16th March 2007
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Written by Danny Dutton, age 8, from Chula Vista, California, for his third grade homework assignment to "Explain God."
One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way, He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.
God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because He hears everything there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off. God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.
Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church. Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK.
His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore, He could stay in heaven. So He did. And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary only more important. You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to hear you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the times.
You should always go to Church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong! And, besides, the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.
If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim very good and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids. But you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases.
And that's why I believe in God."
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Many a true word spoken in jest! - to see more of Briscoe's comments
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She
had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other
bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the
letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"
A little boy on the front
row said, "You're a mother."
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Don't forget April Fool's Day
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook
venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic, and since it was
Lent, they were forbidden from eating red meat on Friday.
The delicious
aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the
Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The priest
came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After
several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass. The priest sprinkled holy
water over him and said, "You were born a Baptist and raised as a Baptist, but
now you are Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until
Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the
neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors.
As the
priest rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him,
he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small
bottle of holy water, which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat while
chanting, "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you are a
catfish."
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