The Most Disappointing Bike: A Satire
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Bicycle Belle Ding Ding!
Jun 7, 2018, 10:04:44 PM6/7/18
to RBW Owners Bunch
I just got off the phone with my sister. She accompanied a married couple who are dear friends from out east to Duluth, MN where they hit the bike trails and saw all the sights. Heather knows very little about Rivendell, but is tolerant of my enthusiasm for all things Grant and Co. When she told me this story we laughed until our sides hurt and I knew I had to retell it to a sympathetic audience. Now, here is the DISCLAIMER: Some of you like racy, skinny, lightweight bikes. Some of you appreciate the roadie life. Some of you are partial to drop bars and clipless pedals. And that’s lovely, and we are among friends here, but I’m about to poke fun of all those things. I don’t mean to offend, but I do so love to laugh, so I hope you will forgive me for being offensive this one time, and just giggle with me for a bit. If you are feeling gracious, and you like a little satire in your life, please do read on! If not, stop HERE...
It was the first morning, and the plan was to hit the bike trails early and see some historic sights in the city. Heather dressed in a breezy, colorful, summery outfit, and bounded downstairs to the lobby. Christine and Dan arrived, looked at Heather, disbelieving and said, “Is that what you’re wearing?!” Heather looked back at them, eyes roving over their unusual outfits. They were covered in colorful, skin-tight lycra. They donned shorts that were oddly padded and somewhat profane, as their crotches were accentuated and bulging. Their shoes were weird, and made sharp clicks on the tile with every step. “Is that what YOU’RE wearing?!” Heather gasped.
Ah, but they are good friends, so everyone shrugged and headed out the door. They made their way to their bikes, where they were about to have their next mutual shock. Heather has a lovely red Biria, bedecked with racks and a basket and capped with a nice, wide saddle. Hers are romantic, swept-back handlebars, and her tires are smartly covered with fenders. She has chosen this bike because she has commuted downtown for years in several cities and these attributes of the bike are the ones that make sense to her. She has never read Grant’s book. She doesn’t care about online forums or bike literature. She arrived at these conclusions because she knows that they work. Thus, when she looked over at her friends’ carbon racing machines, she couldn’t help but gawk. Dan’s bike is a 20 year old carbon machine, and Christine’s carbon bike was purchased in October. No fenders. No racks (Dan had a giant backpack he was carrying like a pack mule, and the day was a sweltering one.). Christine and Dan mounted their bikes and suddenly their feet were glued to their pedals. What fresh horror was this? My sister kept staring at this couple struggling to release their feet from these traps at every intersection and stop. Christine was less skilled at this, and at one of their stops she tipped over, padded shorts and all. “Why do you use those?” Heather asked incredulously, pointing to the pedals. “Oh, these REALLY help with efficiency,” explained Dan, as Christine scraped herself off the pavement.
They reached their first destination. There was a lovely waterfall to appreciate, so they dismounted and made their way to it. Clickety-clack, clickety-clack went the Efficiency Shoes on the boardwalk. The rest of the afternoon was much like that, and 25 miles later, so ended the first day.
The next morning found the couple dithering about what to wear. They were going out for a nice lunch and to visit a local museum, and the couple was in a quandary about their clothes. They were biking so they needed “bike clothes.” But they were also planning to do fun, touristy things, so they needed “normal clothes.” They didn’t want to wear the clickety-clacks, but their pedals called for it. “I don’t know if I can ride my bike without my padded shorts,” said Christine. They compromised. They put on normal clothing with their clickety-clacks. Then they stuffed extra shoes into Dan’s large backpack. They pedaled off, crotches on fire, Dan sweating under the weight strapped to his back.
“Why do you have that bike seat if it hurts to ride it?” asked Heather, genuinely curious.
“Oh, well, I probably save 5 grams using this one!” crowed Dan, “And you may not think that sounds like much, but a few grams here and a few grams there really adds up!”
They continued on, where their way was impeded by several puddles. Heather lifted her legs up and sailed gleefully through the water, outfit intact and free of mud. Oddly, she was alone. She looked back and saw her friends, who had come almost to a halt, negotiating their way around the puddles. “Do fenders add weight too?” Heather asked. “Yes,” they said. “And we don’t really ride around puddles anyway, so we never need them.”
After they got to the museum, they locked their bikes up. Broad daylight, to a bike rack, they with cable locks and Heather with a U-lock. When they returned, an employee was wheeling Dan’s bike away from the rack, it’s cable lock cut and dangling uselessly from the frame. “Hey, that’s my bike!” Dan called to the employee. The employee had noticed the cable was cut, and being rather astute, she chose to take the bike to safety and was heading inside with it. Relieved, Dan took possession of his bike, which was about when Christine noticed that hers was nowhere in sight. Poor Christine was not so lucky that day. Some dirty rotten thief made off with her new bike, and even if it is The Most Disappointing Bike, (and not TBBITW) it’s tragic to lose it. There is something raw and personal about having something stolen from you. My hopeful mind prompts me that this is the opportunity to slide in a good word for Rivendell, now that Christine is in the market for a new bike. I should get her phone number. It’s probably too soon….yeah, it’s definitely too soon.
As we laughed about poor Christine and Dan (though NOT about the stolen bike), Heather marveled, “I have never ridden with anyone who had a race bike. I just can’t fathom having a bike that does only one thing. I mean, why? They can’t even wear normal clothes! They are in pain every time they mount those skimpy saddles and for what? Are we in the Tour de Minnesota? Are we saving a whole 30 seconds by leaving off our fenders and wearing the clickety-clacks??? And why the rush? I would never bike if that's what I had to go through.”
Of course we’ve all read Just Ride, and we’re got Rivendells because we subscribe to these theories, but it was rejuvenating to see the velosophy worked out in real life. Heather's husband (also a recent victim of bike theft) had his first real Rivendell, a 59 Clem L delivered to their local bike shop for assembly today. He wasn’t a Rivendell fan either, but they were the lone makers of a step-through in his size, so he gave them the money. I think they are going to appreciate it even more after this.
Now that you've let me have this one indulgence, please forgive me and have a lovely evening.
Leah
Owner of The Best Bike In the World (TBBITW)
It was the first morning, and the plan was to hit the bike trails early and see some historic sights in the city. Heather dressed in a breezy, colorful, summery outfit, and bounded downstairs to the lobby. Christine and Dan arrived, looked at Heather, disbelieving and said, “Is that what you’re wearing?!” Heather looked back at them, eyes roving over their unusual outfits. They were covered in colorful, skin-tight lycra. They donned shorts that were oddly padded and somewhat profane, as their crotches were accentuated and bulging. Their shoes were weird, and made sharp clicks on the tile with every step. “Is that what YOU’RE wearing?!” Heather gasped.
Ah, but they are good friends, so everyone shrugged and headed out the door. They made their way to their bikes, where they were about to have their next mutual shock. Heather has a lovely red Biria, bedecked with racks and a basket and capped with a nice, wide saddle. Hers are romantic, swept-back handlebars, and her tires are smartly covered with fenders. She has chosen this bike because she has commuted downtown for years in several cities and these attributes of the bike are the ones that make sense to her. She has never read Grant’s book. She doesn’t care about online forums or bike literature. She arrived at these conclusions because she knows that they work. Thus, when she looked over at her friends’ carbon racing machines, she couldn’t help but gawk. Dan’s bike is a 20 year old carbon machine, and Christine’s carbon bike was purchased in October. No fenders. No racks (Dan had a giant backpack he was carrying like a pack mule, and the day was a sweltering one.). Christine and Dan mounted their bikes and suddenly their feet were glued to their pedals. What fresh horror was this? My sister kept staring at this couple struggling to release their feet from these traps at every intersection and stop. Christine was less skilled at this, and at one of their stops she tipped over, padded shorts and all. “Why do you use those?” Heather asked incredulously, pointing to the pedals. “Oh, these REALLY help with efficiency,” explained Dan, as Christine scraped herself off the pavement.
They reached their first destination. There was a lovely waterfall to appreciate, so they dismounted and made their way to it. Clickety-clack, clickety-clack went the Efficiency Shoes on the boardwalk. The rest of the afternoon was much like that, and 25 miles later, so ended the first day.
The next morning found the couple dithering about what to wear. They were going out for a nice lunch and to visit a local museum, and the couple was in a quandary about their clothes. They were biking so they needed “bike clothes.” But they were also planning to do fun, touristy things, so they needed “normal clothes.” They didn’t want to wear the clickety-clacks, but their pedals called for it. “I don’t know if I can ride my bike without my padded shorts,” said Christine. They compromised. They put on normal clothing with their clickety-clacks. Then they stuffed extra shoes into Dan’s large backpack. They pedaled off, crotches on fire, Dan sweating under the weight strapped to his back.
“Why do you have that bike seat if it hurts to ride it?” asked Heather, genuinely curious.
“Oh, well, I probably save 5 grams using this one!” crowed Dan, “And you may not think that sounds like much, but a few grams here and a few grams there really adds up!”
They continued on, where their way was impeded by several puddles. Heather lifted her legs up and sailed gleefully through the water, outfit intact and free of mud. Oddly, she was alone. She looked back and saw her friends, who had come almost to a halt, negotiating their way around the puddles. “Do fenders add weight too?” Heather asked. “Yes,” they said. “And we don’t really ride around puddles anyway, so we never need them.”
After they got to the museum, they locked their bikes up. Broad daylight, to a bike rack, they with cable locks and Heather with a U-lock. When they returned, an employee was wheeling Dan’s bike away from the rack, it’s cable lock cut and dangling uselessly from the frame. “Hey, that’s my bike!” Dan called to the employee. The employee had noticed the cable was cut, and being rather astute, she chose to take the bike to safety and was heading inside with it. Relieved, Dan took possession of his bike, which was about when Christine noticed that hers was nowhere in sight. Poor Christine was not so lucky that day. Some dirty rotten thief made off with her new bike, and even if it is The Most Disappointing Bike, (and not TBBITW) it’s tragic to lose it. There is something raw and personal about having something stolen from you. My hopeful mind prompts me that this is the opportunity to slide in a good word for Rivendell, now that Christine is in the market for a new bike. I should get her phone number. It’s probably too soon….yeah, it’s definitely too soon.
As we laughed about poor Christine and Dan (though NOT about the stolen bike), Heather marveled, “I have never ridden with anyone who had a race bike. I just can’t fathom having a bike that does only one thing. I mean, why? They can’t even wear normal clothes! They are in pain every time they mount those skimpy saddles and for what? Are we in the Tour de Minnesota? Are we saving a whole 30 seconds by leaving off our fenders and wearing the clickety-clacks??? And why the rush? I would never bike if that's what I had to go through.”
Of course we’ve all read Just Ride, and we’re got Rivendells because we subscribe to these theories, but it was rejuvenating to see the velosophy worked out in real life. Heather's husband (also a recent victim of bike theft) had his first real Rivendell, a 59 Clem L delivered to their local bike shop for assembly today. He wasn’t a Rivendell fan either, but they were the lone makers of a step-through in his size, so he gave them the money. I think they are going to appreciate it even more after this.
Now that you've let me have this one indulgence, please forgive me and have a lovely evening.
Leah
Owner of The Best Bike In the World (TBBITW)
Andrew Letton
Jun 7, 2018, 10:36:57 PM6/7/18
to rbw-owne...@googlegroups.com
Most excellent story! (Except for the bike theft, of course...)
Cheers from Oz,
Andrew
From: Bicycle Belle Ding Ding! <jonasa...@gmail.com>
To: RBW Owners Bunch <rbw-owne...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Friday, June 8, 2018 12:04 PM
Subject: [RBW] The Most Disappointing Bike: A Satire
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dougP
Jun 7, 2018, 10:53:31 PM6/7/18
to RBW Owners Bunch
Excepting the bike theft, that is an excellent story. The Brits have a phrase "...chalk & cheese..." to describe polar opposites. "Is that what you're wearing???" How many times have I heard that!
dougP
Joe Bernard
Jun 7, 2018, 11:30:58 PM6/7/18
to RBW Owners Bunch
The description of first seeing the shorts is..well..I can't bring myself to quote it, but this was spectacular! You're good at the story-telling thing, Leah :-)
Patrick Moore
Jun 7, 2018, 11:42:58 PM6/7/18
to rbw-owners-bunch
A good story. But every story needs a counter story. Mine is attached as a jpeg.
I've owned 3 Riv Road customs and 5 Rivendells -- Sam and Ram as well as the customs. I have to say that the one pictured (1999) is the most comfortable bike I've owned in a long life of buying and flipping bikes; if someone held a gun to my head and said: "Choose One!", I'd have to choose this one.
Note that I ride it in Rapha touring shorts over boxers, when I'm not riding it in cut off khakis over boxers; no gloves or helment, and in SPDs (7410s). I have an almost-identical one built up with dyno lights, fenders (high desert!), and f and r racks for groceries and errands.
More seriously, I think everyone should ride what he or she likes to ride. I do know that we are all influenced in our views of "normal" by what we grew up with; that itself is normal. I got "serious" about cycling about 1969, age 14 -- perhaps earlier, because I was "hot rodding" my bikes at 12 and 13 -- and built my first bike from scratch in 1970 (Indian roadster frame bought at a Nairobi bike shop; donated 700C Czecho steel flip flop rear, 24" front stolen from my brother's kiddie bike -- no brake fit. I recall, on home leaves, annoying the owners of Genevan and Parisian news kiosks by my halting French attempts to identify which cycling sportif mag I wanted from the vast displays. I also recall scouring the slim selection of cycling books in the Nairobi public library.
Let's not be too quick to laugh at others; in my own case, I know I have plenty to laugh at in myself.
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Resumes, LinkedIn profiles, bios, and letters that get interviews.
By-the-hour resume and LinkedIn coaching.
Other professional writing services.
Patrick Moore
Alburquerque, New Mexico, Etats Unis d'Amerique
****************************************************************************************
Auditis an me ludit amabilis insania?
Leah Peterson
Jun 8, 2018, 1:18:44 AM6/8/18
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How Patrick,
Well, I did warn you to use discretion in reading this account. And while I did poke fun, the point wasn’t to laugh about people riding what they want. It is to illustrate (using humor) how the culture has taken the simplicity of a bike ride and sucked every drop of enjoyment out of it. The special shoes and special clothes and special bike all worked together to make the couple’s experience rather miserable. They will never admit this. Burdened time and time again by their racing-inspired bikes and kit, they, in saving their grams, knew best. And when Christine orders her new bike, it will be another racing bike, because the industry told her it’s the best and she will believe that. Even when her “undercarriage” is flaming from spending miles in her skimpy saddle. Even when she’s tipped over on the street, trapped in her pedals. Even when she doesn’t feel she can go to the museum without a costume change. Even when Dan (an ortho doc) must be hunched over portaging his backpack because a rack would add precious grams to his race bike, they will still believe.
That is why this is so interesting and even amusing. Even when presented with stark evidence that racing gear is not meant for the majority of riders, people will still insist it’s the standard. This vignette was just a plucky little reference to that.
But yes, I hear you. I’m a believer in freedom and riding what you want. I just wish people would ignore racing’s influence and ride what MAKES SENSE. Maybe we’d have more people on bikes if that were the case. What a win that would be!
Enjoy your bike and keep on riding! You are an example to us!
Sent from my iPad
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Bicycle Belle Ding Ding!
Jun 8, 2018, 1:20:11 AM6/8/18
to RBW Owners Bunch
Why that autocorrected to “How Patrick” I don’t know, it was supposed to be “Hi Patrick!” 😊
Joe Bernard
Jun 8, 2018, 1:38:33 AM6/8/18
to RBW Owners Bunch
Leah, your humor reflected a real thing that Grant built an entire bike company and riding style out of. I took it as intended, and really love your writing. For example:
"It was the first morning, and the plan was to hit the bike trails early and see some historic sights in the city. Heather dressed in a breezy, colorful, summery outfit, and bounded downstairs to the lobby."
"It was the first morning, and the plan was to hit the bike trails early and see some historic sights in the city. Heather dressed in a breezy, colorful, summery outfit, and bounded downstairs to the lobby."
From this I had the geography and time of day sorted, and could clearly see Heather in my mind "bounding" downstairs. That's good stuff!
Rusty Click
Jun 8, 2018, 7:45:54 AM6/8/18
to RBW Owners Bunch
What a wonderful story, wonderfully told!
Shoji Takahashi
Jun 8, 2018, 10:12:47 AM6/8/18
to RBW Owners Bunch
Many thanks, Leah. I enjoy these stories so very much.
Shoji
Arlington MA
On Thursday, June 7, 2018 at 10:04:44 PM UTC-4, Bicycle Belle Ding Ding! wrote:
Doug H.
Jun 8, 2018, 10:31:21 AM6/8/18
to RBW Owners Bunch
Leah,
What a fun, well-told story. Back in my Lycra days I always felt odd walking into a coffee shop or convenience store with the tight form-fitting kit and tapping with each step. The Just Ride philosophy is really liberating and makes riding fun again.
Doug
On Thursday, June 7, 2018 at 10:04:44 PM UTC-4, Bicycle Belle Ding Ding! wrote:
phil k
Jun 8, 2018, 1:13:43 PM6/8/18
to RBW Owners Bunch
Yes, there is this prescribed notion you have to wear one or the other. I wear from road riding clothes where it makes sense to me (lighter helmet, sunglasses, gloves, bright colored windbreakers/rain jacket), and wear "comfy" clothes where it makes sense (wool tee shirts, wool pants, waterproof hiking shoes, tennis shoes, etc).
I think it's because most of my riding is commuting and recreational, so I make a lot of stops, but I also ride for long periods and for long distances each outing.
How Patrick,
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--Resumes, LinkedIn profiles, bios, and letters that get interviews.By-the-hour resume and LinkedIn coaching.Other professional writing services.Patrick MooreAlburquerque, New Mexico, Etats Unis d'Amerique****************************************************************************************Auditis an me ludit amabilis insania?
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Surlyprof
Jun 8, 2018, 1:24:58 PM6/8/18
to RBW Owners Bunch
It may not have been a bike theft but rather an intervention. Fun story and I hope that your friend seeks your advice when spending her insurance money. That may make for a happy ending after all.
John
Patrick Moore
Jun 8, 2018, 2:27:27 PM6/8/18
to rbw-owners-bunch
"How!" in the old, stereotyped Indian greeting.
Patrick Moore, who is old enough to remember watching b&w cowboy and Indian movies at friends' houses (and who is trying to decide right at this moment between going for a ride on 559 X 28 mm tires or 700C X 61 mm tires ...)
On Thu, Jun 7, 2018 at 11:20 PM, Bicycle Belle Ding Ding! <jonasa...@gmail.com> wrote:
Why that autocorrected to “How Patrick” I don’t know, it was supposed to be “Hi Patrick!” 😊
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Toshi Takeuchi
Jun 8, 2018, 3:02:48 PM6/8/18
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Great story Leah,
One thing you might tell your friend is that there is a best bike for the task at hand. Don't ride a race bike unless you are racing or need to race at your peak to keep up with the people you want to ride with. Get another bike that is comfortable, suitable to carry things on a rack and fendered with a kickstand(!) for those other rides when racing is not needed.
I am more roadie than casual, and wear my clickety-clacks (road cleats on one bike, recessed MTB cleats on the others) because I believe that they will help me achieve what I want on the bike, but I am fortunate enough to have the finances and space for multiple bikes.
Toshi
Max S
Jun 8, 2018, 4:01:25 PM6/8/18
to RBW Owners Bunch
Fun story. Thanks for sharing.
One could perhaps draw a parallel between the choice in type of bike and type of car. Few of us drive a Boxster or a 911 on a daily basis or to the grocery store, and few of us must be in a 4x4 with a winch for the commute. So, the family sedan or wagon (or nowadays, the CUV) is perhaps the equivalent of a reasonably high quality, upright, plain-clothes Riv. Perhaps our friends closer to the extreme end of the bike spectrum could appreciate that analogy?
- Max "spending more and more time in the middle wavelengths" in A2
islaysteve
Jun 8, 2018, 6:02:05 PM6/8/18
to RBW Owners Bunch
Great story, Leah. I always enjoy reading your posts!
Cheers, Steve
Cheers, Steve
On Thursday, June 7, 2018 at 10:04:44 PM UTC-4, Bicycle Belle Ding Ding! wrote:
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