Softball: Grrrrrr . . . (10:50, 10:50, 10:50 . . .)

[raymond...@gmail.com]

Dear People

 

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11:00 SHARP, and as of now, there are three slots left. Three!

 

Yeah, a mini-rant of import: Berkeley Parks and Wreck decided to rent out the field at 1PM this week, despite what I had thought were a series of persuasive diplomatic notes imploring them to not do so before 1:30 since I gently noted that I have personally paid the city over $75,000 in park fees over the last 28 years. From what I can tell, the powers that be in the bosom of the dismissive bureaucracy have concluded that to be worthy of such an unorthodox policy requires at least $100,000, which I think is a tad on the snooty side but perhaps reflective of the current zeitgeist. 

 

In any case, the good news is that this week’s interlopers are a darling group of 4-5 year olds from the Berkeley Rose Waldorf School Kindergarten, who are apparently planning to practice some tee ball and “just sort of run around.” Needless to say, learning all this from a city employee email put me in one of my most contemplative vasectomy moments since I first got clipped in 1983, but FWIW, I would say that while I’d prefer to finish our game before they try to kick us off the diamond, I am convinced that if push came to shove and an actual rumble broke out, there’s a good 2 in 5 chance that we could physically stave them off until at least 1:07. 

 

Still, if you want to be sure to get in some batting practice, get to the park by 10:30ish, and regardless, everyone should be there by 10:50 latest since we will plan on starting at 11:00. No, it’s not easy being us, but whether it’s the Hayward Fault or a cackle of four year old ankle-biters, we have no choice but to stand up to our adversaries, transcend our fears, and carry on—stout, chipper, and hale.

 

Finally: Please bring $5 for the field, which, for this week only, includes a thorough post-match peak at my long awaited blueprints for tearing down all the redwood and oak trees between left field and the children’s slides below in order to build a kickass gold-plated 90,000 square foot neon-lit ballroom with a giant orange crypto orb, and with no process, review or oversight because it’s obviously not the people’s park if I say it’s mine. 

 

#BarfPukeVomitAgain/See ya Sunday at 10:50 . . . Raymond 510-845-7552 / cell 510-677-8860