[Ranma][FanFic] Scenes from Nerima
dkun
by
dkun
In the summer of 1998 I ran into a strange little man who claimed to
have known Rumiko Takahashi. He also claimed to have been around for
much of the creation of Ranma 1/2. He insisted it wasn't always the
polished set of story lines we all knew and loved. After buying him a
cup of coffee and a subtitled copy of Serial Experiments Lain a set of
somewhat spotted documents and a dirty bra were entrusted to me. They
included a series of outtakes and failed scenes that never made it into
Takahashi=B9s version of Ranma 1/2. According to the old man they were
discovered late one afternoon in the bottom of a birdcage in her
dumpster. After a struggle at deciphering the documents that lasted over
a year, I discovered the old man was right. Oddly, there were no scenes
featuring Happousai. Excerpts from this set of documents follow. Read
them at your own peril . . . I threw away the bra.
---
[Scene: Soun Tendo has just informed his daughters that one of them will
have a new fiance in order to carry on the school.]
Silence reigns around the table for a moment.
Nabiki: Well Akane, Kasumi, I'll go take down the Dojo's sign while you
take care of Daddy. I'm sure we can hide the body without too much
trouble.
Kasumi: Oh, father, father, father . . .
Akane cracks her knuckles.
Soun sweatdrops while the girls advance . . .
---
[Scene: Akane has just opened the bathroom door on a naked Ranma]
The two teens exchange looks.
Akane: So, Ranma is it? Wanna scrub my back?
Ranma: Sure, since we'll probably end up engaged I suppose that's ok.
Director: CUT! How are we supposed to develop any sexual tension between
you two, if you get along?
---
[Scene: Girl Ranma has just been given flowers by Kuno, instead of the
challenge she was expecting]
Ranma: Ooooh! Roses! I love roses! Thanks Kuno. Take me to dinner?
Director: You don't want to date him. You're supposed to be a guy! Not a
girl! It's called acting, remember?
Ranma: But he's cute. And besides, my boyfriend isn't anywhere NEAR this
romantic!
---
[Scene: Dodging a blow from Kuno, Ranma has rolled to a stop, causing
him to look up Akane's dress]
Ranma locks up, a shocked look on his face, while Akane blushes. Kuno,
clueless as to why Ranma has stopped looks around. This goes on for the
better part of a minute.
Director: CUT! Saotome, what's the hold up?! It's your line. Blue
doesn't suit you remember?
Ranma (shaken): N-not blue.
Director: Well, whatever color! It doesn't really matter.
Ranma (still shaken): N-not there.
Akane's blush deepens while the director just throws his hands in the
air and the other actors facefault. Kuno still looks clueless.
---
[Scene: Ryouga has just arrived at Furinkan and approaches Ranma]
Akane: So Ranma, someone you know?
Ranma looks at Ryouga for a second before rushing to him and grabbing
him in a huge embrace: RYOUGA! I was so worried when you didn't show up
that fourth day! How you been buddy? Where'd you wind up anyway? Let's
grab something to eat and catch up!
The two walk off talking while Akane just shakes her head.
---
[Scene: Akane has just slapped Ranma, Ranma and Ryouga end up in a
struggle which causes Ryouga's belt to fly towards Akane]
The belt slices through Akane's hair as well as a good part of her neck.
Director: CUT! Err, that may not have been the best word choice . . .
MEDIC!!
---
[Scene: Kodachi has just challenged Akane to Rhythmic Gymnastics with
Ranma as the prize]
Kodachi: Farewell!
She then spins her ribbon expecting to unleash a flurry of black rose
petals. Nothing happens. She spins her ribbon again. Still nothing. Some
of the students in the background have begun snickering.
Kodachi: What is with this stupid thing?!
As a last attempt she twirls it the other way. Rose petals come rushing
out, unfortunately they end up covering her. Full fledged laughter
breaks out.
---
[Girl Ranma has just been "rescued" by Mikado Sanzenin. He goes to give
her a kiss]
Mikado: At least you can thank me for my earlier rescue.
He pulls her close and begins to kiss her. The kiss proceeds for a long
moment with no sign of slowing down.
Director: Cut! Hello! Would someone pry those two apart. [To Ranma] GUY!
You're a GUY! Remember?
Ranma: Is it my fault you hired my boyfriend as a walk-on role?
---
[Scene: Ranma and Akane are in the Dojo. Akane is consoling Ranma after
his first traumatic kiss and has dared him to kiss her]
Ranma: If, if you d-don't mind . . . Then I don't.
Silence for several long seconds and then Ranma and Akane grab each
other and proceed to kiss with unbridled passion. In the background
Nabiki is taping the event while the rest of the family looks on. When
they break apart Akane turns to Nabiki.
Akane: Make sure you make copies for us ok?
Director: I give up with these two . . .
---
[Scene: Kuno rapidly approaches the Tendo home with two sets of flowers]
Kuno [entering the Tendo Home]: Kuno's in da house!
Girl Ranma: You da man! Go Kuno. Go Kuno.
Akane claps and starts dancing as Kuno launches into "La Vida Loca"
Director [bangs head against the wall repeatedly] Why me?
---
[Scene: Neko Ranma has just pounced on Akane and landed in her lap]
Ranma turns his face up and gives Akane a slight peck.
Director: At last, they're following the script.
Suddenly Akane begins making muffled, happy sounds.
Girl in crowd: I thought the Full Body Cat Tongue was the next story
arc?
Girl next to her: It is. And that's not how that technique is done.
1st Girl: I don't know, looks like his technique is pretty good to me.
Director [starts banging his head against a wall again]
---
[Scene: Cologne's arrival]
Ranma lands on a roof after Akane has kicked her out of the Tendo yard.
Cologne, hopping with her staff, lands next to her.
Ranma: Who are you?
Cologne: I'm a little tea pot, short and stout . . .
Ranma starts laughing and mimicking the motions for the song.
---
[Scene: Ranma is sleeping, it is early morning]
Ranma snores away. Suddenly one eye opens, and then just as suddenly
closes. More snoring follows. Again Ranma opens his eye before he starts
shaking with silent laughter.
Ranma: Yo Pop! You gonna sneak attack me or what?
We see Genma Panda blearily look around before holding up a sign.
Genma: [What? Did I miss my cue? Is it morning already?]
---
[Scene: Ucchan's restaurant which has just opened]
Ranma: Yo Ucchan!
Ukyou: Ranchan! Come on over.
The young chef flings one of her creations to a customer only to hit him
in the face with the okonomiyaki.
Ukyou: Oops! Sorry!
*Take 2*
Ukyou: Ranchan! Come on over.
She once more flings an okonomiyaki towards the customer this time
missing the table by a good 3 feet.
Ukyou: Damn. I can't believe this.
*Take 3*
Ukyou: Ranchan! Have a seat.
Ukyou flings the okonomiyaki only to have it flop down a foot past her
counter. Ranma and the rest of the cast start laughing uncontrollably
while Ukyou bangs her head on the counter.
---
[Scene Shampoo shows up at the Tendo Dojo with some ramen]
Shampoo: Nihao! I, err, Shampoo bring too too . . . No wait . . . I've
got some delicious . . . Who talks like this?!
Director: Cut! [To the Tendos and Saotomes who are snickering] Quiet on
the set.
Suddenly he starts laughing as well.
---
[Scene: Akane is on stage dressed as Juliet watching Ranma, Kuno and
Happousai fight for the opportunity to play Romeo]
Drama club leader: Who then, is the real Romeo? Vote for the one you
like best!
Akane looks out at the fight, apparently waiting for something. She
stands there for a long moment before looking angrily at the balcony
floor.
Akane: Gosunkugi?! Gosunkugi! It's your cue, you're supposed to jump up
now.
Meanwhile Gosunkugi hurries over from makeup only half painted like the
balcony and only one deep circle under his left eye.
Gosunkugi: Sorry! It's taking forever for them to do this makeup. Sorry!
---
[Scene: Ranma is attempting to learn the Hiryu Shoten Ha and Ryouga has
just accused Ranma of molesting Akane]
Ranma: So anyway, last night Akane and I were sharing the same tent.
Ryouga: Oh yeah? You are so lucky Saotome. It's volumes before they
introduce my love interest. Of course, you and Akane aren't supposed to
get along yet . . .
Director: Hello! Are you two ready to begin the scene yet? [To Ryouga]
And you! You're supposed to be ANGRY. Where's this impressive battle
aura you were hired for?
Ranma: We were rolling?
Ryouga shrugs.
---
[Scene: Tendo home. Soun and Genma panda are seated at the shogi board,
Kasumi is cleaning]
Genma places a tile while Kasumi cleans the table.
Suddenly Ranma and Akane burst into the entryway singing at the top of
their lungs.
Ranma and Akane: We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year
after year. Runnin' over the same old ground, how we found the same old
fear . . . Wish you were here.
Genma holds up a sign 'What the heck?!'
Soun begins swaying side to side while Kasumi smiles and holds up a
lighter.
Director: No ad libbing!
---
[Scene: Ranma is in the Nekohanten. Cologne is behind the counter while
Mousse mops the floor.]
Cologne: So son-in-law
Shampoo suddenly enters, sees Ranma and heads to grab him in a hug.
Unfortunately she misses the puddle of soapy water from Mousse's mopping
and begins sliding wildly, arms flailing.
Shampoo: Aiyaa!!
She careens straight into the kitchen apparently crashing into something
that was once piled up. Ranma laughs while Mousse looks up from mopping
placing his glasses on his face. Cologne falls off her staff laughing.
Shampoo: owie
---
[Scene: Ranma faces off against Saffron in an attempt to save Akane]
Ranma: Here I come! You better be ready!
Saffron runs to meet him. They stop just in front of each other, clasp
hands and begin thumb wrestling furiously.
Director: Ha ha. Very funny. Could we do it right this time?
---
[Scene: Ranma has just defeated Saffron and is cradling Akane in his
arms, pouring out his heart to his "dead" fiance]
Ranma: Akane! Let me tell you I love you!
He looks down to see Akane sticking her tongue out at him and making
silly faces. He bursts out laughing.
Akane: Oops, you weren't supposed to see that.
Ranma: So much for the emotional finale . . .
---
End?
Hope you enjoyed this brief bout of silliness. I certainly enjoyed
writing it. Feel free to send any comments you have my way. If you have
scenes you feel should be added, send them to me, and I may someday be
motivated enough to add them to the page ^_^. Ja!
dkun