If I understand correctly, "--merge-mode 5" will overwrite calls with merge conflicts. My issue is different. I will explain with a typical example. Exome dataset A has a singleton variant. Exome dataset B, at the position of the singleton variant, has no alternate allele. When merging the two datasets, samples from dataset B will show up as unknown genotype, but really they should be homozygous reference. The real issue here stems from the fact that the VCF file for the two datasets does not encode information about which base pairs are homozygous reference and which base pairs are unknown genotype. I actually used CombineVariants from GATK to merge two VCF exome datasets, and the problem might be better addressed by the team that wrote CombineVariants for GATK. But I thought I would mention it here as well in case other people end up having the same problem.
I suppose some tricks to convert the missing calls in the plink binary bed file can be engineered outside of plink as well. If anybody has a good suggestion I would like to hear it.