Feb 10th 2007
Gadzooks!
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To get her poor daughter a dress.
When she got there,
The cupboard was bare,
And so is her daughter, I guess.Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress.
When she got there,
The cupboard was bare,
And so is her daughter, I guess.
Watching the girls go by,
Along came a beauty,
He said, Hello Cutie!
And that's how he got his black eye.
Gently down the stream,
Until you hit the water fall
And then you start to scream.
A man and his wife are awoken at 3 o'clock in the morning by a knock on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a stranger is asking for a push.
"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He closes the door and returns to bed.
"Who was it?" asks his wife.
"Just a stranger asking for a push" he answers.
"Did you help him? she asks.
"No I didn't -- it's three in the morning"
"Well you've got a short memory" says his wife, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on holiday and those two guys helped us?. I think you should help him."
The man does as he is told and returns to the front door and calls out into the dark "Hello -- are you still there?"
"Yes", comes the answer.
"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband
"Over here on the swing" the man replies.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he'll believe you.
Tell
him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.
How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his chest,
but always ducked
when someone threw a gun at him?
If it was only a 3 hour cruise, why did MRS. HOWELL have so many clothes.
Why is it called a HAMBURGER, when it's made out of BEEF?
Why does SOUR CREAM have an Expiration date?
What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?
If "Con" is the Opposite of "Pro"....then what is the opposite of PROGRESS?
Why is LEMON JUICE mostly artificial ingredients....
but DISH WASHING
LIQUID comtains real lemons?
How much deeper would the ocean be, if SPONGES didn't grow in it?
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to "CURE" it?
Why do we wash BATH TOWELS-aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do we put SUITS in a Garment Bag, and put Garments in a Suitcase?
Why doesn't GLUE stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?
What do little birdies see, when they get knocked unconscious?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself,
is it
considered a hostage situation?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still
grow,
only to be troubled and insecure?
What's another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly that loses its wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the cop arrests a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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