Fwd: {STM-Members} 28, Female and Unmarried // 31, Male, and not yet there... Two good articles about Marriages in India - Good to read !

[bharathidasan nagaraj]

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From: Jeyaprakash J <jeyapr...@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, May 22, 2014 at 9:20 AM
Subject: {STM-Members} 28, Female and Unmarried // 31, Male, and not yet there... Two good articles about Marriages in India - Good to read !
To: "stm-m...@googlegroups.com" <stm-m...@googlegroups.com>

28, Female and Unmarried

HARISHA V. 

A regular day at home starts with mother blaming father for not getting his daughter married. Cousins and friends who are my age and even younger are married with more than one kid. My parents, though supportive of my study and career aspirations, are not able to swim in a society where they have a daughter who has crossed the ‘marriageable’ age.

My neighbours who watch me tie my shoe laces daily when I get ready to go for a jog seem to murmur: “She is overweight, that’s the reason why she is not married yet. She wants to reduce her weight so that a guy would accept her.” My uncle calls up and asks my father if his daughter is in love with an ‘other-caste’ person and whether the delay stems from any consequent disputes.

I walk into my cousin’s wedding, but being unmarried I’m not allowed to participate in most of the rituals. Silently I sit back, trying to relax my over-worked mind. People gather around me to find out if I believe in the institution of marriage, in having children, and whether I’m at all interested in men. Before they get any answers, one of the aunties from the crowd advises me to try a facial so that my complexion should not be a hindrance for marriage. Another aunty asks me to perform some vrata so that the goddess who is in charge of getting girls married would be pleased and the moment would come in my life. A few aunties and uncles go straight to my parents to suggest matches they find around.

My ophthalmologist suggests that I go for Lasik surgery so that I can get rid of the glasses, and without glasses my chances of getting married would improve.

My parents thought of a better option: an astrologer. He says I suffer from kuja dosha; that’s why I am not married yet. And, if I am not married before November by performing a special puja, I won’t get married at all.

Well, the reasons are pretty legitimate in this country not to get married. But I am not married yet as I have chosen not to, yet. My reasons are personal, taking the many dimensions of my career into consideration. But, really, do I need a reason for not getting married? I just don’t feel like getting married yet. Isn’t that good enough? I would like to get married when I feel like it and when I find the right person when I have to.

I’m very clear about my objectives. I teach underprivileged kids for free in my leisure hours. I planned a city tour for them which I thought would be enjoyable and informative to them. But I had no idea my marital status would become a problem to the parents of some of those kids to send them along with me. The stereotyping of a 28-year-old unwed female was clear.

I’m left wondering: If a marriage involves a man and a woman, why isn’t that a man is ostracised for being unmarried? And if the sex ratio is declining at this rate, logic dictates that men should suffer it manifold when compared to women!

Wishing for a time when men sit down and perform vrata for marriage.

hari...@gmail.com

http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/28-female-and-unmarried/article5906183.ece

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31, Male, and not yet there...

ANCHIT MATHUR

My regular day doesn’t start with my mom worrying for my marriage, because I am not with them, but in Delhi, a thousand kilometres from home in Patna. But yes, thanks to the mobile phone and Skype, I am often asked difficult questions, by my parents about marriage every night after I return from my office. I avoid giving an answer, by either saying “OK” after every statement or “I am getting late for sleep” (as per requirement).

There are many reasons why I’m not ‘yet’ married, with every member of the family contributing a bit to it. Let’s begin with me. I am working in a company for a fair package; but I don’t believe it to be decent enough, at least not for getting married and taking up all those responsibilities. I consider it to be too low even to be able to afford a Goa trip or a river-rafting adventure in Rishikesh with my friends. Right now, I have a room in a flat with a big empty hall (booked for parties on Friday nights); soon after marriage I would have to have a full flat with showcase, teddy bears, sofa set, centre table and a television in the hall. It seems disturbing.

I’ve a girlfriend too, who has made significant contributions in keeping me unmarried by being confused about me and making me confused about her. On alternate Sundays she insists on a court marriage (saying her parents won’t allow her to marry me in the temple). I would say the courts are closed today, and we will do it the next day, that is, Monday. But on every alternate Monday I receive a text message that states that “we are good friends and will remain that, I can’t deceive my parents.” With that I lose my strength to visit a lawyer.

Let’s talk about my mother now. Well, she shows herself as a liberal person, but remains a diehard conservative. Even a girl of the same caste won’t do, she has to be from the same sub-caste. The way celebrities prefer designer-wear and watches, my mother is seeking a designer-wife for me. She needs a girl with good height, very fair complexion, from a decent family, with a good cultural background (sanskaari). She should be highly educated. Most importantly, she should have a very good kundli with no dosh (fault). Gun (trait/quality) matching with regard to kundli goes against established scientific principles. It says similar traits (for a couple) are good for married life. This goes against the principle that opposites attract and sameness repels.

Fault-finding in a girl’s profile has been my mother’s pastime. I believe she has fully imbibed the philosophy that for a mother, all good qualities have been bestowed on her son and he is the best one. This can be dangerous, but what my father thinks would be equally dangerous. He thinks every proposal for my marriage is a good one. He would say: Badhiya to hai, aur kya chahte ho? (Everything is fine with the proposal, what else you want?). Believe me I am in a trap!!

The so-called relatives are also deceptive. When they talk to me they would say: “It’s your life, you are mature enough, do whatever you feel to be good for you”. Then, when they meet my parents they would say: “Do something urgently, or else your child is going to slip away”.

These are enough reasons why I am not yet married.

anchitmathur.scorpion @gmail.com

http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/31-male-and-not-yet-there/article5929265.ece#comments

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