Funny Political History of the Human Race
Values...@msn.com
gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and
would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting
for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's
how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days t racking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known as the Conservation movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
became known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or im ported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are
liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, sailors, airmen,
soldiers, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives
who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a
living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and de cide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of
trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a
Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above
before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so
convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be
forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals
just to piss them off.
crusader
Where ever did you find this?
Great piece.
Values...@msn.com
list email.
Hits the nail right on the head.