A Breif History of Real Estate Agents
Louis Cohen
A BRIEF HISTORY OF REAL ESTATE AGENTS
6 MILLION BC: God searches for a planet to establish life. Encounters real
estate agent from "Lucifer's Planets & Gardens" who says "I've got a great
deal on a fixer-upper just 90 million miles from the Sun."
5.9 MILLION BC: God buys the Earth and, after the closing, discovers it is
a mass of molten goo. Angry, God confronts the agent and banishes him to
spend eternity wearing polyester suits.
4 MILLION BC: God creates the ocean and the seas. By accident, a pool of
pond scum transforms itself into the National Association of Realtors.
3.5 MILLION BC: God creates Florida.
3.49 MILLION BC: Thousands of real estate agents crawl out of the ocean to
scout good condo locations. Market immediately crashes when agents realize
that "snow birds" won't be invented for another 2 million years.
3 MILLION BC: A meteor crashes into Earth. The resulting crater creates a
giant black hole filled with green ooze. The Multiple Listing Service is
born.
2.45 MILLION BC: God makes Adam and Eve. However, delays in constructing
Garden of Eden force Adam and Eve to live in an apartment eight months.
2.44 MILLION BC: Shopping for a move-up garden, Eve visits an Open Garden
and encounters a fork-tongued real estate agent who tells her, "Garden, why
would you want another one of those? I've got an entire apple orchard you
can have real cheap."
2.43 MILLION BC: Adam and Eve become the first humans to truly understand
what it means to buy from a real estate agent.
550 BC: Jealous of rising property values, real estate brokers in Greece
devise a way to attack Troy by using a Trojan Horse.
42 BC: Cleopatra decides to build the Pyramids. Real estate agent and
builder try to convince her that Squares would be much cheaper.
30 BC: Rome touted as "the hottest housing market in Europe" Thousands of
buyers flock in to make deals with real estate agents.
29 BC: Rome real estate crashes. Julius Caesar calls a meeting of his
advisors to see what can be done. Chief real estate broker Brutus suggests
Caesar tours Rome to inspire consumer confidence. "Just lead the way,"
Brutus says, "I'll be right behind you."
500 AD: Middle ages bring major real estate slowdown. Agents are forced to
take second jobs as undertakers. Scandal breaks out when agents are
discovered to be removing gold fillings from dead people.
1308 AD: Real estate agent list a tower in Pisa, Italy as a "one of a kind
property. Solid building guaranteed not to lean."
1492 AD: Christopher Columbus lands in America. However, he mistakenly
believe she's in India, thanks to a bogus land survey provided by a Spanish
real estate broker.
1620 AD: Pilgrims land on Plymouth Rock. First colonial real estate agent
promises Pilgrims that Massachusetts is "always sunny and warm. Never drops
below 70º I swear."
1621 AD: Giant blizzard nearly wipes out Pilgrims. Real estate agent is
banished to New Jersey.
1626 AD: Manhattan bought for 100 beads and trinkets from the Indians. The
Indians' real estate agent takes 6 beads as a commission.
l803 AD: Napoleon shocks and angers French real estate agents when he sells
Louisiana to United States without an agent. At 515 million, sets record
for largest "FSBO" (for sale by owner) sale in history.
1867 AD: United States purchases Alaska from Russia for 2¢ an acre, after
Russian Czar is given advice by real estate agent that Alaska is "utterly
useless" land with no value at all.
TO BE CONTINUED
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BEACH REALTY of Brevard County Florida
Home Page http://www.iu.net/wego/beach.html
E-mail to bch...@iu.net (Louis Cohen)
Beach Realty BBS WC4.1 407-777-0149/5989
(Data Good To The Last Byte) 2.1 Gig On-Line
Fax us at 407-777-1049 Indian Harbour Beach, FL
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