Tau Imperium

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Jacqualine Henington

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Aug 3, 2024, 3:49:11 PM8/3/24

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I feel myself to contain such an old imperium or high city, the place in which I take place. It ages as I do, and will be less than ruins in the end. I read somewhere of the failing of the great Roman aqueducts during the Gothic Wars, and of the Roman population strung out along the course of the Tiber. My imperium has contained them, too; as though from above, I see the little villages along the river, the cook fires and the houses, the great forum too, weed-grown, and the roofless temples and the fallen columns, the children running home.

That first evaluation was conducted by a neuropsychologist, a cheerful pink-cheeked man I now remember as white-bearded (but of course I am not to be trusted with such recollections). Dr. T. and I had a longish conversation about family, hobbies, work, illnesses, problems with memory or spatial orientation, falls, medications, alcohol consumption. He then put me through a series of tests and assessments that could indicate whether, and to what degree, my cognition was impaired, and if impaired, what could be predicted about future loss.

Moments later the thing happened again. Again I felt myself unstoppably rolling backward. I did the same thing with the brake and the ignition and the gearshift. It lasted a shorter period, but finally L. got through to me and I recovered my orientation. Traffic started to move continuously; the trucks moved one by one into the single open lane. I followed.

It was clear that a confusion like this in a different setting could have serious consequences. I would call Dr. M. in the morning and describe it all. What kind of symptom was it? What did it portend, if anything? Did it sound neurological, psychological, a common feature of MCI? L. thought it had to do with a worsening ability to process visual and spatial information. What I said to her was that it felt as though I had fallen under a spell.