Chez Shelly Lowenkopf Lion's Den
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Victoria "Stokastika"
Dec 20, 2008, 5:46:34 PM12/20/08
to Question Reality
There are three people talking really loud in Kinkos and I will
attempt to tune them out. Today is December 20, 2008 and it had been
TEN long weeks (or even longer) since the last time I attended
Shelly's Saturday morning Lions' Den Meet-up. I kind of dreaded in
returning because this is the first time I attended not being mentally
glued to the Illusion--the person who claimed to be no name and all
action, ended up being all words and no action, and a traitor of his
own words--so, I had to dissassociated the meeting with my former
attachment to this person. Hence I will call it a Figurative Death.
Death #1. And since then, there had been other major events, like the
passing of my grandfather Ray, as well as the Tea Fire in Montecito,
which received high publicity from Oprah Winfrey since it was quite
near by her house.
Where in the hxll had I been the last ten weeks? Honestly, I don't
know. The quarter system is a mind-trip all together. I had been
snapping out of a relationship and transitioning this attachment to
the overarching projections onto the university. I met up with Hector
in the morning (I was upset because I was in the process of writing an
essay On Fishermen and Scientists, but never finished). I felt dulled
and desensitized by the whole ordeal, simply through the process of
dissassociation.
Upon arriving to the group, it was nice to see everyone again. It was
a small crowd this time, consisting of Bruce, Jim, and a woman who
writes quite well--an Alaska adventure trip with a conservation
veternarian! As well as Hector and I. I wasn't ready to read any
Elephant and Oak Tree material. I thought this was a VERY nice break
from what I had experienced all quarter. I had been participating in a
College of Creative Studies Course on "telling life stories" and
granted the course consisted of a very talented set of individuals
(undergraduate level) but in the end, on the final day of reading,
everyone read a story about "their most recent romance break up." And
so, I felt that all talent was devoted to "their stage in life," where
how they define themselves and their problems are somewhat limited in
scope. As for Shelly's group, full of seasoned veterans in writing,
their minds have drifted to foreign countries, adventures in
historical times, as well as mysteries-detective stories, the nuances
of cultures and institutions-organizations... far beyond "my first
puppy love" occassions. So, it is in part relieving. It would be nice
to design an audience of people in the middle: a groupie of graduate
student writers.
Very nice change of pace! There were lots of interesting stories read
this morning, and I was quite attentive. I had a few poems I could
read to the group. I read three short poems. It is about the fourth or
fifth time I read "Resurrection" poem, and every single time I feel
pain and I cry. I first wrote the poem in response to Dr. Urrea's
presentation at the Santa Barbara Writers' Conference, but through the
grieving of several deaths: my once friend, the coyote mawling of Cat-
kat, and the passing of my grandfather, Ray, the poem started to
acquire more and more meaning. I ended up reading the poem to Shelly's
writer's group today, as well as mentioning it at Toastmasters, and
sharing it a couple of days before the passing of my grandfather to
Dr. Caroline Allen's telling-life-stories course.
Commentary on RESURRECTION POEM:
Backstory: I told them the last ten weeks I had suffered immense loss--
my grandfather
**"for a great loss / requires a great find" Shelly wrote that quote
down! So did Bruce
**Bruce said that it was amazing for me to write this stuff at such a
young age... but then again, am I really that young?
**Bruce "No one is dead if they are remembered."
**Bruce commentary on the Absurdity of Living too long, age 25, if it
weren't for modern medicine, I'd be dead in five years! That is what I
said, continued poem Artificial Life....
**Shelly said that grief is VERY DIFFICULT TO CONVEY, usually of self
interest and very personal, and through this poem, you have extended
the notion of grief and mourning for loss as a universal process, that
many people from all walks of life can relate to the poem
**Shelly said that Bruce, through this poem, "revealed his marshmallow
at heart" even though he tries to sound rough and tough in his
writing :-) (Bruce had a SUPERB story this morning, about this
homeless bipolar woman at the park who pees in public, fends off her
territory from other whackos, so on and so forth, I think that would
make a fabulous story)
**Shelly said that this poem is most unconceited and non-self-
centered, that was a positive thing... Hector asked if I were all
right because I was getting all read in the face and trying to hold
myself straight.
Commentary on MATRIX OF METAPHORS POEM:
Backstory: I told the group that this was an introductory poem to my
Ph.D. on metaphors in science and society.
**good poem, more question-driven and game-like, like an intriguing
puzzle to solve, an opener
**rhythmic structure may over-ride the underlying meaning of the poem
(it was originally a song) (cadence trumps over the meaning of the
poem)
Commentary on CARVED AND HARNESSED POEM:
Backstory: I told them about my situation of knowing ecology and
evolution and earth sciences. I asked a couple of engineers a
question: what would the world look like if we designed it based on
non-linear equations, meaning "chaos theory" based equations? What if
we designed the world based on existing biological and geological
design, rather than off of Newtonian and Quantum mechanics? It's an
open question, the poem is just the starting point.
**Shelly loved the opening line "The land is carved by water / I guess
water carved me as well."
**good poem, more question-driven and game-like, like an intriguing
puzzle to solve, an opener
**rhytmic structure may over-ride the underlying meaning of the poem
(it was originally a song) (cadence trumps over the meaning of the
poem)
**potentially attempt to add more emotion to the poem... it was more
so implemented through the layer of song.... a bit more conversational
than cadence-ridden... but it's optimal for a song!
**I should ask Shelly whether he takes any graduate students, if he
can be on a graduate student committee.
**I wrote to Alberto Urrea and thanked him.
attempt to tune them out. Today is December 20, 2008 and it had been
TEN long weeks (or even longer) since the last time I attended
Shelly's Saturday morning Lions' Den Meet-up. I kind of dreaded in
returning because this is the first time I attended not being mentally
glued to the Illusion--the person who claimed to be no name and all
action, ended up being all words and no action, and a traitor of his
own words--so, I had to dissassociated the meeting with my former
attachment to this person. Hence I will call it a Figurative Death.
Death #1. And since then, there had been other major events, like the
passing of my grandfather Ray, as well as the Tea Fire in Montecito,
which received high publicity from Oprah Winfrey since it was quite
near by her house.
Where in the hxll had I been the last ten weeks? Honestly, I don't
know. The quarter system is a mind-trip all together. I had been
snapping out of a relationship and transitioning this attachment to
the overarching projections onto the university. I met up with Hector
in the morning (I was upset because I was in the process of writing an
essay On Fishermen and Scientists, but never finished). I felt dulled
and desensitized by the whole ordeal, simply through the process of
dissassociation.
Upon arriving to the group, it was nice to see everyone again. It was
a small crowd this time, consisting of Bruce, Jim, and a woman who
writes quite well--an Alaska adventure trip with a conservation
veternarian! As well as Hector and I. I wasn't ready to read any
Elephant and Oak Tree material. I thought this was a VERY nice break
from what I had experienced all quarter. I had been participating in a
College of Creative Studies Course on "telling life stories" and
granted the course consisted of a very talented set of individuals
(undergraduate level) but in the end, on the final day of reading,
everyone read a story about "their most recent romance break up." And
so, I felt that all talent was devoted to "their stage in life," where
how they define themselves and their problems are somewhat limited in
scope. As for Shelly's group, full of seasoned veterans in writing,
their minds have drifted to foreign countries, adventures in
historical times, as well as mysteries-detective stories, the nuances
of cultures and institutions-organizations... far beyond "my first
puppy love" occassions. So, it is in part relieving. It would be nice
to design an audience of people in the middle: a groupie of graduate
student writers.
Very nice change of pace! There were lots of interesting stories read
this morning, and I was quite attentive. I had a few poems I could
read to the group. I read three short poems. It is about the fourth or
fifth time I read "Resurrection" poem, and every single time I feel
pain and I cry. I first wrote the poem in response to Dr. Urrea's
presentation at the Santa Barbara Writers' Conference, but through the
grieving of several deaths: my once friend, the coyote mawling of Cat-
kat, and the passing of my grandfather, Ray, the poem started to
acquire more and more meaning. I ended up reading the poem to Shelly's
writer's group today, as well as mentioning it at Toastmasters, and
sharing it a couple of days before the passing of my grandfather to
Dr. Caroline Allen's telling-life-stories course.
Commentary on RESURRECTION POEM:
Backstory: I told them the last ten weeks I had suffered immense loss--
my grandfather
**"for a great loss / requires a great find" Shelly wrote that quote
down! So did Bruce
**Bruce said that it was amazing for me to write this stuff at such a
young age... but then again, am I really that young?
**Bruce "No one is dead if they are remembered."
**Bruce commentary on the Absurdity of Living too long, age 25, if it
weren't for modern medicine, I'd be dead in five years! That is what I
said, continued poem Artificial Life....
**Shelly said that grief is VERY DIFFICULT TO CONVEY, usually of self
interest and very personal, and through this poem, you have extended
the notion of grief and mourning for loss as a universal process, that
many people from all walks of life can relate to the poem
**Shelly said that Bruce, through this poem, "revealed his marshmallow
at heart" even though he tries to sound rough and tough in his
writing :-) (Bruce had a SUPERB story this morning, about this
homeless bipolar woman at the park who pees in public, fends off her
territory from other whackos, so on and so forth, I think that would
make a fabulous story)
**Shelly said that this poem is most unconceited and non-self-
centered, that was a positive thing... Hector asked if I were all
right because I was getting all read in the face and trying to hold
myself straight.
Commentary on MATRIX OF METAPHORS POEM:
Backstory: I told the group that this was an introductory poem to my
Ph.D. on metaphors in science and society.
**good poem, more question-driven and game-like, like an intriguing
puzzle to solve, an opener
**rhythmic structure may over-ride the underlying meaning of the poem
(it was originally a song) (cadence trumps over the meaning of the
poem)
Commentary on CARVED AND HARNESSED POEM:
Backstory: I told them about my situation of knowing ecology and
evolution and earth sciences. I asked a couple of engineers a
question: what would the world look like if we designed it based on
non-linear equations, meaning "chaos theory" based equations? What if
we designed the world based on existing biological and geological
design, rather than off of Newtonian and Quantum mechanics? It's an
open question, the poem is just the starting point.
**Shelly loved the opening line "The land is carved by water / I guess
water carved me as well."
**good poem, more question-driven and game-like, like an intriguing
puzzle to solve, an opener
**rhytmic structure may over-ride the underlying meaning of the poem
(it was originally a song) (cadence trumps over the meaning of the
poem)
**potentially attempt to add more emotion to the poem... it was more
so implemented through the layer of song.... a bit more conversational
than cadence-ridden... but it's optimal for a song!
**I should ask Shelly whether he takes any graduate students, if he
can be on a graduate student committee.
**I wrote to Alberto Urrea and thanked him.
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