[fixes] Halina Poswiatowska, 2 trans'es of "wlasnie kocham" poem.
Marek Lugowski
--> I had transcription mistakes in both of my poems. Corrected texts
--> follow within this repost. I rewrote the translator's note from 1995,
--> as well as this letter.
"wlasnie kocham... ...indeed i love" by Halina Poswiatowska, title
poem of a new book of 100 poems in English translation with Polish
originals, Wydawnictwo Literackie, Maya Peretz, translator and poem
selector, Krakow: 1997.
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I just saw this poem's translation in the abavomentioned book...
If you're interested in my idea of what Poswiatowska sounds like in
English, my pro bono Usenet translation project, not a publication
project, just research and public service and labor of love, then see:
http://www.enteract.com/~marek/HalinaFAQ
or follow the obvious link from my enteract.com home page, and then
dive into DejaNews archive of Usenet: "Halina Poswiatowska".
My translations are not available anywhere except in dejanews as
a beyond-my-control-but-hey-great-I'll-take-it consequence of how
Usenet works. Been posting drafts to rec.arts.poems for 9 years
now... They don't reside on enteract.com either. I have exactly 70
to do from the original 322 of Selected Poems from 1989 edited by
Jan Zych. I now also have the newly released 2-volume set of H.P.'s
poetry, _Dziela_ (Works), also from Wydawnictwo Literackie, which
I am told contain over 500. Me? I want to finish the Selected and
give them a good spitshine in collaboration with other people who
*comprehend/read* Polish and *hear* and *understand* and *solve in*
English at least on a par with me. Nothing but he best for Halina,
whom we in the underground/internet love. I think we have what it
takes.
velvet underground. :) "you've got the style it takes..."
translated just now [transcirption fixed]:
I so do love
and so I trace
every nerve by hand
a golden braid
I so exist
and so I whisper
to the leaves
sprinkling out of trees
to the gentle skin of grasses
so bound to grow tall
to the apples
so bound to ripen
i whisper in the verdant ear of spring
that yesterday after dark
in the cerulean sea
they drowned death
Next, what I translated -3 years, -3 days to the day... will mysticism never
take a weekend off...:
Halina Poswiatowska's (Marek #124), or (p. 395) of _Wiersze wybrane_, 1989.
English draft translation:
untitled ("it just so happens I am now loving...")
(p. 395 of _Wiersze wybrane_ <Selected Poems>, 1989)
-------------------------------------------------------------
it just so happens I am now loving
and so my hand
traces every nerve
a framing of gold
it just so happens that I am
and so I whisper
to the leaves
which will come to spout out of the tree
to the gentle coat of grass
which will come to grow long
to the apples which will ripen
I whisper in the green ear of spring
that yesterday darkly
in the sky-blue ocean
someone drowned death
Halina Poswiatowska, Polish, 1960s,
translated from Polish by
Marek Lugowski
26 May 1995
Chicago, Illinois
[fixed 2 mangled lines: 30 May 1998]
[Translator's sins, edited 30 May 1998:
Had to, purely for English syntax, copy the "I whisper"
all the way up so as to precede its object. In English
<verb> is-followed-by an <object>
is, to metaphorize with a very familiar grammar:
<butter> goes-on-top-of
<bread>
True enough -- in Polish and English bread buttering. :)
Yet in Polish, thanks to rampant declension (cases are
indicated by suffixes; gender also), the natural word
order may become a Japanese-like construction where
the verb lodges at the end, with permutations in between.
Poswiatowska often takes advantage of these facilities,
leaving the translator wiht the unplesant option of pushing
a mostly literal translation out of the realm of English,
let alone good English, altogether skirting the petticoat
of the properly highest quality literary English... A bummer,
considering that the source is the properly highest
quality literary Polish...
Or, the translator walks the plank and shows us his
his or her cojones, doing the job right and with gusto,
in flawless and appropriate English, the right English
for the right job, to milk the marketing-speak, and
thus perhaps loses a step in faithfully *transcribing*
the work. But *translating* is NOT a transcription service.
Interestingly enough, Polish 3rd person future-tense
plural verbs echoing each other here are self-similar
across the languages: "spout" vs. "sprout" is exactly
"wytrysna/" vs. "wyrosna/" and rhyme, too. The Polish
is also strongly iambic, just as if not more the English.
In fact, a correct translation will map these metric
properties as faithfully as it would meaning.
One more thing -- my "spout" is correct; not "sprout" typoed.]
Polish original Copyright 1975 Wydawnictwo Literackie, Krakow, Poland:
("wlasnie kocham..."
(p. 395 of _Wiersze wybrane_, 1989)
-------------------------------------------------------------
wlasnie kocham
wiec dlonia
obrysowuje kazdy nerw
wiazanie ze zlota
wlasnie jestem
wiec lisciom
ktore wytrysna z drzewa
lagodnej siersci trawy
ktora wyrosnie
jablkom ktore dojrzeja
szepcze w zielone ucho wiosny
ze wczoraj ciemno
w blekitnym morzu
utopiono smierc
Halina Poswiatowska, Polish, 1960s.
--
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