[Ranma][Fanfic] Cologne's Magic Mushrooms

[Martin Bennett]

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Clogged Sink Press Presents:

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction -

Cologne's Magic Mushrooms

By: Plunger

All characters copyright of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan Inc. and
Viz Communications, etc.,etc., blah, blah, blah...

Note: Okay... This is a "Magic Food" (TM) fic. I admit it. Big deal! Give it
a read. It's not like most of them... I hope...
______________________________________________________________________________

[Story begins...]

[Tendou Dojo, Morning]

[Ranma is fighting his father over the pond.]

Ranma: You're getting slow, Oyaji!

[Ranma jumps and kicks Genma into the water. The panda jumps out and whacks
Ranma with a sign.]

Genma: (sign) And you're getting arrogant!

Ranma: Why you...

[More fighting.]

[Akane walks out onto the porch.]

Akane: Ranma! Stop drowning your dad and get in here! We've got a test today
and you didn't study last night!

[Ranma ducks a sign.]

Ranma: Who needs calculus anyway?

Akane: (frowning) You do... If you want to get into college!

Ranma: (punching Genma) What do I need college for anyway? I'm a martial
artist!

Akane: (fuming) Because you need to have some skills other than fighting!

Ranma: (disposing of Genma) Oh... Alright. I'm coming!

[He uppercuts his father and jumps onto the porch.]

Ranma: Sorry, Oyaji. Play time's over!

[Genma makes panda protesting noises, but is ignored. Ranma and Akane go in
and sit at the table.]

Akane: Ok. Did you do all of the practice exercises?

Ranma: (looking sheepish) Well...er... Most of them...

Akane: (hard look) Most of them?

Ranma: Well... Shampoo came in, freaked me out, and chased halfway across
Tokyo. It took me an hour to get back. Still... It would have taken
Ryouga a week. (laughs)

Akane: (hits him) Baka!

Ranma: Hey!

Akane: Come on, we'd better practice a bit...

[Tendou Dojo, A Little Later]

Akane: Amazing... You got one right, and the test is in three hours. You might
pass yet!

Ranma: (annoyed) I'm not that bad!

[Akane holds up a report card.]

Akane: Oh, really?!

[Ranma snatches the card and hides it.]

Ranma: (hisses) Don't wave that around!

Akane: (smiling) Well, unless you want another like that, you'd better
concentrate!

[Ranma nods, looking peeved.]

Ranma: Okay, okay!

[Tendou Dojo, A Little Later]

Kasumi: Akane-chan, Ranma! Breakfast is ready!

[Ranma and Akane clear the table for the impending meal and wait eagerly.
Kasumi brings in one of her usual brilliant meals and places it all on the
table. Everyone else storms in and sits down.]

Ranma: This is great, Kasumi! We're so lucky that you cook for us!

Kasumi: (blushing) Oh, that's alright Ranma.

Ranma: (smiling evilly, with a sidelong glance at Akane) Yeah. This way Akane
doesn't have an excuse to cook!

Akane: RANMA NO BAKA!

[Akane hammers him into the floor with the table.]

Nabiki: (sarcastically) Another normal day in our abnormal lives...

[Ranma, managing to scrape himself off the floor, sits up, looking a little
the worse for wear.]

Ranma: Talk about uncute!

Akane: (rounding on Ranma) Do you _want_ a beating?

Ranma: (snort) You?! Beat me?! I'd like to see that!

[Ranma pulls a face. Akane punches him.]

Ranma: (holding his nose) Oww!

Akane: Hmph, it serves you right!

[Ranma looks about ready to carry it a step further when Souun decides to step
in.]

Souun: Now, Ranma. Akane helped you with your work, you should be greatful.
Why not take her out to thank her?

[Ranma gives Souun a condescending look.]

Ranma: You are so shallow, Tendou-san. I'm not taking her out...period!

[Souun and Genma look at each other, nod, and punt Ranma out the door.]

Souun: You can come back when you appreciate Akane!

Ranma: (from outside) I guess I'll be out forever, then!

[Akane is sitting quietly, looking very embarrassed.]

[Ranma is sitting outside, looking very annoyed.]

Ranma: Stupid jerks! Expecting me to like a kawaiikune tomboy like that! I
didn't even get to finish breakfast! Now... Where to get free food...
(snaps fingers, smiles) The Nekohanten!

[Ranma runs across the garden and vaults over the fence. Akane and Nabiki
watch him go.]

Nabiki: I wonder where he's off to?

Akane: Who cares? I'm going to school!

[The Nekohanten, A Few Minutes Later]

[Ranma is banging on the door.]

Ranma: Oi! Open up! It's me... Ranma!

[The door flys open and a half dressed Shampoo gloms onto him and drags him
in.]

Shampoo: Aiya! Ranma, you come to see Shampoo first thing in morning!

[Ranma nods.]

Ranma: I thought we could have breakfast together!

Shampoo: (nodding) Is good idea!

[Shampoo snuggles closer.]

Ranma: Er... Shampoo... Maybe you'd better get dressed...

Shampoo: (letting go and shrugging) Why? You no like me like this?

Ranma: (a little red) No...it's...just...er...well...that is... What if...

Shampoo: Akane not know you here, right?

[Ranma nods nervously.]

Shampoo: Then what you worry?

[Ranma had to admit Shampoo's logic was about right. On the other hand, Akane
had some sort of telepathic ability to tell when Ranma was in a compromising
position and to show up at that place. He decided that in order to lengthen
his life, he'd better get Shampoo off him.]

Ranma: (detaching her) Shampoo, you get dressed and then we can have
breakfast. You DO want have breakfast with me, don't you? (false
concern)

Shampoo: Ooh, yes! Shampoo want very much!

Ranma: Well then, you'd better hurry!

[Shampoo runs off to find more clothes. Ranma is left standing in the
restaurant. He does not see Mousse approach.]

Mousse: Are you here to steal my Shampoo, Saotome?

[Ranma turns around. Mousse is addressing a hat rack.]

Ranma: No. I already washed my hair this morning. Besides... I don't like
your brand! (sniggering)

Mousse: (moving towards Ranma's voice) That is not funny. What are you up to?

Ranma: I'm just trying to get some food. I got thrown out of the house!

Mousse: So you're not here to take Shampoo?

Ranma: No way! You can have her!

Mousse: (annoyed) She is the most beautiful girl in the world! How can you
say that?!

Ranma: How can you tell if she's beautiful... You're blind!

Mousse: (indignant) I am not!

Ranma: (sarcastically) Then why are you arguing with a pot plant?

[Mousse turns and finally faces Ranma.]

Mousse: Enough! I will not tolerate this!

[Ranma gives Mousse a disinterested look. Which is totally lost on the almost
blind man.]

Ranma: (flatly) I suppose you want to fight about it?

[Mousse jumps back and puts his glasses on.]

Mousse: I will accept your challenge!

Ranma: My challenge? You started it!... Oh well...

[Mousse hurls a volley of blades on chains. Ranma grabs a chair and tangles
the chains in it. He then runs at Mousse and hits him in the face with the
chair.]

Ranma: Take a seat!

Mousse: Ooooff!

Ranma: That's pretty interesting Mousse. Can you say any other enlightening
things like 'Ugh!', 'Umph!' or 'Ow!'?

[Ranma batters Mousse with the chair until it falls apart. He then grabs a
nearby table and slams it into Mousses face.]

Ranma: Table for one? 'Guess you still can't get a date!

[He hits Mousse with the table a few times and then punches him in the jaw,
knocking him out. Mousse collapses with a whimper. Ranma drops the table on
him.]

Ranma: That's a good idea, Mousse. Have a rest and we'll fight again when you
feel better.

[Ranma walks over to the counter, just as Shampoo walks in, she is wearing a
very sexy dress. She surveys the carnage.]

Shampoo: What happen?

Ranma: (shrugging) Mousse tried to find the front door...

[Shampoo nods and goes into the kitchen.]

Shampoo: (from kitchen) You come here, Ranma. I make special breakfast!

[Ranma walks into the kitchen and sits down.]

Ranma: Thanks for making me breakfast Shampoo. I don't know what I'd do
without you!

Shampoo: That easy! You starve!... Or die from Akane's cooking! But no worry,
Shampoo not let that happen!

Ranma: (smiling) I guess so...

[The Nekohanten, A Few Minutes Later]

[Ranma and Shampoo are sitting at a table in the restaurant, eating.]

Ranma: This is really good... Thanks, Shampoo.

[He quickly finishes and gets up to go.]

Shampoo: Shampoo walk with you to school!

Ranma: (worried) Er... You don't have to do that...

Shampoo: Shampoo want to go. Besides you owe for breakfast!

Ranma: (grudgingly) Oh, alright...

[Ranma and Shampoo walk out of the Nekohanten. From the back living quarters,
Cologne emerges. She hops over to Mousse, who is still out on the floor.]

Cologne: Mousse. Wake up!

Mousse: Oooooeeerrrr....

Cologne: If you continue to behave like that you will never have a hope of
marrying Shampoo!

[Mousse is instantly on his feet. He wobbles a bit, but seems compis mentis.]

Mousse: I will marry Shampoo!

Cologne: NOT! Now... I want you to take this and go home to China. Take it
to Powder and he'll give you a package...and while you're at
it...why don't you take a powder, too!

[She hands Mousse a piece of paper and stares at him.]

Cologne: Get going!

Mousse: Why should I?

Cologne: The package contains magic mushrooms that could get Ranma out of
your way forever...

Mousse: Why would you want to help me?

Cologne: I don't. I have other uses for it!

Mousse: I don't know...

Cologne: Go...or I'll tell Shampoo that you have left her for another woman.

Mousse: NO! (grudgingly) I'll go...

[Mousse walks forlornly out of the Nekohanten... (after bumping into several
walls).]

[Furinkan High, At The Same Time]

[Ranma walks in the gate with Shampoo hanging on his arm.]

Ranma: Shampoo, let go or I'll get into trouble!

Shampoo: Ranma no worry. Shampoo protect you from Akane.

Ranma: It's not Akane I'm- YOW!

[He is cut off (almost literally), by a swipe from a familiar bokuto.]

Kunou: Saotome. You are truly a vile wretch! You have the beauteous Akane and
the pigtailed girl AND the okonomiyaki woman, and yet they are not
enough. You have a fourth woman. You are a lecherous creature indeed!
(waves bokuto for effect)

Ranma: (depressed) I knew it...

[Kunou takes a swipe at Ranma who ducks and pushes Shampoo out of the way.]

Ranma: Ok, Kunou! You want a fight? You got one!

[Ranma charges in and flying kicks Kunou, who blocks with the bokuto. Ranma
leaps off the sword into the air and lands behind him. He grabs Kunou and,
using his momentum, throws him across the courtyard. He lands with a crash.]

Shampoo: Go Ranma! Beat fool in dress!

[Kunou staggers to his feet and address Shampoo.]

Kunou: While I am not in the habit of fight those of the more delicate
persuasion, I will make an exception in your case! En garde!

Shampoo: You want fight Shampoo?!

Kunou: (confused) I do not fight hair care products! I will however, vanquish
you!

[Ranma knees Kunou in the back.]

Ranma: Hey, Kunou! Don't forget me!

[Kunou staggers to his feet once again and advances on Ranma.]

Kunou: I shall punish you after I have dealt with your companion of
questionable morals.

[Kunou turns to face Shampoo.]

Kunou: Have at you! (swings bokuto)

Shampoo: (ducking) What you saying? Why you no speak properly?

[Ranma decides to help with the translation.]

Ranma: Hey, Shampoo! He called you a SLUT!

[Shampoo's eyes narrow and she pulls her bonbori.]

Shampoo: Shampoo was just going to hit you! Now Shampoo SMASH!

[Shampoo and Kunou go several rounds before it becomes clear that Shampoo is
better than Kunou. With a deft swipe, she sends his bokuto flying onto the
school roof. Then she grabs Kunou and pulls him to eye level.]

Shampoo: (through gritted teeth) Get straight fool! Shampoo is Ranma's bride.
I no bad girl!

[With that, she punches him into the sky, to land in an unknown location.]

Shampoo: He is big fool!

Ranma: Yeah... Well I'd better go. See you later!

[Ranma runs off before Shampoo can do anything, and she is left to stare after
him.]

Shampoo: Shampoo want to go to school, too... Be with Ranma.

[Shampoo gets a calculating look in her eyes and runs off.]

[Ranma arrives late to class.]

Sensei: Ranma, you're late!

Ranma: It was Kunou-sempai's fault, he wanted to have a fight and he made me
late!

Sensei: That's no excuse. You should beat him up before school. Go outside...
with buckets.

[Ranma trudges out, looking up long enough to see Akane, who is smiling at his
predicament. He sighs and takes up Bucket Holding Position #1.]

[A Few Minutes Later]

[Kunou comes screaming around the corner.]

Kunou: Saotome. You will not be allowed to have a woman fight for you!

[Ranma is enraged to say the least.]

Ranma: That's it, Kunou! I'm gonna bury you this time!

[Ranma proceeds to pummel Kunou within an inch of his life. He looks down at
the battered body on the floor.]

Ranma: Face it, Kunou, you'll never be my equal...and that's why I get the
girls!

[Akane is standing in the door and looks rather annoyed. Kunou staggers to his
feet and takes a desperate swing at Ranma. Ranma blocks the swing and punts
Kunou down the hall.]

Akane: Ranma! Why do you have to be so violent?!

Ranma: I'm sick to death of fighting that fool. I thought a good beating might
teach him a lesson!

Akane: (annoyed) Baka!

[She storms back into class and Ranma manages to sneak in too, while the
teacher is distracted. He sits down next to Akane, who pointedly ignores him.]

Ranma: Akane... I didn't mean to make you mad...

Akane: (turns suddenly, shouts) Then what were you doing with Shampoo?!

Ranma: (jumps up, shouts too) I was trying to get some food, since our fool
fathers threw me out of the house!

Akane: Don't call my father a fool!

Ranma: Why not?! He is! And so is mine if they think I'll marry a kawaiikune
tomboy like you!

[The entire class is stunned.]

Akane: (furious) RANMA NO BAKA!!!

[WHAM!!]

[She punches him out the door.]

Sensei: Ranma, Akane, go outside... Oh. You're already out there. Well done,
Saotome.

[Akane goes forlornly out and stands by the door, holding buckets. Ranma is
next to her and is also holding two buckets and has a bruised face.]

Akane: Just great! Thanks, Ranma! Are you trying to ruin my life or are you
just lucky?!

[Ranma sees her hurt expression and feels a pang of regret.]

Ranma: (rather downcast) I-i'm sorry Akane. I don't mean to mess things up.
(frowns) At least not this badly, anyhow...

Akane: (stunned) Ranma...

Ranma: I'm sorry. Okay?! About Kunou and Shampoo and this morning and all the
other dumb things I do!

[Akane is totally amazed. Ranma is visibly depressed and fed up. He is clearly
tired of all the fighting and nonsense.]

Ranma: I've had it with all the insanity! I wanna just find some sort of
solution to all of this...

Akane: (nervously) All of what?

Ranma: (sigh) Everything... Our engagement... Kunou... The curse... Shampoo...
My mom... Ukyou... The whole lot! I think I've reached my tolerance.

Akane: (swallows) What do you want to do about our engagement?

Ranma: (shoulders slump) I don't know...

[He looks at her for a moment...]

Ranma: I know you're important to me, but...

Akane: (shocked) I... I like you too, Ranma...

[Ranma smiles at her and puts down a bucket, taking her hand.]

Ranma: I'm glad...

Akane: (unsure) You are?!

[Ranma nods.]

Ranma: Sure...

[Hallway, A Little Later]

Sensei: Ranma, Akane, it is time for the test. You may come back in now.

Ranma & Akane: Hai, Sensei.

[Back in class Ranma, Akane, and the rest of the class are struggling with
the test. Even Akane, who studied for it, is having trouble...]

[Ranma stares off into space. He is having a day dream...]

[He is sitting on the beach with an attractive girl. Her face is not visible.
He starts to rub oil on her back. She giggles a little and turns to a better
position. Ranma finishes on her back and she turns. He face faults when he
sees that the girl is Akane!]

Ranma: AAAAAAAARRRGHH!

Sensei: Be quiet, this is a test!

Ranma: Gomen nasai, Sensei.

[Ranma goes back to doing nothing, he can't do the test anyway. He hears a
disconcerting sound that is reminiscent of concrete and metal breaking... In
fact, it is concrete and metal breaking.]

Ranma: (thought) Help! Now what?!

[Ranma jumps up and dives out the window.]

Sensei: Come back here! The test isn't over!

[Ranma freefalls for two stories before swinging on the flag pole and running
away. Back in the classroom, Shampoo has crashed through the wall. She is
wearing a school uniform.]

Shampoo: Nihao! ...Oh! Where Ranma?!

[Akane looks very annoyed. A random student points out the window and Shampoo
jumps out, duplicating Ranma's manoeuvre.]

[Akane sits at her desk fuming.]

Akane: (thought) Ranma no baka! Why are you always leading Shampoo on? Do you
like having her chase you?! Why can't we get along?!

[Akane's thoughts plague her for the rest of the day and she is glad to get
out of the school. She walks along, talking with Ukyou.]

Ukyou: That was pretty weird, wasn't it?

Akane: What? Oh... you mean with Shampoo. Yes...

Ukyou: Makes you jealous too, huh?

Akane: Me, jealous?!

Ukyou: You can drop the act with me, Akane-chan. (slightly dreamy look) I
know quite well what it's like to love Ran-chan...

Akane: (a little annoyed) Why is he like this?

Ukyou: Ran-chan is the way he is because, in his own way, he loves all of us,
and he doesn't want to hurt anyone... So, he tries to keep us all
happy.

Akane: I guess so... Umm... Why do you love Ranma?

Ukyou: Why do you?

Akane: Well, I...

Ukyou: You asked first... so I'll tell you. I love Ran-chan for the same
reasons you and Shampoo..and even Kodachi do. I love him because he is
kind and caring and brave and strong and a million other things. He's
the only man I've ever loved...

Akane: (a little shocked) I never knew you felt so strongly...

Ukyou: (smiles, a little embarrassed) Yeah, well, it's your turn.

Akane: (very nervous) Well, I guess I feel a lot of the same things you do.
He's brave and loyal and he does look after me...

Ukyou: There's a but here somewhere...

Akane: But he's always so mean to me! Why?! It's not fair! (almost crying)

Ukyou: Hey Akane-chan, look at it this way. Maybe you're learning this now so
you don't marry him and regret it later!

Akane: (looks up) Oh, I see... You want Ranma for yourself!

Ukyou: Of course I do... But above all else, I'm Ran-chan's friend. I will
never betray him! I want what's best for him.

Akane: (getting angry) You think I'll betray him?!

Ukyou: No. I just think that you and Ran-chan aren't suited to each other,
and all your fights prove it.

Akane: That's not fair! Think of all the trouble we've had. You can't make
accusations based on that!

Ukyou: (changing the subject) Well, anyway, the real problem is Shampoo. She
is just crazy enough to trick Ran-chan into something.

Akane: I don't think even Ranma is *that* stupid!

Ukyou: Oh well, keep an eye on her...and on him. I've gotta go!

Akane: Thanks for the talk, Ukyou!

[Akane and Ukyou separate and walk in different directions.]

[Tendou Dojo, Afternoon]

[Akane walks into the house and finds Ranma watching some sort of silly
cartoon. He has obviously managed to talk his way back into the house.]

Akane: Ranma! Why don't you ever do any work?!

Ranma: (incensed) I spent two hours working on my new flying inside double
reverse crescent kick... I've almost got it!

Akane: (resisting the urge to throttle Ranma) I meant school work. If you
spent half the time you do on your martial arts on school work, you'd
be passing easily!

Ranma: Yeah...and I'd be a second rate martial artist!

Akane: You could at least work a little more!

Ranma: (annoyed) If I work a bit, will you stop hassling me?

Akane: Yes.

Ranma: (getting up) Okay! But there's a price!

Akane: What?

Ranma: You have to help me!

Akane: What?! Me?! Why?!

Ranma: Because I can't do it by myself and it was your idea!

Akane (grudgingly) Ok...

[Akane walks off to her room and Ranma goes back to watching the cartoon.
Suddenly Ranma hears a sound that chills him to the bone...]

"Nihao, Ranma!"

[Ranma turns and sees Shampoo.]

Ranma: Shampoo, get out of here!

Shampoo: (sad) You no want to see me, Ranma?

Ranma: (looking desperate) Not now! Akane'll kill me!

Shampoo: (brightens) OK! I see you later!

Ranma: Whatever...

[Shampoo leaves and Ranma breathes a sigh of relief...]

Ranma: That was close...

Akane: (who has just come in) What was close?

Ranma: Argh!

Akane: Are you ok, Ranma?

Ranma: (weakly) Couldn't be better...

[Akane and Ranma go up to Akane's room and attempt to study. After a while
they give up due to tiredness and frustration. Coming down the stairs, they
see Genma and Souun playing a game of Shogi.]

Ranma: Hi, Oyaji, Tendou-san.

Souun: Hello Ranma. It is good to see you together!

[Ranma and Akane blush and move apart.]

Ranma: Yeah, well, we're going outside.

Souun: Have fun!

[Ranma and Akane walk out onto the porch and sit down.]

Akane: Ranma...

Ranma: Yeah?

Akane: I was thinking about what you said... about all of your problems... I
guess didn't really think about how hard it is for you... Being cursed
and all...

Ranma: And I was thinking that it's not really your fault that you're a
tomboy.

[Akane is clearly annoyed, but decides to finish the conversation before
malleting him.]

Akane: What do you mean?

Ranma: Well, since your mother died, you had to look after yourself more and
I guess that made you stronger and less feminine.

Akane: You're right. After mom...died, I did have to do more for myself.
Kasumi was working all the time to keep the family together and Nabiki
was too young to do much other than look after herself anyway. So I had
to rely on myself a lot.

Ranma: I wish you'd just be a little more feminine. _IF_ we get married, I'll
look after you.

Akane: Ranma...

Ranma: I've been thinking... It all make sense...

Akane: What does?

Ranma: I mean about Oyaji's plan. It makes sense. I marry you, we carry on the
dojo... Everything is planned out. We don't really have to do anything
but go along for the ride.

Akane: I'm not sure I...

Ranma: Want to take the ride? (nods) Me either...

Akane: Maybe we need to try to make it work...rather than just letting things
happen...

[Ranma sits up suddenly and looks at her.]

Ranma: What are you saying?

Akane: Just that if we want this to work...we should try to get closer...

[Akane takes his hand in hers. He giver her a funny look.]

Ranma: (suspicious) What're you doing that for?

Akane: (a little hurt) I was trying to get close to you...

Ranma: Let's tone it down a bit, okay?

Akane: (sigh) I guess so... It's so hard though. I get jealous when you're
with Ukyou or Shampoo...

Ranma: Ukyou is my best friend. I'm bound to spend time with her... but I
live here with you. I could be living at Ukyou's or the Nekohanten
if I wanted to... I'm here because I want to be.

Akane: Ranma, you...mean it?

Ranma: (nods) Sure... Now... We'd better get back to those books, before I
forget everything I've done!

Akane: Okay!

[They go back upstairs and work until dinner.]

[Meanwhile, In China]

[Mousse is facing a large signpost.]

Mousse: I wish I could read this road sign. I can't remember if I'm in the
right place... I've been around Ryouga too much!

[He finally chooses a path. The right one amazingly! and walks off to the
village.]

[Meanwhile, At the Nekohanten]

Cologne: What is taking Mousse so long? I knew he was stupid...but this is a
new low!

Shampoo: Where you send Mousse, Hiibaa-chan?

Cologne: I sent him to our village to get the Control Mushrooms. Since all of
your plans have failed, I am taking special steps to ensure that
muko-dono marries you!

Shampoo: Aiya! Is good news! When Mousse get back?

Cologne: I have NO idea...

[Meanwhile, At the Kunou Mansion]

Kunou: SASUKE!

[A small figure appears next to him.]

Sasuke: You roared, Master Kunou?

Kunou: (jumps) Ah... There you are... Yes. I want you to go and spy on the
vile Ranma Saotome and count the number of women he is liaising with.

Sasuke: Yes, Master Kunou. (bows)

[He disappears.]

[Meanwhile, On a Road Near Tokyo]

[Ryouga is walking along, looking lost.]

Ryouga: Akane-san... I am coming!

[Tendou Dojo, Evening]

[The family is sitting at dinner. Ranma and Akane are sitting together and are
actually managing to get along. Souun and Genma are extatic, but are keeping
it to themselves. After the meal, Ranma and Akane go back to her room. Ranma
still needs a LOT of work!]

[After a while, they give up and separate for the night.]

[Tendou Dojo, Morning]

[Akane finds Ranma at the breakfast table.]

Akane: Hi, Ranma.

Ranma: Yo.

[Akane sits down next to him and begins her breakfast.]

Akane: You might pass the retest today!

Ranma: (chokes) Retest?

Akane: (nods) Mhm. Because Shampoo wrecked the classroom, Sensei ordered a
retest.

Ranma: (glumly) Great...

[The eat quietly for a while and then get ready to leave. They walk quickly
out of the house with Nabiki following. They are soon joined by Ukyou.]

Ukyou: Hi, Ran-chan! Hi Akane, Nabiki.

Ranma: Hi, Ucchan!

Akane: Hi...

[Nabiki is not paying attention. She is reading an economics book.]

[They all walk together, talking about the test. None of them notices the
swift black figure following them.]

Sasuke: Hmmmm. One. Two. Three...

[Furinkan High, A Few Minutes Later]

[They arrive and find a mob of boys at the gate.]

Ranma: What on earth...

Random Guy: There he is!

[The mob rushes forward and Ranma, Ukyou and Akane fall into fighting
stances.]

Akane: What is this about?

Random Guy: Kunou told us about all of Ranma's girlfriends and we don't think
it's fair that he gets them all!

Ranma: You got a problem with me, you come see me about it. Threaten Akane and
Ucchan and you won't even live to regret it!

Random Guy: Lets get him!

[The mob edges forward.]

Ukyou: Don't worry Ran-chan, we're with you!

Ranma: No... This is my fight.

[Ranma proceeds to wade into the mob. He batters and pummels them, beating the
hapless fools in the pulp they richly deserve to be. By the time he is
finished, he is covered in bruises, but is the victor, having knocked the
entire male student population unconscious.]

[Ranma wipes his hands and heads for class.]

Ranma: (mutters) Pathetic... (to Akane & Ukyou) Come on... We've got a test
to do!

[Akane looks at Ukyou, who shrugs. They move towards class, following Ranma's
lead.]

[In class, Akane sits next to Ranma, with Ukyou on the other side.]

Akane: Ranma... What are you going to do about Kunou? He started it.

Ranma: (disinterested) Nothing much... I'm trying a new method of dealing with
him.

Akane: What new method?

Ranma: Avoiding him at all costs. Beating him up didn't help, so...

[Then the test then comes and they fall silent. Remarkably, the test is
completed without interruption and they are all pleased when they leave.]

Ranma: I might have actually passed that. Thanks Akane!

Akane: That's okay.

Ukyou: What did she do?

Ranma: She helped me study for the test.

Ukyou: You studied?

Ranma: Mhm. With a lot of help.

Akane: (smiles)

[They all go out and sit under a tree to eat lunch. In the bushes, a small
figure keeps them under surveillance...]

[Meanwhile, In China]

[Mousse wanders into the village and is met by a tall, muscular looking man.]

Man: Hello, Mousse! Still haven't beaten Shampoo, I see! Well... don't
worry, it takes time...

Mousse: Is that you, Uncle Powder?

Powder: (laughing) Still can't see either! Of course it's me!

Mousse: That's good. I've got a message from Cologne... She wants some Control
Mushrooms.

Powder: Oh dear. That means trouble...

Mousse: Yes, she has some plan to use them to force Ranma to marry Shampoo!

Powder: Then why are you here to get them?

Mousse: She blackmailed me!

Powder: (nodding) I see... Oh well, if it's mushrooms she wants, it's
mushrooms she shall have!

[He walks into his house and brings out a box. He hands it to Mousse.]

Powder: Here... Take this and tell her that control mushrooms bring nothing
but trouble.

[Mousse accepts the package and nods.]

Mousse: I will tell her!

[With that, he walks slowly out of the village and back up the mountain trail.]

[Tendou Dojo, Afternoon]

[Ranma is in the dojo, doing his kata. Akane sticks her head around the
corner.]

Akane: Ranma, you promised you were going to work more! Now come on!

Ranma: (grudgingly) Okay, okay! I'm coming.

[He finishes his practice and then follows her back into the house and up to
her room.]

Akane: We'll go over what we did yesterday. Then we'll do todays homework.

Ranma: (without enthusiasm) Oh, fun.

[They begin to work and are soon right into it. Ranma is even being civil to
Akane!]

[Tendou Dojo, Evening]

[Ranma and Akane have finished their homework and are sitting watching TV. The
evening news is on, and the sounds of Kasumi cooking are emanating from the
kitchen. Ranma gets up and goes to the kitchen.]

Ranma: Hey Kasumi, how long will dinner be?

Kasumi: Oh... About half an hour.

Ranma: Ok. I'm going out. I'll be back for dinner!

[Outside, Sasuke puts another mark on his arm.]

Sasuke: Seventeen...

[Ranma is running down the street. He passes through the shopping centre until
he gets to Ukyou's. He stops and knocks at the door.]

Ranma: Ucchan... It's Ranma.

[Ukyou opens the door and let's him in.]

Ranma: I just wanted to explain about what happened with Shampoo...

Ukyou: That's okay Ran-chan, I know you're not up to anything...

Ranma: That's a relief. I'm in enough trouble with Akane as it is. She still
hasn't really forgiven me!

Ukyou: That's not why you really came though, is it?

Ranma: (smiling) You know me too well, Ucchan.

Ukyou: What's on your mind?

Ranma: It's about engagements...

Ukyou: (suddenly very interested) Oh?

Ranma: I've been thinking and I need to know a few things...

Ukyou: Ok. Shoot.

Ranma: Ucchan...do you...do you...love me?

Ukyou: (very red) Um... Well... I... I... I do... l-love you... I mean I...

Ranma: (nodding) This is so hard... What am I going to do?

Ukyou: What's the problem?

Ranma: Akane said the same thing! I'm in it so deep!

Ukyou: You have to choose the one who's right for you. Whether that's me or
Akane or Shampoo... (sourly) or even Kodachi... I want you to be
happy!

Ranma: (hugs her) Thanks, Ucchan.

Sasuke: (outside) Eighteen...

[Ranma leaves Ukyou's and heads for the Nekohanten.]

Ranma: Shampoo... Are you here?

Cologne: She is delivering an order. Have you changed your mind about marrying
her?

Ranma: (snorts) I wouldn't marry her just to annoy you!

Cologne: So... You would marry her otherwise?

Ranma: Hey! That's not what I said!

Ranma: Oh well... tell her I was here.

Cologne: I will indeed.

Sasuke: (outside) Nineteen...

[Tendou Dojo, A Little Later]

[Ranma walks in and sees Akane sitting on the porch. He walks over to her and
sits down. He sees that she is rubbing a bruise on her head.]

Ranma: Akane! What happened?

Akane: (crying) Shampoo challenged me...

Ranma: You didn't fight her?

Akane: No. I told her that you would marry whoever you wanted and there was
nothing to be gained by another fight. Then, when I turned away, she
coldcocked me for ignoring her!

Ranma: (quietly) Damn you, Cologne! You set this up... What are you up to?

[Ranma storms back into the house and slumps into the couch.]

Ranma: (thought) You wait. I'll get you back!

[Tendou Dojo, A Little Later]

Kasumi: Dinner's ready!

[She waits, and within five seconds, the entire family is around the table.
They all eat, none saying much. Once it is over, Ranma goes out into the
garden and sits down.]

Ranma: (thought) What am I going to do? Everyone wants a decision... and I
can't make one...

[Ranma sits, pondering his problems for a long time...]

[Meanwhile, The Nekohanten]

[Mousse walks in and is set upon by Cologne.]

Cologne: Mousse! Did Powder give you the mushrooms?

Mousse: (nods)

Cologne: Excellent. Give them to me.

[Mousse reluctantly hands them over.]

Mousse: Powder said that the mushrooms will only bring trouble, and he advised
against using them.

Cologne: Bah! The only person who it will cause trouble for is Tendou Akane!

[Mousse looks sad.]

[Cologne pogo's out to the kitchen and begins to prepare a recipe, using some
of the mushrooms. While she is busy, Mousse steals some of the mushrooms...]

[Meanwhile, At The Kunou Mansion]

Kunou: SASUKE!

[Sasuke suddenly appears.]

Sasuke: You bellowed, Master Kunou?

Kunou: Yes... Report. How may women is Ranma liaising with?

Sasuke: I have followed him for many hours and have seen nineteen girls...

Kunou: Nineteen! Is he planning a harem?! I shall put a stop to his lechery!
He will soon know that Tatewaki Kunou, defender of decency will not
*stand* for his behaviour!

Sasuke: Yes, Master Kunou. Should I bring a chair?

Kunou: Hm? Begone Sasuke. I must plan my attack!

Sasuke: Yes, Master Kunou.

[Sasuke disappears.]

[Tendou Dojo, Morning]

[Ranma wakes up. There is a feeling of doom in the air.]

Ranma: (to himself) Another day, another fight.

[He gets up and dresses. Walking downstairs, he sees Akane.]

Ranma: (thought) I wonder if she's in a bad mood?

Ranma: 'morning Akane!

[Akane looks up and smiles a bit.]

Ranma: (thought) There's hope!

Akane: Hi Ranma.

[He sits down next to her and waits. Breakfast soon comes and they quickly eat
it and then leave. As the walk, Akane and Ranma are joined by Ukyou.]

Ukyou: Hi, Ran-chan! Hi, Akane.

Ranma: Hi, Ucchan!

Akane: Hi, Ukyou.

[The three walk together and soon reach Furinkan High. As they walk in the
gates, they are met by the school's resident samurai.]

Kunou: Halt!

Ranma: (resigned) What now, Kunou?

Akane: What is it, Sempai?

Kunou: I have had you under surveillance for some time now, Saotome.

Ranma: (looks around) What?!

Kunou: (arrogantly) Do not bother to look for them. My spies are professionals.

[Sasuke falls out of a nearby tree.]

Sasuke: Whooaaaa! (THUMP!) Owwwww!

Ranma, Akane & Ukyou: (sweating) ...

Kunou: My spies tell me that you have been liaising with some nineteen women!
You are the enemy of all women and I am their guardian!

[Akane and Ukyou look mad.]

Ranma: Tell me something, Sempai... Are you on medication?

Kunou: Do not toy with me!

[Kunou thrusts his bokuto at Ranma, who backflips and drops his bag.]

Ranma: You won't take no for an answer, so...

[Ranma leaps at Kunou and kicks him in the head. Kunou staggers, but manages
to score a hit.]

Ranma: Owww. You got me.

[He attacks again, forcing Kunou to back up. Kunou does not see the garden
edge and falls in. Ranma immediately leaps into the air and plants his elbow
in Kunou's solar plexus. Kunou groans and lies still. Ranma gets up and walks
back over to Akane and Ukyou, who are wearing angry expressions.]

Ranma: Whew! I'm glad that's over.

Akane: What did he mean by 'nineteen women'?!

Ukyou: What did mean by 'liaison'?!

Ranma: (sees their angry faces) I... er... He means every women I've spoken
to in the last day. You two, Shampoo, Nabiki, Kasumi, our teachers and
anyone else I've spoken to who's female.

Akane: (looks at Ukyou) I don't know...

Ukyou: (shrugging) Ran-chan doesn't lie... Usually...

Akane: That's true.

[WHAM!]

Ranma: (holding his jaw) What'd you do that for?

Akane: You may not have done that, but you're sure to have been up to
something!

[Ranma turns away and walks to class. Ukyou and Akane follow at a distance. In
the classroom, Ranma sits away from Akane, making her feel guilty. The teacher
comes in.]

Sensei: I have the test to return today. Come out when I call your name.

[He goes through the class in alphabetical order. About halfway through, there
is a crash and figure walks into the room.]

Figure: (through dust) Nihao!

Ranma: (thought) Help! Shampoo! What does she want?

Akane: (thought) What is Shampoo up to?

Ukyou: (thought) Shampoo must be after Ran-chan!

Sensei: Who are you?

Shampoo: I Shampoo. Who you?

Sensei: I am Hazama-sensei to you! Are you a new student?

Shampoo: Hai. I join this class.

Sensei: (dubious) Does Principal Kunou know about this?

Shampoo: Hmmm. Principal? Laughing man in bad shirt? He no happy, but I change
mind with this. (holds up a bonbori)

Sensei: (depressed) Not another martial artist...

Shampoo: You have problem?

Sensei: No. Go and sit down.

[All of the boys in the class are hoping she will sit next to them, but she
goes straight to Ranma and sits close to him.]

Shampoo: Nihao Ranma. Now we together!

Ranma: (nervous) Terrific...

[She is almost on his lap and the rest of the class is getting annoyed.]

Random Guy: (quietly) I don't believe it! A new girl arrives and she's already
all over Ranma! It's not fair!

[A number of others agree and decide to get rid of Ranma.]

Random Guy: How are we going to do it. Ranma would kick us Kyoto!

Another Guy: We need a fighter to help us... What about Kunou?

Random Guy: Ranma beats him every day! How about those other guys? The ones
Ranma is always fighting... Mousse and Ryouga. We'll use them AND
Kunou-sempai.

[This decided, they sit back and listen to the teacher. Ranma is unable to do
this, as he is busy fending off Shampoo, who is all over him. Akane and Ukyou
look very annoyed.]

Ranma: (weakly) Help...

Akane & Ukyou: Hmph!

[Ranma finally manages to get Shampoo off him and tries to follow what is
happening. Soon the class ends and he drags Shampoo outside, much to the
surprise of the rest of the class.]

Ranma: What are you doing here, Shampoo?

Shampoo: Shampoo want to be with Ranma!

Ranma: If you're here, I won't get anything done... And then I really will
fail!

[Meanwhile, Outside]

[Mousse walks in the gates and overhears a conversation.]

Guy 1: I'm sick and tired of Ranma taking all the girls, it's not fair!

Guy 2: You're right... But what can we do?

Guy 3: Nothing. Ranma's way too tough!

[From what Mousse can see and hear, there is quite a popular sentiment against
Ranma. He decides to use it.]

Mousse: Hi. You guys want of get rid of Ranma, right?

Guy 1: Yeah!

Mousse: I can help you.

Guy 2: How?

Mousse: By making you stronger.

Guy 3: How?

Mousse: With this! (holds up a container)

Guy 2: A bentou box?

Mousse: NO! The mushrooms inside!

Guy 1: (winks) Are they magic mushrooms?

Mousse: Yes.

[Guys 1, 2 and 3 face fault.]

[Meanwhile, The Nekohanten]

[Cologne is stirring a big pot of ramen.]

Cologne: Excellent. Soon my control ramen will be ready. Then I can force all
of Ranma's friends and family to make him marry Shampoo!

[She cackles evilly and nearly falls in.]

Cologne: Oops!

[Meanwhile, On a Road Near Tokyo]

[Ryouga is walking along, looking lost.]

Ryouga: Akane-san... I am coming!

[Furinkan High, A Little Later]

[Ranma has ditched Shampoo and is sitting under a tree.]

Ranma: What a mess. Now Shampoo is here, I'll have no peace. And now Akane
and Ucchan are mad at me, too. Like it's my fault! Argh! What am I
gonna do? I'll go crazy if this goes on!

[He suddenly notices a cart bearing the sign of the Nekohanten. Cologne seems
to be giving out free ramen.]

Ranma: (thought) That's odd. Cologne never gives out free food. Unless...

[He runs over to the cart and then walks up to Cologne.]

Ranma: Hey! Ghoul! What are you up to?!

Cologne: Can I not give out free ramen if I desire?

Ranma: Not if you're planning to put something funny on mine!

Cologne: Hmph! You're not getting any!

[Ranma sees Akane and Ukyou eating ramen.]

Ranma: Why not?! You gave some to them!

Cologne: Because they are not disobedient son's in law!

Ranma: Grrrrr!

[Ranma storms away.]

[Meanwhile, On The Other Side Of The Building]

[Mousse is handing out bowls of mushroom stew.]

Mousse: Eat this and then go and destroy Ranma!

[They guys, now numbering about thirty, all dig in.]

[Ranma, fed up with the stupidity of school, decides to skip afternoon class
and goes home. In the dojo, he is sparring with Souun. He is clearly far
better than Souun and is taking it lightly.]

Souun: So Ranma, when are you and Akane going to get married?

Ranma: I don't really want to talk about it.

Souun: Why not?

Ranma: Because everything around here seems to revolve around who I marry, and
I'm sick of it!

Souun: Life would be much simpler if you simply agreed to marry Akane.

Ranma: You're not very objective, are you?

Souun: I think that you are the only suitable husband for Akane. She needs
someone who is stronger than she is, and you are the only person who
fits that bill!

Ranma: Hmmmm...

[They stop and go in for a drink.]

Souun: Look at it this way. You and Akane live together, you spend most of your
time together... You're halfway to being married as it is!

Ranma: But we fight so much!

Souun: You think other couples don't fight? (laughs) You have much to learn,
my boy! I often argued with my wife, but I still loved her. Your father
is undoubtedly the same with your mother. Fighting just shows that you
care... Conflict is part of any relationship.

Ranma: (nods slowly) I guess so...

[Tendou Dojo, Afternoon]

[Akane arrives home to find Ranma sitting at the table, doing homework.]

Akane: I never thought I'd see it! Ranma doing homework!

Ranma: Hey, I've learnt from you!

Akane: I guess you have.

[She sits down next to him.]

Ranma: I was having a talk with your dad before...

Akane: Oh... And?

Ranma: ...and he said that conflict is part of any relationship and that...
all couples fight... (looks down)

Akane: Ranma, what are you saying?

Ranma: (shrugs) Just that it's not totally hopeless for us.

Akane: (troubled) Hmmm...

[Akane goes upstairs and leaves Ranma to finish what he's doing.]

[Meanwhile, The Nekohanten]

[Ryouga walks up to the door and reads the sign.]

Ryouga: The Nekohanten. That's Shampoo's restaurant! I must be near Akane's
house. I'll just ask for directions...

[Ryouga walks in and is met by Mousse.]

Mousse: Ah! Ryouga. Just who I've been wanting to see. I need your help. How'd
you like to get rid of Ranma?

Ryouga: (excited) How?!

Mousse: These mushrooms are from China, they will make you much stronger!

Ryouga: Give me some, then I will punish Ranma!

[Mousse hands him a bowl of stew.]

Mousse: Don't go tonight. A group of others and I are fighting him tomorrow,
join us then at Furinkan High.

Ryouga: (eating) Okay!

[Tendou Dojo, Evening]

[Ranma and the rest of the family are sitting down to dinner when there is a
crash at the door. Kasumi goes to see who it is. She comes back in with
Shampoo in tow.]

Kasumi: Shampoo has brought us some lovely onigiri!

Souun: Really? Shampoo, would you like to stay for dinner?

Ranma: (whisper) What are you doing?

Souun: Since she brought this food, it's the least we can do!

Shampoo: Aiya! Shampoo love to stay!

[She barges in between Ranma and Akane and smiles at everyone...except Akane.
Akane notices that Shampoo is preventing Ranma from eating the onigiri.]

Akane: Hey, Shampoo! How come Ranma can't have any onigiri?

Ranma: Yeah, why can't I?

Shampoo: Er... I make special ramen for Ranma. (pulls covered bowl out of bag)

[Ranma immediately starts scoffing the ramen. Ranma then finishes before
everyone else and leaves the table. He is most surprised when Shampoo does not
follow him.]

[Back at the dinner table, everyone else has finished eating and is staring
blankly into space.]

Shampoo: Tomorrow you will all tell Ranma that he is to marry me! If he
refuses, you will force him. Do you understand?

[They all nod, staring blankly. Shampoo snaps her fingers and they all
awaken. Shampoo grins to herself as she leaves.]

Shampoo: Now Ranma sure to marry Shampoo.

[The evening passes without event and the family all go to bed, seemingly
unaffected.]

[Tendou Dojo, Morning]

[At breakfast, Ranma notices that everyone is very quiet. Souun is not making
unsubtle marriage suggestions and Akane is not fighting with him.]

Ranma: (thought) These's something strange going on here...

Ranma: Hey Akane, what's the matter? You're awful quiet.

Akane: Hmph! Nothing!

Ranma: What have I done now?

Akane: Nothing in particular. I'm just sick of your meanness! Why don't you go
and marry Shampoo?!

Ranma: (confused) Huh?!

Souun: Yes, that would be best for all, I think.

Ranma: Wha...?

Nabiki: Yeah, besides, Shampoo doesn't hit you!

Ranma: But...

Kasumi: She is much more suited to you!

Ranma: But I...

Everyone: Ranma, go and marry Shampoo, we don't want you!

[Ranma, seeing their faces, decides to bail.]

Ranma: (thought) They're crazy! I'm outta here!

[Ranma runs out of the house and heads for Ukyou's.]

Ranma: Maybe Ucchan will behave normally.

[Ranma runs up to the door of Ukyou's Okonomiyaki-Ya.]

Ranma: Ucchan, it's Ranma. Please... Let me in!

[The door slowly opens and he sees Ukyou's tear streaked face.]

Ranma: Ucchan...

Ukyou: Ranma. I'm sick of your indecision. I don't want you anymore! Go marry
Shampoo!

[She then slams the door in his face.]

Ranma: (quietly) Not you too, Ucchan...

Ranma: Well, it's not like I've got much choice. I may as well see what
Shampoo knows about this.

[Ranma heads off for the Nekohanten. When he arrives, he finds that there is
no-one there.]

Ranma: That's weird! Normally there's SOMEONE here. Oh well. Let's see what's
happening at school...

[He runs off and heads for Furinkan High. As he arrives, he sees that the
front courtyard is full of people.]

Ranma: (thought) What is going on here? Has the entire town gone crazy?!

[Ranma walks slowly through the gates like an old west gunslinger.]

Ranma: (to the crowd) What's going on here?

Mousse: We are all sick of you taking all of the girls for yourself! And now
we're going to crush you!

Ranma: What...? And you need eighty people?

Kunou: We wish to give all those who despise you an equal chance to exact
vengeance! Prepare to be defeated!

Ranma: (smiles) You reckon eighty's enough?

Ryouga: We can easily defeat you, Ranma!

Ranma: Only in your dreams!

[Suddenly a new group comes through the crowd. It consists of Akane, Nabiki
and Ukyou.]

Akane: Just give up and marry Shampoo, Ranma!

Ukyou: Yeah, she's the best you'll get!

Nabiki: You were never worthy of my sister!

[Ranma is getting enraged, his aura begins to flare brightly.]

[Mousse, Ryouga, Kunou and the others are all stunned at this series of
statements.]

Mousse: No! He can't marry Shampoo!

Ryouga: Yes, he can!

Kunou: Indeed, then I can marry Akane!

Akane: No way!

Ryouga: Yeah, no way!

Ukyou: Yes, Ranma should marry Shampoo!

Nabiki: (nods)

Mousse: I will not allow it!

Ryouga: I will allow it!

Mousse: Shut up!

Ryouga: No! You shut up!

[Mousse and Ryouga start fighting.]

Kunou: (calmly) If I may remind you... We are here to destroy Saotome. If we
do that, all of this becomes entirely moot.

Mousse: (hands around Ryouga's throat) That's true!

Ryouga: (about to gut-punch Mousse) Yes, it is!

[They all get up and face Ranma. Ranma puts down his bag and faces them.]

Ranma: (confidently) Fine... It always comes down to a fight. That's okay. I'm
Ranma Saotome of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, and I don't
lose!

[The crowd rushes him as one. He waits until they are close and then launches a
massive attack.]

Ranma: HIRYUUSHOUTENHA!

[His pillar of wind picks up the mob and hurls them some twenty feet away.
Many crash to the ground unconscious, but others rise, Mousse, Ryouga, and
Kunou included.]

Ranma: Huh? Guess it's weaker against a lot of people...

[At this point Shampoo and Cologne arrive. Shampoo sees Ranma fighting thirty
foes alone, and he is winning!]

Cologne: That muko-dono is indeed a formidable fighter. He is the one for you,
my child.

Shampoo: But Ranma get hurt if fight go on!

Cologne: Sometimes there must be pain before love can take it's place.

[Shampoo stands, looking nervous, her hands under her chin.]

[Ranma faces off against Kunou, Mousse and Ryouga. He manages to tangle,
Mousse's chains in Kunou's bokuto, but cops a hit from Ryouga. He roundhouse
kicks Ryouga away and then uppercuts Kunou. He deliver a punch to Mousse's
ribs and then knee lifts him. Kunou, Ryouga, and Mousse stagger to their
feet, glaring angrily at him.]

Ranma: Face it, you guys aren't good enough to beat me!

Akane: Ranma, stop that and marry Shampoo!

Ranma: Shut up, you kawaiikune baka!

Ukyou: Listen to her, Ranma!

Ranma: And you too, Ucchan!

Akane: (thought) ...kawaiikune?

[Ranma trips Ryouga and backhands Mousse. He then grabs Kunou's arm and throws
him to the ground. He then spin kicks Ryouga and climbs onto Mousse and slams
his face into the ground. He gets up, double chops Kunou, elbows Ryouga and
trips Mousse. As the three stagger to their feet, Ranma stares, amazed that
they are still conscious.]

Ranma: (thought) This is taking way too long!

[He ducks a swipe of the bokuto and hand plant kicks Kunou. He then leg
scissors Ryouga to the ground and back kicks Mousse into a tree.]

Akane: (thought) ...kawaiikune... He called me UNCUTE!

Shampoo: Go Ranma! Beat up Mousse!

Ranma: Huh! Shampoo?

[Ranma turns to look at Shampoo and does not see the thrown umbrella as it
flies at him. He turns back ad the last moment and is coldcocked. He stumbles
to his knees, as the umbrella opens a cut over his eye. He sinks down to his
knees, clutching his bleeding head.]

Shampoo: Aiya!

Akane: (thought) ...kawaiikune?! Ranma...

[The spell breaks and she sees Ranma fall.]

Akane: Ranma!

[She rushes fowards.]

Ranma: No! Akane, stay back!

[Ranma staggers to his feet and turns to face Ryouga, Mousse and Kunou, blood
running freely down his face.]

Ranma: I will not have my decisions made for me. I'll make my choice when I
am ready! I may even marry Akane IF I choose! And there is nothing you
bastards can do about it!

Akane: (thought) Ranma...do you mean that?

Ryouga & Kunou: NOOOO!

[They rush Ranma, who engages them both. Ryouga kicks and Ranma trips him.
Kunou swings the bokuto and Ranma kicks it into Kunou's face. He then palm
uppercuts Ryouga and follows it with a drop kick to Mousse's face. The three
all fall to the ground and then slowly stagger to their feet. As Ryouga gets
up, Ranma kicks him in the mouth, knocking him cold. Mousse, likewise, is
stumbling. Ranma grabs him and Irish whips him, face first, into a tree.
Mousse groans and slumps to the ground. Ranma wipes the blood from his eyes
and glares at Kunou.]

Ranma: It's down to us, Kunou.

Kunou: As it should be...

Akane: Ranma, be careful!

Ranma: Don't worry, Akane. I can take him.

[Ranma dodges as Kunou swings, but does not expect him to reverse and come
back the same way. Ranma is hit in the side and a splash of blood hits the
ground as he doubles over and drops to one knee.]

Ranma: Arrrgggh!

Akane: Ranma! (steps forwards)

Ranma: (through gritted teeth) Stay back! This is my fight!

[Ranma slowly rises and faces Kunou.]

Ranma: You'll have to do better than that, Kunou.

Kunou: I have just begun.

[Kunou swings at Ranma and Ranma ducks, but his movement is hampered by his
side. Kunou trips him with the bokuto and tries to impale him. Ranma rolls to
the side and kicks Kunou, then gags in pain. He rolls to his feet and
stands facing Kunou, blood running down his side and his face.]

Akane: Please... Ranma... Stop... You're hurt!

Ranma: (through gritted teeth) _I_will_win_!_

[Ranma faces Kunou and waits until he swings. Ranma ducks under the blade as
the sword goes past, and sees Kunou's side exposed. He acts instinctively...]

Ranma: KACCHUU-TENSHIN-AMIGURI-KEN! Kyaaaaa!!!

[As Kunou follows through from his swing, he is caught by the
tenshin-amiguri-ken and his ribs are pounded by Ranma's fist. The sound of
bone breaking can be heard as Ranma rains hundreds of punches on the same
spot.]

Kunou: Aarrgggghhh!

[Kunou staggers away, wincing in pain.]

Ranma: (smiles weakly) Now we're even...

Kunou: You have injured me... For that you must die!

[Kunou attacks again, using his pattern strike.]

Kunou: Da! Da! Da! Da! Da! Da! Da! Da! Da! Da! Da! Da! Da!

[He rushes forward, his blade a blur. Ranma, too weakened to dodge, tries to
block the blows, but is blasted back by Kunou's attack. He manages to get a
body blow of his own in. Both men stagger from the pain of their injuries and
then engage again. Ranma dives forward and rolls, heel kicking Kunou from the
ground. Kunou responds by bashing Ranma's head wound with the handle of the
bokuto. Ranma rolls back, staggering as he is blinded by the blood flowing
into his eyes. He falls to his knees, unable to see or stand.]

Akane: Ranma! No!

Kunou: (stumbling over) You have been a worthy opponent...but now it ends!

Akane: (runs forward) Noooo!!!

[He raises the bokuto and strikes. Ranma waits for the final blow, his head
bowed... He has lost...and doesn't even care anymore...]

[There is a sharp crack and he opens his eyes...]

Kunou: Gods! What have I done!

[Ranma looks down. On the ground, he sees Akane lying still. A long red welt
across her skin. Ranma looks at her and something snaps inside. He raises his
head to look at Kunou, a cold light glittering in his eyes.]

Ranma: (quietly) You die, Kunou...

Kunou: (backing away) But... I... I never meant...

[Lightening crackles around Ranma as he draws is hands back. The lightening
rushes into his hands and then streaks out as he thrusts them forwards.]

Ranma: DIE, YOU BASTARD! MOUKO TAKABISHAAAAAAAAA!!!

[The blast hits Kunou square in the chest, tearing the clothing from his body
and burning the flesh below it. He is hurled backwards and is sent flying
into the wall of the school. There is an explosion as he impacts, cracking the
concrete and raising a cloud of dust and causing a rain of broken glass to
fall to the ground as the blastwave hits. There is a rumble of thunder and
then all is still. Kunou falls to the ground a moment later, blackened and
burnt.]

Ranma: (sighs) One more...

[He starts to limp forward, drawing the power for the killing blow.]

Akane: (very weakly) Ranma... Wait... I'm okay...don't kill him...

[Ranma turns and looks at her lying on the ground. He rushes over to her, and
picks her up in his arms.]

Ranma: Akane... Are you ok?!

Akane: (nods) I'm... okay... (winces in pain) I can stand.

[He puts her down and she stands next to him. They survey the carnage. Bodies
are strewn all around and the bushes are on fire. There is a Kunou shaped
indentation in the wall of the building and all of the windows are broken.
The concrete is cracked in a number of places and the water pipes appear to
have broken. All in all, the place has a most apocalyptic look about it.]

Akane: You certainly made a mess.

Ranma: (nods) Yeah... Do you think anyone will notice?

Akane: After that, I doubt anyone will have then nerve to complain.

Ranma: (nods) Good.

[Akane leans against Ranma as they turn to leave.]

Ranma: I could have won without you...

Akane: (smiles) I couldn't let him hurt you any more.

Ranma: (puts an arm around her) You are so macho...

Akane: Ranma!

[Akane in a fit of anger, turns around and kicks him in the ribs. He falls
to his knees, grimacing.]

Ranma: Sorry...

Akane: Oh! Ranma! I'm sorry... I forgot.

[She helps him up and they limp away, leaving the fires and bodies as they
are. From behind a shrub, Cologne is watching them. Next to her is Shampoo,
who is unconscious, having been knocked out by Cologne.]

Cologne: That did not work. It was supposed to split them up, not bring them
together... Maybe Powder was right...

==============================================================================
Cologne's Magic Mushrooms - Epilogue -
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

[Tendou Dojo, Midday]

[Akane and Ranma limp slowly into the house.]

Akane: Kasumi-oneechan, we're home!

Kasumi: (from kitchen) What are you doing home so early?

Akane: Err... There was an accident at school, so we came home.

[They walk into the lounge, where Genma and Souun are playing Shogi. Kasumi
walks in and sees their battered condition.]

Kasumi: OH! What happened to you?

Ranma: I got in a bit of a fight...

[Genma looks up for the first time.]

Genma: Did you win, son?

Ranma: (proudly) Of course I did!

Akane: Only because I protected you!

Ranma: Yeah...er... Akane kind of helped...

Genma: (annoyed) You needed protecting? How many foes did you fight? (looks
selfrighteous) You should be able to win on your own! There can't
have been that many!

Ranma: Try about eighty or so!

Genma: (looks sheepish) Oh...Um...Well...

[Ranma casts him a disgusted look and walks out.]

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-Fin-
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