Ironknee.... for your consideration :)
0 views
Skip to first unread message
Tidetracker
Sep 23, 2009, 1:20:44 PM9/23/09
to Political Irony
Since the health care reform issue has been so controversial, it is
hoped that this FAQ (list of Frequently Asked Questions) will help
clear things up for interested Americans:
Q. Is there a health care crisis in this country?
A. Of course not. As we have all been told, around 86% of us are
satisfied with our current health care coverage. The remaining 14% are
simply the slackers and whiners who have lost their health care
coverage, or never had any. Some of them were formerly conservative
Republicans who objected to health care reform, but have now lost
their principles along with their insurance, and therefore deserve no
consideration.
Q. Why does President Obama want to reform health care?
A. Because he is evil. He’s the devil’s spawn. He might be the devil
himself. He’s a communist. He’s a socialist. He’s a Marxist. He’s a
Fascist. He might be several of those, all at once. He’s probably rude
to his mother-in-law, and secretly kicks his dog. He hates white
people (We know this, because Glenn Beck told us he hates white
people.. and Glenn Beck would never lie to us). And, to those for whom
it matters: have you noticed he’s black?
Q. Why do conservatives, Republicans, and even a few Democrats oppose
health care reform?
A. Because of democracy. Republican senators and congressmen, as well
as the ‘Blue Dog’ representatives, couldn't continue to represent the
interests of their constituents, without huge contributions from
insurance companies.
Q. Does Obama’s plan actually include death panels?
A. Of course. If he doesn’t pull the plug on Grandma, how else will he
get what he needs to manufacture Soylent Green? Besides, he’s evil…
didn’t you read the second question and answer?
Q. Why do the opponents of health care argue against the so-called
‘public option’?
A. Because it might become nearly as popular as Medicare, VA health
care, Medicaid, and the government employees health care plan… and
everyone knows that we can’t have socialized, government run, single
payer health care in this country… it goes against everything we
believe as Americans.
Q. Shouldn’t everyone have access to affordable health care?
A. Of course not. America is a meritocracy… and the only people who
merit health care are the ones with money (or those with legacy
admissions to Harvard and Yale).
Q. Will Obama’s plan pay for health care for illegal aliens?
A. Yes, it is possible that several hundred thousand illegal aliens
might sneak through the prohibitions against paying for health care
for illegal aliens. Because of the danger of that happening, it’s only
logical that we should continue to deny health care to 20 million or
more uninsured people. After all, what’s more important?
Besides, illegal aliens don’t deserve health care… they should
continue to keep a low profile while picking lettuce or cutting the
grass.
Q. How should we prevent illegal aliens from getting health care
illegally?
A. Well, we certainly don’t want to impose any sort of national I.D.
on Americans… that would be an invasion of privacy and an overreach by
big government. It would be better to station Tea Party members at the
entrances to emergency rooms… that way, they could stop any Mexican-
looking people from going inside. Of course, true Americans with
swarthy complexions should always carry a photo I.D…. you never know
when someone will demand a forensic examination of your birth
certificate… to screen out anyone who might have been born in Kenya.
Q. Why are health care costs rising at three times the rate of
inflation?
A. Because it’s the best way to filter out those without merit. See
the question on meritocracy, earlier.
Q. Isn’t health care in the best interests of the nation as a whole?
A. No. Health care is in the best interests of those who can either
afford it, or have jobs with health care benefits. It is NOT in the
best interests of those who can afford it or who are presently
covered... after all, if we give the slackers, whiners, and po’ folks
health care, there will be less of it for true Americans, and health
care rationing is a terrible thing.
This fits well with the conservative ethic, a grand political
philosophy dating back over 100 years, first espoused during the
Robber Baron era, when a wealthy industrialist said that ‘the welfare
of the middle class depends on the light taxation and lax regulation
of the wealthy’.
This philosophy has been refined and restated many times since those
wonderful days of the Robber Baron era…. Notably by Gordon Gekko
(‘Greed Is Good’), Pink Floyd (‘I’m all right, Jack, keep your hands
off of my stack’), and most recently, by the generally accepted and so
wonderfully true sentiment, ‘I’ve got mine, so screw you’.
hoped that this FAQ (list of Frequently Asked Questions) will help
clear things up for interested Americans:
Q. Is there a health care crisis in this country?
A. Of course not. As we have all been told, around 86% of us are
satisfied with our current health care coverage. The remaining 14% are
simply the slackers and whiners who have lost their health care
coverage, or never had any. Some of them were formerly conservative
Republicans who objected to health care reform, but have now lost
their principles along with their insurance, and therefore deserve no
consideration.
Q. Why does President Obama want to reform health care?
A. Because he is evil. He’s the devil’s spawn. He might be the devil
himself. He’s a communist. He’s a socialist. He’s a Marxist. He’s a
Fascist. He might be several of those, all at once. He’s probably rude
to his mother-in-law, and secretly kicks his dog. He hates white
people (We know this, because Glenn Beck told us he hates white
people.. and Glenn Beck would never lie to us). And, to those for whom
it matters: have you noticed he’s black?
Q. Why do conservatives, Republicans, and even a few Democrats oppose
health care reform?
A. Because of democracy. Republican senators and congressmen, as well
as the ‘Blue Dog’ representatives, couldn't continue to represent the
interests of their constituents, without huge contributions from
insurance companies.
Q. Does Obama’s plan actually include death panels?
A. Of course. If he doesn’t pull the plug on Grandma, how else will he
get what he needs to manufacture Soylent Green? Besides, he’s evil…
didn’t you read the second question and answer?
Q. Why do the opponents of health care argue against the so-called
‘public option’?
A. Because it might become nearly as popular as Medicare, VA health
care, Medicaid, and the government employees health care plan… and
everyone knows that we can’t have socialized, government run, single
payer health care in this country… it goes against everything we
believe as Americans.
Q. Shouldn’t everyone have access to affordable health care?
A. Of course not. America is a meritocracy… and the only people who
merit health care are the ones with money (or those with legacy
admissions to Harvard and Yale).
Q. Will Obama’s plan pay for health care for illegal aliens?
A. Yes, it is possible that several hundred thousand illegal aliens
might sneak through the prohibitions against paying for health care
for illegal aliens. Because of the danger of that happening, it’s only
logical that we should continue to deny health care to 20 million or
more uninsured people. After all, what’s more important?
Besides, illegal aliens don’t deserve health care… they should
continue to keep a low profile while picking lettuce or cutting the
grass.
Q. How should we prevent illegal aliens from getting health care
illegally?
A. Well, we certainly don’t want to impose any sort of national I.D.
on Americans… that would be an invasion of privacy and an overreach by
big government. It would be better to station Tea Party members at the
entrances to emergency rooms… that way, they could stop any Mexican-
looking people from going inside. Of course, true Americans with
swarthy complexions should always carry a photo I.D…. you never know
when someone will demand a forensic examination of your birth
certificate… to screen out anyone who might have been born in Kenya.
Q. Why are health care costs rising at three times the rate of
inflation?
A. Because it’s the best way to filter out those without merit. See
the question on meritocracy, earlier.
Q. Isn’t health care in the best interests of the nation as a whole?
A. No. Health care is in the best interests of those who can either
afford it, or have jobs with health care benefits. It is NOT in the
best interests of those who can afford it or who are presently
covered... after all, if we give the slackers, whiners, and po’ folks
health care, there will be less of it for true Americans, and health
care rationing is a terrible thing.
This fits well with the conservative ethic, a grand political
philosophy dating back over 100 years, first espoused during the
Robber Baron era, when a wealthy industrialist said that ‘the welfare
of the middle class depends on the light taxation and lax regulation
of the wealthy’.
This philosophy has been refined and restated many times since those
wonderful days of the Robber Baron era…. Notably by Gordon Gekko
(‘Greed Is Good’), Pink Floyd (‘I’m all right, Jack, keep your hands
off of my stack’), and most recently, by the generally accepted and so
wonderfully true sentiment, ‘I’ve got mine, so screw you’.
Starluna
Sep 23, 2009, 2:29:54 PM9/23/09
to Political Irony
Very nice. Round of applause.
ddepuemd
Sep 24, 2009, 11:15:40 AM9/24/09
to Political Irony
Excellent! I agree with every answer! NO OBAMACARE!
(not really...)
ironknee
Sep 25, 2009, 12:53:40 AM9/25/09
to Political Irony
Ok, it is posting tomorrow. Very good!
I made some minor changes, mostly to clean up some language issues.
Just call me the grammar nazi!
Sorry for the delay, I was actually out of town most of this week.
I made some minor changes, mostly to clean up some language issues.
Just call me the grammar nazi!
Sorry for the delay, I was actually out of town most of this week.
Tidetracker
Sep 25, 2009, 9:16:53 AM9/25/09
to Political Irony
modest attempt at satirical humor on the politicalirony.com main page!
I am especially appreciative of your editing job. After I posted it, I
realized that it needed some editing.... and unfortunately, this forum
engine doesn't allow a poster to edit his own work. You did an
outstanding job with the necessary edits... once again, many thanks!
ironknee
Sep 25, 2009, 12:47:48 PM9/25/09
to Political Irony
Thank you for the excellent submission!
Do you want me to put your real name on the post, or keep it as
Tidetracker?
Do you want me to put your real name on the post, or keep it as
Tidetracker?
Tidetracker
Sep 29, 2009, 8:52:41 AM9/29/09
to Political Irony
> Do you want me to put your real name on the post, or keep it as
> Tidetracker?
'credit'.
Reply all
Reply to author
Forward
0 new messages