[Ranma][FanFic] The Heart's Reasons - Part 1

[M.A. MacKinnon]

This story constitutes Volume 3 of The Shadow Chronicles. As
always, I'd like to thank my pre-readers, Krista Perry and Sumire, and
I'd like to welcome Tzigane to the ranks of my pre-readers as of this
story. Their valuable input makes this job a whole lot easier. And
thanks to all the people who've written me so far, even if only to say
they liked the story. I appreciate it.

The previous volumes of this story can be found on my web page:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Ginza/8225

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic
All Ranma 1/2 characters copyright Rumiko Takahashi
and are used without permission

The Heart's Reasons
by Mark MacKinnon

Part One: In Vino Veritas

"The heart has its reasons, which reason cannot know."
- Pascal

"All I'm saying", Mousse told Ukyou, "is that I took your advice,
and now maybe you should consider taking mine." Ukyou sighed, wiping
down the counter with a bar towel.
"I just don't know," she said. Mousse leaned forward, the overhead
lights glinting merrily on his glasses.
"You told me to give Shampoo some space while she fusses over
Cologne, and I have. And I have to admit, at least we're not fighting
every day now. I think it might have been good advice, and I just want
to return the favour. That's all." Ukyou smiled at the nearsighted
boy, still absently rubbing the same spot on the counter that she'd been
cleaning for the past five minutes.
"It's a lot easier to give advice than take it, I guess," she said
ruefully. "Still, maybe this just needs to be left alone." Mousse
frowned then, resettling his glasses reflexively on the bridge of his
nose with one finger.
"Ukyou, maybe it isn't my place to say this, but this is obviously
bothering you more than you want to let on."
"What makes you say that?" she asked defensively.
"Well, for one thing, if you don't stop rubbing that exact same
spot you're going to wear a hole in the countertop." She realized what
she was doing, a flush spreading demurely across her cheeks.
"I knew that," she said weakly.
"Ukyou, listen. Ranma's been avoiding you since Ranko left, right?
Dodging you at school, not coming by here, even for free meals ....
whatever's going on, he's obviously not in any hurry to talk to you
about it. I think the only way for you to get any peace of mind is to
go talk to him, the sooner the better. Although, if you ask me, you
deserve better than him."
"Mousse!" Ukyou cried, shock mingling with a certain guilty
pleasure at the comment. "You shouldn't say things like that about
Ran-chan!" Mousse looked unperturbed.
"He's been avoiding Shampoo as well, you know. And while I'd
normally be more than pleased about that, I hate the effect it's having
on her. It really hurts her, and I just don't think he even cares."
"That's not fair! I'm sure Ran-chan has a good reason for what
he's doing!" she lied.
"Well, if you talk to him, you can ask him what it is." Mousse
leaned back, crossing his arms, and added "If you're not afraid to know
the answer, that is." Even though she and Mousse had talked pretty
regularly since that day at Furinkan, she found herself still being
shocked at how perceptive he could be. She remembered that first time,
telling him how surprised she was that he noticed anything other than
Shampoo. That fact still surprised her.
A lot of things surprised her, these days.
"It's that obvious, huh?" she asked glumly. His mouth quirked up
into a tiny smile, and he tilted his head in a mock salute.
"I think the only reason Shampoo hasn't gone after him already is
that she's as afraid as you are. It certainly seemed like something had
changed between Akane and Ranma to me, when last I saw them." Her
expression must have reflected what she felt when he said that, because
the mocking little smile vanished.
"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "That was a thoughtless thing to
say. I just meant ..."
"It's okay, Mousse. I know what you meant. And you're right. I
noticed it, probably before anyone else." She remembered following
Ranma as he carried Akane home from the site of his fight with Ryouga,
remembered the expression on his face, remembered her certainty that
Akane was first and foremost in his heart, that he would die to protect
her. She'd said the same thing to Ranko, but now Ranko was gone and
only Ranma was left.
Only Ranma. And he was avoiding her like the plague. Could
finding out the truth once and for all hurt worse than this game of
cat-and-mouse he was playing with her? After all, Ranko had rejected
her outright. After the pain of that night, anything else would have to
pale in comparison.
Wouldn't it?
Ukyou regarded the towel in her hand as if she'd never seen it
before, then abruptly slung it over her shoulder, feeling a tingle run
through her belly and up into her shoulders.
"Courage," she muttered. Mousse blinked.
"I'm sorry?"
"Hey Moussie, we faced down the demonic legions of hell, right?
After that, why should I be afraid of a little talk with Ran-chan?
It'll be a walk in the park! Right?"
"Right." Neither of them sounded very convinced. Ukyou reached
under the counter and snagged her keys.
"Okay, closing time. Let's go." Mousse preceded her out of the
restaurant, waiting while she locked the door.
"Well," she said with false cheer, turning back to him, "wish me
luck!" He regarded her sombrely.
"Good luck." Her false smile crumbled as she looked at Mousse.
"Hey, drop by tomorrow if you get a chance, I'll tell you how it
went." She winced inwardly at the need in her voice, but Mousse only
smiled and nodded.
Waving good-bye, they went their separate ways. Secretly, Ukyou
almost hoped that Ranma wouldn't be home, that she'd have to put this
off. Her gut twisted again at the still fresh wound of Ranko's
rejection, and an unreasoning panic rose up in her.
They're the same, after all, a little voice told her. If you force
things, Ranma will reject you too, and then you'll have no hope, nobody
at all. You'll be all alone. Her pace quickened, the gentle evening
breeze blowing her hair back off her shoulders in a rippling wave.
Everything's changing, she thought desperately. Everything's
changing, and I feel so lost. Ran-chan will help me. He won't leave me
alone, not now. Not when I need him so much.
He won't.
But she couldn't shake the feeling of foreboding that rode her as
she walked through the gathering dark.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Akane felt her temper flaring and fought to bring it under control.
"Ranma, what are you doing?" she snapped. Ranma landed on the
floor of the dojo just out of striking range and sighed.
"Sorry," he said ruefully. She frowned.
"You promised to practice with me. Really practice, remember? How
am I supposed to work on attack and defence if I can't even catch you?"
She saw Ranma roll his eyes, and she knew what was coming.
"I can't help it, Akane. I don't like the idea of attacking you."
She walked over to him, looking up into his eyes, trying to mentally
force him to hear and understand her words.
"Ranma, we talked about this, remember? I need to improve my
skills, and to do that I need your help. I need to spar, to practice,
to train. And I want to do it with you. You promised, Ranma." She
could see the reluctance in his eyes, and decided to press a little.
"Remember Furinkan?" she asked softly. "You were worried that I
wouldn't be able to take care of myself. Well, now's your chance to do
something about it." She could see that point strike home, and felt a
little guilty at pricking one or Ranma's soft spots. But only a little.
Ranma sighed and turned away, walking over to the edge of the dojo
floor.
"Hey, where're you going? Ranma?" She began to get irritated
again. Was he really going to bail out on her?
Ranma swept a pail off the floor in one smooth motion and, one
splash later, Ranma-chan walked back onto the floor, tugging her damp
clothing into place.
"Oh, come on, Ranma. You're even faster as a girl! I'll never be
able to catch you now!" Akane complained. Ranma-chan sighed.
"You won't have to," she said simply. "You convinced me. I'm
gonna attack you. Happy?" Akane felt a grin spreading over her face.
"Oh, Ranma! Really?" Now *this* was progress, having Ranma treat
her as a sparring partner, an equal. Still, she'd have to overcome
Ranma's natural reluctance to fight girls if this was going to be at all
effective.
"Geez, don't be so happy, Akane. You ready?" She nodded. She
knew she had a long way to go before she could hope to even come close
to Ranma's skill level, but ...
She blinked. Ranma-chan was gone. She looked up to see the little
red-head sailing over her head, tucking into a ball and landing behind
her. Akane whirled around, barely getting her guard up before
Ranma-chan launched a series of quick punches. Not a Kachu Tenshin
Amiguriken attack, but very fast nonetheless.
She fell back, managing to block most of them, then jumping to
avoid a foot sweep. Ranma-chan drove her relentlessly back across the
floor, constantly attacking, and even though she was obviously holding
back Akane couldn't find an opening to launch a counter. She ended up
against the far wall, panting with exertion, while Ranma-chan hardly
seemed winded at all.
"Not great, Akane. Let's go again. This time, you try to get
through my defence." Akane bit back the urge to say something
sarcastic. After all, she *had* asked Ranma to help her. She was going
to have to accept some criticism if she was going to improve. It was
time to set her ego aside.
She went on the offensive, but Ranma-chan was able to easily block
all of her punches and kicks, all the while offering suggestions in a
maddeningly calm voice.
"Don't drop your shoulder like that ... okay, twist out from the
hips more ... faster, Akane, that's too slow!" And she listened. It
had been some time since she'd had somebody to push her, and she knew it
would help eventually.
Of course, right now it was just bugging the hell out of her that
she couldn't get through Ranma-chan's defences. Just once would have
made her happy.
Finally, Ranma-chan called for a break and she sat down on the
floor, sweat dripping off the end of her nose.
"Need some work, Akane," she said tentatively, as if she was afraid
of how Akane would react. Akane just nodded, reaching up to knead the
junction of her neck and right shoulder.
"I know, Ranma. That's why I've been trying to get you to practice
with me," she said. She felt Ranma-chan move over behind her.
"You okay?" she asked. Akane nodded.
"Just sore. Think I pulled a muscle," she said. Ranma-chan knelt
down behind her.
"Here, let me," she said. Akane removed her hand, and Ranma-chan's
replaced it. She felt the calloused edges of the red-head's hands
digging into the muscle, gently but firmly, and she gasped.
"Ow! Mmph. Mmmmm. Aaaaahhh ..."
"There?" Ranma-chan asked softly, a trace of amusement in her
voice. Akane nodded and let her head fall forward, her eyes closing
languidly.
"Right. There. Ahhh. That's great." Ranma-chan's small strong
hands continued to knead at the stubborn muscle, and warmth spread
through Akane as she began to relax. It was worth all the effort of
sparring with Ranma if this was her reward, she thought, a warm haze
descending on her whole body. Just a week ago, he'd have been too
self-conscious with her to do this.
She wondered if she should feel strange that it was Ranma's girl
form making her feel so good. No, she decided. It's still Ranma, no
matter what. Curse or no curse, he told me he loves me. That's what
matters. Frankly, the curse seemed to bother Ranma a lot more than it
did her, most days. She had no problem thinking of Ranma AS Ranma, no
matter what body he was in. Not like her attitude when they'd first
met.
Of course she knew Ranma a lot better now. In fact, she knew him
well enough to know when something was bothering him, and something told
her he was somewhat distracted.
"Ranma?" she muttered, her chin on her chest. God, but that felt
good!
"Uh-huh?"
"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" Akane felt a pang of
disappointment as Ranma-chan's hands stopped working her shoulders, then
sighed contentedly as they started again.
"How'd you know?" she asked finally, sounding a little relieved.
"I know you, Ranma," she said, smiling. "You still going to do it
right after school?"
"Yeah," she heard the other girl murmur. "I'll take Uc-chan
someplace private where I can lay it all out for her." Akane half
suspected that Ranma had told her about his plans so that he'd be unable
to back out. She knew how the prospect of having this talk with Ukyou
and Shampoo, scared him, but she also knew that he was determined to do
it. For them. She felt a warm tingle not entirely caused by
Ranma-chan's hands at that thought.
For them.
"You're doing the right thing, Ranma," she said finally. "You know
you are."
"Yeah. I just wish it was over with," Ranma-chan sighed. "The
waiting is the worst part, you know?"
The door to the dojo opened just then, and Akane looked up,
suddenly self-conscious about her proximity to Ranma-chan, wondering who
it could be.
She froze.
It was Ukyou.
And she looked mighty unhappy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A little while later, Akane sat on the veranda, swinging her feet
idly, a yellow kettle sitting beside her. There had been no sound from
the dojo for long minutes now, and she wondered if she should go over.
No. She would give Ranma all the time he needed. It was going to
be hard enough for Ukyou to hear what he had to say without having to
look at Akane while she was hearing it. The expression on her face when
she'd caught them together had told Akane all she needed to know on that
count.
So she waited, wishing there was something she could do to help,
knowing there wasn't.
She looked up suddenly as she caught a glimpse of red out of the
corner of her eye. Ranma-chan plodded over toward her, her head hanging
dispiritedly. Akane shifted nervously as the girl came closer.
"Ranma?" She looked up, and Akane gasped at the sight of tears
staining her cheeks. She grabbed Ranma-chan's arm and pulled her down
onto the veranda.
"Here," she said quietly, handing her the kettle. Wordlessly,
Ranma-chan doused herself, changing back. Then he let the kettle dangle
by the handle, staring at it as if it held all the answers anyone might
want to know.
"Ranma, are you okay?" she asked finally, unnerved by his silence.
He shook his head.
"It was bad, Akane," he said. "Really bad. I hurt her, I made her
cry. I never wanted to do that."
"I know, Ranma," she said gently. "But you had to, remember?" He
stood abruptly, startling her, and in one savage motion he drop-kicked
the kettle. With a grunt of exertion, he sent it sailing high into the
air, until she finally lost sight of it.
"Ranma!"
"Dammit, this is all my fault! I should have done this better, I
should have ..." Akane hopped down and stood beside him.
"Ranma, you know this had to be done. It's better to set her free,
remember?" He was still gazing up at the point where the kettle had
disappeared, holding absolutely still, and her chest constricted
painfully. "Remember, Ranma? Better for everybody." The corners of
his mouth twitched at that.
"Not everybody, Akane," he whispered hoarsely. "Listen. You hear
that?" She frowned, straining to hear.
"I don't hear anything," she said after a moment, puzzled.
"You don't hear Kasumi calling to Nabiki? You don't hear our
fathers cheating each other at shogi? You don't hear music coming from
upstairs, Akane?" She frowned.
"Well, yes, but ..."
"The sounds of home, Akane. Uc-chan's hurt, and miserable, and
she's going home. But home for her is a dark, empty restaurant. No
lights, no family, nobody to see that she's hurt and give her a shoulder
to cry on. For a long time, she could at least hope that she'd have me,
but tonight I took that away from her. All the good reasons why don't
mean much in the face of that, do they?" Akane stared. She hadn't
thought of it that way. She'd been so happy that Ranma was finally
going to put an end to the multiple fiance problem that she hadn't
really considered Ukyou's situation.
"Ranma, I ... don't know what to say."
"There's nothing to say," he told her. "It's done." He stood
there for a while longer, then finally turned to her, his face set.
"Akane, I want to be alone for a while. Okay?"
"Ranma, I want to help!" He smiled, a tiny little smile.
"I know, but ... it doesn't feel right for me to be with you right
now when she doesn't have anybody. Please, Akane. Just for a while."
She wanted to argue, but she could see how much it meant to him. She
knew making himself miserable wouldn't help Ukyou, but she doubted she
could make him understand that. Not now. So she just nodded.
"Okay." He sprang, catching the edge of the roof and flipping
himself up effortlessly. She watched him go, the ache in her chest not
easing at all.
"Oh, Ranma," she whispered. Was this how it was going to be? Did
others have to be miserable for her to be happy? For *them* to be
happy?
When was all this pain finally going to stop?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ryouga was lost.
This was much like saying grass is green or water is wet, of
course. Ryouga was *always* lost. This time, however, he was glad. He
wanted to be lost. He wanted to *stay* lost, until his heart stopped
hurting, until he could forget. Forget it all.
Ranko. Ranma and Akane. The fight which had cost Kodachi her
life. And most of all, his carelessness, which had very nearly cost
Akane *her* life. Akane, whom he had loved from afar for so long, and
whom he had finally given up in his heart.
And so, seeking solace in forgetfulness and unknown places, he had
set out, for once not actually trying to get anywhere.
It was kind of a relief, actually. At least he wouldn't be
disappointed when he didn't arrive where he'd planned to.
He paused, shifting his pack with the ease borne of long practice,
and looked around. Buildings. Houses. Streets and alleys and trees
and rocks, and of course, people. Everyplace was like every place else,
to him.
Maybe that was why he kept getting lost.
He cast around idly for some sign of what city he'd ended up in.
Everything looked vaguely familiar, but that too was not unusual. At
least he was in a city. It would be easy to blend in here, seek
anonymity while he tried to figure out just what he was going to do.
He ambled down the street, noting that the hour was growing late.
It was well after sunset, but there were still people about enjoying the
mild weather. He decided to try to find out where he was, and if there
was someplace nearby where he could camp out for the night.
Preferably within his line of sight.
He stopped a young couple walking by, trying to ignore the way his
gut clenched at the sight of their hands intertwined. Young lovers, out
for an evening stroll. Wonderful.
"Excuse me, could you tell me where I am?" Ryouga asked politely.
The couple stopped and regarded him strangely.
"You mean what street?" the young man asked.
"I mean what city," Ryouga clarified. He knew it was a strange
question to anybody normal. But he also knew from experience that
eventually they would get over their confusion and answer him. He'd
just have to be patient.
"You mean you don't know where in the city you are?" the girl, a
pretty brunette with startling blue eyes, asked. Ryouga smiled, still
polite.
"I mean, I don't know what *city* I'm in." The two looked at each
other, puzzled.
"Well, this is Tokyo," the girl said at last. Ryouga felt the
smile freeze on his face.
"Tokyo?" he asked stupidly.
"Yeah," her date cut in. "Nerima Ward." Ryouga's smile started to
slip badly.
"Y-you must be mistaken," he stammered. "It can't be ... are you
SURE?" The two started backing away slowly.
"Of course we're sure," the man said placatingly, placing his date
behind him. "And we have to go now." Ryouga hardly noticed as they
turned and dashed off down the street, watching him over their
shoulders.
Tokyo? NERIMA? The one place in all of Japan, in the entire
*world*, that he didn't want to be, and Ryouga the lost boy managed to
find his way, unerringly for once, straight there.
A joke. That had to be it. He, Ryouga Hibiki, was the butt of
some great cosmic joke. Only he wasn't laughing. He felt the old
despair, the anguish, and the anger building inside of him, and he
struggled to contain it. If he released this, he'd level an entire city
block. He bit down on his tongue, hard, then wheeled and punched
blindly into the side of the nearest building. The siding buckled
noisily under the blow, but he hardly noticed. He just stood there, his
fist still quivering in the huge dent he'd made, feeling his whole body
fairly vibrate with raw anguish.
Oh, this is gonna be a bad one, he thought. I gotta get away from
here. I gotta ...
"HEY, BOZO! WHATINDAHELL'R YA DOIN' TO MY RESTAURANT?" He snapped
out of his daze at the sound of a young woman shouting at him. He
recognized that voice, if not the tone. He looked up to see a very
angry girl, long glossy brown hair unbound and flowing in the gentle
breeze.
"Ukyou?" She blinked, seeming to recognize him for the first time.
"Ryouga? It IS you. Ha! This is a surprise ... Damn, look at my
wall! Geez, what a mess! Hey, what are you doing here, anyhow?" He
pulled his fist back from the wall tentatively.
"I have absolutely no idea," he admitted. She stared at him for a
moment, then smiled crookedly.
"Well, it doesn't matter. You're just the perfect person to show
up right now." He looked at her, puzzled.
"Huh? Why's that?"
"Because misery loves company, sugar. Come on." She reached out
and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him around to the door and pushing
him inside. Ryouga was too confused to protest. Something was strange
about Ukyou's behaviour, but he couldn't quite put is finger on it. He
watched silently as she locked the door behind him and walked over to
the island of light in Ucchan's dim interior, which encompassed part of
the serving counter. He dumped his pack and umbrella on the floor and
watched as Ukyou went behind the counter to her usual position.
"Pull up a stool, sugar," she called as she fished out something
from behind the counter and plunked it down noisily. He eased onto the
stool and looked at what she'd placed in front of him. It was a small
ceramic cup. He reached behind her and snagged another cup and a bottle
from where they'd been perched on her grill.
"Ukyou," Ryouga said slowly, finally getting it, "is that sake?"
"Yup."
"Are you ... drunk?"
"Not yet, sugar, but I'm working on it." She threw the contents of
her cup back easily and slammed her cup down on the counter, then
refilled her cup and filled the one in front of Ryouga. He looked at it
warily.
"I don't think ..." he began hesitantly. He scowled.
"Ryougaaaa. It's not polite to make a lady drink alone." She
glared at him prettily until he picked up the cup and took a sip.
"Urgh!" he gasped, grimacing. "That's awful!" She grinned again
and topped up his cup.
"Don't worry, it goes down easier after the first four or five."
He sighed as she took a healthy hit off her own drink, feeling the
burning in his throat begin to subside into a gentle warmth. He didn't
know what could drive Ukyou, one of the nicest and most cheerful people
he knew, to drink alone in a dark restaurant ...
Oh. Of course he did. Only one thing could have that effect on
her.
I can't handle this right now, he thought desperately. Not
tonight. I've got to get out of here. But he couldn't just leave Ukyou
like this. That wouldn't be right.
He looked around, taking another careful sip of sake, and spotted
something strange.
"Ukyou, is that a photo album sitting on the grill?" She nodded
cheerfully.
"Yup!" He waited, but no explanation was forthcoming.
"Um, why is it there?" he asked finally. She waved her arms in a
vague gesture.
"Oh, well, I was gonna burn it. Then I changed my mind, then I
changed it back, and well, I figured it was better to just leave it
there until I decided, one way or the other." She finished her drink,
then refilled both cups. He was surprised to see that he'd finished his
drink. He had some more. She was right, it did start to go down
easier.
"Why are you cooking a photo album?" he asked at last. She cradled
her cup carefully, not looking at him.
"Well, it's full of pictures of Ran-ch ... of Ranma." Uh-oh.
Major danger sign there. No more Ran-chan. This was going to be very,
VERY bad. He downed the rest of his sake, and Ukyou refilled his cup.
He felt a warm flush spreading throughout his body, and the back of his
neck prickled with a strange heat. She leaned forward on the cold grill
that comprised her half of the counter, a crimson blush across the
bridge of her pert nose. She swirled her sake in its cup, watching with
apparent fascination as the liquid spun, reflecting the dim light in
ever-shifting patterns.
"So you two had a fight, huh?" he asked finally, just to give her
an excuse to go on. And go on she did.
"A fight, Ryouga?" she asked, her words starting to slur the
tiniest bit. "No, not really. This is how it happened ..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

As she neared her destination, Ukyou tried to put the best spin on
her impending conversation with Ranma.
He'd never be able to reject her the way Ranko had. Never. Not
with such finality. Then at least she'd still have a chance. Her
dreams would still be alive. She'd still have a chance for happiness.
Nothing had to change. Maybe things wouldn't get any better, but at
least they wouldn't get any *worse*.
So why was she so afraid?
When she finally arrived at the Tendou residence, Kasumi told her
that Ranma and Akane were in the dojo. She headed over there,
rehearsing what she would say, polishing her words carefully, words
chosen to make it impossible to reject her.
Then she opened the door, and all those words scattered like leaves
before the biting autumn wind.
Ranma-chan was kneeling behind Akane, kneading her shoulders with
slow, languid motions, her head cocked forward so far her bangs almost
brushed the back of Akane's neck. Akane's head, which had been slumped
forward, came up sharply, her eyes opening to pin Ukyou with the
startled stare of a deer caught in oncoming headlights.
It wasn't just that Ranma-chan had been rubbing Akane's shoulders.
It was the palpable *intimacy* of the moment, the gentle smile on the
red-head's face, Akane's utterly trusting posture. Ukyou felt that
she'd intruded on a private moment between lovers.
No! She clenched her fists angrily. It isn't like that, and it
wouldn't matter anyway! I'll talk to him, and he won't be able to say
no to me, and I'll have another chance to show him that I'm the one that
really loves him, not her! That's the way it's always been!
But something deep inside reminded her that the rules had changed.
She had only to think of Kodachi, cold and dead in the ground, if she
doubted that. The rules had changed, and anything was possible.
"U-Uc-chan!" Ranma-chan stammered guiltily. Akane just sighed,
working her shoulders gently. Ukyou felt her face colouring and hated
that she couldn't hide her feelings better.
"Sorry to interrupt," she said hoarsely. "I wanted to talk to
Ran-chan. If that would be all right?" She directed that last to
Akane. The girl glanced back at Ranma-chan, and Ukyou felt her teeth
grinding as it seemed that something unspoken passed between the two.
Akane showed no sign of the anger that would usually accompany the
prospect of Ranma and one of his fiances being alone together.
"Sure, that'd be fine," Akane said softly, climbing to her feet.
"I'm going to go get cleaned up. See you later, okay?" Ukyou couldn't
meet Akane's eyes as she left, couldn't bear to see the sympathy there.
What does she know to make her look at you that way? she wondered
against her will. She clamped down brutally on her thoughts. She
didn't want to think of that. She was alone with Ranma, that was what
mattered. Everything would be okay. It had to be.
Ranma-chan walked over and sat down at the edge of the floor, her
back against the wall, elbows resting on her knees. Ukyou followed,
sitting down beside her.
"You've been avoiding me." The words came out plaintive, needy.
All her well-rehearsed openings, and that was what she came up with?
She cursed herself silently for being an idiot.
"Yeah. I'm sorry about that, Uc-chan. Things have been kinda
strange the last little while. I was planning on talking to you
tomorrow, actually." She looked at the red-head and wished it was
Ranma's boy form beside her.
"It doesn't matter!" she blurted before she could stop herself.
She turned to Ranma-chan, her words earnest, tumbling out over each
other in her haste to fill the silence. "I know it hasn't been easy
with everything that's happened, but things will get better now! You'll
see, and ..."
"Uc-chan." Ranma-chan turned to her, her blue-gray eyes wells of
sorrow, and Ukyou felt her world twist sickeningly. A dizzying wave of
deja vu threatened to swamp her.
"Uc-chan, things have changed. I know that it's been my fault for
not trying harder to put things straight before, but I'm going to fix
that. Starting now." No, she thought. He can't. Not him too.
"Uc-chan, you're my oldest friend, and I care a lot about you. But
I ..."
"I love you." Ukyou blurted it out. She'd had to stop him before
he could say it, had to, and so she'd said the first thing that came to
her. Her absolute last fall-back position. She loved him. She loved
him so much it *hurt*. That had to count for something. It absolutely
had to.
It was all she had.
"Uc-chan ..." Ranma-chan started to say, sorrow drawn in the gentle
contours of her face. Not his face, the one she always saw when she
imagined their first kiss. She started throwing words out, anything to
keep from hearing the words she dreaded.
"Maybe I just never told you enough, that's it, right? Maybe you
need to hear it so you'll know that it's not just an infatuation or ..."
"Uc-chan, please ..."
"... some schoolgirl crush, but I really love you Ran-chan, if
you'll just listen ..."
"UKYOU." She stopped. Dead. Ranko had done the same thing,
calling her Ukyou. For the same reason. She blinked rapidly. In the
sudden silence, she promised herself she wouldn't cry. No matter what.
She just wouldn't.
"You are my friend, but I don't love you," Ranma-chan said,
swallowing hard. "I am not in love with you. I am in love with Akane."
"It's because I told Ranko that I loved him, isn't it?" she asked,
her lower lip trembling. Ranma-chan's eyes widened at that.
"No! Uc-chan ..."
"I only said it because to me, you two were the same!" she cried.
"You have the same soul, the same heart, and that's what I love about
you! Both of you! I love both of you the same! And I only want one of
you, is that so much to ask?" She reached out her shaking hand, gently
placing it over the red-head's heart. "This is what matters to me,
Ran-chan. Those other girls, they can't love you as much as I do, as
strongly as I do. They can't because it isn't possible. Just give it a
chance, please. You could still come to love me back, in time. You
could." She remembered how close Akane had been to Ranma-chan when
she'd walked in, and impulsively she leaned forward, framing the
startled girl's face with her hands. If this was what it took, then
fine. She'd *do* whatever it took. Leaning in close, she pressed her
lips against Ranma-chan's. She'd do this, she'd do anything, to show
her dedication. She wouldn't lose both of them.
But Ranma-chan was just sitting there, stiff and unresponsive, and
slowly Ukyou pulled back to see the gleam of unshed tears in the
red-head's eyes.
"Don't do this. Please. I'm sorry, Uc-chan. I love her. You
have to understand." Ukyou let her hands drop limply, hot tears finally
spilling over her lids and streaking down her face. So that was it.
Now she knew. She finally knew. She'd have taken either of them, but
she would have neither.
The dream was dead.
"That's it, huh?" she asked, her throat tight. "Thanks for the
memories, Uc-chan, now get out. Right?"
"No! I still want to be your friend ..."
"Oh, come on! "We can still be friends?" Not that old cliche,
Ran-chan! Don't I deserve better than that?" Ranma-chan looked away,
her face showing her pain clearly, but Ukyou wasn't interested in
anyone's pain but her own for once.
"I never wanted to hurt you," Ranma-chan protested.
"Well, you did! You did hurt me! All I want is a chance to make
you change your mind and you won't even give me that, after all we've
been through! Well, you just go to hell, Ran-ch ... Ranma! Ran. Ma."
She drew the name out, clambering quickly to her feet, the flood of her
tears mercifully clouding Ranma-chan's features.
"I guess I never really mattered to you at all, did I?" she asked,
her voice raw. "Well, fine. Go to her, then. I don't care. Just ...
just go be with HER!" That was it. She was on the verge of breaking
completely, and she had to get out before that happened. She wheeled
blindly and ran, plunging through the door and out into the warm night.
And she ran and ran, but she just couldn't leave the pain behind.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time Ukyou finished her story, Ryouga was more depressed
than ever. He had also put a considerable dent in the contents of the
sake bottle and was rapidly catching up to Ukyou in that regard.
Ukyou was still leaning on the cold grill, her eyes suspiciously
bright as she stared into her cup.
"But you know, I should have expected it," she said breezily, not
quite pulling off her casual act. "I mean, after Ranko gave me that
same speech, it just sort of loses some of its sting, you know?" He
didn't believe her, but was too polite to say so. He took a drink
instead.
"And I suspected that Ranma was out of reach after that incident
where Akane nearly got killed," she said, some of the animation going
out of her face. She didn't notice Ryouga flinch and take another
drink. "I mean, seeing them together then ... but I told Ranko and he
didn't care. He still left. So I figured, it ain't over til it's over,
right? Take one more shot at Ranma before it's too late. Only I think
I knew it was already too late. God, I don't know what to do." She
look at Ryouga, and her deep green eyes were bright with unshed tears.
He wondered if he should say something comforting. He didn't, just
nodding instead.
"You know," she said softly, "I had dreams of the future, and he
was in all of them. We'd live here at first, I'd run my restaurant, and
he'd teach at a nearby dojo. Then he'd walk in through that door, every
night he would, and every time I'd feel complete. And we'd have two
children, and every morning when I woke up he'd be the first thing I'd
see. And every night I'd go to sleep in his arms." She swiped
surreptitiously at her eyes with her forearm, trying to smile.
"I guess his dreams were a little different," she said hoarsely.
"But what the hell, right? Those were just dreams, and dreams can't
hurt you." She grabbed the bottle and took a long pull directly from
it, then wiped the mouth with her hand. Ryouga had no idea what to tell
her.
"I just don't know what to do," she repeated, gasping, a fresh
flush rising across the bridge of her nose. "You know? I just can't
figure out how to get a new dream." She turned to snatch the photo
album off the grill while Ryouga gazed moodily into his cup. She seemed
indifferent to his worsening mood.
"Look at this. What a dope I am, huh? All these pictures of
Ran-chan ... Ranma! Dammit! Ranma bloody Saotome! All these memories,
and I always hoped ..." She broke off emptily. "But that's done now,
isn't it? Akane won, and I lost. She won, and she's the one that
always acted like she didn't want him." She stopped suddenly, something
poking through the comfortable haze surrounding her thoughts.
"Hey, Ryouga?"
"What?" he asked tonelessly.
"What *about* Akane? You know this means that she and Ranma will
be a couple. They'll prob'ly finally get married and everything. How
come you're not saying anything about her, huh? Don't you care?"
Ryouga drained his cup and refilled it, holding it up in one hand
carefully. Akane. In his mind's eye he saw her smile, the way her eyes
sparkled when she was happy. He imagined he heard her laughter, smelled
the fresh scent of her silky hair. Oh, yeah, *this* was helping his
mood.
"I gave her up," he said finally. "I decided it was for the best."
Ukyou gaped at him.
"You're kidding! You did? When? Geez, why didn't you say
something ..." He tuned her out, turning the cup idly in his hand,
Akane's face suddenly rose in his mind again. Her secret smile, warm
and intimate, never for him, only for Ranma now.
He felt the old fears stirring, all the pieces of darkness that
he'd been carrying around forever growing restless in the dim recesses
of his soul, where they were usually content to slumber. But tonight,
they were hungry. Finding himself back in Nerima, then listening to how
Ranma had finally broken Ukyou's heart, had fed them, whetted their
appetites, and now they wanted to bare their fangs. Normally, he
could've forced them back down until he was alone, so he could suffer in
silence, but not tonight. The sake lent his demons an unfamiliar
quicksilver nature, allowing them to slip their bonds and make toward
the light.
Aware. And hungry.
"I really envy you, Ryouga," Ukyou said wistfully, propping her
chin on one hand, her hair spilling silkily over one shoulder. "I wish
I could have given up on Ranma that easily." A bolt of fury, cold as
the heart of a glacier, tore into Ryouga's gut, the frosty anger
spreading from the point just under his breastbone.
Easily. That did it. He shuddered as the floodgates, locked for
so long, finally succumbed to the combined pressure of Ukyou's pain, his
own misery, and the sake.
And his darkest demons burst forth into the light.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ukyou was finally beginning to wonder what was going on with
Ryouga. He'd been getting quieter and quieter all night, which she'd
hardly noticed since she was busy pouring all her problems out.
Finally, however, she was beginning to sense that things weren't right
with him. She thought she might have hit on it when she finally
remembered Akane, but then he told her that he'd already given up on
her. She leaned her head on her hand and sighed, the alcohol making her
thoughts buzz around chaotically in her head.
"I really envy you, Ryouga. I wish I could have given up on Ranma
that easily." She meant it, too, but suddenly everything went wrong.
Ryouga's face twisted, as if in pain, and he slammed his free hand down
on the countertop, making her jump.
"Easily?" he asked in a low, guttural tone. "It wasn't easy.
Never think that was easy for me, Ukyou. Never."
"R-Ryouga ..." She was startled. She'd never seen him look the
way he did at that moment.
"It wasn't easy, but it was necessary. You know why?" She shook
her head dumbly and Ryouga laughed, a sharp, bitter sound.
"Oh, come on, sure you do!" he said sourly. "Ryouga the Lost Boy!
Can't even make it around the block without getting lost. What a joke,
right? A great big joke! Come on, everybody thinks it's funny!
Everybody!" His eyes were blazing, and she felt the haze and warmth of
the sake draining away in the face of his anguish. This was not the
Ryouga she knew. This was not the Ryouga anybody knew. Ryouga was
often depressed, but never like *this*.
"Why should she love me, huh? Why should anybody fall in love with
somebody they could never depend on? Suppose she had fallen in love
with me, and one day she needed me. She needed me, and I couldn't get
to her, I couldn't FIND her. How could anyone love a man like that?
WHY would anyone?"
"Ryouga, I ... don't ..." He ignored her weak protests.
"You want to talk about dreams, Ukyou? Maybe Ranma isn't in your
dreams anymore, but you can still have them. You'll still have your
restaurant, you can still find *somebody*. You want to know about my
dreams? Well, I don't have any. Not anymore. How could I have
anybody, a freak like me who can't even find his way to the corner store
and back? I haven't been to a school in over a year! How could I ever
have a job when I'd never be able to get to it? I can never have
*anything*, don't you get it? Life here was all I had, but Ranma and
Akane have each other now, and three's a crowd, right? I can never have
anything. I'll always be ... lost. Just lost." He stopped abruptly,
and his voice, which had been increasing in volume, dropped to barely a
whisper.
"Lost," he said. "And alone. For the rest of my life." In the
ensuing silence, there was a loud crack. Ukyou jumped involuntarily,
looking around before she realized where the noise had come from.
Ryouga's cup had shattered in his fist, and sake tinged with blood was
seeping from between his clenched fingers.
"I'm just a loser," he whispered. "Life has no opportunities for
some freak pig-boy who can't even stay lost the one time he needs to.
That's just the way it is." Ukyou finally felt her paralysis break, and
lunged forward over the counter.
"Ryouga, your hand!" He gave it a disinterested glance.
"Sorry," he said tonelessly. "I broke your cup."
"Forget the cup!" she gritted, grabbing his wrist. "Open your
hand, hon. Come on, Ryouga." She practically had to pry his fingers
open, gasping as she saw the jagged shards of ceramic embedded in his
palm. She carefully pulled the pieces out, noticing that Ryouga didn't
react at all. Then she poured a little sake over the cuts to disinfect
them, since it was all she had handy, and cast about for something to
bind the wound with.
"Hey, sugar, can I have one of your bandannas?" she asked softly.
He said nothing, but reached up and pulled one loose for her. She
carefully wrapped it around his bleeding palm, tying it off snugly.
Ryouga pulled his hand back then, and she let go. Reluctantly. She
remembered the feel of the muscles in his arm when she'd grabbed him,
fairly singing with tension. She looked at him and for the moment, her
own troubles were forgotten.
"Ryouga ..."
"I'm sorry, Ukyou," he cut in, his voice low and hoarse. "I
shouldn't have said all that. Especially not now, when you have your
own problems to worry about. Please, forgive my rudeness." She
blinked.
"What? No, Ryouga, it wasn't ..."
"I have to go." He sounded panicked, and he turned and dashed for
the door. Ukyou gaped at him. Go?
"No! Please wait, Ryouga!" He burst through the door without
bothering to turn the knob. The door jamb splintered with a loud crack,
and she ran around the counter, meaning to go after him. But her head
was still muddled with the sake, and the inside of the restaurant was
mostly dark. She tripped over something while running and fell heavily,
colliding with several stools on the way down. Tiny pinpricks of light
exploded behind her eyes, and by the time she could sit up again, Ryouga
was long gone.
She leaned back against the counter, her head throbbing from
striking the stool, her ankle informing her that it too had come off
poorly in the collision. She looked over to see what she'd tripped
over. Ryouga's pack was still sitting on the floor where he'd left it.
She looked out the open door at the darkness beyond.
"Oh, Ryouga," she whispered, cradling her aching head. She
wondered where he would go, then realized it didn't matter. Even if he
had someplace to go, there was no chance he would be able to get there.
He was out there somewhere in the dark.
Lost. And alone. She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt hot tears
welling up, unable to stop them from spilling out and down her face.
Tears again, but not for her this time. In all the time she'd known
him, she'd always just shook her head and laughed with the others at
Ryouga's poor sense of direction. She'd never taken the time to look at
it from his point of view. And tonight, she'd been so wrapped up in her
own problems that she hadn't realized Ryouga was hurting too.
"Ryouga, I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I never knew."
She sat that way, staring out her open door, for a long time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a clear night, and in spite of the light from the city,
Ranma could see a few stars. He lay on his back on the roof and stared
at the night sky. He wondered where Ranko was just then, and if he was
looking up at those same stars.
He missed his counterpart. He really had begun to seem like a twin
brother to Ranma, who'd never had any siblings. He'd begun to like the
idea of having a brother.
He sighed. Things would have been so much simpler if Ranko could
have just stayed, and been with Ukyou. But Ranko wanted to find
someplace of his own, somewhere that wasn't a copy of what he'd lost.
And even if he'd stayed, Ranma knew that Ranko hadn't loved Ukyou, any
more than he did.
And Ranko had decided to tell her so. He'd owed it to her, he'd
told Ranma, and Ranma understood. He really did. If he hadn't been so
afraid for so long, he would have done the same long before now. But he
had been afraid, and now Ukyou was hurting, and she probably hated him.
It was bad enough to be rejected by the man you loved once, but twice
was more than anyone deserved.
Especially someone like Ukyou.
He started at the sound of soft footfalls on the roof. He turned
his head to see Akane sitting down beside him.
"I know you wanted to be alone, but don't you think you've punished
yourself long enough?" she asked gently, the night breeze ruffling her
hair playfully. "You had to make her understand that there was no
chance. Anything less wouldn't have been fair to her."
"I know. I know all the reasons for what I did, but I still hate
this." Akane sighed.
"Are you gonna stay out here all night?" she asked.
"Maybe." He started as she leaned over him. He was lying with his
hands clasped behind his head, and now her face was directly above his,
her warm brown eyes searching his face, looking for what, he didn't
know.
"Okay," she said softly. "If you need to. Just remember, I'll
always be here for you. You're a macho jerk, but you're *my* macho jerk
now, and don't you forget it." He stared up into her eyes, suddenly
finding it hard to breathe.
"Thanks, Akane," he murmured finally. She leaned down and kissed
him on the cheek, then pulled back a little, still gazing into his eyes.
Her warm breath fanned gently across his face, and he felt a tingle
under his collarbone.
"I was thinking about what you said, Ranma. About Ukyou being
alone. What do you think about Kasumi going over to Ucchan's tomorrow,
to see how she's doing?" He felt a sudden surge of excitement.
"Really? Yeah, Kasumi! That'd be perfect! Think she'll do it?"
Akane smiled at his excitement.
"I already asked her, and she said yes." Ranma pulled his hands
out from behind his head and snaked his arms up around Akane, drawing
her down into a passionate kiss. She squeaked with surprise, then
slowly returned the kiss, her hand moving from his chest, where it had
landed, up to his face, tracing the contour of his jaw. Finally, they
broke the kiss, breathless.
"Akane, you're the greatest," Ranma whispered, his breath mingling
with hers intimately. She smiled, her cheeks flushed and her eyes
sparkling.
"Really?"
"Oh, yeah. Hey, wanna watch the sky with me for a while?" He
watched her think it over.
"Well, I guess that would be okay," she said, looking at him
mischievously. "As long as you behave yourself."
"Absolutely!" he stated, trying to sound offended. She just
giggled, and he laughed back, as she curled up against him. He felt the
tightness in his chest finally beginning to ease a little.
He had rejected Ukyou for a reason, he told himself. Akane. He
needed her. He loved her. And she loved him.
So everything would be okay, in the end. He really believed that.
He had to.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nabiki pulled her directional mike back in the window. Amazing.
She'd actually had to hear it for herself to believe it. Ranma and
Akane were getting along. No, more than getting along. That had been
two people definitely in love.
Nabiki felt none of the jealousy she'd expected to feel at that
thought. They were finally taking what was between them seriously, from
what she'd heard. And Ranma had started breaking the news to his other
fiances. That took guts, and maturity. Further, Ranma and Akane seemed
to both be worried about what effect their relationship was going to
have on the others.
Nabiki was impressed. She put her microphone, boom and headphones
away and sat back down at her desk. Still, she had other things to
worry about these days besides Ranma and Akane's often stormy
relationship. Like what she had come to call the Kunou problem.
She was getting information in from her various sources, and
something was beginning to take shape. Something strange. It was
starting to look like Kunou's mother hadn't been exaggerating about the
estate. She was starting to know where to look, and what to look for.
Soon, very soon, she would be ready. And then she and Kunou baby
were going to have a little talk.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mousse cast a quick glance around the Nekohanten in the dim gray
morning light. His usual workload had been severely reduced by the
cafe's recent closure, and there was only so much cleaning that was
necessary in an unused restaurant. He straightened his robe, flicked a
stray lock of hair back over his shoulder, and headed for the door.
"Where you go, stupid Mousse?" He sighed. This he didn't need
first thing in the morning.
"I'm not needed around here," he told her tightly. The unspoken
criticism was clear; Shampoo had been making it clear *she* didn't need
his help. She froze him out every day, and although he loved her
dearly, she was beginning to drive him insane.
"You go to see spatula girl." It wasn't a question.
"Yes. She was going to speak with Ranma last night, and I want to
find out how it went." Shampoo flinched slightly at the mention of
Ranma's name. It hurt her that he hadn't come by in the past week,
although she would never admit it. At least, not to him.
"Go then. Shampoo not need you." She turned in a whirl of violet
hair and stomped off towards Cologne's quarters, where the old woman was
still spending most of her days in her bed. Mousse sighed and set out
for Ucchan's.
He knew some of what was bothering Shampoo, and he didn't blame her
for being edgy and scared. Their future was uncertain now, and one
wrong move could bring their house of cards tumbling down. But the
situation affected *both* of them, and he was tired of her acting like
she was the only one with anything to lose. He just didn't know what to
do about it.
Talking to Ukyou was an entirely different matter. She was easy to
talk to, and she actually listened to him and treated him like a friend.
He was coming to enjoy her company quite a bit, although Shampoo didn't
seem to think much of her. He figured that was just because they were
rivals for Ranma's affection.
Ranma. His expression darkened as he thought of that idiot
Saotome. The least he could have done was come by to see how Cologne
was doing, but since Ranko had left he hadn't been by once. Mousse had
always hated Ranma for being the focus of Shampoo's affections, but he'd
at least had a sort of grudging respect for him as a warrior. But this
was just dishonourable behaviour.
He saw Ucchan's ahead and quickened his pace. He'd catch her
before she left for school, and just chat for a while. He figured he
could hang around, finding out how her talk with Ranma had gone. He
hoped that it had gone well. He genuinely liked Ukyou. She should be
happy. And of course, if she ended up with Ranma, like she wanted,
maybe Shampoo would finally be able to give up on him. Of course, he'd
meant what he'd said to her the previous night. He really *did* think
she was too good for Ranma. But then, he thought most women were.
He came up to the door, slowing as he saw that the door jamb had
been splintered, then hastily repaired with a scrap of wood. Puzzled,
he opened the door and went inside.
The place was a mess. An overturned and empty sake bottle sat on
the counter, next to what looked like a puddle of dried blood. Several
stools were upended, and the remains of a broken cup were scattered on
the counter next to a photo album. He spotted the pack and umbrella on
the floor, recognizing them immediately as Ryouga's.
What the hell?
Then he heard Ukyou. He looked up to see her shuffling out from
the back, limping slightly. Her hair was mussed and untidy, her eyes
were puffy, as if she'd been crying, and there was an ugly blue-black
bruise on one cheek. Mousse gasped.
"Ukyou! What happened?" She looked up, surprised to see him, and
grimaced.
"Oh, hi, Mousse. Quite a mess, huh? I wasn't in any shape to
clean it up last night, I'm afraid."
"But what IS all this? Is Ryouga here?" She looked guilty, and
Mousse began to worry.
"Uh, no. He was here, last night ..." Mousse eyed the empty sake
bottle, a nasty suspicion beginning to form.
"We got to talking and, uh, I guess I said some things that I
shouldn't have and got him upset," she said ruefully. Mousse's teeth
ground together painfully. Surely Ryouga wouldn't have done such a
thing? Surely not?
But there was evidence of a struggle, blood even. Ukyou was
limping and bruised. Ryouga was nowhere to be seen.
Alone together, late at night, drinking. Ryouga, drunk, makes a
pass. Ukyou turns him down. He won't take no for an answer. And then
... and then he tries to ...
"I'll kill him!" Mousse shouted angrily. Ukyou winced.
"Don't shout, sugar. My head hurts," she said weakly. Mousse
turned to her.
"Don't worry about anything, Ukyou! I'll take care of this! He'll
be sorry, believe me!" With that, he tore out of the restaurant,
leaving a startled Ukyou gazing after him blankly.
"What? Take care of what? Mousse?"
But it was too late.
He was gone. Ukyou just stood there, confused.
"Now what the hell was that all about?"

End part one.