[Ranma][FanFic] Shampoo's Revenge 1
White Pheonix
Shampoo's Revenge
by Skysaber
Ranma kicked the girl in the face. Hard.
It had really been child's play to block her attack, step forward, and
meet her charge. The lady's strength was decent. Her speed, however, was
abysmal. Ranma dodged her pathetic attempt at a counterattack and leapt
in to drop a flurry of kicks over her chest and ribs. She sagged, guard
down, perfect shot.
Ranma launched her to the moon.
His classmates at Furinkan High School were used to exhibitions and
fights every morning, but this one had most of them staring. Ranma tossed
back his head. Yeah, it had been good. This one had been even easier than
that Kuno creep. Scratch *another* wimpy challenger.
A pair of of Ranma's friends came over, that is if you could call
Hiroshi and Daisuke his friends.
"How did that get started?" Hiroshi asked in wonder, looking in the
direction that Ranma's opponent had vanished.
Ranma turned to walk to class, his hands held behind his head. "Aw, she
came up to me, shoutin' insults. And *nobody* gets away with saying that
kinda stuff about me."
"Well," offered Daisuke, "she *is* your fiancee..."
Ranma doubled over as if punched in the gut. Righting himself he yelled.
"WHAT? I've got *another* girl coming after me? Claimin' to be my
fiancee? Oh, man! How many have I got NOW?"
Hiroshi and Daisuke exchanged a glance. "Well," Hiroshi began after a
moment, "I thought someone said she was your first."
Ranma scratched his head. "Well, no. I've had tons of girls *claim*
that, but I ain't never seen her before. And if I don't take 'em in the
order I got 'em I'll never sort through 'em."
"So who is the first?" Daisuke wanted to know.
Ranma began counting on his fingers. "Well, I don't know how many times
pops engaged me as a kid. But there was that time I beat up Shampoo in
China, that counts. Then Ucchan showed up, and I can *remember* her from
way back when Pop an me were on that training mission, so I don't know if
that makes her first or second. Then Pop had to go and give his blessing
to Kodachi when things were tight at the dojo..."
Three girls from his class ran up to him, steaming, angry and shouting.
"How could you do that to Akane?"
Ranma blinked. "Who?"
Hiroshi nudged Daisuke and spoke in a stage whisper. "Y'think maybe
Akane hit him in the head once too often?"
Daisuke nodded and tried to look thoughtful. He didn't do a very good
job. "Could very well be."
"Oh, like someone around here's good enough to tag me on a regular
basis? Get real." Ranma rolled his eyes.
This managed to penetrate even the anger of the three girls. "You mean
you REALLY don't remember Akane?"
"Who?" Ranma blink-blinked.
"You know! AKANE!" The exasperated girls chorused.
"Hey, isn't that one of those things people paddle down rivers?" The
martial artist was scratching his head thoughtfully.
"No, that's a canoe." Daisuke corrected.
Ranma slapped his palm. "I got it! A small, yellow songbird!"
Hiroshi and Daisuke looked at each other before the former responded.
"No, that's a canary."
"That guy who killed his brother Able?"
"No," Hiroshi groaned. "That was Kain."
"You KNOW, *Akane!* Your FIANCEE!" Sayuri and the other two girls
screamed.
"What I got another one?!" The backpedal and double-take Ranma did were
so obviously genuine that even the girls couldn't remain angry.
Yuka cocked her head. Her friend's fiance was normally a little thick
headed but he wasn't all that great an actor. She was starting to get
really concerned. "Ranma, how could you forget Akane? Aren't you living
with her family?"
"Huh? What are you talking about?" Ranma stopped, puzzled. "Oh heck,
we're gonna be late for class. Besides I live with the Tendos and neither
one of THEIR daughters is interested in me." He ran off and leapt in the
third story window.
Behind him Hiroshi and Daisuke met the eyes of Yuka, Sayuri, and Tomoko.
"Y'know, this seems awfully familiar, somehow."
The girls agreed.
In the background a plummeting figure trailing paper from a ruptured
school bag fell heavily through the roof and into the men's section of a
local bathhouse. The sign on the door said "We welcome the Prudish Men's
Hockey League."
Cries of "Pervert!" and "Peeping Lecher!" proceeded the sound of a
thorough thrashing with hockey sticks.
***
Mister Hisakawa sighed, stuck teaching a bunch of delinquents for yet
ANOTHER year, and continued to call roll.
"Ranma Saotome? Yuka Shiratori? Sakura Shori? Midori Takashima. Akane
Tendo?" Hisakawa looked up, repeating. "Akane Tendo?" Still getting no
answer, he asked. "Ranma, is Akane ill today?"
"Who?" Ranma blink-blinked.
"Akane Tendo, your usual companion in holding buckets outside the
classroom. Is she ill today?" Hisakawa asked.
"Who?" Ranma blinked again and spun his head around in confusion,
looking for he didn't know what.
Hiroshi stood up and bowed towards the teacher. Maybe he could make a
few points with Sayuri by showing some initiative; she seemed to like
that sort of thing. "Sensei, something's going on with Ranma, he doesn't
seem to be able to remember Akane."
"He can't remember the girl he is engaged to and accompanies to school
nearly every day?" The teacher droned. He was about to send the
impertinent liar out into the hall when he suddenly recalled who it was
they were talking about.
With Saotome just about anything was possible. Compared to that neko
thing this was tame.
Hiroshi nodded. "Yes, in fact he beat her up when she tried to hit him
today."
Everyone who hadn't been at the earlier event was now staring at Ranma.
"Oh dear," Hisakawa said while rubbing his forehead, making connections
the students hadn't thought of yet. "I suppose that means the usual 'beat
on Akane to date her' sessions will be resuming, then."
"ALL RIGHT!" Several of the male members of the class were openly
pleased by this announcement. The girls openly scowled at them.
"Hey did somebody mention a fight? What's the big deal?" Ranma scratched
his head and wondered what all the fuss was about.
Midori, one of Nabiki's factors, tapped her pencil against the table
thoughtfully. There were so many angles to explore here, Nabiki might not
see it because her own sister was involved, but she'd always been willing
to exploit Ranma's weaknesses before.
Midori waited until the furor was past before asking permission to go to
the bathroom. She needed to get this information to Nabiki as quickly as
possible.
***
Ukyo chewed fretfully on the tip of her pen, her eyes never leaving
Ranma. He couldn't remember Akane? How..... POSITIVELY WONDERFUL!!!
Okay, calm down. The poor guy was probably all broken up. A glance at
him snoring on his desk dispelled that idea. He was as relaxed as a furry
tomcat napping in the sun. The thought gave her a sudden impulse to
scratch him behind the ear and see if her purred.
Maybe he *would* with that Neko thing.
So he isn't broken up. Well, his family will probably have fits. Except
his family was Genma Saotome and did she care?
Ucchan grinned. Nope! She still owed Genma for a stolen dowry and a
ruined childhood.
Just as she was about to act on that thought her last and largest doubt
surfaced and Ucchan returned to chewing her pen and looking at her fiance.
That left Akane, didn't it?
A moment of thought was all it took. They weren't really good for each
other anyway. With all the fighting they did it was a wonder Ranchan
wasn't hospitalized by now. Sure, the girl may be a little upset but
she'd get over it. And it's not like friendship extended to giving away
your one true love to someone who abused him all the time! Besides, who
was to say they were even friends? Since when had Akane ever done
anything nice for her?
Never look a gift miracle in the mouth, right?
On that, Ukyo began to happily write a note.
***
Wheezing, disheveled, and dripping water, Akane Tendo limped her way
towards school with bruises shaped like hockey implements all over her
body. Ranma was going to pay for this!
Her ripped schoolbag suddenly opened along the bottom seams and a small
flood of water, pens, soggy homework, and already-warping schoolbooks hit
the cement with exactly the sort of sound you would expect from such a
thing.
Now glowing blue, and with one eye twitching, Akane gathered the sopping
mess up and began to stride a little faster towards the school, ignoring
her limp. Adrenalin did have that sort of effect.
***
Ranma accepted the note that was delivered to him, noting the cute lil'
spatulas drawn in around his name. He opened it.
It said.
"Hey Ranchan,
Heard you got in a fight this morning. Who was it this time? Wanna have
lunch together and talk?
Ucchan."
Ranma looked back over his shoulder and smiled, Ukyo beamed at him. He
went back to his desk and fumbled around in his pockets for several
seconds looking for a pen, until finally the girl to his side (not the
side of the empty desk) slipped him one.
He wrote back.
"Ucchan,
Sure! I'd love to have lunch with ya! (unintelligible scribble) It's not
like I got anything else I gotta do with my time, right?
P.S. Aww, just some jerk callin' me a buncha names. Even Kuno was a
better workout.
Ranchan."
He passed the note back and Ukyo gleamed, already planning on offerings
at the local shrine. The long-imagined dream of returning home and being
reaccepted by her family returned. Only this time instead of being
welcomed back as an avenging angel she was coming home with Ranma as his
bride!
Life was wonderful!
***
A wet, glowing, and thoroughly annoyed Akane appeared in the door of the
classroom already well into a towering rage.
Mister Hisakawa chose the 'Prudent Teacher' option when class was
interrupted by extreme-property-damage levels of violence, meekly
pretending invisibility behind his stand. Most of the class froze in
their seats.
Ranma turned to his neighbor. "Hey, who's the tomboy?"
Fortunately, that poor soul never got a chance to answer as five feet of
feminine fury charged into the room with a lethal cry of incoherent rage,
already manifesting a mallet of monstrous proportions in a devastating
swing.
Ranma's counterstrike was possible only to someone who was able to move
his body about with eelike agility and impressive strength. He bent
double to avoid the horizontal swing of the mallet (which tore apart his
desk around him) then flipped his feet up with enough force to catapult
him in a vault of over a dozen yards.
Except that this force intentionally caught his attacker under the chin,
transferring all that shock and power up through her jaw and into her
cranium.
***
Nabiki closed the classroom door and started to walk with her factor to
the third story girls' bathroom. Her expression was slightly less dry
than normal but with a touch of warning. "Okay Midori, now what was so
unusual that you had to get *caught* tapping on the door window to get my
attention?"
The floor and one wall burst asunder in a spray of brick and dust,
producing one thoroughly unconscious Akane in a tattered, wet, and now
muddy school uniform. Footprints marred her jaw, while other, fading
bruises marked her body.
Midori met her boss' startled gaze with one so calm she was inwardly
laughing at it. "Ranma is defending himself against Akane." She managed
in an utter deadpan.
***
Flashback, the night before
The window to the guest room where both Saotomes slept crept open, and a
dark figure dashed in. Silent as a shadow the window closed again, then a
figure knelt above Ranma, producing a bottle and hairbrush.
"Shampoo do right this time."
Three distinct washings of the hair followed. Then the figure vanished
and was gone. The room's occupants slept on, oblivious.
---------
Insane Rambling:
I AM RazorSpam!
I AM The Eternal Fried Spam!
I AM SpamSaber!
I AM One-Spam and Saotome-Spam!
I AM Skspam!
I AM Blackspam and Spamson!
I AM Spam-Ohki!
I Am the Once and Future Spam and Thy Spamward Part! I Am A Very Scary
Spam and Spam Muyo! I AM All Spam and No Spam, Every Spam yet No Spam,
without beginning of Spam nor end of Spam, and I wave my flaming
tentacles of Spam upon you.
***
Reality is stranger than fiction, and so we write stranger things to
compensate...
A vicious cycle.