The Adultery Double Standard and Forgiveness of Adultery
oldservant
COPYRIGHT © JANUARY 14, 1995 All rights reserved.
Copyright © 01/14/'95; 01/12/'96, 07/26/2003; 3/28/09; 11/30/09;
12/015/09 (Revised)
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not changed and the author is acknowledged.
By L. Tyler P.O. Box 620763, San Diego, CA 92162-0763
Before we define adultery for the man and adultery for the woman, we
need to consider the matter of forgiveness. There are those who teach
the false doctrine of cheap and easy forgiveness, that you can sin,
then say "Oh God I'm sorry and I agree with you that what I did was
sin!" and be forgiven and go on as if it never happened, even for such
sins as adultery. So the one who did adultery could turn to God and
then say "Oh God I'm sorry and I agree with you that I did adultery!"
and then go on in their adulterous marriage as if they were not yet in
sin. I believe the following Scriptures show what real confession and
forgiveness are.
Forgiveness is obtained when we sincerely agree with Jehovah-Father
about our sins, that what we did is sin that deserves death
***1 Jn 1:9If we continuously acknowledge that we have sinned, in
covenant agreement, concurrence, compliance, and acquiescence
<Strong's 3670> [with and to God]; He is faithful and just so that He
may forgive our sins, and be cleansing us from every unrighteousness;
HCSB, NASB, ESV, YLT, Strong's
Agreeing with Jehovah-Father that what we did is sin means that we
accept the fact that what we did is condemned by Father and we accept
His Word that we should stop doing the sin:
***But God’s firm foundation stands, bearing this seal: "The Lord
knows those who are his," and, "Let everyone who names the name of the
Lord depart from iniquity." [2 Timothy 2:18-20]
***Prov 28:13 The one who conceals his sins and transgressions
does not prosper, but whoever confesses, renounces and
forsakes
them obtains mercy and compassion. HCSB, NASB, ESV, YLT
What does it mean to "depart from iniquity", to stop doing the sin
confessed? It means that with sincere and godly sorrowful grief we
repent of our confessed sin, desiring to clear ourselves, with
indignation, reverent fear, deep longing, zeal, and justice! In every
way and at every point we commend and prove ourselves to be purely
innocent in the matter of the sin we confessed.
***2 Cor 7:9 Now I am rejoicing, not because you were grieved, made
sorrowful, but because your sorrowful grief led to repentance. For you
were sorrowfully grieved as God willed, so that you didn't experience
any loss from us. 10 For godly grief and sorrow produces a repentance
not to be regretted and leading to salvation, but worldly grief and
sorrow produces death. 11 For consider how much earnest diligence this
very thing—this grieving as God wills—has produced in you: what a
desire to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what deep
longing, what zeal, what justice! In every way and at every point you
have commended and proved yourselves to be purely innocent in this
matter. 12 So even though I wrote to you, it was not because of the
one who did wrong, or because of the one who was wronged, but in order
that your diligence for us might be made plain to you in the sight of
God. HCSB, NASB, ESV, YLT
Take a look at how this applies to the sin of adultery.
[1.] "Whoever marries a woman who is divorced
is committing
adultery">144. As long as he is married to a woman who was
unBiblically divorced, he is committing adultery on an ongoing basis.
He is not forgiven no matter how many times he prays "Oh God I'm sorry
and I agree with you that I did adultery!" He is not forgiven until he
agrees with Father and repents in godly sorrow by no longer having
marital relations with a woman who was unBiblically divorced.
As long as the believing divorced woman is married to a man other than
the believing husband who divorced her unBiblically she is committing
adultery on an ongoing basis. She is not forgiven no matter how many
times she prays "Oh God I'm sorry and I agree with you that I did
adultery!" She is not forgiven until she agrees with Father and
repents in godly sorrow by no longer having marital relations with the
man she wrongfully married after being unBiblically divorced.
[Footnote: >144 Mat. 5:32; 19:9; Luke 16:18; except in
the cases of 1
Cor. 7:12-15,39; 1 Tim. 5:14.
[2.] The husband is "causing her to commit adultery"
as long as he
divorces her, or is divorced from her, for any reason other than
sexual immorality>146 The reason being that the believing wife is
still bound to her believing husband as wife as long as both live.>147
He is not forgiven until he agrees with Father and repents in godly
sorrow by renouncing and disowning and repudiating his divorcing her
for any reason other than sexual immorality, reaffirming his marital
bond to her who he wrongfully divorced for some other reason than
sexual immorality. The wife he caused to commit adultery is not
forgiven until she agrees with Father and repents in godly sorrow by
renouncing and disowning and repudiating her marital relations with
any other man as long as her believing husband lives, reaffirming her
marital bond to the believing man who divorced her for some other
reason than sexual immorality. [Footnote: >146. Matt. 5:32; 19:9.
>147 1 Cor. 7:10,
11, 39; Romans 7:1-3.]
[3.] "And if a woman divorces her husband and marries
another, she
commits adultery.">148. The adultery
consists of both divorce AND
remarriage. "if, while her husband lives, she marries another
man,
she will be called an adulteress; but if her
husband dies, she is
free from that law, so that she is
no adulteress, though she has
married another
man.">150 " . . . . 'If any man's wife goes astray
and is unfaithful to him," >150a
She is not forgiven no matter how many times she prays "Oh God I'm
sorry and I agree with you that I did adultery!" She is not forgiven
until she agrees with Father and repents in godly sorrow by no longer
having marital relations with any other man than her believing husband
who she divorced, as long as he lives. As long as the believing
divorced woman is married to a man other than the believing husband
who divorced her unBiblically she is committing adultery on an ongoing
basis. She is not forgiven no matter how many times she prays "Oh God
I'm sorry and I agree with you that I did adultery!" She is not
forgiven until she agrees with Father and repents in godly sorrow by
no longer having marital relations with the man she wrongfully married
after divorced her believing husband, or the unbelieving husband who
still wants to live maritally with her.>149
[Footnotes:>148. Mark 10:12; Luke 16:8. >149. 1 Cor. 7:10, 11,
39;
Romans 7:1-3. >150. Romans 7:3; Luke 16:18. >150a Numbers
5:10-12] Adultery for the believing female is sexual intimacy with
anyone else besides her own believing husband/mate who still lives, or
besides her own unbelieving husband as long as he wants to live with
her maritally, has not separated himself from her maritally.]
>>>>>>>>>>>Adultery for the woman defined:<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
[1.] "Whoever marries a woman who is divorced
commits adultery">144.
The reason being that the believing woman is
still bound to her
believing husband as wife as long as both live. The Spirit added
through Paul that the believing woman is free from her unbelieving
husband as soon as he no longer wants to live with her maritally, and
maritally separates himself from her>145.
[Footnote: >144 Mat. 5:32;
19:9; Luke 16:18; except in
the cases of 1 Cor. 7:12-15,39; 1 Tim.
5:14. >145. 1
Cor. 7:10, 11, 39; Romans 7:1-3.]
[2.] The husband "causes her to commit adultery"
when he divorces her
for any reason other than
sexual immorality>146. The reason being
that the believing wife is
still bound to her believing husband as
wife as long as both live.>147 In 1 Corinth. 7:5
we see that her
husband "causes her to commit
adultery" because her husband is
failing to meet her
marital needs and the enemy of her soul tempts
in
her burning need. (On the other hand: The wife is not
said to
cause her husband to commit adultery when
she divorces him for any
other reason than sexual
immorality. Ever wonder why? Ask me.)
[Footnote: >146. Matt. 5:32; 19:9. >147 1 Cor. 7:10,
11, 39;
Romans 7:1-3.]
[3.] "And if a woman divorces her husband and marries
another, she
commits adultery.">148. The adultery
consists of both divorce AND
remarriage. The reason
being that the believing wife is still bound
to her believing husband as wife as long as both live; or in the case
of an unbelieving husband, the believing wife is still maritally bound
in the Kingdom of God to her unbelieving husband as long as he wants
to live with her maritally, as long as he hasn't separated himself
from her maritally.>149.
[Footnotes:>148. Mark 10:12; Luke 16:8.
>149. 1 Cor. 7:10, 11,
39; Romans 7:1-3.]
[4.] "if, while her husband lives, she marries another
man, she will
be called an adulteress; but if her
husband dies, she is free from
that law, so that she is
no adulteress, though she has married
another
man.">150 " . . . . 'If any man's wife goes astray and is
unfaithful to him," >150a
[Footnote: >150. Romans 7:3; Luke 16:18.
>150a Numbers 5:10-12] Adultery for the believing female is sexual
intimacy with
anyone else besides her own believing husband/mate who
still lives, or besides her own unbelieving husband as long as he
wants to live with her maritally, has not separated himself from her
maritally.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Adultery for the man defined:<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
[1.] "Whoever marries a woman who is divorced
commits adultery",
obviously because the believing wife still is
bound to the believing
husband from whom she is divorced. A believing wife, from who an
unbelieving husband has maritally separated himself, is no longer
maritally bound to him in the Kingdom of God and is free to marry in
the Lord
[>.^151. Mat. 5:32; 19:9; except in the cases of 1 Cor.
7:12-15,39; 1 Tim. 5:14.]
[2.] "Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual
immorality, and
marries another, commits adultery."
The adultery consists of
divorcing his wife for
something else besides sexual immorality AND
then
remarrying. If he stayed married to his wife and
married
another, according to this passage he has NOT
committed Biblical
adultery, although he may have become a criminal by violating the law
of the land. In California, if the husband stayed married to his legal
wife and entered into a private and unofficial "Pal" contract, compact
or covenant with a woman free to marry in the Lord, he has NOT
committed Biblical adultery, but his wife can divorce him for
irreconcilable differences. What does all that mean? Ask me. On
the
other hand, it is implied here that if he divorces his
wife for
sexual immorality and marries another, he
does not commit adultery.
His divorcing her does not
cause her to commit adultery because she
is already
immorally and sexually involved with someone else. His
refusal to meet her sexual needs (1 Cor 7:2-5) does
not cause her to
be immoral because she is already
being immoral. He is commanded not
to be intimate
with her (1Cor.5:11) but his lack of her intimacy
will
cause him to be tempted (1 Cor.7:5). If the
temptations
overcome him and he is faling to control
himself, burning with
marital desire, he comes under
command to marry (1Cor.7:9) and so
remarries in the
Lord. [Footnote: >152. Matt 19: 9: Mark 10:11; Luke
16:18.]
[3.] "The man who commits adultery with another's wife, even his
neighbor's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put
to death." Leviticus 20:9-11
"You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.">153.
"You shall not lie
carnally with your neighbor's
wife">154. "For this is the will of
God. . . ..that no one
should take advantage of and defraud/cheat
his
brother in this matter.">155. A genuine Christian
wife is bound
to her husband as long as he lives and
she becomes an adulteress when
she marries another
while he still lives.
[Footnotes:>153. Exod.
20:17. >154. Leviticus18:20.
>155. 1 Thess. 4:3-6.]
[4.] "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits
adultery against her." Mark 10:11 Luke 16:18
Pretty clear, right? But please note that nowhere in the Bible does He
say "Whoever remains married to his wife and marries another woman
commits adultery against her." There is not one Scripture in the Bible
that declares it to be adultery for a man to remain maritally bound to
his wife, even if only in the Kingdom of God in case there has been a
divorce, and have another wife, a woman who is free to marry him in
the Lord.
Why? Remembering that when Jesus walked on earth He Himself
commanded the apostles and His disciples to observe and obey all of
the Law of Moses>a., the apostles and Jewish believers kept and
observed all the Laws given to Moses (including those about
polygyny
- Exodus 21:7-11; Deut 21:15-17) through the entire book of Acts>b.
period even after the Spirit led them to release the Gentiles/Nations
believers from having to keep the Law of Moses in Acts 15, Acts 21,
Galatians, Ephesians 2 and Colosians 2. Consider the following facts:
(1) Immediately after God gave Moses the ten commandments He
gave
Moses instructions for men who have more than one wife>14. .
(2) Later He gave Moses instructions (Dt.12:1ff) for a husband who
has two wives>15. .
(3) He gave Moses specific instructions for the brother-in-laws of a
widow and did not exempt any brother who was already married>16.
and
Jesus introduced no such exemption when He spoke of this
passage>17.
(4) God Himself told polygynist King David (he had ten +/- wives and
concubines at the time>18. ) that He had been with him wherever he
had gone, that He would make a great name for him, that his
descendant
would be the Messiah>19. , and that He Himself had given
David
more than one wife>20.
(5) God, who cannot sin and never portrays Himself as sinning,
portrayed Himself as the polygynist husband of two wives in Ezekiel
23.
[Footnotes: >a. Matthew 23:1-3
>b. In Matthew 23:1-3 Jesus commands obedience to the Laws give n
to Moses. In Acts 15 the believing non-Jews, not the believing Jews,
were released from the Laws given to Moses. In Acts 21:15-25 we see
the Jewish apostle Paul and the surviving apostles still obeying the
Law of Moses in obedience to Christ in Matt. 23:1-3.
>14. Exodus 21:7-11 (See Hosea 3:2; Deut. 25:5-10; Lev. 19:20)
>15. Deut. 21:15-17 (See 2 Chron. 24:3; Gen. 29:33; 1 Chron.5:2; 26:10;
2 Kings 2:9)
>16. Deut. 25:5-10
>17. Matt. 22:23-25; Mark 12:18-20; Luke 20:27-29
>18. 2 Samuel 5:13; 6:12-23
>19. 2 Samuel 7:8-17
>20. 2 Samuel 12:8 ; that this did not mean platonic care is evident
from 1 Kings 1:1-3; 2:13-25.]
Adultery for the female is sexual intimacy with
anyone else besides
the husband to whom she is bound by the Word of God. Adultery
for the
male is when (1) he is married to a new wife
and had left/rejected/
divorced his former wife in
order to marry this new wife>99 . ; or
(2) is sexually
intimate with some one else's wife or exwife. It is
this double
standard in the Bible that allowed Abraham, Jacob, David
and
Joash to be godly polygynists with Jehovah-Jesus' blessing, but
declared a woman to be an adulteress if she was intimate
with anyone
but her own mate. It is a double
standard for the man and the woman.
The wife, not the husband, has the separation in celibacy option
(1Cor 7:10,11), and the husband, not the wife, has the option of
remarrying while still maritally bound, in the Kingdom of God, to his
wife who has chosen to separate herself celibately ( even if she
remains under the same roof). The adultery sin is defined differently
for the woman and differently for the man. See more on
this below.
[Footnotes:>99 It is the combination of divorcing one's
mate in order
to marry another and then marrying
that other. If he both dutifully
keeps his own wife
and then marries another woman, it is
not
adultery in the Bible. If the wife dutifully keeps her own
husband
and marries another it is adultery (Romans
7:3) The double standard
is clearly laid out in Matt.
5:32 and 19:6-9; Mark 10:1-11; Luke
16:18; 1 Thess.
4:4-6 and Romans 7:1-3; 1 Corinth. 7:39]
It is this double standard that results from the man
being the
designated the head of the family (Gen 2;
1Cor. 11), that results in
what appears to be another
inequity. In Mt. 5:32 Jesus apparently
allows the
genuinely believing husband to divorce his wife
because
she is snared in sexual immorality. Not only
is he allowed to divorce
her, he is allowed to remarry.
If she is genuinely saved, she is
still bound maritlly to
him as wife before the Lord, even though she
is
snared in sex sin and Jesus hasn't finished his Mat.
18;15-18 & 1
Cor. 5:3-11 work with her yet. He
remarries with a free-in-the-Lord-
to-marry
genuinely believing woman and is now bound before
the Lord
to two wives. If the one involved in sex sin
survives the chastening
of 1 Cor. 5; 11:30-34; Heb 12; and repents in godly sorrow according
to 2 Cor. 2 &
7, he must accept her back as his wife along with his
new wife, being bound to both as long as he and they
all live if they
are all genuinely saved and were free to marry in the Lord when they
married.
But what about the genuinely saved wife whose "believing" husband
is involved in sex sin so she is commanded to separate
from and not be intimate with him?
Such a wife separates from him
according to 1 Cor.
7:10,11 but after a while she finds herself
being
tempted according to 1 Cor.7:5. Then she falls to the
temptation and is afraid she might fall to it again,
finds herself
maritally burning and under command
be married and have marital sex
(1Cor.7:5,9).
Hopefully Jesus has finished his 1 Cor. 5:4,5-11 work
and the guy has either died and his spirit is with the
Lord, if he
were really saved, or he has repented
according to 2 Cor 2 & 7 and is
ready to be reconciled
to her. Or in the case of Matt. 18:15-18 she
has
learned that she is to relate to him as an unsaved
person, an
unsaved person who no longer wants to
live with her, no longer wants
her as his
wife(1Cor7:13,15), so she is free from him and free to
obey the Lord and get married in the Lord.
Will God intervene in
behalf of His fasting and
praying but maritally burning and sorely
tempted
daughter, who as wife is separated from her husband
because
of his 1 Cor. 5 sin, and because of that
separation is burning with
marital desire and sorely
tempted? If He took out the rich and
unloving
believers in 1 Cor. 11 for the shabby way they
stumbled and
offended their poorer brethren in the
celebration of the Lord's
supper, don't you think He
will give her a 1 Cor. 10:13 out or make a
quick end
the husband causing her the grief? The God who
promised 1
Cor. 10:13 and Phil. 4:6,7,13,18,19 will not
break those promises.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Poly_Polygamy_Polygyny_And_Jesus/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OrthodoxBiblicalMarriagePolygamy
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyPolygamyPolygnyNJesus
http://groups.google.com/group/BiblicalChristianPolygamyPolygyny
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OrthodoxBiblicalMarriagePolygamy2
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LynnAndLossRecovery
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyOption4ChristiansWithSTDs/
http://community.eons.com/groups/group/women-sharing-one-man-maritally