10th April 2007
Gadzooks!
to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DevineHalowings. Stories are delivered 3 times a week and
Sundays you can buy some thing with saving as high as 50% . All our savings are on our Sunday
sale-a bration savings day sale edition.
Be sure to try out Miz Shirley's
"RESSYPEES"
She is a powerful good cook,
and shes sharin notes...
To Join up Send a blank E_Mail to:
ressypees...@yahoogroups.com
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psychopath.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise.
What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie? A dog that runs for help...after it bites your leg off.
What does it mean when the flag is at half-mast at the post office? They're hiring.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
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It May Be Hard to Believe That A Scant 100 Years Ago...
The average life expectancy in the United States was forty-seven.
Only 14 percent of the homes in the United States had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was ten mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the twenty-first most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
The average wage in the U.S. was twenty-two cents an hour. The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2500 per year, a veterinarian between $1500 and $4000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the United States took place at home.
Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason, either as travelers or immigrants.
The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart
disease
5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
Drive-by-shootings -- in which teenage boys galloped down the street on horses and started randomly shooting at houses, carriages, or anything else that caught their fancy -- were an ongoing problem in Denver and other cities in the West.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was thirty. The remote desert community was inhabited by only a handful of ranchers and their families.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
One in ten U.S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.
Coca-Cola contained cocaine instead of caffeine.
Punch card data processing had recently been developed, and early predecessors of the modern computer were used for the first time by the government to help compile the 1900 census.
Eighteen percent of households in the United States had at least one full-time servant or domestic.
There were about 230 reported murders in the U.S. annually
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warning - prank site contains some adult pranks
Several years ago a mother gave her son 2 quarters. One was for his Sunday School offering. The other was for an ice cream cone on the way home from Sunday School.
Well, Billy was flipping one quarter in the air and catching it on the way down. This happened 8 times or so when all of a sudden the quarter was flipped into the air, but Billy missed catching it. It rolled down the storm sewer and was gone.
Billy looked skyward and prayed, "Sorry, God, that was your quarter."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Boy Scouts went on a nature hike in the hills, picking hickory nuts along the way. They soon filled their small pails, and started to fill their pockets and shirts. When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery. One of the boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest, and divide out the nuts.
The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets, dumping all of the nuts in a large pile. In the process, two of them rolled away and rested near the road.
The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
As they were doing this, a passer-by happened to hear them. He looked into the cemetery but could not see the boys, as they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a moment, and then ran back to town.
"Father, father," he yelled as he entered his house.
"The cemetery! Come
quick!"
"What's the matter?" his father asked.
"No time to explain," the
boy frantically panted.
"Follow me!"
The boy and his father ran up the country road, and stopped when they reached the cemetery. They stopped at the side of the road, and all fell silent for a few moments. Then the father asked his son what was wrong.
"Do you hear that?" he whispered.
Both people listened intently, and heard the Scouts: "One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you."
The boy then blurted out, "The Devil and the Lord are dividing out the souls!"
The father was skeptical but silent. Until a few moments later, as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts, and one Scout said to the other: "Now as soon as we get those two nuts by the road, we'll have them all."
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