Acceleration

[Aleks TK]

I always try to draw a strong distinction between what I experience and
what conclusions I draw from that experience. Even the most plausible
hypothesis doesn't count for much if empirical observation doesn't
support it. Being mindful is only a first defense. No matter how hard I
try I can never guarantee my assumptions aren't incomplete or tainted by
bias. Repeating observations is critical, other people should be able to
reproduce the outcome of an experiment.

I would like to talk about a form of meditation KayTwo and I have been
practicing for the past several months. This is an update on a topic I
posted about on our old mailing list, so some of the information might
be familiar. This thread is started in light recent observations and
KayTwo's experience with what appears to be 'stream entry'.

Since this post turned out longer than War and Peace I'm going to split
it into two parts. Part 1 will be background information and an
introduction to some of the terminology we use. Part 2 will describe
some of my own theories about his form of meditation and how it ties
into the phenomenon of 'ego death'.

KayTwo is also currently writing an account of her experiences with this
form of meditation. Her most recent encounter with ego death was
markedly different than her previous experiences with memory
suppression. It was also induced entirely through meditation, while
sober. Expect it to follow shortly after this post. (Probably tomorrow)

This mailing list is an open forum, so feel free to also respond with
your own questions, comments, or concerns.

[Part 1]

Before my interest in meditation, before my obsession with
PsychonautWiki, I was a college student who tried LSD and experienced
'ego death'. To quote our wiki article on memory suppression:

> At level 3 [memory loss], the most profound aspect of all-encompassing
> long-term memory suppression is the way in which it obliterates one's
> ability to recall or even feel a general sense of their own name,
> identity, me-ness or selfhood. The experience of this is colloquially
> known as ego death and is well documented throughout the modern
> psychonautic subculture. It results in the profound experience that
> although one is not unconscious, there is no longer an “I”
> experiencing current sensory input; there is just the input as it is
> and by itself.

The phenomenon is rather difficult to describe to somebody who's never
experienced an altered state of 'self', or who hasn't given much thought
to their concept of 'selfhood', likely considering it to be synonymous
with their physical body or brain. Those who have undergone ego death
will know it as one of their most profound experiences. It was this
phenomenon that initially drove me to PsychonautWiki and convinced me of
the life-changing capabilities of psychedelics.

It should be noted that I have very little experience with disassociates
such as ketamine. I recently spoke with someone who noted that
disassociates can cause a different form of ego death than what I have
encountered. For the purposes of this thread when I refer to 'ego death'
I mean in the context of classical psychedelics.

My interest in meditation began with a blog post I found on Less Wrong.
(http://bit.ly/1NZTsvK) The author, DavidM, only posted twice before
vanishing from the face of the earth, but I was impressed with the
detail and consistency in his articles. My bullshit detector wasn't
going off, so I decided to research the technique further, something I
would later learn was called 'vipassana' (mahasi noting style).

I encourage our readers to view both posts. DavidM describes
'enlightenment' in the traditional Buddhist sense as a certain kind of
knowledge. The knowledge that selfhood is an delusion and that people
exist only as aspects of a completely interconnected and natural
universe. Enlightenment involves understanding this fact on a
fundamental level, and that occurs through a set of concentration and
perceptual exercises known as meditation. In this way becoming
enlightened is simply learning to be more rational, recognizing and
overcoming a certain form of delusion that most people don't recognize.

How does one do this? By honing their perception to an almost
microscopic level, expanding their conscious experience to include
subtle mental phenomenon that normally remain unseen. At this level of
mindfulness it is no longer easy construct the illusion of the a
'watcher' behind intentions, actions, and awareness. Cartesian dualism
falls apart.

To heavily quote the article again:

> A major focus of this method of meditation is to develop an
> acquaintance with what are called 'vibrations.' A meditator practicing
> in this style will eventually find that their experience is not
> static, but 'vibrates' or fluxes in a peculiar way over extremely
> short periods of time (fractions of a second). For an explanation by
> analogy, imagine a set of speakers playing music without dynamic
> variation; if a person rapidly turns the volume knob in the pattern
> off-low-high-low-off, the amplitude of the music will flux over time.
> Similarly, a meditator practicing in this style finds that the
> components of experience are not static, but fluctuate rapidly from
> nonexistent to existent and back again.
>
> The orthodox view is that these vibrations are related to
> 'impermanence,' according to Buddhism one of the three characteristics
> of everything that exists. A science-inspired view is that this style
> of meditation develops one's attention to the point that one can
> directly observe an artifact of the way that attention is implemented
> and interacts with sense data and cognitive content in the brain.

Despite the unfortunate terminology these 'vibrations' are very real and
not new-agey at all, merely a result of conscious perception shifting
between different aspects of experience (the physical senses, thought,
intention, emotion, memory, etc). They are observable with minimal
practice and are a fundamental aspect of this style of meditation. Your
ability to perceive more and more of your field of experience as
vibrations is one indicator of progress.

After my interest was piqued by the Less Wrong post, I started
meditating on a semi-regular basis. I discovered Daniel Ingram's
excellent MCTB (http://bit.ly/1NSwbg0) which confirms and expands
DavidM's description of these stages of progress. Both authors describe
the same variation of a simple technique that has been practiced by
Buddhists for thousands of years. (mahasi noting vipassana)

> Basic method: Sit down in a place where there are few distractions,
> and pick an object to focus one's attention on. The most popular
> object is the motion of the abdomen as one breathes in and out. Begin
> by trying to clearly perceive the feeling of the abdomen; when it
> expands and you perceive it clearly, attach the label 'in' to that
> perception, and when it contracts and you perceive that clearly,
> attach the label 'out' to that perception.
>
> As your attention becomes more stable and precise, you can divide the
> experience up into as many parts as you can discern: for example,
> 'in'->'holding'->'out'->'holding', or further,
> 'in-beginning'->'in-slowing'->'holding'->'out-beginning'->'out-slowing'->'holding'.
> The label you use is not important so long as it's simple and makes
> sense to you. What is important is attending to the perception, and
> the best way to do this is by attaching a label to the perception
> every time you notice it clearly.
>
> Focus on perceiving every aspect of the movement of your abdomen as
> precisely as is possible for you, given your current level of
> attentional and perceptual development, and on keeping your attention
> as set on the movements of your abdomen as possible given the same.
> When you get good at this, try to incline your mind towards the
> attentional / perceptual flux called 'vibrations' in the experience of
> your abdomen moving. Try to see how, in the experience of attention
> being fixed on an object, it is continually being set and re-set
> there. After enough practice, they will make themselves apparent.
> Whenever your attention goes to anything other than your abdomen,
> attach a label to the accidental object of attention and then go back
> to your abdomen.

DavidM describes four modes of perception a meditator slowly progress
through until they reach 'partial enlightenment'. Note that both KayTwo
and I have experienced first-hand each mode of perception these authors
describe. Our experiences matched these descriptions completely. I
present here a (highly abridged) summary of these modes:

> Stage one:
>
> Typical qualities of mode one perception: Very narrow attentional
> width (if you "tune into" one sense you "tune out" the others"; if you
> "tune into" part of the content of one sense [e.g. a visual object in
> front of you] you "tune out" all the other content of that sense [e.g.
> your peripheral vision]), vibrations are subtle, various cognitive and
> emotional content but nothing very extreme aside from physical
> unpleasantness.

> Stage two:
>
> Typical qualities of mode two perception: slightly wider attentional
> width, vibrations are obvious and often perceived effortlessly,
> potential for extreme shifts in mood and energy towards the positive
> end of the spectrum; potential for surprising or detailed spontaneous
> visualizations or mental imagery, potential for highly physical /
> sexual / pleasurable sensations,[hypo]manic behavior (such as high sex
> drive, low need for sleep, etc.).
>
> Goal: Observe vibrations without any special regard to the content of
> the experience that they comprise; spend enough time observing them
> that it becomes effortless; try to observe them so precisely that you
> will be able to see an extremely high number of them per second.
>
> This stage manifests in a variety of ways that typically mimic
> hypomania, and in extreme cases can mimic mania with psychotic
> features. It is highly typical for the end of this stage to involve
> extremely strong physical rushing sensations ("energy") throughout the
> body. They can be extremely sexual (like the biggest orgasm you've
> ever had), possibly paradoxically pleasant and unpleasant at the same
> time, and can somehow distort your sense of self or constitute a very
> short-lived bona fide altered state of consciousness.

> Stage three:
>
> In stage three, the characteristic mode of perception tends to be
> unpleasant, so it is possible to get "stuck" because you may be
> inclined not to observe your experience. Typical qualities of mode
> three perception: attentional width is very diffuse (as if you can see
> a lot of your experience at once, but none of it especially clearly),
> some vibrations are fast while others aren't, vibrations tend to
> change frequency less often, 'discord' between vibrations in the
> experiential field, potential for moodiness, low energy, depression,
> anxiety, feelings of hopelessness, and all kinds of other unpleasantness.
>
> Goal: Observe vibrations. Attend to a wider swath of your experience
> than before, even if it feels like your ability to perceive it is
> clouded or muddled. Whatever terrible experiences arise, see them as
> objects of experience, or better yet, as vibrating objects of experience.
>
> Mode three perception often involves new kinds of feelings that
> warrant labels such as 'dissociated' or 'off-balance' or
> 'out-of-sync.' Look very closely. You may find that doing so gives you
> a new understanding of what experiential objects a variety of words
> concerning negative emotions actually refer to.

> Stage four:
>
> The contrast between stage three and stage four should be rather big.
> One typical manifestation of the very beginning of stage four is
> boredom or a feeling of blandness. Recognize stage four by the fact
> that your attention is both wider and clearer than before.
>
> Typical qualities of mode four perception: attentional width is such
> that you can see very large amounts of your experience and it seems
> rather clear (rather than muddled), vibrations are regular and slowly
> become synchronized, feelings of boredom and indifference that
> eventually turn into peace and equanimity, ability to perceive subtle
> aspects of experience that were previously indiscernible.
>
> As you get deeper into this stage, it may occur to you that there have
> always been experiences that you have never properly recognized as
> mental objects. For example, 'intending,' 'making effort,' or
> 'willing' may suddenly seem as if they're truly on the same footing as
> 'seeing' insofar as they are just experiences and not 'yours' or
> 'generated by you' or 'descriptions of your agency'.
>
> As you get deeper into this stage, many subtle objects may present
> themselves for which the appropriate label is not obvious. Often these
> will ultimately be given labels such as 'spaciousness' or
> 'nothingness'. Don't worry about what to call them, just make it a
> point to call them something and see them clearly.
>
> Deep into this stage, you are likely to have the sense that what you
> call 'self' is just a mental object which appears to be the observer
> of experience, but which you are paradoxically observing. You won't
> resolve the paradox by thinking about it, so just observe that object
> precisely and label it 'observer.'

Near the end of Stage 4 DavidM notes that the senses can become mingled:

> At the very end you may temporarily lose the ability to distinguish
> between your various senses. (This is not synaesthesia, but simply a
> change that involves objects being seen as 'experience' rather than
> being categorized by the particular sense they manifest in.) The
> distinction between the senses may seem arbitrary or artificial.

Daniel Ingram elaborates on this point, describing what he calls
“formations”:

> Phenomena may even begin to lose the sense that they are of a
> particular sense door, and mental and physical phenomena may appear
> nearly indistinguishably as just vibrations of suchness, formations
> have the following qualities when clearly experienced:
>
> They contain all the six sense doors in them, including thought, in a
> way that does not split them up sequentially in time or positionally
> in space. If you could take a 3D moving photograph that also captured
> smell, taste, touch, sound, and thought, all woven into each other
> seamlessly and containing a sense of flux, this would approximate the
> experience of one formation. They contain not only a complete set of
> aspects of all six sense doors within them, but include the perception
> of space (volume) and even of time/movement.
>
> Formations are so inclusive that they viscerally demonstrate what is
> pointed to by the concept of “no-self” in a way that no other mode of
> experiencing reality can. As formations become predominant, we are
> faced first with the question of which side of the dualistic split we
> are on and then with the question of what is watching what earlier
> appeared to be both sides.
>
> When experienced at very high levels of concentration, formations lose
> the sense that they were even formed of experiences from
> distinguishable sense doors. This is hard to describe, but one might
> try such nebulous phrases as “waves of suchness,” or “primal,
> undifferentiated experience.”

Note that KayTwo has first-hand experience of formations and describes
them as directly proceeding her recent meditation-induced ego death
(Stream Entry). As for myself I am fairly certain I am near the
beginning of Stage 4, as my experiences correspond to descriptions of it
almost perfectly. I have not yet experienced 'formations'.

The end result of Stage 4 is a temporary cessation of consciousness
known as 'nirvana'. At this point some of the meditator's delusions are
extinguished and they have become partially enlightened. This first
taste of nirvana is known as 'stream entry' and marks the end of a
'cycle of insight'.

The meditator then begins at stage two and slowly meditates until they
reach nirvana again, and the cycle is repeated. When enoughs cycles are
completed the meditator becomes fully enlightened. Note: the proceeding
description is incredibly simplified and ignores many details,
apparently higher stages of enlightenment can get rather complicated.

[End of Part 1]

--
Aleks TK (PsychonautWiki.org) [I am not a member of the staff]

[Aleks TK]

[Part 2]

While I have been had been meditating on and off for several months, my interests were rekindled after discovering PsychonautWiki. I wanted to know if any state called 'enlightenment' really existed and report what I found to the community. Another member, KayTwo, was also intrigued and decided to apply the technique with me. My practice became at least 90 minutes of sitting meditation a day, and I began keeping a log of my experiences.

By this point I had noticed that 'vibrations' would become obvious whenever I used psychedelics. Each time before encountering ego death I would feel like as if all of reality was dissolving into vibrations. My field of experience becoming sharper and wider before suddenly leading to ego death.

A spent one weekend experimenting with LSD and nitrous oxide, combining it with vipassana. This allowed me to induce ego death again and again. Experienced mediators will tell you the end goal of a vipassana cycle is to 'penetrate' an individual vibration, seeing a single perception for its true nature. I began to think of the ego death in terms of seeing the space in between vibrations, which matched my observations. [Note that nitrous is a dissociative. However I have consistently observed the same changes to my perception of vibrations whenever I experience ego death style memory suppression with only LSD.]

One of the problems with the term 'ego death' is that it is somewhat vague and may refer to distinct mechanisms of action. In an effort to avoid ambiguity (and the baggage associated with traditional Buddhist terminology) KayTwo and I have begun referring to the changes in perception leading to this form of memory loss as 'acceleration'. We will be using this term whenever referring to ego death induced through the enhanced perception of vibrations.

To reiterate on my previous thread, I suspect the reason memory loss occurs during acceleration is due to an individual experiencing reality on a level which allows them to observe individual frames of perception. Because all of experience including thoughts and emotion are made of vibrations, it doesn't make sense to be able to recall other aspects of your memory or selfhood, as you are only perceiving one vibration at a time.

KayTwo's recent experience with stream entry differs from other forms of ego death in a number of ways. First, it was induced entirely without drugs. Second, it wasn't as random or instantaneous as other forms of ego death but was more of a 'process' which involved seeing subtler and subtler aspects of her consciousness. Third, rather than simply losing her ability to recall her sense of self-hood, she suffered a complete and utter annihilation of her being, including a complete loss of consciousness.

She describes the experience as simply blinking out of existence for what was a split second but felt like it could have been a thousand years. The event was incredibly profound. The description she gave directly conforms to my understanding of what should occur at the end of a vipassana cycle. I suspect this is the ultimate end result of acceleration, and that the ego death members of this community have experienced on psychedelics are a more spontaneous and less controlled form of the same phenomenon.

I believe this form of meditation and its effects are worth investigating further. Specifically I am interested in observing and cataloging the subtle 'mental objects' that manifest themselves in the late stages of acceleration (as well as 'formations'). As practicing this form of meditation involves mindfulness of perception on an elementary level, I suspect it could be a useful tool observing the nuanced details of altered states of consciousness. With concentration I can see how the vibrations of seeing and hearing interweave with vibrations of “imagining” or “intending” on an almost frame-by-frame basis. The experience is rather profound.

I am also interested in the way psychoactive drugs affect acceleration. Although I normally do not meditate under the influence of psychedelics, I have discovered that microdoses of LSD (< 100ug) substantially improves my ability to perceive vibrations, often pushing me into brand new territory. I have also experimented with Adderall, nitrous, and marijuana, each of which have had their own unique effects that should be explored further.

It is worth noting that although KayTwo did not use psychedelics while meditating (she didn't have access to them until very recently) her rate of progress is rather impressive. In a few months she passed through territory that usually requires several years (and a few all-day retreats) to skillfully navigate. I have to wonder if experiencing ego death through psychedelics allows someone to more easily induce the phenomenon through meditation. Although at the moment this is nothing more than conjecture.

To move forward I propose we create a page on StonerTalk and encourage other members of the community to practice the technique. [I am looking at you Osca, Visid, and Josie.] Once enough members have confirmed the experience for themselves, we should expand the articles on meditation and memory loss. Ultimately I would like the community to map out in detail what altered states of consciousness vipassana is capable of inducing.

I look forward to hearing your responses.

[End of Part 2]