Poetry Grief
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Abrigon
Mar 18, 2026, 7:41:03 PM (11 hours ago) Mar 18
to Del-Poetry List Egroups
GRIEF 2021:
WARNING: They all about grief, so its not very happy, please don't read if you under 21.
June 2021
INDEX:
Forgive Me
Dead Eyes
Survivors Guilt
Depression of Loss
Dreams Dead
Drunk
Scar on Scar
Self
Semper Fi
Shame
She is Gone
Shut Down
Sink Hole
Slashes
Sticks and Stones
Suicide
Sunshine
Dead Drunk
Death and Dying
Far Away
Five Percent
Morgoti
Cell (My)
Martha
GRIEF:
-----
P-Forgive Me:
I scream to quiet stones
But no reply for they are gone
and long dead. Beyond my pain
anger and longing for their
forgiveness. But still I scream
for the pain holds me fast.
No room for anything else.
No room for love, or joy.
Only the consuming cancer
that dwells in me, given
for failures in ancient
time, and now long gone
but still it lingers and
holds me back, with ropes
strong and tight, strangling
all that I was, locked in
pain unending, and no one to
beg forgiveness for
errors and ignorance
far from bliss.
Mike Adams
2009
(still working on)
------
P-Dead Eyes:
Eyes stare back
they are dead
and black, no life
there, but memories
Memories of
the time I saw
them last.
And what we
was to do
and said
and dreamed.
They did it to
themselves, but
what of us
the survivors?
Those who live
past the moment
of their death
Be it accident
or stupidity
or suicide
Those eyes stare
back and I
forget all
and nothing.
So I cry
and other
as well for
memories gone
but remembered
but not up front
but behind
the mask
we put up
hope it will
stay there
but our
makeup runs
and the pain
comes through.
Dinner anyone?
Mike Adams
2006
Weird how the death of someone, will haunt you for years. For Eugene Dalilak, Everett
Dick, Bon Tate, Karen, Karl and others I still find hard to remember, or name, or even
remember their names, but one day the pain will back to the game, and we can deal
with things.
-----
P-Survivors Guilt (2008):
The dead are gone, but what of those left behind?
To bury the dead, to record their passing, but
to keep going, worse to wonder what if?
I had smiled, to show I loved them? To force them
to find help, or even know they needed it, and
how much. Just to let them know you worry, and
wish them to be happy, and find a way out of the
darkness, the corner them selves in, or forced
to be in. And get help, peace and life in the
light not death in the dark. Not only of light
and dark but of mind, spirit and love. Means
peaceful, but not death, for int their passing
is let questions of why, what if, trust, pain,
guilt and hatred, not just anger at them, and self.
Ignorance is bliss, is far from true, when dealing
with friends self destruction, for in not knowing
brings little bliss.
He or she a friend, not only of genes but of blood and things
shared, a piece of each other, and of all, who knew them.
What hell was they in, to wish for early release from life?
To not demand help? We who l;loved them, did they not trust us,
or think us less human/friends or just lost in their depression
and path dark and lonely.. Or worse, they did trust us and we
failed them. But all they had to do was, bue we was not.
Knowing what they was saying and is this we are at loss.
No one I was enough to leave what they left behind,
I know its selfish to die by gun, pills, poison or life destructive.
Please come back, I miss you so much. Life is never full without
you. But I muddle along, ploding to find some purpose to your
leaving. And how to help others not to go how you went. To save
others from guilt, for it should been me who died and now you.
You had more to live for than I, but now I am truely old and you
are long gone but young always in my minds eye.
Mike Adams
2008?
Not complete
(some where is the note book I wrote the rest in, green pages)
---
P-Depression of Loss
Depression is here,
sinking in fast and hard
for the sun has left the sky
and shall I die now,
or just wander here
in this place of darkness
cold and damp,
like a man on thorozine..
Mike Adams
2003
-------
P-Dream Dead
A man, a women
A dream, a child
born of both
shared together.
A dream or just
fantasy illusion.
Mike Adams
2009
-------
P-Drunk
I fear
I drink
I hurt
I drink
I beat
I drink
I fall
I drunk
I puke
I drunk
I fight
I drunk
I hurt
I drunk
now my kids
drinking
I wonder why?
I hit
I drunk
I kill
I drunk
In Jail
I sober
Who died
I sober
When died
I sober
God what did I do?
I drunk
but sober now.
Mike Adams
2006
(working on it)
--------
P-Scar on Scar
Scars on scars
until all is
scar tissue
raised up and
cancerous
full of pus
and bleeding
blood and pus.
Mike Adams
2008?
--------
P-Self:
Drugs, Alcohol
Or just drama
Unleashed. Pain,
Anger, fear, or
just lonely.
With nothing to
fill the void of
soul. But drink,
drugs, and self
destruction.
Hatred of self
or just fear of
showing more of
self, due to past
jeering, disrespect
or being to open
and used by it.
By the group, or
those in power,
along against the
the crowd and
riots of pain
brought on by
groups social,
not welcome, and
not wanted, all
cause your mutant,
geek, freak, or
just not pretty.
What did you do wrong
is asked, but only
answer is being born
out of time with what
is popular, or hot.
Condemned from birth
to second class status
all cause of gender,
mixed race, or parents
unknown or just not
caring, or from the
wrong side of the
tracks or just body
build, or mind paths.
How brutal but how it
comes to be for how
many? All out of shape.
Not fitting that mold
of what? Some hidden,
or open standard.
Enforced and deadly
in disrespect. All
programmed in by who?
For what reasons to
be special or snotty
for some blessed and
others called cursed
by fate, or just no
one stands up to say
Bullshit, and enough!
To stand before the
houses of peer and
media. To pressure
immense and many fall
into chasms, deadly
and purge themselves
to fit in, or to not
die alone! Destroyed
and ravaged. Left
alone to deal with
issues of self hate
fear and loathing
institutionalized!
Mike Adams
2008
(still working on it?)
------
P-Semper Fi (2006):
Semper Fi until I die
I have to wonder why
I do this living and dying,
But just to look and see
the eyes of a child found.
A man speaking
plain and open,
expressing freedom
of thought, of action,
and of faith in
multitudes. Living in peace
and knowing safely and I
know why. I do and die.
I have just to know
of why I do and die
so that they at home
may thrive and wonder
when daddy is coming
home!
Mike Adams
2006
(For Ed Donovan, my Uncle - Semper Fidelis)
-------
(Not a happy poem, it was a survival poem to keep me going, since it takes permission
to commit the act of seppeku, and no one knew, and I am out of the military)
P-Shame
A poem
A deed
Permission
A knife
A sword
A friends
Swift cut
Head rolls
And shame
Ends, honor
Restored and
Witnessed
Seppeku
Mike Adams
2011
------
P-She is Gone
Man, lays down
head in hand
life is gone
she is dead
Mike Adams
2005
--------
P-Shutdown
Shut down
Overdrawn
To Much
Forgiven
Unforgiven
Nothing left
all is dead
emotions
mind
heart
soul
all is numb
shut down
Mike Adams
2006
-----------
P-Sink Hole
Sink hole in the ground
why you have come around
go away and fill up
with water or soil
or just take the pain away
of my lost life and home
or just give me time
to fill out my claim
report or know the fun
of FEMA saying YES
and the money to flow
and to know the joy
of a new house and
place to live, above
the sink hole long gone
and away from my soul.
Mike Adams
2009
------
P-Slashes (editing)
One slash
two slash
three slash
more
four slash
five slash
six slash
done
One Slash
Two Slash
Three Slash
More Marks on
wrists deep and
bloody
One, two, three
why can't I die
What keeps me here
Up down, side to side
razor, knife, can
or other object
sharp will do
I am numb
please make it stop
the pain
what pain
not the slashed deep
or superficial
but the pain behind
that I wish to show
to bring out
dig out
and let out
NOW!
Mike Adams
2005
(Edited 06/04/05)
------
P-Sticks and Stones
Sticks and stones, bones break,
hair pulled, love lost, death of
innocence, Love of one, of joy
and life shared turns to hell
and damnation
(more coming)
Mike Adams
07/12/04
------
P-Suicide 2011
So she cheated on you,
gave you an incurable disease
Emptied your bank account
Had you arrested for DV
Took your kid(s) away
Told your friends lies
and now they hate you.
Do not give her the joy
of killing you to!
So put the gun down,
the pills away,
stop annoying that cop,
driving fast,
drinking like a fish.
and piss her off by living!
Mike Adams
2006
--------
P-Sunshine:
Please my sunshine come back to me,
for the darkness cloaks me and binds me
and I need your touch, of light
to bring the most from me, and I from you.
Please do not take the sunshine
of your face from me.
The darkness it leaves behind
when gone is more than anyone
can handle or deal with
For what is loneliness
with out the sunshine
of your face and being.
Mike Adams
2007
For Linda
-----
P-Dead by Drunk
A Man
A women
a child
A future
but whose?
Theirs
or others?
Who can tell
for gone
they are
dead by drunken
means driving
Mike Adams
2006
----
P-Death and Dying
Dying yes, dead not yet
for with out life,
then you have death
or without hope
there is death
giving up before the
mark of death arrives
to soon to give up
to be given to the pile
or corpses piling high
before hells door
given up to the disease
called dying, or cancer
or some other malody
that saps our strengths
and pulls us down
down to the ground and in
or to pyres high.
glory, is just an excuse
for dying better than
others dead.
Mike Adams
2005
-------------
P-Far Away:
Oh far away is home
from this land of sunshine
and jungles thick.
I dream of it on nights I can,
of home and the times we spent.
Oh how young we were once,
and the things we did in springtime air,
to see you once again,
to rest my head once more in your lap,
to smell your hair once again,
to know your caress once again,
but instead all I know is duty
and honor and country, but for what?
Who can know me like you do
oh dear lady love.
My friends here know me well,
for I have saved them,
and they have saved me many times..
But not as you do.
Thru thick and thin
I do travel with them
and we know our calls,
to hear the copters sweet song
while bullets buzz by,
to know the call for them is close,
and danger is so real,
death is our companion,
our lover and our friend.
To know her is to love her,
but in that love is the quandry,
for she demands a heavy toll,
of life and sometimes love.
To I sit here in this place
so far from you,
and dream of you
one last time,
as my other lady creeps onto me,
dulling my sight, and mind,
until all I feel is a strange cold
in such a hot and damp place,
so far from you my love,
I hear her call, of deaths
sweet embrace I feel her loving
caress, so sweet but final,
like a spring days ending.
Oh, to feel your hair,
and knows its scent one last time,
but that is not to be, for in my end,
I have one thought of you,
and the friends that I save this day,
for I know I shall not see you
again my lady love,
other than in the words
of my friends of this day,
this final day, for I know them well,
for they shall tell you of my last day,
and last words were of you my lady dear,
so far and so close to me,
I reach for you,
but can not raise my hands
for they are gone away,
my feet can not move,
my heart is slowing,
and my brain is numb.
I gasp from lungs gone
for you my lady love
and know your memories
will lead me to a better place.
Of this I know,
I loved you then,
and love you now
and for an eternity
I shall love you still.
I thank you for the times
and love, I have had from you,
and the love I give to you,
please do not cry,
for it makes your mascari run,
and you look so sad
and then so funny,
like a poor clown,
it makes me grin too
and happy to have seen you
in my minds eye once again..
I shall see you again my dear,
on judgement day
for nothing can keep me
from your side on that day.
My last words to you from your soldier far away.
Mike Adams
May 1998
------
P-Five Percent:
A room, cave, dark and dreary.
a chair rises up but not to the sky,
but to cloths, or to a human,
figure in dirty clothes, alive
or dead? hard to tell, all you
can see is the cloths, figure there
now and later, lost in dreams or
darkness boozed up and lost
in a world long dead and lost.
Abandoned by all but others
of like nature and a bartender
thirsting for their money but
not for their lives.
A heap of what is flesh and bone.
Of rags and cloths unwashed.
A smell of urine and booze,
and body unwashed for weeks.
A being crumpled on stool,
often for hours unending
until closing and thrown out
to fend for self in a cold
dark world, hoping to find
warmth and comfort, but
not likely, for all are done
with them, for they are
chronic in their nature,
unwilling or unable to change
hopeless drunks or players
of games of chance.
Pull tabs fall below them on
the floor in a heap, as
the money they get, or
have falls into a bars till.
A drink done many times
in front, and will there
be money for another
and another, to might as
well have a straw into a
bottle with no bottom.
For all hope is gone,
brain is dead, liver wants
relief and smells of it.
Stench smelled from feet away
Face cragged and suffering from
decades of neglect. Eyes dead
to the world, mouth
drooling booze, and puke
Chronic or just plain terminal
Once alive, but now just waiting to die.
Slow and painful, all cast away
for family is done with them
for they are selfish,
or just lost. Lost to a world
uncaring or caring but unable to
help, for its hard to lead them
away from the water of death
they crave, and death style.
In places named for holy,
speed and northern, they rot
slowly and end up homeless
and forgotten and dead.
Dead slow, or suicidal,
all is the same, for its
self destruction all the same.
Nights of sleeping with
persons just for booze.
A place to stay, a life of
degradation and prostitution
and abuse, molested and used.
So in this, I say, who cares
for the five percent?
Detox, and shelter?
Police and ambulance?
Family who throws them out?
Mike Adams
2010
sorry been working on a poem, about a person or what is left of a person, after years of
living in a local bar.. homeless, lost, and forgotten, nearly dead..well, sadly many go
there and stay there..
the hidden 5% or maybe the 5% many see but not see past to the 95% who are sober
and clean and happy?
-------
P-Morgoti:
A horse alive but dead a rider riding slumped
over, over a plain of skulls and dead strewn
around, or semblance of life is all you see..
Rider comes closer and you see the horse is
not living but not dead, but someplace in
between or parody of life it stands there
with rider, sitting rider with eyes dead
and lost, lost to the now, and the past,
or even future for each is just living.
Living a life that is not living, he knows
the pain of loss, not only life but of faith,
alone he stands, but not alone, for he is
crawliny with life but not life, small and
nimble they are, they keep him alive even
when he no longer wishes to live.
Dead many times, some he remembers some he
forgets for the remembering is pain, to forget,
the only cure, or solution, as much as he feels
anything any more for his humanity was gone
long ago, how long no one knows for he has
lost the wish to keep time, just that this is
the now and he wishes to be dead to it, but can
not die, for they keep him alive if you can
call being more machine than man, living. Not
obvious, but they are there.
You look in his eyes, and all is dead, but
replaced by nothing for what is a man with out
hope, dreams and desires, emotions and the will
to live?
You look around and all that seems normal is not,
you realize with a start the trees, bushes and
animals all are dead, or some pale semblance of
life, for all are imperfect copies made for the
rider but he no longer cares, it is just there,
they just exist and he cares not.
No one else is here for all died ages ago, in some
thing the man knows of but not telling but knowing
is madness as it is for he was the one who brought
it about, in his pride, ignorance or just plain
stupidity he let it go and all died from it, for
all was consumed by it what it is is, all you need
to see around to know but you can not see for you
are not really here? or he is killing you eating
your soul draining your life but he knows not is not
conscious of it, for he no longer wants to know,
blocked from his mind and memories is your passing,
only that he keeps going not that he wants to keep
going but he plods one foot in front of the other,
or on the horse being he rides to the next victim,
for he has died many times to be taken back to
living for they will not let his body die even if
his soul died an age ago.
Mike Adams
2005
-------
P-Cell: (My Cell)
Cell dark but warm
door locked and tight
locked in my room
not by bars iron
but mental pain
and fear insecure
my room refuge
or prison, self made
or forced by fear
and anger of others
I am not sure.
but here I sit
before the light
and portal to
the world
locked in its grasp
tight and unable
to move or leave
so I am locked
in my cell.
No way out
or just no steps
to get there.
Mike Adams
199?
-----
P-Martha
Dear Martha, Humpy Mumpy
Why you have to die
Irony is all I can say.
Tragedy and anger
brother dead
guilt or just
grief over whelming
anger and pain
To lovely to be normal.
Used by others to be
accepted or mule.
Drugs, alcohol
travel and abortions
but in the end the
irony is, to die.
But by boy friend
after giving birth
Finally of a child
after giving up
so many they say.
So is the Irony
and tragedy of
your life. Anger
showen when drunk
but now sober,
but to little
to late or just
expressed by
Not much to say
mental or just
hurting unending
but brought out
when drunk
What can be said
Just good bye
little one
Mu Humpy Mumpy
Loved you
not for your
looks but for
your friendship
I am sorry I was
not a better friend
for in the end
we failed you
us all, by not
being better.
Sorry.
Mike Adams
2009
-----
P-Banshee Run:
A banshee screams into the night,
Up from my bed I do jump
where, when, who, how
as cloths jump on to my frame
as I say good bye and run into
the night duty call or just
a night. Running, across
ground icy, slippy and
dangerous but I run
like a mad man, for
someone dies tonight
or not, I hope for my
time is spent to get
their quick, safe, with
those who can do their best
to keep all alive.
Good the rig if warm
starts, all ready
connection, where
where and where, to
pick up quick on
on the way. Door open
and I am on my way.
Left, right, forward
on to the breach or just
make it so for others
There he or she is,
clothed like me
barely on running.
Jump inside, what we have
and on, lights flash or not
quiet night, so fast.
But keep it safe
There they are.
And in we go, with
cops help and firemen
too, we enter, what
to find. Scene Secure.
Fire or dangers human
helped to be gone.
Chief complaint,
cause and symptom
observed items
and allergies
drugs and issues
Blood pressure
observed issues
smell and touch
or just a twitch
Collar on, or splints
or bandages, IV in.
On board, but careful
one two three we go.
gurney on and comfy
for the cold can kill
into the ride we do go
run run run other times
splint, tape, four by four
or just morale support
On into the night to
place of healing I do hope
Doctors waiting, nurses to
cops taking statements
one two three to another
bed, and monitors
doctors working
nurses helping
bags pumping,
air in, nose or mouth
blood and fluids
warming up, and alive
not dead, and cold.
Heart pumping
lungs filling
bowels released
catheter in or not
drip drip drip
goes the meds,
saline and plasma.
Stitches if needed.
Alcohol suspected
Family there or not
or none, or next.
Bruises seen, sores
many, smells awful.
Cloths in a corner
Reports to do and
remember, for later
times and legal or
just what we miss
if anything?
Transport, ready
bag sled, and shred
papers, ready and comfy
escort here,
family said good
bye. Off to the port
we go, holding hand
all is well to the plane.
Thank you.
An on to the lands
below, for better care
for stable is okay
but more must happen
or does or just in case.
Sadly some do not
get so far, or hurts
abide and come.
Not all saved, it hurts
but grieve abides
guilt or just how?
Done better or at all?
Why, no trust of us
their friends or just
things happen?
Driving bad or drunk?
Issues of age or time
conditions come
not all live, some short
some long, but
Hearts give out, lungs
deflate, time is here
or just sugar low or high.
abuse, and pain, no will
to live or just ..
Mike Adams
2009
For all who go into the night with the hope that they can save someone.
-----
Copyright 1998 Mike Adams
WARNING: They all about grief, so its not very happy, please don't read if you under 21.
June 2021
INDEX:
Forgive Me
Dead Eyes
Survivors Guilt
Depression of Loss
Dreams Dead
Drunk
Scar on Scar
Self
Semper Fi
Shame
She is Gone
Shut Down
Sink Hole
Slashes
Sticks and Stones
Suicide
Sunshine
Dead Drunk
Death and Dying
Far Away
Five Percent
Morgoti
Cell (My)
Martha
GRIEF:
-----
P-Forgive Me:
I scream to quiet stones
But no reply for they are gone
and long dead. Beyond my pain
anger and longing for their
forgiveness. But still I scream
for the pain holds me fast.
No room for anything else.
No room for love, or joy.
Only the consuming cancer
that dwells in me, given
for failures in ancient
time, and now long gone
but still it lingers and
holds me back, with ropes
strong and tight, strangling
all that I was, locked in
pain unending, and no one to
beg forgiveness for
errors and ignorance
far from bliss.
Mike Adams
2009
(still working on)
------
P-Dead Eyes:
Eyes stare back
they are dead
and black, no life
there, but memories
Memories of
the time I saw
them last.
And what we
was to do
and said
and dreamed.
They did it to
themselves, but
what of us
the survivors?
Those who live
past the moment
of their death
Be it accident
or stupidity
or suicide
Those eyes stare
back and I
forget all
and nothing.
So I cry
and other
as well for
memories gone
but remembered
but not up front
but behind
the mask
we put up
hope it will
stay there
but our
makeup runs
and the pain
comes through.
Dinner anyone?
Mike Adams
2006
Weird how the death of someone, will haunt you for years. For Eugene Dalilak, Everett
Dick, Bon Tate, Karen, Karl and others I still find hard to remember, or name, or even
remember their names, but one day the pain will back to the game, and we can deal
with things.
-----
P-Survivors Guilt (2008):
The dead are gone, but what of those left behind?
To bury the dead, to record their passing, but
to keep going, worse to wonder what if?
I had smiled, to show I loved them? To force them
to find help, or even know they needed it, and
how much. Just to let them know you worry, and
wish them to be happy, and find a way out of the
darkness, the corner them selves in, or forced
to be in. And get help, peace and life in the
light not death in the dark. Not only of light
and dark but of mind, spirit and love. Means
peaceful, but not death, for int their passing
is let questions of why, what if, trust, pain,
guilt and hatred, not just anger at them, and self.
Ignorance is bliss, is far from true, when dealing
with friends self destruction, for in not knowing
brings little bliss.
He or she a friend, not only of genes but of blood and things
shared, a piece of each other, and of all, who knew them.
What hell was they in, to wish for early release from life?
To not demand help? We who l;loved them, did they not trust us,
or think us less human/friends or just lost in their depression
and path dark and lonely.. Or worse, they did trust us and we
failed them. But all they had to do was, bue we was not.
Knowing what they was saying and is this we are at loss.
No one I was enough to leave what they left behind,
I know its selfish to die by gun, pills, poison or life destructive.
Please come back, I miss you so much. Life is never full without
you. But I muddle along, ploding to find some purpose to your
leaving. And how to help others not to go how you went. To save
others from guilt, for it should been me who died and now you.
You had more to live for than I, but now I am truely old and you
are long gone but young always in my minds eye.
Mike Adams
2008?
Not complete
(some where is the note book I wrote the rest in, green pages)
---
P-Depression of Loss
Depression is here,
sinking in fast and hard
for the sun has left the sky
and shall I die now,
or just wander here
in this place of darkness
cold and damp,
like a man on thorozine..
Mike Adams
2003
-------
P-Dream Dead
A man, a women
A dream, a child
born of both
shared together.
A dream or just
fantasy illusion.
Mike Adams
2009
-------
P-Drunk
I fear
I drink
I hurt
I drink
I beat
I drink
I fall
I drunk
I puke
I drunk
I fight
I drunk
I hurt
I drunk
now my kids
drinking
I wonder why?
I hit
I drunk
I kill
I drunk
In Jail
I sober
Who died
I sober
When died
I sober
God what did I do?
I drunk
but sober now.
Mike Adams
2006
(working on it)
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P-Scar on Scar
Scars on scars
until all is
scar tissue
raised up and
cancerous
full of pus
and bleeding
blood and pus.
Mike Adams
2008?
--------
P-Self:
Drugs, Alcohol
Or just drama
Unleashed. Pain,
Anger, fear, or
just lonely.
With nothing to
fill the void of
soul. But drink,
drugs, and self
destruction.
Hatred of self
or just fear of
showing more of
self, due to past
jeering, disrespect
or being to open
and used by it.
By the group, or
those in power,
along against the
the crowd and
riots of pain
brought on by
groups social,
not welcome, and
not wanted, all
cause your mutant,
geek, freak, or
just not pretty.
What did you do wrong
is asked, but only
answer is being born
out of time with what
is popular, or hot.
Condemned from birth
to second class status
all cause of gender,
mixed race, or parents
unknown or just not
caring, or from the
wrong side of the
tracks or just body
build, or mind paths.
How brutal but how it
comes to be for how
many? All out of shape.
Not fitting that mold
of what? Some hidden,
or open standard.
Enforced and deadly
in disrespect. All
programmed in by who?
For what reasons to
be special or snotty
for some blessed and
others called cursed
by fate, or just no
one stands up to say
Bullshit, and enough!
To stand before the
houses of peer and
media. To pressure
immense and many fall
into chasms, deadly
and purge themselves
to fit in, or to not
die alone! Destroyed
and ravaged. Left
alone to deal with
issues of self hate
fear and loathing
institutionalized!
Mike Adams
2008
(still working on it?)
------
P-Semper Fi (2006):
Semper Fi until I die
I have to wonder why
I do this living and dying,
But just to look and see
the eyes of a child found.
A man speaking
plain and open,
expressing freedom
of thought, of action,
and of faith in
multitudes. Living in peace
and knowing safely and I
know why. I do and die.
I have just to know
of why I do and die
so that they at home
may thrive and wonder
when daddy is coming
home!
Mike Adams
2006
(For Ed Donovan, my Uncle - Semper Fidelis)
-------
(Not a happy poem, it was a survival poem to keep me going, since it takes permission
to commit the act of seppeku, and no one knew, and I am out of the military)
P-Shame
A poem
A deed
Permission
A knife
A sword
A friends
Swift cut
Head rolls
And shame
Ends, honor
Restored and
Witnessed
Seppeku
Mike Adams
2011
------
P-She is Gone
Man, lays down
head in hand
life is gone
she is dead
Mike Adams
2005
--------
P-Shutdown
Shut down
Overdrawn
To Much
Forgiven
Unforgiven
Nothing left
all is dead
emotions
mind
heart
soul
all is numb
shut down
Mike Adams
2006
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P-Sink Hole
Sink hole in the ground
why you have come around
go away and fill up
with water or soil
or just take the pain away
of my lost life and home
or just give me time
to fill out my claim
report or know the fun
of FEMA saying YES
and the money to flow
and to know the joy
of a new house and
place to live, above
the sink hole long gone
and away from my soul.
Mike Adams
2009
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P-Slashes (editing)
One slash
two slash
three slash
more
four slash
five slash
six slash
done
One Slash
Two Slash
Three Slash
More Marks on
wrists deep and
bloody
One, two, three
why can't I die
What keeps me here
Up down, side to side
razor, knife, can
or other object
sharp will do
I am numb
please make it stop
the pain
what pain
not the slashed deep
or superficial
but the pain behind
that I wish to show
to bring out
dig out
and let out
NOW!
Mike Adams
2005
(Edited 06/04/05)
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P-Sticks and Stones
Sticks and stones, bones break,
hair pulled, love lost, death of
innocence, Love of one, of joy
and life shared turns to hell
and damnation
(more coming)
Mike Adams
07/12/04
------
P-Suicide 2011
So she cheated on you,
gave you an incurable disease
Emptied your bank account
Had you arrested for DV
Took your kid(s) away
Told your friends lies
and now they hate you.
Do not give her the joy
of killing you to!
So put the gun down,
the pills away,
stop annoying that cop,
driving fast,
drinking like a fish.
and piss her off by living!
Mike Adams
2006
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P-Sunshine:
Please my sunshine come back to me,
for the darkness cloaks me and binds me
and I need your touch, of light
to bring the most from me, and I from you.
Please do not take the sunshine
of your face from me.
The darkness it leaves behind
when gone is more than anyone
can handle or deal with
For what is loneliness
with out the sunshine
of your face and being.
Mike Adams
2007
For Linda
-----
P-Dead by Drunk
A Man
A women
a child
A future
but whose?
Theirs
or others?
Who can tell
for gone
they are
dead by drunken
means driving
Mike Adams
2006
----
P-Death and Dying
Dying yes, dead not yet
for with out life,
then you have death
or without hope
there is death
giving up before the
mark of death arrives
to soon to give up
to be given to the pile
or corpses piling high
before hells door
given up to the disease
called dying, or cancer
or some other malody
that saps our strengths
and pulls us down
down to the ground and in
or to pyres high.
glory, is just an excuse
for dying better than
others dead.
Mike Adams
2005
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P-Far Away:
Oh far away is home
from this land of sunshine
and jungles thick.
I dream of it on nights I can,
of home and the times we spent.
Oh how young we were once,
and the things we did in springtime air,
to see you once again,
to rest my head once more in your lap,
to smell your hair once again,
to know your caress once again,
but instead all I know is duty
and honor and country, but for what?
Who can know me like you do
oh dear lady love.
My friends here know me well,
for I have saved them,
and they have saved me many times..
But not as you do.
Thru thick and thin
I do travel with them
and we know our calls,
to hear the copters sweet song
while bullets buzz by,
to know the call for them is close,
and danger is so real,
death is our companion,
our lover and our friend.
To know her is to love her,
but in that love is the quandry,
for she demands a heavy toll,
of life and sometimes love.
To I sit here in this place
so far from you,
and dream of you
one last time,
as my other lady creeps onto me,
dulling my sight, and mind,
until all I feel is a strange cold
in such a hot and damp place,
so far from you my love,
I hear her call, of deaths
sweet embrace I feel her loving
caress, so sweet but final,
like a spring days ending.
Oh, to feel your hair,
and knows its scent one last time,
but that is not to be, for in my end,
I have one thought of you,
and the friends that I save this day,
for I know I shall not see you
again my lady love,
other than in the words
of my friends of this day,
this final day, for I know them well,
for they shall tell you of my last day,
and last words were of you my lady dear,
so far and so close to me,
I reach for you,
but can not raise my hands
for they are gone away,
my feet can not move,
my heart is slowing,
and my brain is numb.
I gasp from lungs gone
for you my lady love
and know your memories
will lead me to a better place.
Of this I know,
I loved you then,
and love you now
and for an eternity
I shall love you still.
I thank you for the times
and love, I have had from you,
and the love I give to you,
please do not cry,
for it makes your mascari run,
and you look so sad
and then so funny,
like a poor clown,
it makes me grin too
and happy to have seen you
in my minds eye once again..
I shall see you again my dear,
on judgement day
for nothing can keep me
from your side on that day.
My last words to you from your soldier far away.
Mike Adams
May 1998
------
P-Five Percent:
A room, cave, dark and dreary.
a chair rises up but not to the sky,
but to cloths, or to a human,
figure in dirty clothes, alive
or dead? hard to tell, all you
can see is the cloths, figure there
now and later, lost in dreams or
darkness boozed up and lost
in a world long dead and lost.
Abandoned by all but others
of like nature and a bartender
thirsting for their money but
not for their lives.
A heap of what is flesh and bone.
Of rags and cloths unwashed.
A smell of urine and booze,
and body unwashed for weeks.
A being crumpled on stool,
often for hours unending
until closing and thrown out
to fend for self in a cold
dark world, hoping to find
warmth and comfort, but
not likely, for all are done
with them, for they are
chronic in their nature,
unwilling or unable to change
hopeless drunks or players
of games of chance.
Pull tabs fall below them on
the floor in a heap, as
the money they get, or
have falls into a bars till.
A drink done many times
in front, and will there
be money for another
and another, to might as
well have a straw into a
bottle with no bottom.
For all hope is gone,
brain is dead, liver wants
relief and smells of it.
Stench smelled from feet away
Face cragged and suffering from
decades of neglect. Eyes dead
to the world, mouth
drooling booze, and puke
Chronic or just plain terminal
Once alive, but now just waiting to die.
Slow and painful, all cast away
for family is done with them
for they are selfish,
or just lost. Lost to a world
uncaring or caring but unable to
help, for its hard to lead them
away from the water of death
they crave, and death style.
In places named for holy,
speed and northern, they rot
slowly and end up homeless
and forgotten and dead.
Dead slow, or suicidal,
all is the same, for its
self destruction all the same.
Nights of sleeping with
persons just for booze.
A place to stay, a life of
degradation and prostitution
and abuse, molested and used.
So in this, I say, who cares
for the five percent?
Detox, and shelter?
Police and ambulance?
Family who throws them out?
Mike Adams
2010
sorry been working on a poem, about a person or what is left of a person, after years of
living in a local bar.. homeless, lost, and forgotten, nearly dead..well, sadly many go
there and stay there..
the hidden 5% or maybe the 5% many see but not see past to the 95% who are sober
and clean and happy?
-------
P-Morgoti:
A horse alive but dead a rider riding slumped
over, over a plain of skulls and dead strewn
around, or semblance of life is all you see..
Rider comes closer and you see the horse is
not living but not dead, but someplace in
between or parody of life it stands there
with rider, sitting rider with eyes dead
and lost, lost to the now, and the past,
or even future for each is just living.
Living a life that is not living, he knows
the pain of loss, not only life but of faith,
alone he stands, but not alone, for he is
crawliny with life but not life, small and
nimble they are, they keep him alive even
when he no longer wishes to live.
Dead many times, some he remembers some he
forgets for the remembering is pain, to forget,
the only cure, or solution, as much as he feels
anything any more for his humanity was gone
long ago, how long no one knows for he has
lost the wish to keep time, just that this is
the now and he wishes to be dead to it, but can
not die, for they keep him alive if you can
call being more machine than man, living. Not
obvious, but they are there.
You look in his eyes, and all is dead, but
replaced by nothing for what is a man with out
hope, dreams and desires, emotions and the will
to live?
You look around and all that seems normal is not,
you realize with a start the trees, bushes and
animals all are dead, or some pale semblance of
life, for all are imperfect copies made for the
rider but he no longer cares, it is just there,
they just exist and he cares not.
No one else is here for all died ages ago, in some
thing the man knows of but not telling but knowing
is madness as it is for he was the one who brought
it about, in his pride, ignorance or just plain
stupidity he let it go and all died from it, for
all was consumed by it what it is is, all you need
to see around to know but you can not see for you
are not really here? or he is killing you eating
your soul draining your life but he knows not is not
conscious of it, for he no longer wants to know,
blocked from his mind and memories is your passing,
only that he keeps going not that he wants to keep
going but he plods one foot in front of the other,
or on the horse being he rides to the next victim,
for he has died many times to be taken back to
living for they will not let his body die even if
his soul died an age ago.
Mike Adams
2005
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P-Cell: (My Cell)
Cell dark but warm
door locked and tight
locked in my room
not by bars iron
but mental pain
and fear insecure
my room refuge
or prison, self made
or forced by fear
and anger of others
I am not sure.
but here I sit
before the light
and portal to
the world
locked in its grasp
tight and unable
to move or leave
so I am locked
in my cell.
No way out
or just no steps
to get there.
Mike Adams
199?
-----
P-Martha
Dear Martha, Humpy Mumpy
Why you have to die
Irony is all I can say.
Tragedy and anger
brother dead
guilt or just
grief over whelming
anger and pain
To lovely to be normal.
Used by others to be
accepted or mule.
Drugs, alcohol
travel and abortions
but in the end the
irony is, to die.
But by boy friend
after giving birth
Finally of a child
after giving up
so many they say.
So is the Irony
and tragedy of
your life. Anger
showen when drunk
but now sober,
but to little
to late or just
expressed by
Not much to say
mental or just
hurting unending
but brought out
when drunk
What can be said
Just good bye
little one
Mu Humpy Mumpy
Loved you
not for your
looks but for
your friendship
I am sorry I was
not a better friend
for in the end
we failed you
us all, by not
being better.
Sorry.
Mike Adams
2009
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P-Banshee Run:
A banshee screams into the night,
Up from my bed I do jump
where, when, who, how
as cloths jump on to my frame
as I say good bye and run into
the night duty call or just
a night. Running, across
ground icy, slippy and
dangerous but I run
like a mad man, for
someone dies tonight
or not, I hope for my
time is spent to get
their quick, safe, with
those who can do their best
to keep all alive.
Good the rig if warm
starts, all ready
connection, where
where and where, to
pick up quick on
on the way. Door open
and I am on my way.
Left, right, forward
on to the breach or just
make it so for others
There he or she is,
clothed like me
barely on running.
Jump inside, what we have
and on, lights flash or not
quiet night, so fast.
But keep it safe
There they are.
And in we go, with
cops help and firemen
too, we enter, what
to find. Scene Secure.
Fire or dangers human
helped to be gone.
Chief complaint,
cause and symptom
observed items
and allergies
drugs and issues
Blood pressure
observed issues
smell and touch
or just a twitch
Collar on, or splints
or bandages, IV in.
On board, but careful
one two three we go.
gurney on and comfy
for the cold can kill
into the ride we do go
run run run other times
splint, tape, four by four
or just morale support
On into the night to
place of healing I do hope
Doctors waiting, nurses to
cops taking statements
one two three to another
bed, and monitors
doctors working
nurses helping
bags pumping,
air in, nose or mouth
blood and fluids
warming up, and alive
not dead, and cold.
Heart pumping
lungs filling
bowels released
catheter in or not
drip drip drip
goes the meds,
saline and plasma.
Stitches if needed.
Alcohol suspected
Family there or not
or none, or next.
Bruises seen, sores
many, smells awful.
Cloths in a corner
Reports to do and
remember, for later
times and legal or
just what we miss
if anything?
Transport, ready
bag sled, and shred
papers, ready and comfy
escort here,
family said good
bye. Off to the port
we go, holding hand
all is well to the plane.
Thank you.
An on to the lands
below, for better care
for stable is okay
but more must happen
or does or just in case.
Sadly some do not
get so far, or hurts
abide and come.
Not all saved, it hurts
but grieve abides
guilt or just how?
Done better or at all?
Why, no trust of us
their friends or just
things happen?
Driving bad or drunk?
Issues of age or time
conditions come
not all live, some short
some long, but
Hearts give out, lungs
deflate, time is here
or just sugar low or high.
abuse, and pain, no will
to live or just ..
Mike Adams
2009
For all who go into the night with the hope that they can save someone.
-----
Copyright 1998 Mike Adams
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