Softball: The Ceaseless Question of Land

[raymond...@gmail.com]

Dear People,

 

First things first: The fact that Bushrod #1 was only moist but likely taken while both Golden Gate Playground and Bushrod #2 were unplayable malarial quagmires does not mean anything sinister in and of itself. Moreover, the fact that every Berkeley City Park including Codornices was still fenced off and that all three UC Astroturf fields were swarming with annoying Cal athletes does not necessarily suggest that the city, the university, the weather and Vishnu had all conspired against us, whatever their varied and well-documented softball-hating reasons may have been. And yet, as a seasoned scholar on the causative gestalt of thermodynamic clusterfucks, I feel that we were totally hosed this past Sunday, and in all candor, not in a good or random way. ’Nuff said.

 

In any case, here’s the roster for what we all missed, with my team facing off against Anthony Weatheroy’s for the second consecutive week:

 

Broh (P)               Bobby F (P)

Ray (1^st/C)           Dan May (1^st)

Cameron (SS)      Jim McGuire (SS)

Kira (2^nd)              Anthony (2^nd)

Karen (3^rd)            Michael Davey (3^rd)

Eoin (L)                 Paul Fine (L)

James (CL)           Chris Walker (CL)

Porter (CR)            Liz (CR)

Aaron (R)               Jerry S (R)

Burt (C/1^st)            Carmen (C)

Bobby W [R]          Stefano [R]

 

Now look, enough of the cutesy musings in which we ponder what happened in some mystical alternate reality within the stringy 11-dimensional multiverse. Personally, I happen to think that my own liver and brain are already hanging there, but such abstractions are hardly necessary for those who know these athletes well, and especially if they’re willing to take a hard honest look. Yeah, call it theoretical or speculative or even hallucinatory, but there’s a reason that the local media is so focused on the Antman’s lack of managerial cohesion in his handling of superstars like McGuire and Davey, and more to the point, why my team would’ve won by a smidge, 103-0.

 

The upshot is that in their infinite Big-Sod-tainted wisdom, the Berkeley City Department of Parks and Wreck has shamelessly informed me that all city fields will remain fenced up and closed for one more week. This means that we’ll be once again choosing between GGP and Bushrod, but since no more rain is expected before Sunday, all four diamonds should be playable and glorious. Except that the GGP centerfield will likely still be mushy, odiferous, and possibly even syphilitic, so were going to go for Bushrod, and to maximize our odds of taking one of the two diamonds before they’re both seized, several of you will be volunteered to get there for batting practice by 10:30 latest. God, how I love the rush of lording over the little people.

 

In any case, given that this Sunday is the end of Daylight Savings, these community stalwarts will already be facing an hour less sleep than usual, but in fairness, their service will be honored, they’ll be feted as national heroes (please consider bringing them incense, anointing oil, and myrrh), and unlike you and me, they’ll finally taste the arduous life of a Navy Seal. And therefore there will be a game at Bushrod this Sunday at 11 (or at least at GGP if it all goes wrong again), IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning . . . Raymond