10th March 2007
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Gadzooks!
Mar 10, 2007, 7:54:43 AM3/10/07
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newsletter! Funny pictures/cartoons for all the family!
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Gadzooks!
Today's Joke:
"99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad
name"
"A day without sunshine is like, night."
"Honk if you love Peace and Quiet"
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"A day without sunshine is like, night."
"Honk if you love Peace and Quiet"
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian,
Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the
light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw
there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.
He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With a Pete soon to celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary at
the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked him to take a few minutes and
share some insight into how he managed to maintain his marriage with the same
woman all these years.
The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions.”
The minister inquired "Trips to where?"
"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."
The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Pete. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"
Pete smirked and says, “I'm going to go get her.”
The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions.”
The minister inquired "Trips to where?"
"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."
The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Pete. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"
Pete smirked and says, “I'm going to go get her.”
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Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
************************************************************************************
For more ezines,
visit:
My Favorite Ezines
http://www.myfavoriteezines.com
http://www.myfavoriteezines.com
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Today's
links
Jokeworm's Random
Quote
http://www.jokeworm.com/quotes/
Jokeworm's Random Cute Pic
http://www.jokeworm.com/cutepics/
http://www.jokeworm.com/quotes/
Jokeworm's Random Cute Pic
http://www.jokeworm.com/cutepics/
Jokeworm's Random
Fact.
http://www.jokeworm.com/facts/
http://www.jokeworm.com/facts/
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GIF!
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Have a great
day!
Be good to each other and .....
smile!
Jayne.
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