two seconds
if I use the afterburners. Single speed box, top end around the 250 mark.
Ticks over at 25,000 RPMs and full power at around 56,000 RPM. Wheelies like
a good 蛍n."
"Full power at 56,000 revs per minute? I like, redline at 14,500!"
"You got a piston driven motor. I got a gas turbine."
"Hey, shall we kinda find out who's fastest offa the mark?"
Ryoga grinned and fished her ignition keys out of her pocket. "You're on!"
"Groovy! There's an old airbase just outta town, dig? Me an' the crowd set
up a kinda dragstrip, there's always someone there. We could like, get
proper quarter mile times, dig?"
Ryoga shrugged. "I'm not that bothered - we could just go down the town and
do some stoplight drag racing. Neither of us have numberplates, after all."
"Yeah, that's cool. I'll just got get my keys. Wait up a couple of minutes,
huh?"
Ryoga nodded and grinned wickedly to herself as Kasumi vanished into the
kitchen.
"This is gonna be so fucking easy - no car can outrun my jetbike!"
Kasumi popped back out of the kitchen. She had seemed to use the few seconds
she was out of sight to transform Superman style into different clothing -
denim jeans, a white T-shirt, ex-army boots and a voluminous brown leather
trenchcoat.
"I heard that, man. I've outrun a jet fighter - well, until it took off. But
taking off was cheating."
"A lotta normal bikes can do that and I can completely burn them the hell
off."
"I burnt off a Super Blackbird the other day so don't say my car's slow!"
"Cool it, cool it. We're gonna find out who's got the faster vehicle, huh?"
"Yeah - let's go! Come on - we ain't got all day!"
Ryoga snorted and crammed on her crash helmet. She strode out to her bike
and let Kasumi pull her car out of the driveway in front.
They aimed themselves down the road and had an impromptu 慧rive (or ride)
like a complete twat' competition to the town centre, where Kasumi selected
a set of traffic lights and skidded to a halt. Ryoga pulled up beside her
and dissuade cars from getting too close to her rear wheel by flipping on
the afterburners for a second. She leant across to Kasumi and yelled.
"Soon as the lights turn green!"
"Gotcha!" Kasumi put her car into gear, kept her foot on the clutch and
started gunning the engine. Ryoga smirked and snapped on the afterburners
again.
The bike let out a dull thud and flung a cloud of unlit fuel out of it's
exhausts. The spray suddenly combusted with a ground - shaking bang and
Ryoga was sitting on the front of a roaring twenty - foot fireball.
The lights went orange. Ryoga clamped her hand on the front brake and spun
up the back wheel, warming her tyre. Blue smoke joined the fireball from the
rear of her bike.
Kasumi grinned wickedly and started her own burnout. More blue smoke shot
from the back of her car.
The lights went green. Both vehicles snapped into a high wheelie as they
launched, Ryoga laying down a trail of fire as she did so. Both vehicles
back wheels were still spinning.
Kasumi made a face as she suddenly realised she was losing. Then Ryoga leant
forwards and her rear wheel gripped as the front came down.
Kasumi thought for a moment that her car had somehow stopped moving. One
moment Ryoga was just in front, the next the bike was simply gone. The sheet
of flame from the afterburners vanished around a corner.
Kasumi spent about an hour prowling around town looking for Ryoga, but found
no sign of jet bike or rider. She even checked out the scrapyard the bike
would have been taken to if it had crashed.
She arrived home with a confused look on her face. No sign of Ryoga's bike.
She peered round Nodoko's truck and found Ranma.
"Hey, Ranma man, like, where's Ryoga?"
"Huh? She took off with ya, didn't she?... Aw, shit! Don't say she's gotten
lost!"
"Huh?"
"Ryoga's got this completely shite sense of direction, see? She can get lost
in a room with no windows and one door, ending up somewhere like Tibet in
the process. The only thing she can find in less than half an hour is her
bike."
Kasumi groaned. "Aw, bummer man. We had a like, race and Ryoga won."
"Ya twit! Ya mean ya went and got Ryoga lost! What the hell were ya thinkin'
about? That's probably the last we'll see of her for weeks and ya know how
much she wuz wantin' ta be at th' weddin'!"
Kasumi looked at her feet. "I'm like, sorry, man. I didn't know..."
Ranma shook his head. "Shit, shit, shit. Why didn't I think ta tell ya?" He
shook his head again. "It's no yer fault, Kasumi. Ryoga's too bloody minded
ta admit she can't tell left from right an' I shoulda said somethin'..."
************************************
Soun looked up as Akane sauntered into the room.
"Dad..."
"Yes, Akane?"
"Can me and Shampoo borrow your bike?"
He nodded. "Sure, feel free. The keys are in my leather jacket."
Akane nodded. "Thanks." She walked back out, nodded at Shampoo (who had been
waiting the other side of the door) and they collected their crash helmets
and Soun's bike's ignition keys and headed out.
Akane grinned at Shampoo. "You ever driven a bike before?"
"Not since last year. I brother own trailbike - he sometimes let I have go.
I training often not give enough time, no?"
Akane nodded. "I'd better drive then. Dad's CB250 ain't got anything on
Ranma's Gixer but - well."
Ranma stuck his head out of behind the truck. "Hey, don't diss th' CB's.
They're good little bikes - I usta ride one, y'know. It wuz my first bike...
You girls goin' off somewhere?"
Akane nodded. "We've gotta go get some stuff."
Ranma smiled. "Ride safely, huh?"
Akane grinned. That was one of the things she adored about Ranma - he had
always treated her as his absolute equal. Unlike her father, he never asked
her if she was sure she could do something - he simply nodded and helped if
she asked. Sure, he stepped forwards to fight for her every time, but then
he was blatantly better than her. She had a lifetime's catching up to do.
And anyway, he fought for her because he cared about her.
She swung the old CB off of it's centre stand and gestured at Shampoo to get
on. She shoved the keys into the ignition and fired the engine. It felt good
to be riding again - she hadn't ridden in weeks. Not enough time to lose the
knack, but enough time that she missed it.
She gunned the engine slightly. The faithful old 250 grunted at her. She
pulled in the clutch, snapped it into first, tugged back the throttle and
pulled away.
Ranma watched her ride off with a half smile on his face.
"That's what I'm gonna do... I'm gonna build her a bike."
He finished bolting the supercharger onto Nodoko's truck engine with a broad
grin on his face. "This is gonna be so cool... hmm, better build Shampoo a
bike while I'm about it."
************************************
Dr. Tofu looked up from his medical journal as Akane and Shampoo walked in
the door. "Hello, how can I help you girls?"
Akane frowned slightly. "Um, Doctor - we need you to check something."
"What kind of something?"
Her answer made Dr. Tofu facefault.
************************************
Ranma flashed down the street, a plume of fragged out tarmac rising behind
his bike. He flipped into second gear and blasted round the corner before
coming to a screeching halt outside the scrapyard.
He locked his bike to the fence and walked inside, lighting up a smoke as he
went. He opened the scrapper's office door and stuck his head inside.
A large and hairy man in a oil - stained blue boiler suit looked up from his
magazine. They stared at each other for a moment, both recognising the other
to be a biker.
"Whut can ah do fer ya, mate? Lookin' fer parts, are ya?"
Ranma nodded. "Yeah, I got two builds ta build. Plannin' on somethin' like
CB250 frame, CB500 motor style rigs."
The man nodded. "Well, let's see whut we can find, huh? Ah'm Ryu."
Ranma grinned and shook hands with the huge man. "I'm Ranma... Ranma
Saotome."
"Ranma Saotome? Ya wouldnae be any relation ta th' late, great Ranma
Saotome?"
Ranma nodded. He'd had reactions like this before.
"Yeah - I'm his grandson."
Ryu grinned toothily. "Ah thought there wuz somethin' familiar about yer
face. Wull, pleased ta meet ya, Ranma." He gave Ranma an affectionate slap
on the back. "Yer grandpa wuz a friend of mine. Say, his lad Genma still
around?"
"That's Dad."
"Wull, whut a surprise! Ah mind Genma when he wuz no taller than yer
waist... then there wuz 景m at yer grandpa's funeral. Last time I done saw
景m - poor lad. He wuz pretty cut up."
Ranma sighed and nodded. "Dad never really got over grandpa dyin'."
Ryu sighed. "Aye, yer grandfather wuz quite a guy. Ah still miss 景m meself.
The world ain't the same without 景m, Ranma. He usta ride a hand-built
Triton what he'd stucken a blower onta. Th' bike died wiv 景m - 景t by a
Volvo 憩ad on."
Ranma grinned. "You wanna check out my ride?"
"Hmm? Whut sorta machine?"
"Supercharged nitrous - assisted GSXR1100 ratbike."
"Holy fook!"
************************************
Kuno frowned at his newspaper.
"So, you have befriended the notorious Ranma Saotome, sister?"
Kodachi nodded. "Indeed. Ranma is a good friend."
"Hmm. You are aware that he and I do not exactly see eye to eye?"
"Tatewaki, why do you dislike him so? He is such a generous and caring
man... gentlemanly and strong. I see no bad in him."
Kuno sighed. "Sister, he is extremely violent. Do you not know why my arm is
in this accursed cast?"
"Because you were foolish enough to start a fight with Ranma Saotome. Do you
know nothing of the Saotome clan? They were once renowned as warriors
throughout all of Japan, dear brother... And they do not appear to have lost
their edge. Why, Ranma is the heir to the patriarchy of the clan. Do you not
expect him to be a mighty warrior?"
Kuno frowned. "That is as may be. But I cannot let that disgusting creature
Akane Tendo continue to spoil the locality!"
"It would be wise to leave her well alone, brother. She and Ranma Saotome
are to be wed in a few short days."
"Interesting. When?"
"This Sunday."
Kuno began to plot. He waited until after lunch before letting his lid blow.
************************************
Ranma and Shampoo climbed off of the beat up old Gixer. They stared into
space for a few moments then went into the nearby cafe together.
"Well, thank fuck fer a break, huh?"
Shampoo nodded. She was itching to give him her news, but had promised to
wait for Akane.
Kodachi chose that moment to walk in the door.
"Ranma! Xian Pu! What a pleasant surprise!"
"Hey, Kodachi! How's tricks?"
Kodachi half smiled. "Well... I was actually looking for you. I wondered if
you would be able to assist me in acquiring a motorcycle suitable for the
conversion you suggested. I have spoken to JABD and they have found me a
riding tutor and a company who would insure me... I just need a motorcycle."
Ranma grinned widely. "Well, ya come to th' right guy. I'll help ya sort out
a decent bike an' convert it for ya if ya like."
Kodachi smiled. A real smile.
"Ranma, you are truly a gentleman."
"C'mon, why dontcha join us?"
Shampoo sniggered. "You embarrass Ranma."
Ranma snorted. "I can handle compliments any day."
"Indeed - praise makes easy listening."
Shampoo sniggered again. "Is funny."
"Yeah? What is?"
"We is in funny life, no? Is all mixed up."
"Hey, could be worse. All the fuckups've levelled out, see? No real lastin'
stuff."
Kodachi sighed. "I wish I could say the same... why do you laugh?"
"Hahahaha- look at haha me hahaha... Big hairy hahaha biker who changes sex
hahaha an' gonna have two wives hahahaha brother who ain't a brother or
totally human no more hahaha my mum - a trucker - hahaha - and just why the
fuck would ya wanna live like us?"
"But why would I wish to be like I am? I am crippled. Permanently. My
brother is insane. My father is an alcoholic. I am going through detox from
a cocaine addiction. My mother is dead."
"An' yer totally gorgeous, ya don't have fuckall ya need ta worry about - ya
can just kick back an' relax. Ya gotta shitload o' money - ya don't need ta
worry about gettin' enough ta eat every day, huh?"
Kodachi sighed. "You don't really understand! You have not got a father who
is obsessed with Hawaii! You can walk properly! You have not got a brother
who's plotting to kill your best friend's fiancee!"
"Say what - let me get this straight - is Kuno plannin' ta waste Akane?"
Kodachi paused then shrugged. "Well - I only caught snatches of my brothers
ranting, but that is what I understood."
"Just hang on one fuckin' sec - look, if he tries I won't be able ta stop
meself wastin' him. I'll kill him outright before he even touches a hair in
her head."
Shampoo growled something semiarticulate. "Unless I is get there first."
Kodachi glanced first at one of them then the other.
"You mean it."
"I sure as hell stinks mean it!"
"I not let Kuno for to harm Akane."
Kodachi sighed. "I will try to dissuade him... but it is not easy. Once
decided on his path, my brother is not easily turned."
************************************
Nabiki stared at the ceiling and ran over what she had read yet again,
carefully putting the pieces together in her mind.
The demon hunter had stated outright that the Tendo and Saotome clans were
what he called... Where the hell had she heard that word before?
She scratched her head and turned back to her computer. Onto the secured
account. Run a web search on the word the demon hunter had called them.
Hmm, a whole shitload of answers. Mostly something coincidental - or at
least it didn't look anything like what the demon hunter had been
insinuating.
Hang on - what's that. Fiftieth down the list. Needs a key to get in.
Nabiki shoved a Zip cartridge with her lockpick software into the drive.
************************************
Ranma and Shampoo walked into the living room. Both wore extremely serious
expressions on their faces.
They sat down and stared into space for a few moments.
"So what in the fuck are we gonna do about Kuno?"
"I is having idea..."
"Hm? What like?"
"Xian Pu, Ranma, big machinegun - is plenty enough for to give Kuno pause
for think, no?"
"Dunno - hmm, so if Kuno tries anythin' stupid we threaten ta blow him ta
hamburger meat with Akane's M60?"
Shampoo nodded. "Is generality idea."
"That's just general, not generality."
"Opsie. Is general idea."
Ranma smiled his crooked smile. "Shampoo, I don't mind how ya say stuff just
as long as I know what yer talkin' about. It sounds fine."
"Then why you always correction I?"
"Correct, not - there I go again. Force o' habit. Hey, have ya noticed - th'
more stressed out ya get the more weird yer Japanese gets."
Shampoo frowned. "I not notice before you say."
"Hmm - somethin' smells good."
As if on cue, Kasumi stuck her head out of the kitchen and whistled loudly.
"Yo! Dinner's kinda, ready, like everyone!"
Akane barged into the room. "Hey, why're you two looking so serious?"
"Don't worry - it's all covered."
Akane sat down beside Ranma as the rest of the family filtered into the
living room. She waited until everyone was seated.
"Um - me and Shampoo have some news."
Ranma stood up sharply.
"Hang on - I gotta go take a shit."
Suitable annoying place to stop.
NOTES
Hahaha, you'll just have to wait until Ranma's finished his shit (and I've
written the next episode) before you find out Akane and Shampoo's news!
Next - another of the Ranma 1/2 Usual Suspects shows up - well, actually
three. More wedding preps, some motorcycle customisation and construction (a
whole new kind of C&C) and One Shit Scared Nabiki!
C and C very welcome, please either send it to dog...@ratbike.org or post
it on rec.arts.anime.fandom (which seems to be the accepted route anyway.)
Please don't send it to the virgin.net account as I am about to change ISP.
Damnit, why does this blasted word processor insist on pasting in the wrong
damn font? It's probably Preference madness. Ah well, I'd better get rolling
- it's time for work. I'm glad I live 100 yards from work - I can get up
five minutes before I'm due in and still make it on time...
Sayonara and all that, I'll be back.
Calum 慧oghead' Wallace
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as possible
while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much of
anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability stems from
having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke engine.
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show it's
age.
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the
engine thus forcing it to run faster.
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a
petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the
engine.
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks
together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as triple
clamps in the US.
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes built).
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil.
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a
sealed cooling system as found in most cars.
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to aid
the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower boost.
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back wheel
and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on.
Conrod - The bit of metal that connects the piston to the crankshaft.
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.
Kill switch - The engine's 経ff' switch. Turns off power to the ignition.
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.
250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the CG125 and
just a bigger version of the same.
500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier frame.
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run it
hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will start
emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and contracts.
Stocker - unmodified factory - built vehicle.
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off.