Keys2SuccessfulBiblicalMarriage
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Jul 2, 2008, 2:33:49 PM7/2/08
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Successful Biblical Marriage revised
Some Anthropological and Biblical Thoughts on Biblical Christian
Marriage. Some Keys to Successful Biblical Marriage
COPYRIGHT © July 2, 2008 All rights reserved.
by R. L. Tyler olds...@gmail.com, oldes...@excite.com
oldse...@aol.com
P.O.Box 620763, San Diego, CA 92162-0763
This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of
computer networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so
inclined AS LONG AS IT IS NOT CHANGED.
In Memory of Joy Lynn Risker and Carol Lynn McIntyre
Please note that I propose to show you keys to successful "Biblical"
marriage, not just successful marriage. This document is most helpful
if used along with my document "Keys To Loving Unity In Marriage"
where
many basic and practical principles are covered for those who have a
"born again in the Spirit and Jesus" relationship with God. Here I
will
just deal with the basic principles for experiencing godly success in
your Christian marriage. The married Christian needs to believe,
recognize and accept the fact that on his/her own and by his/her own
efforts he/she is completely unable to successfully and daily live
the
life of a married Christian that Jesus instructs them to live..
The person who has believed Jesus and what Jesus says in the Bible,
and has called on Him to save them from his/her basic incompatability
with God, The Most High Father, has called on Jesus to save her/
him from the penalty, power and presence of all that is ungodly in
her/
his life. Being adopted by the Father by Jesus, the believer has
received
the Holy Spirit who enters the believer and lives the Life of Jesus in
the
believer as the believer learns to yield to the Spirit. The believer
is not
Holy Spirit possessed, but Spirit secured and Spirit indwelt, with
the
Spirit able, ready and willing to work and will in the believer the
work
and will of God, as the enabled believer turns over to Jesus her/his
body,
soul and spirit to be used and worked by God's Spirit to do the work
and will of God. It is a learning process, this yielding to the
Spirit, and
to our own hurt and loss we so often take back into our own hands
the reins of our life, getting in Jesus way and to often messing up
His
work in and through us. Our hope and confidence is that He who began
the good work in us will complete it in us before we see Jesus again
face to face.
Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will
carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Colossians 1:22
But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through
death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free
from accusation—
Jude 1:24
[ Doxology ] To him who is able to keep you from falling and to
present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great
joy—
Now we know that naturally on our own our lives and our marriage
will be characterized by sexual immorality, impurity, indecency,
idolatry, sorcery, drug abuse, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, bad
temper, selfishness, divisions, dissensions, party spirit, factions,
sects with divisive opinions, heresies, envy, drunkenness, carousing,
vainglory, self-conceit, competitiveness, challenging and provoking
and irritating to one another.. (Gal 5:19-21). When Christ comes to
Live in us, His Spirit produces "fruit", the good works to which
Jesus
has called His own children/disciples. He Lives in us by His Spirit
and
since it is His Life, He is the One who has to Live it in us,
producing
His fruit in us. The "fruit" He works and wills in us is gentle, kind,
patient,
humble, respectful, well behaved, forgiving, enduring, optimistic,
compassionate and hopeful Love; joy, gladness, peace, an even temper,
forbearance, goodness, benevolence, faithfulness, meekness, humility,
self-control, self-restraint and continence. (Gal 5:22-26)
It is His Life and He is the only One who can Live it in you.
Here are key passages that show this principle:
***" [Jesus said] 1 I AM the True Vine, and My Father is the
Vinedresser. . . .4 Dwell in Me, and I will dwell in you. [Live in Me,
and I will live in you.] Just as no branch can bear fruit of itself
without abiding in (being vitally united to) the vine, NEITHER CAN YOU
BEAR FRUIT UNLESS YOU ABIDE IN ME. 5 I am the Vine; you are the
branches. Whoever lives in Me and I in him bears much (abundant)
fruit. However, APART FROM ME [cut off from vital union with Me] YOU
CAN DO NOTHING [good and of eternal value before God]. John 15
***"13. [Not relying on your own strength] for IT IS GOD Who is all
the while effectually AT WORK IN YOU [energizing and creating in you
the power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure
and satisfaction and delight." Phil 2
***" 20 I have been crucified with Christ [in Him I have shared His
crucifixion]; IT IS NO LONGER I WHO LIVE, BUT CHRIST (THE
MESSIAH) IS LIVING IN ME; and the life I now live in the body I live
by faith in (by adherence to and reliance on and complete trust in)
the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself up for me" Gal 2 AB
***"8 For it is by free grace (God's unmerited kindness) that you are
saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ's
salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of
yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving],
but it is the gift of God; 9 Not because of works [not the
fulfillment of the Law's demands], lest any man should boast. [It is
not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride
himself in it or take glory to himself.] 10 For we are God's [own]
handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew]
that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned
beforehand) for us [God
working and willing in us to take paths which He prepared ahead of
time], that we should walk in them [God living, working and willing in
us the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live]."
Eph 2 from AB
***"20 Now MAY THE GOD OF PEACE [Who is the Author and the Giver of
peace], . . . 21 STRENGTHEN (COMPLETE, PERFECT) AND MAKE YOU WHAT YOU
OUGHT TO BE AND EQUIP YOU WITH EVERYTHING GOOD THAT YOU MAY CARRY OUT
HIS WILL; [WHILE HE HIMSELF] WORKS IN YOU AND ACCOMPLISHES THAT WHICH
IS PLEASING IN HIS SIGHT, through Jesus Christ (the Messiah); to Whom
be the glory forever and ever (to the ages of the ages). Amen (so be
it)." Heb 13
Every family and society practicing marriage must overcome the
problem
of how the husband and wife get along, and the problem of how they
get along with their relatives. Social Anthropologist Paul Bohannan
Ph.D
declares that the "most successful instances are those in which the
content of both sets of relationships is firmly structured and where
only
a minimum is left for the individuals playing the roles to work out on
a
personal basis. A satisfactory structural relationship to fall back on
if the
personal relationship fails seems to be vital.” <SA p. 110>
Jesus is the primary creator and sustainer of the structural
relationship
in a godly marriage, and He works and wills His work and will in and
through the godly husband, who is given the responsibility of leading,
and in and through the godly wife, who is given the responsibility of
following and supporting. Jesus has established the basic content of
the marital and parental relationships. In the Biblical context,
the husband leads and teaches the family, having no right or
authority
to make the wife submit, while it becomes the responsibility of the
wife to examine her husband’s lead and teaching to see if it is in
line
with the Word of her King Jesus, and then if it is, her part is to
willingly and voluntarily submit herself to and follow his lead, he
being
one of the authorities He has placed over her (Rom 13:1-5; Lk
22:20-30; 1 Pet 3 and 5; Ephes 5; 1Thess 5:21; Ac 17:11). The child's
responsibility is very much like that of the wife/mother. Without
these
partnerships in the marital structure and content Jesus has provided,
the success and well being of a godly and Biblical marriage
is doomed to frustration or failure or both.
“Even in societies in which marriage is a working part of the social
structure,” the marriage of the wife usually is not always a
pleasant one. As with the Way to the Father through Jesus, many
are involved but only a few find the way to have a pleasant marital
experience, even though Jomo Kenyata maintains that there are quite
a few among the Gikuyu of his Kenya who have a pleasant marital
experiences< see 3 & 4>. In primitive and tribal societies the wife
has far
fewer rights and privileges than men, especially husbands. Even
though
the husband must share himself and his things with members of the
family,
the wife usually lands up having to share and give up even more.
Whenever
the husband is required to be away from her, she knows that SHE ISN’T
WITH HIM, and that while she has to go without marital intimacy
during
that time, the husband seems to be doing better than her. The natural
wife will respond to all of this naturally, with bitterness,
resentment,
anger and aggravated selfishness. The burden on the godly Christian
husband here is for him to live above and beyond his earthly culture
and
behave as He is, a citizen of the City and Kingdom of God, who has
been
renewed to live in the Way of Jesus, to be kind, impartial, unbiased,
equitable, fair and just in his relationship with his wife and family,
lest
his prayersbe hindered (1 Peter 3:7), or he become weak, sick or
dying
(1 Cor 11:30-32). I believe that is impossible for the natural man to
live
and experience godly marriage without Jesus.
“Even in societies in which marriage is a working part of the social
structure,” the marriage of the husband usually is not an easy
experience. His wife can make life miserable for her husband,
making life Hell on earth for such a husband. In primitive and tribal
societies this is the price a man may have to pay to give birth to
and raise his own “social security” for the last part of his life,
looking
to his children to support and care for him in his old age.<SA p.
108>
When the disciples heard Jesus' standards for marriage, its
permanence and the perils of divorce, they said, "If that is the only
reason a man can divorce his wife, it is better not to marry." (Mat
19)
The thought of not having the easy divorce option given by the
Jewish elders' misinterpretation of Deut 24 was enough to make
them not want to marry, the fear of being stuck with a difficult or
contrary wife for life was more than they wanted to handle.
Furthermore
in today’s reality a wife’s infidelity can introduce STD death into
the
marriage, so the wise husband’s need to diligently meet his lady's
needs
becomes a matter of life and death for the family.
In Paul Bohannan's Social Anthropology (1963), he indicates that
there
are three critical relationships that must be right for marriage to
work:" 1.) the relationship of the wife with other wives; 2.) the
relationships
of the half-siblings; and 3.) the relationships of the half-siblings
with
the members of the family [SA p.106]. Kenyata wrote that extremely
important to these relationships is the idea that "sharing everything
is
strongly emphasized in the upbringing of children, so when they grow
up they find it natural to share love and affection with others, for
it is
said that 'To live with others is to share and to have mercy for one
another, . ."<4 p.291ff>
The 20th century marriage of the Indian aristocracy<1> had an
excellent
way of handling these relationships. The home making wife filled her
time
with her children, family duties, education, job experience and/or
her
favorite activities.
Half-siblings were made to understand that any half-sibling was a
full
sibling as far as the father was concerned. Of course favoritism
poisoned these waters whenever it occurred. Half-siblings were made
to
understand that the other female relatives were to be treated as
"Aunties"
who were always to be shown respect, and were to be obeyed when the
half-siblings found themselves under an "Aunties" care and authority.
Jomo Kenyata and Bohannan agree that there is great importance
for "women" to have their own kitchens, rooms and/or houses/huts,
as in the Indian and African models. A wife needs a house, dwelling,
or even just a hut that is hers and hers alone<4, p. 290>. This is
especially important if there are any conflicts between her and other
female relatives. A wife needs her own separate dwelling
giving her a safe conflict-free zone to which she can retreat or in
which she can feel safe and free of harassment. The wealthier the
family, the larger and more comfortable their dwellings. The husband
either eats a meal separately with his wife, or he eats the meal with
the whole family, the wife preparing the family's meal. <SA p.. 107>
Kenyata indicates that the husband should have his own space, in
which friends and casual visitors are entertained. The wife should
have her own private place where she keeps her personal belongings.
"While collective ownership is a fundamental principle of the family
group,"
the wife's private space is considered as the private property
of the wife and it is entirely under her control. A wife should have
her
own space where she can do her own work and projects <4 p. 290,293>
"But the duty of looking after the husband," especially if he working
full
time and she is at home as full time homemaker, should be the
responsi-
bility of all the post puberty members of the family who are not
working outside of the home.<4, p.292>
Kenyatta continues: The "wife is held responsible for what she
produces
from the land and can distribute it as she pleases, provided that she
has reserved enough food for the use of herself and family until the
next
harvest."<4 p. 291>. In the Christian family, 2 Cor 8 & 9 would be
the
guiding principle in the distribution of the income/crops. "While the
division
of personal property exist between the wives, the husband is the head
of the family and the one who contributes his labor power to all
equally;
he belongs to all and all belong to him. This brings the division [of
personal
property] to one collective ownership under his guidance." <4 p. 291>
A wife having her own dwelling and play area for her own children
greatly
reduces one of the biggest problems that has often doomed families
with
relatives living nearby. That problem is the conflict that arises
between the
children, who have the strongest loyalty to their own mothers, a
strong loyalty to the relatives of their mothers, and lastly a
loyalty
to their father and his family. It is best if the wife lives so far
away from the
other family members that it is too far to walk to se each other. I
believe it
is best if the wife's children go to different schools than the
children of close
relatives, all with the aim of avoiding sibling rivalry and conflicts
in loyalties
and authority.
One of the most divisive forces to attack a marriage is when
the husband’s children of his current wife are in adolescent conflict
with
the children of another of his ex-wives. This conflict can seriously
alienate
members of a family, and even drive some to leave the marriage and
return
to their parents’ people. It is for this reason that when children
become adolescents that they begin to find work that supplements the
family income enabling them and their mother to get a larger area at
a
greater distance from the adolescent children of the ex-wives.
Harmony
between the husband and wife is far more important than harmony among
the half-siblings. The more personalities in the mix the more
difficult it
is to maintain the families’ harmony.<SA p.109ff> Even though the
husband and wife/wives may have been renewed in Christ when they
married, there is no guarantee that they will have godly children.
Adam and Eve had Cain. David had Absalom. Israel had 10 sons that
betrayed and sold their brother. The sons of Samuel were a mess.
So since some of the children might be unsaved and under the harmful
and disruptive influence of the evil spirits (Eph 2:1,2), their own
natural
minds, their body and its hormones, it wisest for a wife to live and
raise her school age kids away from the school age kids of the
ex-wives or meddlesome relatives. The wife should live out of walking
range of ex-wives or meddlesome relatives, preferably
in different communities, suburbs, town or etc. so that there kids
will go to different schools. All the kids might be together
for a weekly family outing/picnic and potluck meal, preferably at
a place where they could be hassle free form outsiders.
Bohannan indicated that for a polygynous family to work well there
had
to be positive or at least constructive relationships between the
husband and wife. Expectations of wives and husbands need to be
clearly stated and understood well by all involved. There is a need
for
clearly understood boundaries, turf, duties and obligations to
prevent
misunderstandings and conflicts. A husband and wife are considered a
good couple if they both abide by and fulfill the agreed upon"rules"
of
the family. [Bohannan p.. 106] The Christian family can be very
successful
if they all accept and agree to Jesus' rules for their interaction and
relationships.
When marriage works, the couple develop a set of "wife rules" that
become
the norm for the family. If the wife lives up to the "wife rules", she
is
esteemed by the family as a good wife, usually whether or not she is
liked by the other family members. The relationship between the wife
and the husband are commonly characterized by hostility, or
cooperation,
friendliness or a combination of these.<SB p.. 106> It is important
to note that hostility, jealousy, cooperation or friendliness or a
combination of these characterize most marriages, especially if there
are
children involved, and especially if there are step-children. If the
wife doesn't
live up to the "wife rules" of the family, she becomes the object of
verbal fights
and arguments because she is seen as being a bad wife, not because
she
IS a wife.<SA p. 106>
Of primary importance is the fact that wives usually are
NOT jealous if they have a good, devoted, impartial, fair, and just
husband, treating all involved equitably/equally in the matters
"considered important by them." It is a wise husband who
finds out what matters are "considered important by" his wife, and
acts
accordingly. Secondly, the division of labor supports good and
effective marriage, when the wife is aware that the burdens are
lightened when shared with others in the family. <SB p.107>
The husband belongs to his wife, and she belongs to him. She is his
own woman and he is her own man. This belonging is found in the Bible
in 1 Cor 7:
"3 to the wife the husband should render the due benevolence, and in
like
manner also the wife [should render the due benevolence] to the
husband;
4 the wife does not have [sexual] authority over her own body, but the
husband [has that authority]; and, in like manner also, the husband
does not have [sexual] authority over his own body, but the wife [has
that authority]..
It is critically important to "retain the quality or content of the
relationship". <4, p.292> The failure to do this is what dooms
many marriages.<SA p.108> Consider the standard given by
Jesus/Jehovah to Israel in Ex 20 & 21:
***Ex 20:22 And Jehovah said to Moses, Thus shalt thou say to the
children of Israel: Ye have seen that I have spoken with you from the
heavens. . . .. 21: 10 . . . her food, her clothing, and her
conjugal
rights he shall not diminish. 11 And if he do not these three things
unto her, then shall she go out free without money.
The quality of the intimate, marital and sexual content of the
marital relationship is given structure and content by God Himself.
***" Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of
your vain life which He has given you under the sun--all the days
of futility. For that is your portion in this life and in your work
at
which you toil under the sun." Eccles 9:9
***"18 Your fountain/genital should be blessed,
and take pleasure in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful fawn—
her breasts should always satisfy you;
lose yourself in her loving forever.
20 Why, my son, would you be infatuated
with a forbidden woman
or embrace the breast of one who doesn't belong to you?
Prov 5 from HB
***"2 But because of sexual immorality, each man should be
[sexually] having his own wife, and each woman should be
[sexually] having her own husband. 3 A husband should fulfill his
marital duty [Ex 21:10] to his wife, and likewise a wife to her
husband.
4 A wife does not have [sexual] authority over her own body,
but her husband does. Equally, a husband does not have [sexual]
authority over his own body, but his wife does. 5 Do not [sexually]
deprive one another— except when you agree, for a time, to devote
yourselves to fasting prayer. Then come together again [sexually];
otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
1 Cor 7 HB
So we see that the husband is commanded to have blessedly happy
sex taking pleasure in his wife, to satisfy himself with his wife's
breasts,
and to keep on losing himself emotionally in her sweet and sexy
loving.
We see that both are to be sexually having each other on an ongoing
basis to avoid sex sin. We see that they both have sexual authority
over each other's bodies, and that they are not to deprive each other
sexually except by mutual agreement to devote themselves to fasting
prayer, that after the agreed upon fasting prayer is completed they
are to resume ongoing sexual relations. In marriage the husband might
be so exhausted that he is able to do no more than
present his body to his wife for her to do with him what she wants.
He may be completely exhausted and unable rise to the occasion,
but he is expected to joyfully present his body to her and it is
still
her right and responsibility to bless his genital, present her
breasts
(prepared with edible oils and scents) for his satisfaction, and let
loose on him her sweet loving even if she has to be on top and
provide most of the action. The word for an exhausted husband in
such circumstances is the Word in 2 Cor 8:12
***"If you want to give, your gift will be accepted. It will be
judged
by what you have, not by what you do not have."
One might ask "Why should a godly Christian wife make every effort
in the Lord to make her marriage work and not exercise her celibate
separation option given in 1 Cor 7:10,11?" Cosider the following:
On the average in the world today there are 98.6 women for 100 men
(Sources: Wistat, United Nations). Sounds good for the women, right?
Due to war, violence, gangs, disease, incarceration and
homosexuality,
there are far fewer men than women interested in and willing to
commit
to marriage in many of today’s countries and societies. This is
especially true in societies ravaged by these plagues, like S. E.
Asia,
Japan, Korea, Sudan, Congo, Uganda, Kenya, South Africa and parts of
Europe. Statistically the single woman alone is far more vulnerable
than the single man alone, and the single mother is doomed to the
deepest poverty and hardest life of all, especially in poor and/or
tribal societies, i.e. most of the world.. So for the sake of
survival
in such conditions, marriage with a good, kind and loving man is a
better option for the woman than prostitution, sex slavery, sexual
perversion, rape, abuse, and living on the edge of starvation.
My friend Lua, had to prostitute herself to over 100 men to be able
to
feed and clothe herself and her children while they were refugees and
in the Vietnamese refugee camps. There was no work available, and the
stronger men got more of everything than the weaker women. This left
the women in the position of having to submit to relationships with
those men on the men’s terms.. She and her children finally made it
to
America miraculously by the grace of God.
If marriage is chosen to be used to deal with a situation where there
are more women available for and willing to commit to marriage than
there are men who are available and willing to commit to marriage,
it needs to be examined and understood well if it
is to be practiced well. This situation is being found not only in
war
and disease ravaged Africa and SE Asia, but also in countries like
the
USA, where this imbalance between marriageable men and women is most
noticeable in the Afro American, Native American and Christian
communities. It is sobering to visit most American churches,
especially
Afro American churches, and see that by age 25 there are two women
for
every one man who is interested in and willing to commit to marriage.
By age 35 the average ratio has changed to three to one. By age 45
the
average ratio has changed to four to one. At one well attended and
supported Southern Baptist church full of middle class EuroAm people
in
Southern California, there were five such women for every one such
male by age 55. It was embarrassing to see the desperate loneliness
of
the women and arrogant cockiness of the few males for whom they were
contending. Consider the following statistics.
From http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsUS.shtml, we learn that
**31.3% of males over 15 have never married
**25.1% of females over 15 have never married
Since more men than women never marry, that clearly shows
that there will not be one John for every Jane, and the only
hope of every Jane having a John is not in the American way
of marriage but in Jesus and His ways as opposed to our ways.
**9.2% of all households are run by single moms, and are therefore
bereft
presenting the ministry need of James 1:27.
Even in pseudo Christian organizations like the UU the ratio is
Male 43.1% 1999 -2003
Female 56.9% 1999 - 2003
Many Christian singles ministries have a ratio of
38% male, 62% female
[http://www.creativeye.com/singles/stats.htm].
Throughout the Presbyterian Church (USA) 59 percent of
members are female and 41 percent are male. ...
[http://www.pcusa.org/research/compstats/hendrick-r.htm]
"Podles cites a deluge of statistics: in 1986, church-growth
expert Lyle Schaller observed 60 percent female to 40 percent
male churchgoers, a split that has widened since. Jesuit
theologian Patrick Arnold says he has found a female-to-male
ratio ranging from 2:1 to 7:1, and "some liberal Presbyterian or
Methodist congregations are practically bereft of men." Even in
churches that have an all-male ordained leadership, the inner
circle of laity who actually run things is likely to be mostly
female.
Sociologist Edward H. Thompson states that "throughout all
varieties of black religious activity, women represent from 75 to
90 percent of the participants." These are observations based on
attendance, but the last time a census of membership by gender
took place was 1936.. Even back then, women outnumbered
men across denominations, with Pentecostals almost 2 to 1."
[http://www.ctlibrary.com/ct/1999/may24/9t6070.html]
Because the Scripture have not been taught accurately, most of
these marriage seeking women fall into the sins of adultery, sex
outside of marriage, sex outside of THEIR own marriage, sinful lust,
sinful self-stimulation using pornography, and the sin of lesbianism.
There are obviously not enough "Christian" men for Christian women.
That being the case, Christian women who want to marry too often
choose to do one or more of the following which are clearly sinful:
1. Marry the unsaved (2Cor 6; Malachi 2)
2. Marry carnal "Christians" snared in sin (2 Thess 3:6-14; 1 Cor
5:11)
3. Have sex outside of marriage (Ezek 23; Prov 5; 1 Cor 6)
4. Become lesbians (Rom 1:20-30)
5. Lust, i.e. desire what is forbidden by God, and do sex sin
in their minds or with pornography (Matt 5:28; Ezek 23)
6. Self-stimulate thinking of sex sin (Mat 5:28; Ezek 23)
Christian women wanting marriage who are snared in these sins,
like the younger widows of 1 Tim 5:14, are under God's command
to be married, according to 1 Cor 7:
"2 But because of the temptation to impurity and to avoid immorality,
each [man] should be having his own wife and each [woman] should
be having her own husband. . . . 8 But to the unmarried people and
to the widows, I declare that it is well (good, advantageous,
expedient,
and wholesome) for them to remain [single] even as I do. 9 But if
they
have not self-control (restraint of their passions), they should
marry.
For it is better to marry than to be aflame [with passion and
tortured
continually with ungratified desire]." from AB
"1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for
a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." 2 But because of
the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should be having his
own wife and each woman [should be having] her own husband. . . .
8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to
remain single as I am. 9 But if they do not exercise self-control [to
abstain from sex sin], they should marry. For it is better to marry
than to burn with passion."
There is another marital option for single Christian women who
want to marry but consistently are unable to find godly men
to be their husbands. It is never condemned in Scripture, and is
never declared to be sin in Scripture, while all of the sins listed in
the
preceding paragraphs are clearly, specifically and explicitly
condemned
in Scripture. So when they have come under God's command to marry,
they don't recognize what the Bible indicates to be an acceptable
option.
Well have “religious” Christians made of no effect the Word of God in
the
lives of these “Christian” women by teaching their own doctrines and
traditions about Biblical marriage as if THEY were the Word of God
(Mark 7; Matt 15). If you want information about this other Biblical
option, request it by email at olds...@gmail.com,
oldes...@excite.com
oldse...@aol.com.
The "Christian" church has failed tragically to meet
the needs of the bereft women, and the church's rejection of marriage
has made it almost impossible for these bereft women to have their
needs met in a godly and Biblical way. Let me explain.
If you haven't already noticed, most "Christian" churches have failed
to practice James 1:27
***" 27 External religious worship [religion as it is expressed in
outward acts] that is pure and unblemished in the sight of God
the Father is this: to visit, help and care for the bereft, orphans
and widows, in their affliction and need, and to keep oneself
unspotted and uncontaminated from the world."
In chapter 6 of the book of Acts you see the early church carefully
and diligently visiting, helping and caring for the bereft. 2 Cor 8
indicates how believers are to meet the needs of such needy people,
much like the way they did it in Acts 2 and 4.
***"12 For if the [eager] readiness to give is there, then it is
acceptable and welcomed in proportion to what a person has, not
according to what he does not have.13 For it is not [intended] that
other people be eased and relieved [of their responsibility] and you
be burdened and suffer [unfairly],14 But to have equality [share and
share alike], your surplus over necessity at the present time going
to
meet their want and to equalize the difference created by it, so that
[at some other time] their surplus in turn may be given to supply
your
want. Thus there may be equality, 15 As it is written, He who
gathered
much had nothing over, and he who gathered little did not lack."
The Lord's instructions in Deut 25 regarding meeting the needs of
widows are
found again in 1 Tim 5:14 and 1 Cor 7:8,9; where we see the younger
widows
under command to marry.
"14 So I would have younger [widows] marry, bear children, guide
the household, [and] not give opponents of the faith occasion for
slander or reproach." 1 Tim 5 AB
"8 But to the unmarried people and to the widows, I declare that it
is well (good, advantageous, expedient, and wholesome) for them to
remain [single] even as I do. 9 But if they have not self-control
(restraint of their passions), they should marry. For it is better to
marry than to be aflame [with passion and tortured continually with
ungratified desire]." 1 Cor 7:8,9 AB
Many Christian men have seen the need and are aware of the fact
that there are far more Christian women willing and available for
marriage than there are Christian men who are willing and available
for Christian marriage. Yet seeing the need of the needy women
they fail to meet it, in part because of the "church's" ungodly
rejection
of Biblical marriage, which is a tremendous deterrent to meeting the
needs of the bereft women and their children.
So many Christian men and the Christian "church" not only fail to meet
the church's responsibility for taking care of the bereft women, but
they
effectively discourage the men of the church from enabling the bereft
women to be married where marriage is the only way it can be done, due
to the lack of godly Christian men who are willing and available for
marriage. So it is no surprise to see so many churches where the Love
of God does not live and remain, where they neither lay down their
culture for the needy sisters, nor lay down their lives in the
sacrifice of marriage for the needy sisters. If there were many
sickly, weak and even dying in the Corinthian church because they
offended and shamed the needy among them <1 Cor 11:30-
32>, is it a surprise to see so many weak, sickly and even dying in
the
church today for their failure to enable the bereft women to obey
Christ
by marrying, even if it means marriage?
***"16 By this we come to know (progressively to recognize, to
perceive, to understand) the [essential] love: that He laid down His
[own] life for us; and we ought to lay [our] lives down for [those
who are our] brothers [in Him]. 17 But if anyone has this world's
goods (resources for sustaining life) and sees his brother and fellow
believer in need, yet closes his heart of compassion against him, how
can the love of God live and remain in him? 18 Little children, let us
not love [merely] in theory or in speech but in deed and in truth (in
practice and in sincerity). 19 By this we shall come to know
(perceive, recognize, and understand) that we are of the Truth, and
can reassure (quiet, conciliate, and pacify) our hearts in His
presence, . . ."
1 John 3 AB
Marriage in and of itself is not a godly solution. It is a given that
vices and
bad behavior can make any marital relationship bad/worse, while
virtue
and good behavior can make any marital relationship good/better. A
marriage characterized by "love, joy, peace, unselfish generosity,
patience
towards others, kindness, benevolence, good faith, meekness, self-
restraint"
will be successful and a blessing to those in it and those who see
it.
A marriage characterized by “extra-marital sex, favoritism,
partiality,
unkindness, impatience,impurity, indecency, idol-worship, sorcery,
drug
abuse, enmity, strife, jealousy, outbursts of passion, intrigues,
dissensions,
factions, envyings, hard drinking, riotous feasting” [Gal 5] and
bitter selfishness is doomed or Hellish. Since these are the natural
behaviors of humans, it is no wonder that so many marriages are
Hellish or miserably doomed. A human marriage needs to be redeemed and
transformed by and in Jesus as much as the people who are in it, if it
is to characterized by kind,
compassionate and unselfish cherishing Love.
Jesus declares that He who is Love, Truth, Light and Life can Live
that
Life of "love, joy, peace, patience towards others, kindness,
benevolence, good faith, meekness, self-restraint" [Gal. 5],
impartiality and generous unselfishness in any person or marriage
that
is willing to give up their own life and accept His Life in their
lives
and marriages. The good news is that Jesus, who is Eternal Life,
offers
to Live His Life through and in anyone who comes to Him relying on
and
trusting in Him alone to make him/her fit to see and live with God the
Father, the Almighty Most High Consuming Fire (Deut 4:24; Heb
12:28,29,
in Heaven and eternity. He can do so because He is God, who was
revealed in a human body and He suffered the death penalty so that all
our
sin and failures, which are consumed when exposed to He who is the
Almighty Consuming Fire, may be forgiven justly and removed. It is an
issue
of compatability and incompatability, seen well in the experience of
Shedrak,
Meshak and Abednego in the Book of Daniel. The three were declared
righteous by faith so when they were cast into the fire, they had been
made
compatible with the fire and were unhurt. The soldiers that threw them
into the fire, having no faith in Jehovah, were incompatible with the
fire
and were consumed by the fire. We need to be made compatible with
Him who is the Almighty Consuming Fire, and Jesus is the only One
who can make us acceptable to and compatible with the Father.
The godly Christian goal in Biblical Christian marriage is
experiencing
the unity of the Spirit in the bond of Peace:
***"1 I THEREFORE, the prisoner for the Lord, appeal to and beg
you to walk (lead a life) worthy of the [divine] calling to which you
have been called [with behavior that is a credit to the summons to
God's service, 2 Living as becomes you] with complete lowliness of
mind (humility) and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness, mildness),
with patience, bearing with one another and making allowances because
you love one another. 3 Be eager and strive earnestly to guard and
keep the harmony and oneness of [and produced by] the Spirit in the
binding power of peace.
***"Psalm 133
A Song of Ascents. Of David.
1 BEHOLD, HOW good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell
together in unity! 2 It is like the precious ointment poured on the
head, that ran down on the beard, even the beard of Aaron [the first
high priest], that came down upon the collar and skirts of his
garments [consecrating the whole body]. 3 It is like the dew of
[lofty] Mount Hermon and the dew that comes on the hills of Zion; for
there the Lord has commanded the blessing, even life forevermore [upon
the high and the lowly].
FOOTNOTES AND REFERENCES
<SA> Social Anthropology, Paul Bohannan; Holt, Rinehart and Winston,
Inc.; 1963
<1> A Princess Remembers, The Memoirs of the Maharani of Jaipur, by
G.
Devi of Jaipur and S. R. Rau; 1976; J.B. Lippincott Co., NY.
<2> Three in Love, Ménages á trois from ancient times to modern
times;
by B. Foster, M. Foster, L. Hadady; HarperCollins;
<3> Facing Mount Kenya, Marriage System, by Kenya's Jomo Kenyata, Chap
8;
Secker & Warburg, London 1938 pp. 163-185
<4> Peoples and Cultures of Africa, An Anthropological Reader; Edited
by
E. P. Skinner; Doubleday, Garden City, New York, 1973
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MarriageDivorceRemarriageJesus2
http://www.flickr.com/groups/marriage-divorce-remarriage/
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/MarriageDivorceRemarriageInJesus
http://groups.myspace.com/ChristianMarriage
http://groups.msn.com/MarriageDivorce-Remarriage-Jesus/http://groups.msn.com/CarolLynnMcIntyreLossRecovery/
The Eternal Father of Love gave His only Son born of woman to die for
your failures so that you do not have to be lost to Death but can
Live
with Jesus forever, by trusting Jesus alone to save you from Death
and
failure and make you right to Live with the Eternal Father of Love
forever. Abortion is the murderous shedding of innocent blood.
Neither
racists, nor bigots, nor those who enjoy pornography, nor those who
have sexual relations outside of their own marriage, nor catamites
nor
homosexuals shall inherit Jesus' Kingdom, according to Ac17:26;
1Jn2&3
Rom1;1Co6;Is59:7;Ez23; Rev 21; Rev 22
Keys2SuccessfulBiblicalMarriage
Some Anthropological and Biblical Thoughts on Biblical Christian
Marriage. Some Keys to Successful Biblical Marriage
COPYRIGHT © July 2, 2008 All rights reserved.
by R. L. Tyler olds...@gmail.com, oldes...@excite.com
oldse...@aol.com
P.O.Box 620763, San Diego, CA 92162-0763
This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of
computer networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so
inclined AS LONG AS IT IS NOT CHANGED.
In Memory of Joy Lynn Risker and Carol Lynn McIntyre
Please note that I propose to show you keys to successful "Biblical"
marriage, not just successful marriage. This document is most helpful
if used along with my document "Keys To Loving Unity In Marriage"
where
many basic and practical principles are covered for those who have a
"born again in the Spirit and Jesus" relationship with God. Here I
will
just deal with the basic principles for experiencing godly success in
your Christian marriage. The married Christian needs to believe,
recognize and accept the fact that on his/her own and by his/her own
efforts he/she is completely unable to successfully and daily live
the
life of a married Christian that Jesus instructs them to live..
The person who has believed Jesus and what Jesus says in the Bible,
and has called on Him to save them from his/her basic incompatability
with God, The Most High Father, has called on Jesus to save her/
him from the penalty, power and presence of all that is ungodly in
her/
his life. Being adopted by the Father by Jesus, the believer has
received
the Holy Spirit who enters the believer and lives the Life of Jesus in
the
believer as the believer learns to yield to the Spirit. The believer
is not
Holy Spirit possessed, but Spirit secured and Spirit indwelt, with
the
Spirit able, ready and willing to work and will in the believer the
work
and will of God, as the enabled believer turns over to Jesus her/his
body,
soul and spirit to be used and worked by God's Spirit to do the work
and will of God. It is a learning process, this yielding to the
Spirit, and
to our own hurt and loss we so often take back into our own hands
the reins of our life, getting in Jesus way and to often messing up
His
work in and through us. Our hope and confidence is that He who began
the good work in us will complete it in us before we see Jesus again
face to face.
Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will
carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Colossians 1:22
But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through
death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free
from accusation—
Jude 1:24
[ Doxology ] To him who is able to keep you from falling and to
present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great
joy—
Now we know that naturally on our own our lives and our marriage
will be characterized by sexual immorality, impurity, indecency,
idolatry, sorcery, drug abuse, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, bad
temper, selfishness, divisions, dissensions, party spirit, factions,
sects with divisive opinions, heresies, envy, drunkenness, carousing,
vainglory, self-conceit, competitiveness, challenging and provoking
and irritating to one another.. (Gal 5:19-21). When Christ comes to
Live in us, His Spirit produces "fruit", the good works to which
Jesus
has called His own children/disciples. He Lives in us by His Spirit
and
since it is His Life, He is the One who has to Live it in us,
producing
His fruit in us. The "fruit" He works and wills in us is gentle, kind,
patient,
humble, respectful, well behaved, forgiving, enduring, optimistic,
compassionate and hopeful Love; joy, gladness, peace, an even temper,
forbearance, goodness, benevolence, faithfulness, meekness, humility,
self-control, self-restraint and continence. (Gal 5:22-26)
It is His Life and He is the only One who can Live it in you.
Here are key passages that show this principle:
***" [Jesus said] 1 I AM the True Vine, and My Father is the
Vinedresser. . . .4 Dwell in Me, and I will dwell in you. [Live in Me,
and I will live in you.] Just as no branch can bear fruit of itself
without abiding in (being vitally united to) the vine, NEITHER CAN YOU
BEAR FRUIT UNLESS YOU ABIDE IN ME. 5 I am the Vine; you are the
branches. Whoever lives in Me and I in him bears much (abundant)
fruit. However, APART FROM ME [cut off from vital union with Me] YOU
CAN DO NOTHING [good and of eternal value before God]. John 15
***"13. [Not relying on your own strength] for IT IS GOD Who is all
the while effectually AT WORK IN YOU [energizing and creating in you
the power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure
and satisfaction and delight." Phil 2
***" 20 I have been crucified with Christ [in Him I have shared His
crucifixion]; IT IS NO LONGER I WHO LIVE, BUT CHRIST (THE
MESSIAH) IS LIVING IN ME; and the life I now live in the body I live
by faith in (by adherence to and reliance on and complete trust in)
the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself up for me" Gal 2 AB
***"8 For it is by free grace (God's unmerited kindness) that you are
saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ's
salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of
yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving],
but it is the gift of God; 9 Not because of works [not the
fulfillment of the Law's demands], lest any man should boast. [It is
not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride
himself in it or take glory to himself.] 10 For we are God's [own]
handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew]
that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned
beforehand) for us [God
working and willing in us to take paths which He prepared ahead of
time], that we should walk in them [God living, working and willing in
us the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live]."
Eph 2 from AB
***"20 Now MAY THE GOD OF PEACE [Who is the Author and the Giver of
peace], . . . 21 STRENGTHEN (COMPLETE, PERFECT) AND MAKE YOU WHAT YOU
OUGHT TO BE AND EQUIP YOU WITH EVERYTHING GOOD THAT YOU MAY CARRY OUT
HIS WILL; [WHILE HE HIMSELF] WORKS IN YOU AND ACCOMPLISHES THAT WHICH
IS PLEASING IN HIS SIGHT, through Jesus Christ (the Messiah); to Whom
be the glory forever and ever (to the ages of the ages). Amen (so be
it)." Heb 13
Every family and society practicing marriage must overcome the
problem
of how the husband and wife get along, and the problem of how they
get along with their relatives. Social Anthropologist Paul Bohannan
Ph.D
declares that the "most successful instances are those in which the
content of both sets of relationships is firmly structured and where
only
a minimum is left for the individuals playing the roles to work out on
a
personal basis. A satisfactory structural relationship to fall back on
if the
personal relationship fails seems to be vital.” <SA p. 110>
Jesus is the primary creator and sustainer of the structural
relationship
in a godly marriage, and He works and wills His work and will in and
through the godly husband, who is given the responsibility of leading,
and in and through the godly wife, who is given the responsibility of
following and supporting. Jesus has established the basic content of
the marital and parental relationships. In the Biblical context,
the husband leads and teaches the family, having no right or
authority
to make the wife submit, while it becomes the responsibility of the
wife to examine her husband’s lead and teaching to see if it is in
line
with the Word of her King Jesus, and then if it is, her part is to
willingly and voluntarily submit herself to and follow his lead, he
being
one of the authorities He has placed over her (Rom 13:1-5; Lk
22:20-30; 1 Pet 3 and 5; Ephes 5; 1Thess 5:21; Ac 17:11). The child's
responsibility is very much like that of the wife/mother. Without
these
partnerships in the marital structure and content Jesus has provided,
the success and well being of a godly and Biblical marriage
is doomed to frustration or failure or both.
“Even in societies in which marriage is a working part of the social
structure,” the marriage of the wife usually is not always a
pleasant one. As with the Way to the Father through Jesus, many
are involved but only a few find the way to have a pleasant marital
experience, even though Jomo Kenyata maintains that there are quite
a few among the Gikuyu of his Kenya who have a pleasant marital
experiences< see 3 & 4>. In primitive and tribal societies the wife
has far
fewer rights and privileges than men, especially husbands. Even
though
the husband must share himself and his things with members of the
family,
the wife usually lands up having to share and give up even more.
Whenever
the husband is required to be away from her, she knows that SHE ISN’T
WITH HIM, and that while she has to go without marital intimacy
during
that time, the husband seems to be doing better than her. The natural
wife will respond to all of this naturally, with bitterness,
resentment,
anger and aggravated selfishness. The burden on the godly Christian
husband here is for him to live above and beyond his earthly culture
and
behave as He is, a citizen of the City and Kingdom of God, who has
been
renewed to live in the Way of Jesus, to be kind, impartial, unbiased,
equitable, fair and just in his relationship with his wife and family,
lest
his prayersbe hindered (1 Peter 3:7), or he become weak, sick or
dying
(1 Cor 11:30-32). I believe that is impossible for the natural man to
live
and experience godly marriage without Jesus.
“Even in societies in which marriage is a working part of the social
structure,” the marriage of the husband usually is not an easy
experience. His wife can make life miserable for her husband,
making life Hell on earth for such a husband. In primitive and tribal
societies this is the price a man may have to pay to give birth to
and raise his own “social security” for the last part of his life,
looking
to his children to support and care for him in his old age.<SA p.
108>
When the disciples heard Jesus' standards for marriage, its
permanence and the perils of divorce, they said, "If that is the only
reason a man can divorce his wife, it is better not to marry." (Mat
19)
The thought of not having the easy divorce option given by the
Jewish elders' misinterpretation of Deut 24 was enough to make
them not want to marry, the fear of being stuck with a difficult or
contrary wife for life was more than they wanted to handle.
Furthermore
in today’s reality a wife’s infidelity can introduce STD death into
the
marriage, so the wise husband’s need to diligently meet his lady's
needs
becomes a matter of life and death for the family.
In Paul Bohannan's Social Anthropology (1963), he indicates that
there
are three critical relationships that must be right for marriage to
work:" 1.) the relationship of the wife with other wives; 2.) the
relationships
of the half-siblings; and 3.) the relationships of the half-siblings
with
the members of the family [SA p.106]. Kenyata wrote that extremely
important to these relationships is the idea that "sharing everything
is
strongly emphasized in the upbringing of children, so when they grow
up they find it natural to share love and affection with others, for
it is
said that 'To live with others is to share and to have mercy for one
another, . ."<4 p.291ff>
The 20th century marriage of the Indian aristocracy<1> had an
excellent
way of handling these relationships. The home making wife filled her
time
with her children, family duties, education, job experience and/or
her
favorite activities.
Half-siblings were made to understand that any half-sibling was a
full
sibling as far as the father was concerned. Of course favoritism
poisoned these waters whenever it occurred. Half-siblings were made
to
understand that the other female relatives were to be treated as
"Aunties"
who were always to be shown respect, and were to be obeyed when the
half-siblings found themselves under an "Aunties" care and authority.
Jomo Kenyata and Bohannan agree that there is great importance
for "women" to have their own kitchens, rooms and/or houses/huts,
as in the Indian and African models. A wife needs a house, dwelling,
or even just a hut that is hers and hers alone<4, p. 290>. This is
especially important if there are any conflicts between her and other
female relatives. A wife needs her own separate dwelling
giving her a safe conflict-free zone to which she can retreat or in
which she can feel safe and free of harassment. The wealthier the
family, the larger and more comfortable their dwellings. The husband
either eats a meal separately with his wife, or he eats the meal with
the whole family, the wife preparing the family's meal. <SA p.. 107>
Kenyata indicates that the husband should have his own space, in
which friends and casual visitors are entertained. The wife should
have her own private place where she keeps her personal belongings.
"While collective ownership is a fundamental principle of the family
group,"
the wife's private space is considered as the private property
of the wife and it is entirely under her control. A wife should have
her
own space where she can do her own work and projects <4 p. 290,293>
"But the duty of looking after the husband," especially if he working
full
time and she is at home as full time homemaker, should be the
responsi-
bility of all the post puberty members of the family who are not
working outside of the home.<4, p.292>
Kenyatta continues: The "wife is held responsible for what she
produces
from the land and can distribute it as she pleases, provided that she
has reserved enough food for the use of herself and family until the
next
harvest."<4 p. 291>. In the Christian family, 2 Cor 8 & 9 would be
the
guiding principle in the distribution of the income/crops. "While the
division
of personal property exist between the wives, the husband is the head
of the family and the one who contributes his labor power to all
equally;
he belongs to all and all belong to him. This brings the division [of
personal
property] to one collective ownership under his guidance." <4 p. 291>
A wife having her own dwelling and play area for her own children
greatly
reduces one of the biggest problems that has often doomed families
with
relatives living nearby. That problem is the conflict that arises
between the
children, who have the strongest loyalty to their own mothers, a
strong loyalty to the relatives of their mothers, and lastly a
loyalty
to their father and his family. It is best if the wife lives so far
away from the
other family members that it is too far to walk to se each other. I
believe it
is best if the wife's children go to different schools than the
children of close
relatives, all with the aim of avoiding sibling rivalry and conflicts
in loyalties
and authority.
One of the most divisive forces to attack a marriage is when
the husband’s children of his current wife are in adolescent conflict
with
the children of another of his ex-wives. This conflict can seriously
alienate
members of a family, and even drive some to leave the marriage and
return
to their parents’ people. It is for this reason that when children
become adolescents that they begin to find work that supplements the
family income enabling them and their mother to get a larger area at
a
greater distance from the adolescent children of the ex-wives.
Harmony
between the husband and wife is far more important than harmony among
the half-siblings. The more personalities in the mix the more
difficult it
is to maintain the families’ harmony.<SA p.109ff> Even though the
husband and wife/wives may have been renewed in Christ when they
married, there is no guarantee that they will have godly children.
Adam and Eve had Cain. David had Absalom. Israel had 10 sons that
betrayed and sold their brother. The sons of Samuel were a mess.
So since some of the children might be unsaved and under the harmful
and disruptive influence of the evil spirits (Eph 2:1,2), their own
natural
minds, their body and its hormones, it wisest for a wife to live and
raise her school age kids away from the school age kids of the
ex-wives or meddlesome relatives. The wife should live out of walking
range of ex-wives or meddlesome relatives, preferably
in different communities, suburbs, town or etc. so that there kids
will go to different schools. All the kids might be together
for a weekly family outing/picnic and potluck meal, preferably at
a place where they could be hassle free form outsiders.
Bohannan indicated that for a polygynous family to work well there
had
to be positive or at least constructive relationships between the
husband and wife. Expectations of wives and husbands need to be
clearly stated and understood well by all involved. There is a need
for
clearly understood boundaries, turf, duties and obligations to
prevent
misunderstandings and conflicts. A husband and wife are considered a
good couple if they both abide by and fulfill the agreed upon"rules"
of
the family. [Bohannan p.. 106] The Christian family can be very
successful
if they all accept and agree to Jesus' rules for their interaction and
relationships.
When marriage works, the couple develop a set of "wife rules" that
become
the norm for the family. If the wife lives up to the "wife rules", she
is
esteemed by the family as a good wife, usually whether or not she is
liked by the other family members. The relationship between the wife
and the husband are commonly characterized by hostility, or
cooperation,
friendliness or a combination of these.<SB p.. 106> It is important
to note that hostility, jealousy, cooperation or friendliness or a
combination of these characterize most marriages, especially if there
are
children involved, and especially if there are step-children. If the
wife doesn't
live up to the "wife rules" of the family, she becomes the object of
verbal fights
and arguments because she is seen as being a bad wife, not because
she
IS a wife.<SA p. 106>
Of primary importance is the fact that wives usually are
NOT jealous if they have a good, devoted, impartial, fair, and just
husband, treating all involved equitably/equally in the matters
"considered important by them." It is a wise husband who
finds out what matters are "considered important by" his wife, and
acts
accordingly. Secondly, the division of labor supports good and
effective marriage, when the wife is aware that the burdens are
lightened when shared with others in the family. <SB p.107>
The husband belongs to his wife, and she belongs to him. She is his
own woman and he is her own man. This belonging is found in the Bible
in 1 Cor 7:
"3 to the wife the husband should render the due benevolence, and in
like
manner also the wife [should render the due benevolence] to the
husband;
4 the wife does not have [sexual] authority over her own body, but the
husband [has that authority]; and, in like manner also, the husband
does not have [sexual] authority over his own body, but the wife [has
that authority]..
It is critically important to "retain the quality or content of the
relationship". <4, p.292> The failure to do this is what dooms
many marriages.<SA p.108> Consider the standard given by
Jesus/Jehovah to Israel in Ex 20 & 21:
***Ex 20:22 And Jehovah said to Moses, Thus shalt thou say to the
children of Israel: Ye have seen that I have spoken with you from the
heavens. . . .. 21: 10 . . . her food, her clothing, and her
conjugal
rights he shall not diminish. 11 And if he do not these three things
unto her, then shall she go out free without money.
The quality of the intimate, marital and sexual content of the
marital relationship is given structure and content by God Himself.
***" Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of
your vain life which He has given you under the sun--all the days
of futility. For that is your portion in this life and in your work
at
which you toil under the sun." Eccles 9:9
***"18 Your fountain/genital should be blessed,
and take pleasure in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful fawn—
her breasts should always satisfy you;
lose yourself in her loving forever.
20 Why, my son, would you be infatuated
with a forbidden woman
or embrace the breast of one who doesn't belong to you?
Prov 5 from HB
***"2 But because of sexual immorality, each man should be
[sexually] having his own wife, and each woman should be
[sexually] having her own husband. 3 A husband should fulfill his
marital duty [Ex 21:10] to his wife, and likewise a wife to her
husband.
4 A wife does not have [sexual] authority over her own body,
but her husband does. Equally, a husband does not have [sexual]
authority over his own body, but his wife does. 5 Do not [sexually]
deprive one another— except when you agree, for a time, to devote
yourselves to fasting prayer. Then come together again [sexually];
otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
1 Cor 7 HB
So we see that the husband is commanded to have blessedly happy
sex taking pleasure in his wife, to satisfy himself with his wife's
breasts,
and to keep on losing himself emotionally in her sweet and sexy
loving.
We see that both are to be sexually having each other on an ongoing
basis to avoid sex sin. We see that they both have sexual authority
over each other's bodies, and that they are not to deprive each other
sexually except by mutual agreement to devote themselves to fasting
prayer, that after the agreed upon fasting prayer is completed they
are to resume ongoing sexual relations. In marriage the husband might
be so exhausted that he is able to do no more than
present his body to his wife for her to do with him what she wants.
He may be completely exhausted and unable rise to the occasion,
but he is expected to joyfully present his body to her and it is
still
her right and responsibility to bless his genital, present her
breasts
(prepared with edible oils and scents) for his satisfaction, and let
loose on him her sweet loving even if she has to be on top and
provide most of the action. The word for an exhausted husband in
such circumstances is the Word in 2 Cor 8:12
***"If you want to give, your gift will be accepted. It will be
judged
by what you have, not by what you do not have."
One might ask "Why should a godly Christian wife make every effort
in the Lord to make her marriage work and not exercise her celibate
separation option given in 1 Cor 7:10,11?" Cosider the following:
On the average in the world today there are 98.6 women for 100 men
(Sources: Wistat, United Nations). Sounds good for the women, right?
Due to war, violence, gangs, disease, incarceration and
homosexuality,
there are far fewer men than women interested in and willing to
commit
to marriage in many of today’s countries and societies. This is
especially true in societies ravaged by these plagues, like S. E.
Asia,
Japan, Korea, Sudan, Congo, Uganda, Kenya, South Africa and parts of
Europe. Statistically the single woman alone is far more vulnerable
than the single man alone, and the single mother is doomed to the
deepest poverty and hardest life of all, especially in poor and/or
tribal societies, i.e. most of the world.. So for the sake of
survival
in such conditions, marriage with a good, kind and loving man is a
better option for the woman than prostitution, sex slavery, sexual
perversion, rape, abuse, and living on the edge of starvation.
My friend Lua, had to prostitute herself to over 100 men to be able
to
feed and clothe herself and her children while they were refugees and
in the Vietnamese refugee camps. There was no work available, and the
stronger men got more of everything than the weaker women. This left
the women in the position of having to submit to relationships with
those men on the men’s terms.. She and her children finally made it
to
America miraculously by the grace of God.
If marriage is chosen to be used to deal with a situation where there
are more women available for and willing to commit to marriage than
there are men who are available and willing to commit to marriage,
it needs to be examined and understood well if it
is to be practiced well. This situation is being found not only in
war
and disease ravaged Africa and SE Asia, but also in countries like
the
USA, where this imbalance between marriageable men and women is most
noticeable in the Afro American, Native American and Christian
communities. It is sobering to visit most American churches,
especially
Afro American churches, and see that by age 25 there are two women
for
every one man who is interested in and willing to commit to marriage.
By age 35 the average ratio has changed to three to one. By age 45
the
average ratio has changed to four to one. At one well attended and
supported Southern Baptist church full of middle class EuroAm people
in
Southern California, there were five such women for every one such
male by age 55. It was embarrassing to see the desperate loneliness
of
the women and arrogant cockiness of the few males for whom they were
contending. Consider the following statistics.
From http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsUS.shtml, we learn that
**31.3% of males over 15 have never married
**25.1% of females over 15 have never married
Since more men than women never marry, that clearly shows
that there will not be one John for every Jane, and the only
hope of every Jane having a John is not in the American way
of marriage but in Jesus and His ways as opposed to our ways.
**9.2% of all households are run by single moms, and are therefore
bereft
presenting the ministry need of James 1:27.
Even in pseudo Christian organizations like the UU the ratio is
Male 43.1% 1999 -2003
Female 56.9% 1999 - 2003
Many Christian singles ministries have a ratio of
38% male, 62% female
[http://www.creativeye.com/singles/stats.htm].
Throughout the Presbyterian Church (USA) 59 percent of
members are female and 41 percent are male. ...
[http://www.pcusa.org/research/compstats/hendrick-r.htm]
"Podles cites a deluge of statistics: in 1986, church-growth
expert Lyle Schaller observed 60 percent female to 40 percent
male churchgoers, a split that has widened since. Jesuit
theologian Patrick Arnold says he has found a female-to-male
ratio ranging from 2:1 to 7:1, and "some liberal Presbyterian or
Methodist congregations are practically bereft of men." Even in
churches that have an all-male ordained leadership, the inner
circle of laity who actually run things is likely to be mostly
female.
Sociologist Edward H. Thompson states that "throughout all
varieties of black religious activity, women represent from 75 to
90 percent of the participants." These are observations based on
attendance, but the last time a census of membership by gender
took place was 1936.. Even back then, women outnumbered
men across denominations, with Pentecostals almost 2 to 1."
[http://www.ctlibrary.com/ct/1999/may24/9t6070.html]
Because the Scripture have not been taught accurately, most of
these marriage seeking women fall into the sins of adultery, sex
outside of marriage, sex outside of THEIR own marriage, sinful lust,
sinful self-stimulation using pornography, and the sin of lesbianism.
There are obviously not enough "Christian" men for Christian women.
That being the case, Christian women who want to marry too often
choose to do one or more of the following which are clearly sinful:
1. Marry the unsaved (2Cor 6; Malachi 2)
2. Marry carnal "Christians" snared in sin (2 Thess 3:6-14; 1 Cor
5:11)
3. Have sex outside of marriage (Ezek 23; Prov 5; 1 Cor 6)
4. Become lesbians (Rom 1:20-30)
5. Lust, i.e. desire what is forbidden by God, and do sex sin
in their minds or with pornography (Matt 5:28; Ezek 23)
6. Self-stimulate thinking of sex sin (Mat 5:28; Ezek 23)
Christian women wanting marriage who are snared in these sins,
like the younger widows of 1 Tim 5:14, are under God's command
to be married, according to 1 Cor 7:
"2 But because of the temptation to impurity and to avoid immorality,
each [man] should be having his own wife and each [woman] should
be having her own husband. . . . 8 But to the unmarried people and
to the widows, I declare that it is well (good, advantageous,
expedient,
and wholesome) for them to remain [single] even as I do. 9 But if
they
have not self-control (restraint of their passions), they should
marry.
For it is better to marry than to be aflame [with passion and
tortured
continually with ungratified desire]." from AB
"1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for
a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." 2 But because of
the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should be having his
own wife and each woman [should be having] her own husband. . . .
8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to
remain single as I am. 9 But if they do not exercise self-control [to
abstain from sex sin], they should marry. For it is better to marry
than to burn with passion."
There is another marital option for single Christian women who
want to marry but consistently are unable to find godly men
to be their husbands. It is never condemned in Scripture, and is
never declared to be sin in Scripture, while all of the sins listed in
the
preceding paragraphs are clearly, specifically and explicitly
condemned
in Scripture. So when they have come under God's command to marry,
they don't recognize what the Bible indicates to be an acceptable
option.
Well have “religious” Christians made of no effect the Word of God in
the
lives of these “Christian” women by teaching their own doctrines and
traditions about Biblical marriage as if THEY were the Word of God
(Mark 7; Matt 15). If you want information about this other Biblical
option, request it by email at olds...@gmail.com,
oldes...@excite.com
oldse...@aol.com.
The "Christian" church has failed tragically to meet
the needs of the bereft women, and the church's rejection of marriage
has made it almost impossible for these bereft women to have their
needs met in a godly and Biblical way. Let me explain.
If you haven't already noticed, most "Christian" churches have failed
to practice James 1:27
***" 27 External religious worship [religion as it is expressed in
outward acts] that is pure and unblemished in the sight of God
the Father is this: to visit, help and care for the bereft, orphans
and widows, in their affliction and need, and to keep oneself
unspotted and uncontaminated from the world."
In chapter 6 of the book of Acts you see the early church carefully
and diligently visiting, helping and caring for the bereft. 2 Cor 8
indicates how believers are to meet the needs of such needy people,
much like the way they did it in Acts 2 and 4.
***"12 For if the [eager] readiness to give is there, then it is
acceptable and welcomed in proportion to what a person has, not
according to what he does not have.13 For it is not [intended] that
other people be eased and relieved [of their responsibility] and you
be burdened and suffer [unfairly],14 But to have equality [share and
share alike], your surplus over necessity at the present time going
to
meet their want and to equalize the difference created by it, so that
[at some other time] their surplus in turn may be given to supply
your
want. Thus there may be equality, 15 As it is written, He who
gathered
much had nothing over, and he who gathered little did not lack."
The Lord's instructions in Deut 25 regarding meeting the needs of
widows are
found again in 1 Tim 5:14 and 1 Cor 7:8,9; where we see the younger
widows
under command to marry.
"14 So I would have younger [widows] marry, bear children, guide
the household, [and] not give opponents of the faith occasion for
slander or reproach." 1 Tim 5 AB
"8 But to the unmarried people and to the widows, I declare that it
is well (good, advantageous, expedient, and wholesome) for them to
remain [single] even as I do. 9 But if they have not self-control
(restraint of their passions), they should marry. For it is better to
marry than to be aflame [with passion and tortured continually with
ungratified desire]." 1 Cor 7:8,9 AB
Many Christian men have seen the need and are aware of the fact
that there are far more Christian women willing and available for
marriage than there are Christian men who are willing and available
for Christian marriage. Yet seeing the need of the needy women
they fail to meet it, in part because of the "church's" ungodly
rejection
of Biblical marriage, which is a tremendous deterrent to meeting the
needs of the bereft women and their children.
So many Christian men and the Christian "church" not only fail to meet
the church's responsibility for taking care of the bereft women, but
they
effectively discourage the men of the church from enabling the bereft
women to be married where marriage is the only way it can be done, due
to the lack of godly Christian men who are willing and available for
marriage. So it is no surprise to see so many churches where the Love
of God does not live and remain, where they neither lay down their
culture for the needy sisters, nor lay down their lives in the
sacrifice of marriage for the needy sisters. If there were many
sickly, weak and even dying in the Corinthian church because they
offended and shamed the needy among them <1 Cor 11:30-
32>, is it a surprise to see so many weak, sickly and even dying in
the
church today for their failure to enable the bereft women to obey
Christ
by marrying, even if it means marriage?
***"16 By this we come to know (progressively to recognize, to
perceive, to understand) the [essential] love: that He laid down His
[own] life for us; and we ought to lay [our] lives down for [those
who are our] brothers [in Him]. 17 But if anyone has this world's
goods (resources for sustaining life) and sees his brother and fellow
believer in need, yet closes his heart of compassion against him, how
can the love of God live and remain in him? 18 Little children, let us
not love [merely] in theory or in speech but in deed and in truth (in
practice and in sincerity). 19 By this we shall come to know
(perceive, recognize, and understand) that we are of the Truth, and
can reassure (quiet, conciliate, and pacify) our hearts in His
presence, . . ."
1 John 3 AB
Marriage in and of itself is not a godly solution. It is a given that
vices and
bad behavior can make any marital relationship bad/worse, while
virtue
and good behavior can make any marital relationship good/better. A
marriage characterized by "love, joy, peace, unselfish generosity,
patience
towards others, kindness, benevolence, good faith, meekness, self-
restraint"
will be successful and a blessing to those in it and those who see
it.
A marriage characterized by “extra-marital sex, favoritism,
partiality,
unkindness, impatience,impurity, indecency, idol-worship, sorcery,
drug
abuse, enmity, strife, jealousy, outbursts of passion, intrigues,
dissensions,
factions, envyings, hard drinking, riotous feasting” [Gal 5] and
bitter selfishness is doomed or Hellish. Since these are the natural
behaviors of humans, it is no wonder that so many marriages are
Hellish or miserably doomed. A human marriage needs to be redeemed and
transformed by and in Jesus as much as the people who are in it, if it
is to characterized by kind,
compassionate and unselfish cherishing Love.
Jesus declares that He who is Love, Truth, Light and Life can Live
that
Life of "love, joy, peace, patience towards others, kindness,
benevolence, good faith, meekness, self-restraint" [Gal. 5],
impartiality and generous unselfishness in any person or marriage
that
is willing to give up their own life and accept His Life in their
lives
and marriages. The good news is that Jesus, who is Eternal Life,
offers
to Live His Life through and in anyone who comes to Him relying on
and
trusting in Him alone to make him/her fit to see and live with God the
Father, the Almighty Most High Consuming Fire (Deut 4:24; Heb
12:28,29,
in Heaven and eternity. He can do so because He is God, who was
revealed in a human body and He suffered the death penalty so that all
our
sin and failures, which are consumed when exposed to He who is the
Almighty Consuming Fire, may be forgiven justly and removed. It is an
issue
of compatability and incompatability, seen well in the experience of
Shedrak,
Meshak and Abednego in the Book of Daniel. The three were declared
righteous by faith so when they were cast into the fire, they had been
made
compatible with the fire and were unhurt. The soldiers that threw them
into the fire, having no faith in Jehovah, were incompatible with the
fire
and were consumed by the fire. We need to be made compatible with
Him who is the Almighty Consuming Fire, and Jesus is the only One
who can make us acceptable to and compatible with the Father.
The godly Christian goal in Biblical Christian marriage is
experiencing
the unity of the Spirit in the bond of Peace:
***"1 I THEREFORE, the prisoner for the Lord, appeal to and beg
you to walk (lead a life) worthy of the [divine] calling to which you
have been called [with behavior that is a credit to the summons to
God's service, 2 Living as becomes you] with complete lowliness of
mind (humility) and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness, mildness),
with patience, bearing with one another and making allowances because
you love one another. 3 Be eager and strive earnestly to guard and
keep the harmony and oneness of [and produced by] the Spirit in the
binding power of peace.
***"Psalm 133
A Song of Ascents. Of David.
1 BEHOLD, HOW good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell
together in unity! 2 It is like the precious ointment poured on the
head, that ran down on the beard, even the beard of Aaron [the first
high priest], that came down upon the collar and skirts of his
garments [consecrating the whole body]. 3 It is like the dew of
[lofty] Mount Hermon and the dew that comes on the hills of Zion; for
there the Lord has commanded the blessing, even life forevermore [upon
the high and the lowly].
FOOTNOTES AND REFERENCES
<SA> Social Anthropology, Paul Bohannan; Holt, Rinehart and Winston,
Inc.; 1963
<1> A Princess Remembers, The Memoirs of the Maharani of Jaipur, by
G.
Devi of Jaipur and S. R. Rau; 1976; J.B. Lippincott Co., NY.
<2> Three in Love, Ménages á trois from ancient times to modern
times;
by B. Foster, M. Foster, L. Hadady; HarperCollins;
<3> Facing Mount Kenya, Marriage System, by Kenya's Jomo Kenyata, Chap
8;
Secker & Warburg, London 1938 pp. 163-185
<4> Peoples and Cultures of Africa, An Anthropological Reader; Edited
by
E. P. Skinner; Doubleday, Garden City, New York, 1973
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MarriageDivorceRemarriageJesus2
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The Eternal Father of Love gave His only Son born of woman to die for
your failures so that you do not have to be lost to Death but can
Live
with Jesus forever, by trusting Jesus alone to save you from Death
and
failure and make you right to Live with the Eternal Father of Love
forever. Abortion is the murderous shedding of innocent blood.
Neither
racists, nor bigots, nor those who enjoy pornography, nor those who
have sexual relations outside of their own marriage, nor catamites
nor
homosexuals shall inherit Jesus' Kingdom, according to Ac17:26;
1Jn2&3
Rom1;1Co6;Is59:7;Ez23; Rev 21; Rev 22
Keys2SuccessfulBiblicalMarriage
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