22nd May 2007
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Gadzooks!
May 22, 2007, 1:33:22 AM5/22/07
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WELCOME!!!
You have opted to join a CLEAN
newsletter! Funny pictures/cartoons for all the family!
For saucier pictures/cartoons join
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Gadzooks!
Today's Joke:
A 3-year-old was diligently pounding away on her father's word
processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied, "I can't read."
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied, "I can't read."
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As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station,
our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you dummies fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.
The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"
As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.
The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"
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Mrs. Golden was shopping at a produce stand in her
neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, "How much are these
oranges?"
"Two for a quarter," answered the vendor.
"How much is just one?" she asked.
"Fifteen cents," answered the vendor.
"Then I'll take the other one," said Mrs. Golden.
"Two for a quarter," answered the vendor.
"How much is just one?" she asked.
"Fifteen cents," answered the vendor.
"Then I'll take the other one," said Mrs. Golden.
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Top Ten Things Only Women Understand
10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.
9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.
8. Crying can be fun.
7. Fat clothes.
6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.
5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.
4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.
2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.
1. Other women!
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10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.
9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.
8. Crying can be fun.
7. Fat clothes.
6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.
5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.
4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.
2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.
1. Other women!
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Amaze your friends, shock your spouse, or
co-workers with our new tattoo sleeves. Now you can get "inked" by night and
still keep your day job with our amazingly cool "tattoo sleeves" the tattoo is
printed directly on the stretchable fabric sleeves fabric which is a machine
washable nylon. They come in pairs; wear one or both.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
'Twas the Pig Fair last September.
The day I well remember
I was walking up and down in drunken pride..
When My knees began to flutter,
So I sat down in the gutter..
When a Pig came up and lay down by my side.
As I was sitting in the gutter,
Thinking thoughts I could not utter..
I thought I heard a passing lady say:
"You can tell a man who boozes By the company he chooses."
And with that the pig got up and walked away.
The day I well remember
I was walking up and down in drunken pride..
When My knees began to flutter,
So I sat down in the gutter..
When a Pig came up and lay down by my side.
As I was sitting in the gutter,
Thinking thoughts I could not utter..
I thought I heard a passing lady say:
"You can tell a man who boozes By the company he chooses."
And with that the pig got up and walked away.
=================================================
Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the
carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the swimming pool."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the swimming pool."
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Your wife will never yell at you
about leaving the seat up again! This Toilet Monster is shocking and funny! He
attaches to the inside of the toilet bowl by suction cups. As the unsuspecting
person goes to use the bathroom, they'll scream as they lift the lid and are
greeted by the Toilet Monster!
Not recommended for the elderly or those with a weak heart!
Magistrate: 'But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why
didn't you give her half the road?'
Motorist: 'I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.'
Motorist: 'I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.'
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Waiter to customer: "I know your steak is frozen. I told you
it would melt in your mouth, didn't I?"
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For more ezines,
visit:
My Favorite Ezines
http://www.myfavoriteezines.com
http://www.myfavoriteezines.com
************************************************************************************
Today's
links
Jokeworm's Random
Quote
http://www.jokeworm.com/quotes/
Jokeworm's Random Cute Pic
http://www.jokeworm.com/cutepics/
http://www.jokeworm.com/quotes/
Jokeworm's Random Cute Pic
http://www.jokeworm.com/cutepics/
Jokeworm's Random
Fact.
http://www.jokeworm.com/facts/
http://www.jokeworm.com/facts/
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"And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?"
asked the father of his little son.
"Diet."
"Diet."
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Twelve year old's essay on 'what would you do to try and encourage motorists to show more consideration for others?': 'I would drive a police car.'
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You know its a "no frills" airline when...
... All the insurance machines
in the terminal are sold out.
... Before the flight, the passengers get
together and elect a pilot.
... You cannot board the plane unless you have
the exact change.
... Before take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten
your Velcro.
... The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for
gas.
... The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the
runway.
... You ask the Captain how often their planes crash. He says, "Just
once."
... No movie. Didn't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your
eyes.
... You see a man with a gun and he's demanding to be let off the
plane.
Pure Gadzooks Shop!
Genuine Emerald and Ruby bracelet - sterling silver
7.5inches
22 gr
ONLY
$64.99 (UK: £32.99)
free shipping
need to contact the
owner?
Email not quick
enough?
go to www.asimenia.com and use the live
online chat button!
Pure Gadzooks Ebay Auctions (click
links below)
Jayne's useless
GIF!
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Have a great
day!
Be good to each other and .....
smile!
Jayne.
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