15th April 2007
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Gadzooks!
Apr 15, 2007, 2:39:58 AM4/15/07
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Today's Joke:
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows
him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them
a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on
the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He
says "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He goes,
"Jeez...oooh....I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get
an ashtray."
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A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor
that he's worried about getting seasick. The doctor says, "Just eat two pounds
of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock." The guy says, "Will that keep me
from getting sick, Doc?" The doctor says, "No, but it'll look real pretty in the
water."
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The following is an ad that appeared four days in a row in a
real-life newspaper -- the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first
day's mistake.
MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 PM and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred in R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 PM."
WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 PM and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."
THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!
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MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 PM and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred in R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 PM."
WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 PM and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."
THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!
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Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman.
Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave
the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and
I'll mail you a check.
"Oh, by the way, don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest-looking bulldog he had ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling and name calling. Finally, the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
"Oh, by the way, don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest-looking bulldog he had ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling and name calling. Finally, the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
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For more ezines,
visit:
My Favorite Ezines
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http://www.myfavoriteezines.com
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Today's
links
Jokeworm's Random
Quote
http://www.jokeworm.com/quotes/
Jokeworm's Random Cute Pic
http://www.jokeworm.com/cutepics/
http://www.jokeworm.com/quotes/
Jokeworm's Random Cute Pic
http://www.jokeworm.com/cutepics/
Jokeworm's Random
Fact.
http://www.jokeworm.com/facts/
http://www.jokeworm.com/facts/
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Have a great
day!
Be good to each other and .....
smile!
Jayne.
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