Thursday. I didn't know that!
Ray Mitchell
Thursday
May 25, 2006
A man ought to read just as inclination leads him,
for what he reads as a task will do him little good.
Samuel Johnson
~~~
I agree with old Sam and there are millions of books and publications that are waiting to fill every whim or want. When you really retire, or think you have, it opens up the door to believing you can catch up on all the reading you missed in your life. If you are like I am you end up subscribing to a wide variety of publications for both recreation and knowledge building, after all you are retired, right? After all you now have forty or more additional hours each week. In my case I subscribe to Atlantic, Computer World, Harper’s, Foreign Affairs, Time, New Yorker, US News and a few others. But then I found so many other things to do that my available time slipped away and my pile of backlogged magazines grew and grew. I finally decided I did not have to read every word on every page, especially since the news in so many of my news magazines had become history before I read about it.
So now I am trying to do better, and I have picked things I read before the ink is dry. One of those “must read” items is the so called Index published in Harper’s each month. It is for me an encapsulated series of instant learning experiences. From time to time I plan on sharing some of them with you. Here are a few entries from a past issue:
- Chances that a U.S. company settling a corporate crime case will illegally deduct some or all of the settlement to the IRS: 3 in 5[U.S. Government Accountability Office]. – So does this mean that 60% of the companies who settle IRS infractions are allowed to utilize their settlement as the foundation of another infraction? Only in America!
- Percentage of U.S. CEO vacancies that are filled from outside the company: 40[RHR International Company (Wood Dale, Ill.)] Average amount the companies spend on each search: $2,000,000[RHR International Company (Wood Dale, Ill.)] - And they could have saved the two million and got me for free, go figure. Chance that the CEO will quit or be fired within eighteen months: 1 in 2[RHR International Company (Wood Dale, Ill.)] – Jeez you would think they would fire the hiring guy if he has a 50% failure rate, but I guess by paying only two million dollars a pop you shouldn’t expect too much.
- Estimated amount the U.S. would save each year on paperwork if it adopted single-payer health care: $161,000,000,000[James G. Kahn, University of California, San Francisco] – I don’t want to talk about this one, a few of my Doc friends might not understand. Percentage change since 2000 in the average amount U.S. workers spend on out-of-pocket medical expenses: +93[Hewitt Associates LLC (Lincolnshire, Ill.)]
- Number of centenarians that the U.S. census counted in 2000: 50,740[U.S. Census Bureau]. Projected number it will count in 2050: 1,149,500[U.S. Census Bureau] – I’ll be 115 then and I hope you will be well enough to come to my birthday party.
- Monthly fee to add a “virtual girlfriend” game to an Ericsson mobile phone: $5[Artificial Life, Inc. (Hong Kong)] – We didn’t have any cheap dates when I was younger, we had to rely on real people.
~~~
I have never known any distress that an hour's reading did not relieve.
Montesquieu
~~~
The doctor knocked at the hospital door before entering Jill's room.
Jill called out to come in.
The doctor then proceeded to tell Jill to remove all of her clothing after which he gave her a thorough exam, from top to bottom, front to back, leaving no part of her body untouched.
When he had finished, Jill looked the doctor straight in the eye and asked, "Doctor, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course," he replied.
Jill asks, "Why did you bother to knock?"
~~~
Kind words are short to speak, but their echoes are endless.
~~~
According to a survey in Men's Health magazine, 85 percent of men admit they surf the Internet wearing nothing but their underwear. Sixty-three percent said that's how they lost their last job.
~~~
She said, “All you need to know about men and women: Women are crazy and men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is because men are stupid!” And I said…….I better not say.
~~~
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
~~~
"You Might Be A Preacher If..."
a. Everybody stops talking when you enter the room.
b. You've ever lied at a funeral.
c. You always read the obituaries.
d. You've ever suffered anxiety attack while playing Bible Trivia Pursuit.
e. You wonder why people who have some time to kill want to spend it with you.
f. You get your second wind when you say "And, in conclusion."
g. The ideas you bounce off board members really do.
h. Your car tires are balding faster than your head.
i. You wish someone would steal some of your sheep.
j. You've seen more religion at a pool hall than you've seen at a Church cricket match.
k. Your Bible has more side notes than printed text.
l. "Annual Church Meeting" and "Armageddon" are one and the same to you.
m. You jiggle all the toilet handles before you leave the church building.
~~~
Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
~~~
Many years ago, a beloved Pope died and went to heaven. Saint Peter greeted him in a firm embrace. "Welcome your holiness, your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has earned you great stature in heaven. You may pass through the gates without delay and are granted free access to all parts of heaven."
St. Peter continued: "You are also granted an open-door policy and may, at your own discretion, meet with any heavenly leader including the Father, without prior appointment. Is there anything which your holiness desires?"
"Well, yes," the Pope replied. "I have often pondered some of the mysteries which have puzzled and confounded theologians through the ages. Are there perhaps any transcripts which recorded the actual conversations between God and the prophets of old? I would love to see what was actually said, without the dimming of memories over time."St. Peter immediately ushered the Pope to the heavenly library and explained how to retrieve the various documents. The Pope was thrilled and settled down to review the history of humanity's relationship with God.
Two years later, a scream of anguish pierced the quiet of the library. Immediately several of the saints and angels came running.
They found the Pope pointing to a single word on a parchment, repeating over and over: "There's an 'R'. There's an 'R.' There's an 'R'... It's CELIBRATE, not celibate!"
~~~
"He's the kind of friend who will always be there when he needs you."
Adam Christing
~~~
As he was standing in line at the grocery store checkout counter, a friend of Jack's noticed he was purchasing a dozen roses and a card.
"You in trouble with Jill?" the friend asked Jack.
"Nope!" was Jack's reply. "Preventive maintenance."
~~~
"There are souls in this world which have the gift of finding joy everywhere and of leaving it behind them when they go."
Frederick William Faber
~~~
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Ray Mitchell
Indianapolis, Indiana, USA
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.
The editor is somewhat senile.