Puppets Enter DC Mayor Race As Better Alternative
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Puppet Underground
Apr 1, 2014, 3:57:26 AM4/1/14
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Hello Puppet Undergrounders!
Please save the date for two upcoming not-to-miss shows: Tues, April 22nd at 7:30pm Rude Mechanical Orchestra and Son Cosita Seria play at Haydee's Restaurant! And Tuesday, April 29th at 8pm Der Vorfuhreffekt Theater tours their newest show to St Stephen's! Details coming soon!
But far more pressing, Puppet Underground is pleased to announce that we are running three write-in candidates in the Mayoral election! See below for details and vote today!
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Press Release:
Puppets Enter Mayoral Race as Better Alternative for DC Than Current Candidates
(Washington, DC): Three well-known puppets entered DC’s election process at the eleventh hour today, running ambitious write-in campaigns. Animal (of Muppets fame), E.T., and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog all announced their candidacies this morning at an unusual press conference on the steps of the Wilson Building. By the end of the press conference it became clear that though differing in approaches, each puppet thought the District stands a better chance with one of them running the executive office.
“Helloooooo DC! I am runneeng for your Mayor!” yelled Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, kicking off the press conference by spitting out his cigar into his campaign manager’s hand. “Write me in and I give free beer for everyone!”
NBC’s Tom Sherwood got in the first question and directed it to Triumph. “Some say that Muriel Bowser would usher in a new era of displacement for poor residents. How would you challenge her blatant disinterest in anti-poverty programs and her lopsided approach to economic development?”
“If you elect me, I promise I’ll prank call Jumbo Slice and have 100 pizzas delivered to Muriel’s campaign headquarters,” responded Triumph. “And I’ll do it today. Right now if you lend me your cell,” he added, swiping the microphone out of reach from Animal who made a grab for it.
“Besides, which puppeteers would you rather have controlling your Mayor: rich developers or progressive anti-capitalists?” shouted Triumph as Animal began wrestling him in earnest for control of the mic. “That’s the choice you face! I’d rather have a progressive hand up my ass any day!”
One gesture and glowing fingertip later, the microphone levitated out of reach of the two struggling puppets and into the hands of E.T.
“E.T. home rule,” said the puppet and pointed slowly off into the distance toward the Capitol building. After a silent three minutes of the awkwardly unchanged gesture, NPR commentator Kavitha Cardozo cleared her throat and asked, “You yourself are a puppet of an undocumented alien from another planet. What do you say to Mayor Gray, who made undocumented workers an easy target in DC by proposing that their new driver’s licenses be specially marked?”
“Ouuch” replied E.T. He looked like he would have (slowly) said more, but Animal pushed him aside to take the next question.
“How do you feel about the field of candidates on the ballot right now?” asked Washington Post reporter Marc Fisher.
Shaking the podium violently, Animal offered his view: “BAD. BAD. BAD. BAD. BAAAAAD! BAAAAAAAAAAAD!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!”
Once Animal had ripped the podium to shreds, eaten the microphone and chased most of the reporters across the street, the press conference appeared to be at an end.
=================
Press Release:
Puppets Enter Mayoral Race as Better Alternative for DC Than Current Candidates
(Washington, DC): Three well-known puppets entered DC’s election process at the eleventh hour today, running ambitious write-in campaigns. Animal (of Muppets fame), E.T., and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog all announced their candidacies this morning at an unusual press conference on the steps of the Wilson Building. By the end of the press conference it became clear that though differing in approaches, each puppet thought the District stands a better chance with one of them running the executive office.
“Helloooooo DC! I am runneeng for your Mayor!” yelled Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, kicking off the press conference by spitting out his cigar into his campaign manager’s hand. “Write me in and I give free beer for everyone!”
NBC’s Tom Sherwood got in the first question and directed it to Triumph. “Some say that Muriel Bowser would usher in a new era of displacement for poor residents. How would you challenge her blatant disinterest in anti-poverty programs and her lopsided approach to economic development?”
“If you elect me, I promise I’ll prank call Jumbo Slice and have 100 pizzas delivered to Muriel’s campaign headquarters,” responded Triumph. “And I’ll do it today. Right now if you lend me your cell,” he added, swiping the microphone out of reach from Animal who made a grab for it.
“Besides, which puppeteers would you rather have controlling your Mayor: rich developers or progressive anti-capitalists?” shouted Triumph as Animal began wrestling him in earnest for control of the mic. “That’s the choice you face! I’d rather have a progressive hand up my ass any day!”
One gesture and glowing fingertip later, the microphone levitated out of reach of the two struggling puppets and into the hands of E.T.
“E.T. home rule,” said the puppet and pointed slowly off into the distance toward the Capitol building. After a silent three minutes of the awkwardly unchanged gesture, NPR commentator Kavitha Cardozo cleared her throat and asked, “You yourself are a puppet of an undocumented alien from another planet. What do you say to Mayor Gray, who made undocumented workers an easy target in DC by proposing that their new driver’s licenses be specially marked?”
“Ouuch” replied E.T. He looked like he would have (slowly) said more, but Animal pushed him aside to take the next question.
“How do you feel about the field of candidates on the ballot right now?” asked Washington Post reporter Marc Fisher.
Shaking the podium violently, Animal offered his view: “BAD. BAD. BAD. BAD. BAAAAAD! BAAAAAAAAAAAD!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!”
Once Animal had ripped the podium to shreds, eaten the microphone and chased most of the reporters across the street, the press conference appeared to be at an end.
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Happy April Fool's Day!
Love from Puppet Underground
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