Hi,
To answer the questions:
1. They can be different. In that test, I didn't choose to set them differently though. Is there anything that makes you concerned about this choice?
2. Mesh material properties are specified by those S2M parameters. Compared to real-world materials, the properties we use tend to be much less stiff. This is to make the simulation easier to run, and it is a common practice.
3. and 4. are very related, I'd like to talk about them together. The short answer is that in your case you should use material-based properties, instead of specifying stiffness and damping numbers. An example of using material-based properties is demo_GPU_ballDrop. There, you specify Young's modulus and Poisson's ratio and friction coefficient and such, and the solver calculates the rest without you worrying about it. For aluminum or titanium, you should know those material properties. But I should notify you that using true Young's modulus could necessitate an extremely small time step size for your simulation to run, and it is questionable whether using true properties means much for increasing the fidelity of your simulations.
I admit that Eq.18 and Eq.19 make the text a bit less intuitive to understand. Eq.18 and Eq.19 basically say that when you set normalStiffS2S, normalDampS2S and such in the code, you are setting \hat{k} and \hat{\gamma}, rather than k and \gamma. We need to convert \hat{k} and \hat{\gamma} to k and \gamma to understand the physics, because Eq.3 and 4 use k and \gamma. But Chrono::GPU uses a nonlinear force model where the force is proportional to \delta^{1.5}, rather than \delta. That is to say the k and \gamma in Eq.3 and 4 are not independent of \delta. And indeed, k and \gamma contain a \delta^{0.5} in them, as indicated in Eq.18 and Eq.19. Also, k and \gamma are dependent on R and m, meaning that smaller particles are effectively stiffer given the same material, and this is a part of the force model. As for how to convert Young's modulus and such to k and \gamma, as indicated in the paper you are referred to Fleischmann, J.; Serban, R.; Negrut, D.; Jayakumar, P. On the importance of displacement history in soft-body contact models. J. Comput. Nonlinear Dyn. 2016, 11, 044502. Using this paper you can probably figure out a stiffness param k' which is in front of \delta^{1.5}, then you know k' is independent of \delta (since we use a force model proportional to \delta^{1.5}), and then based on the particle size and mass, you can figure out \hat{k} which is completely independent, and the solver asks for \hat{k}.
After reading all these, you probably already decided to use the material-based model. I would like to comment that the way \hat{k} and \hat{\gamma} were implemented is more force model-oriented, without considering much about the implications on materials (mindset: as long as we can explain how they make into the force model, it is fine). This is related to the fact that the stiffness and damping choices in many situations are numerical viability-driven, rather than trying to capture a specific material. You probably don't believe this now, but faithfully setting the true stiffness and damping, in some DEM simulations, makes them much more difficult to run while offering little accuracy boost for the application you try to simulate.
One last thing: If you use DEM-Engine, the only default model is material-based, so know that if you switch to that tool you don't have to worry about all these. Also note that the friction coefficient between two materials, if you use the material-based model in Chrono::GPU, will always be the larger one between the two. Whereas in DEM-Engine, you can specify explicitly the friction coefficient between any pair of two materials involved in a contact.
Ruochun