Les Miserables Cosette Pdf
Prometeo Archuleta
I'd like to hear which curse words Cosette has reserved for Javert because he was back on his BS, chasing Jean and Cosette all over town, even banging on the door of a convent and demanding that a nun turn them over. The head nun thought about it for a second before saying:
Cosette's friends start talking about how excited they are to graduate and start sleeping around with their hot cousins. Either Cosette is not down with incest or Jean Valjean has failed to give her the birds-and-the-bees talk.
Her friends don't have time to explain what sex is and why they kind of want to do it with their relatives because a nun comes in and orders them to pray. A nun in the fly-est headwear ever, I might add!
Across town, Javert receives a medal of dishonor for being great at ruining lives over the pettiest of crimes. He tries to have a special chapeau moment like the nun from earlier in the episode and fails.
Marius marches on over to his grandfather's house and lets him have it: I thought the thing you were most terrible at was applying makeup, but I was wrong! You're even worse at being a decent human being! P.S. The king can choke!
Back at the convent, Jean Valjean is now in support of Cosette not dying a very old virgin, so they move out. Cosette is immediately taken aback by all the beggars, prostitutes and dead bodies in the streets. But she's in much better spirits once she gets to a gentrified neighborhood and sees how Instagrammable the door to their new apartment is. Jean Valjean has taste!
At the Luxembourg Gardens, Marius spots Cosette debuting her new look, intuits that she's an antsy virgin like him and starts stalking her. After a handkerchief falls, Marius rushes to return it, but not before taking a big, horny sniff of it first. Cosette is like, Chill, that's my dad's.
Cut to Jean waking Cosette at dawn to witness a procession of chained prisoners being abused and dragged through the streets. Unfortunately, instead of taking away a better understanding of the prison industrial complex and how cruel humans can be to each other, the takeaway for Cosette is Ewwwwwww, they're gross!
Over at a brothel nightclub, Marius is scandalized by being in the midst of Ms. Wall Finger and a lot of other people who've had sex before. He rushes home and tries to sleep it off, only to wake to Ms. Wall Finger in his room. Did she not see the doormat?
On the other side of town, Cosette is still ranting about how yucky incarcerated men are and how they must be monsters to be treated like that, when Ms. Wall Finger rolls up with a note from her dad asking for money. Jean Valjean promises to come over later that day. Well, I hope you all enjoyed those ray of sunshine moments earlier because things are about to get les miserables again.
Cosette tries to warn Jean that Ms. Wall Finger gives off a very bad vibe, but Jean thinks she's just being bougie again and tells her they're definitely going over there later to get scammed, blackmailed and possibly even murdered.
Jean promises to return later that evening to pay a bunch of hush money and then gets Cosette the hell out of there. Behind the wall, Marius overhears the Colmans plotting to murder Jean. But I'm not that stressed 'cause surely Marius will just track Cosette and Jean down and warn them, right?
Javert advises Marius to take two guns and watch from his Adele peephole until Mr. Colman and his buddies start trying to kill Jean. Then, Marius should shoot off a round or two in the ceiling. Ummm, can someone take away Javert's medal of honor now? This plan is bonkers.
Later that night, when Jean arrives, he's quickly surrounded by goons. They tie him down and Mr. Colman taunts Jean with a hot poker and rambles about saving Marius' dad back in the day. Marius hears this and believes the tall tale because he's a dumb virgin.
I've had enough of this episode and so has Jean, who beats everyone up with only one hand. For good measure, he takes the hot poker and burns himself on the arm just to let everyone know he used to be this guy:
Marius finally decides to shoot his guns (thanks for nothing, bro) and the place is stormed by Javert and a flood of cops. All the goons are still spooked by the maniac who just burned himself with a hot poker, so they just run around in circles until they're arrested. Jean, on the other hand, doesn't have time for a third incarceration so he does what he has to do.
HONORABLE MENTION: Old Gossip. This random guy held onto some very hot goss for over a decade and then unleashed it at exactly the right time. He's messy. He's random. And I love him.
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