Incest is best

[Davey Espstein]

My mom used to yell at me and my brother for the way we'd play with our
sisters. "Don't be so rough with them!" she'd say. "Keep your hands to
yourself!" she'd scream. "Jesus, Danny, get your tongue out of her mouth!"

Maybe mom wasn't ready for it, but I think I was on to something. Our
society has built up walls where we should be breaking down barriers. We
are instructed to love our family members but discouraged from expressing
this love physically.

We grow up drinking our milk from our mothers' breasts but are forced to
stop before we both can enjoy it. We've stigmatized otherwise innocent
words like "incest" and "inbreeding" and "motherf-cker." As Susan Powter
would say, it's time to stop the insanity.

These days, everybody's talking about the breakdown of the American
family. No more family dinners, parents who don't know their children, a
loss of traditional family values.

Some will say it's because our women have returned to work; others because
technology has limited the time we spend with each other. Regardless of
the cause, I think we all can agree that the way to fix these problems is
sex.

But sleeping with your family members has benefits beyond just restoring
family values. Think of how much easier it will make your life. Instead of
coming home from work and scouring Craigslist for hours trying to score a
quickie, you can look forward nightly to some sweet familial satisfaction.

And it cuts down on travel time extensively. You thought the girl next
door was convenient? Imagine the girl down the hall! With the money you
save on gas costs alone, you can probably buy the house a sweet hamster.
And that kind of generosity to the family will definitely score you points
with the sis.

As if that's not enough, the sex is simply better. It's well documented
that people find themselves irresistibly attractive. And who looks more
like you than your genetic equivalents? Translate that sexual tension into
a wild time in the sack.

Plus, we're much better at articulating demands if we're comfortable with
our partner. Remember how back in summer camp in seventh grade you shared
a bunk with that really smelly kid but couldn't muster the courage to tell
him to shower? Well think of all the times you've called your sister a
smelly bitch and just imagine what that comfort level could do for the
sex.

And you've gotta admit, there's something hot about tasting the forbidden
fruit, about enjoying the one thing society says you can't have. First
timers, get ready for some toe-curling.

Having sex with your family members makes sense on a deeper, more
psychological level, too. It combines the emotional aspects of the most
deep-rooted bonds with the most physical act of bonding that two humans
can share. Even Freud would say it's a win-win. If we spend our lives
searching for a mate to replace our mothers or fathers, can we do better
than to pick our siblings? I don't think so. And you can say goodbye to
in-laws, which is always a plus. I honestly wonder how this never took off
before.

Now I understand that a lot of people might have some hangups about this,
and it's difficult waking up after the first time and realizing you just
nailed your sister. But the key to finding incestuous pleasure lies in
releasing yourself from societal inhibitions and allowing yourself to
relax.

Yes, it's just like anal. And just as anal isn't the extent of any
couple's sexual regimen but rather a healthy enhancement, familial
relations should be, too. So reject narrow-mindedness, open yourself up to
the possibilities, and explore the world of physical pleasure that lies
right there within your own front door.

Feeling homesick will never be the same again.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/2006/02/23/14591/