{The Healing Heart} What it is, is...

[Gretchen Offord [SGLC]]

{The Healing Heart} What it is, is...


We are often led to understand terminology with one, maybe two, definitions. But what happens when there are multiple definitions to an action?

My life has been a long study (observation, experience, education, helping others) in the realities of addiction. I have seen it be a substance that's used/abused/misused, and also an activity, an attitude, a behavior...all ultimately leading to a lifestyle that hurts or destroys many people.

Most of us think substances when we hear the word addiction. But it is a very incomplete definition.

Addiction is a choice to manage something without dealing with it directly.

Substances are but a band-aid, of sorts, to manage something in our lives or within us, memories of the heart or mind.

We can learn to use substances from our families of origin or our family trees. Generational addictions are horribly destructive as they are not merely emotional in nature, but also physical and mental. They not only ruin one's life (healthy, positive outlook
and goals) but also one's relationships. Why? Fear, avoidance, denial (lying), guilt, shame are several of the factors involved. Our choosing addiction to ease our fears (or guilt, shame, etc.) will cause us to avoid responsibility and accountability, and to blame others not just once but repeatedly.

We can also learn to use substances to numb our own pain caused by traumatic emotional wounds from our lives (adulthood, youth and childhood). Substance use does another horrific thing: It stops emotional growth, thus when one starts using substances in their youth, their psychological development ceases until they cease using the substance.

Addictions can be to legal or illegal drugs, foods (sugars, sodas, caffeine, carbs, desserts, snack foods), besides alcoholic beverages.

Addiction is a consistent choosing of behaviors and attitudes that one knows are destructive but one chooses to avoid reality. Sadly, the time and effort it takes to deal honestly and bravely with reality is minimal compared to the years one takes avoiding it by addiction.

There are addictions to other things:

Control which is a feeble attempt to manage (avoidance) fears;
Power which stems from feeling useless and abandoned;
Pornography which stems from sexual abuse (sexuality is a very powerful drug);
Gambling which gives a sense of power and worth;
Work (business, careers) which makes one feel powerful and of worth;
Attitudes of superiority over others (racism, politics are two examples) which is rooted in low self esteem, powerlessness, and ignorance (lack of listening, understanding, and tolerance)...The list goes on. Entertainment, religion, and computers are other means we use that can become addictions as well.

Fear leading to control causes us to manipulate others so to keep everyone behaving in ways which make us comfortable, but denies them their rights to individuality.

Addictions are our attempts to feel good, to compensate for feeling bad (real or false) about ourselves, our lives, our families. Addictions are such because we choose to NOT give them up despite evidence showing their destructive effects in our lives, and the lives of others in our circle of influence.

Substance use, or addiction, doesn't change our emotions, it just numbs them. But those emotions will come out in other ways -- sideways, and at things or others not connected to our reasons for using or doing in the first place. This is what is called 'passive aggressive' behavior. We learn to manipulate situations so that we feel good, but when we do so someone is
'thrown under the bus', discredited or devalued because of our selfishness to ease our own pain at their expense.

Addiction is a very self involved activity, for it puts one's own needs ahead of others regularly, consistently, and for the long-term.

When one realizes one has an addiction, the first step is to give it to God, not blindly as if He will just magically erase it, its causes, and the hurt we have caused others over the years of our addiction. No, we give it to God as a means to help us understand why we have chosen to be addicted, and to give us strength to make honest amends.

Honesty is the first step towards healing the addiction, its causes, and the damage we have done to others. Our relationships are only as good as we are honest with ourselves and others.

Are you and your relationships worth that honesty? Is there anything in your life that you have chosen to continue to do even though you know (at some level) it isn't good for you despite your assumption that it meets your needs? Has it interrupted the communication between persons? Addictions block communications (both sides) in any relationship because of the fear of discovery.

God gives courage to face things, He will make you brave to make amends. The key is to choose honesty rather than the lies of addiction.

Trust Him, and honesty.


©2014, Gretchen Offord, Susannah's Grace Life Coaching. All rights reserved.

 

"The head may seek God, but it is the heart that finds Him." Jeremiah 29:13
Susannah's Grace Life Coaching (Leadership; Mentoring; Counseling ) ~ Healing For The Wounded Heart
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