Windows 8 Destruction

[Grimarlon Varner]

PresentingLimp Bizkit nightcore.*And God was dead One of Joel's most famous gags is his Windows Destruction streams, which as the title would tell you, has Joel doing absolutely horrible things to various operating systems starting from Window XP and so on. Usually, Joel would start it by doing something tame, like installing toolbars from dubious sites and various free antivirus and optimizers, which of course always cause the problems they ostensibly fix. It got worse from there, and he always finishes off the destruction process with a bang by rendering the operating systems inoperable through various things, like deleting System32 or installing user-made software that will swiftly destroy the OS without giving him any chance to recover from it, like Bonzify et cetera.

To those concerned that Joel might be doing real damage to actual hardware that he spent money on: Don't worry, these wanton displays of digital violence are always done on virtual machines; no actual computers were harmed in the production of these streams.

It begins with Joel commenting on the user-unfriendly layout of Windows 8's start menu, saying that it may as well be his fastest destruction video. The weather app prompts him to enter a location, to which Joel responds typing in "Hell". Then he chooses Hell, Michigan... and it promptly displays a "No data available" error message. After the Nightmare Fuel that was Felix the Cat for the Sega Genesis, Joel goes looking for him by searching up "Felix the Desktop Cat". Instead, he finds the mascot for Felix Cat Food in the UK, in the form of a "desktop toy" program, and downloads that. Felix does nothing but yowl occasionally and glitch violently, scaring Joel several times throughout the stream. Joel throws John Cena's theme into an MP3-to-MIDI converter; it does a thing, then another thing. The result sounds like a cat playing a piano.Joel: Felix, have you been fucking with my piano? Even funnier is the comment at the bottom of the page:Travis Foster: My MIDI sounds like someone's repeatedly breaking a piano. Three words: Vaporwave Limp Bizkit.Joel: It's the fucking devil! Three more words: Nightcore Limp Bizkit. Joel even paints over an image of Fred Durst to make him an 'anime girl'!Image Caption: HAS ANYONE REALLY BEEN FAR EVEN AS DECIDED TO USE EVEN GO WANT TO DO MORE LIKE? NYAAAAAAAAAAJoel: And God was dead. The end of the first stream where Joel acts out the hypothetical possibility of his devout Christian father finding gay porn on his PC.Joel: (as his dad) Joel? Joel!? Why is there MEAT on my DESKTOP, Joel!? HAVE YOU BEEN DOWNLOADING TICKS!?Joel: No, I haven't!Joel: (as his dad) JOEL!? *slams fist down* JOEL!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!!!! Joel's opinion on what are the "best" MP3 files? The ones that are actually .mp3.EXE files that install malware. Joel: I listen to EXE files! One of the programs he ends up downloading from such a file is called "MediaDrug".I'm gonna snort an mp3, brother! Right up my ass! Then, we get "gin and juice.exe", which incites Joel to raucously laugh and ultimately find it hard to breathe through cackling. "Windows 4 Seniors". Joel reminisces about You Are An Idiot. Later on, he crank calls the tech support number on the questionable PC Optimizer Pro. The whole call has to be heard to be believed.Joel: I sexually identify as an attack helicopter, and you will check your privilege, cis scum. Joel imagines ''Gin and Juice'' to be a kids show.Joel: It's Gin, Yay! And Juice, Yay! We're smoking, we're smoking, and smoking every day, We've got Snoop Dogg, and Tupac, and... Ice Cube anyway! It's Gin and Juice, adventures in the... city. [Pause] Fucking hoes and shooting up... people that act real shitty! Holding hands, and... uh... doing crack! Watch out, I'll fuck your boyfriend's back! Gin and Juice, It's an adventure of a lifetime! ...Uh... Come on kids, let's ...smoke a dime ...bag. As a grand finale, he runs a file called "videoxxx.avi.exe". Guess what happens... If you guessed "Russian ransomware that overwrites the master boot record", you win! The same ransomware was examined by popular ransomware investigator rogueamp about a year before the stream, meaning that for some viewers this was And Knowing Is Half the Battle.

Windows 10 Destruction For his 2016 charity stream, Joel took a crack at destroying Windows 10, with such highlights as browsing various WikiHow articles, visiting a forum dedicated to ice-chewing (with particular attention paid to a thread discussing the freezing of "milk"), and getting roasted by Cortana. To go into more detail and context... Not long after Joel begins searching for (fake) antivirus programs, he gets an ad with a popup that says "You'll have sex tonight". In the highlights video, the theme song of The Price Is Right plays when that popup appears. For some reason, Joel finds Windows Police Pro to be hilarious.Joel: [laughing] I'm sorry, but that's really funny. [weird accent] "Win-those eis een denge-jare." Another antivirus plays pig squeals when it "finds" viruses just like Kaspersky used to, which also makes Joel lose it. Joel browsing WikiHow: An article has an image with a bear oddly making a derpy, happy face. One of the WikiHow articles that Joel found was "How to breed Syrian Hamsters". He laughs uncontrollably, and some of the viewers wondered if Joel would get banned for technically showing hamster porn.

The highlights video formerly featured dramatic music as Joel makes the discovery that Cortana is basically Bonzi Buddy. Sadly, the recent revision of the highlight cut skips through the music to avoid copyright infringement.Joel: (reading from Microsoft's website) "Cortana is your clever new personal assistant. Cortana will help you find things on your PC, manage your calendar, track packages, find files, chat with you, and... TELL JOKES?? The more you use Cortana, the more personalized your... experience will be..." His reaction post Mini-Freak Out is pretty golden too. Joel: Oh great, Windows fucked up even more. They made a goddamn Diet b-Coke Bonzi Buddy. Great! Fantastic! Okay, so uh so every Windows 10 is pre-packaged with Bonzi Buddy these days, oh that's fantastic! Oh great! Crme de la crme! Looking closely during this reveals there's a tab open with "Internet Explorer Anime" open! He sure has fun playing with her but specifically Joel asking Cortana for "Minecraft sex porn" and immediately regretting his decision. What's even funnier is that Joel was frantically trying to close Cortana's search results most likely because he didn't want to get banned for showing porn on stream. The search result was just an excerpt of Minecraft's Wikipedia page. Joel talking to Cortana in Swedish, who interprets what he's saying as "Will do after sushi coming home in the area with this car feels like you?" What was the meaning of the swedish he spoke? "Do you want to eat fermented baltic herring on my erotic ugly dick?". At one point, Joel watches a few videos on "instant money" systems, and keeps insisting during one of them that one dollar is enough to satisfy him. Later on, he shows another video of this ilk, but cropped in such a way that the amount of money shown is cropped to one dollar.Joel: I... swear to fuck, more of this shit?? In the third part, Joel is browsing a selection of malware programs (mainly email worms) provided by danooct1, only for the computer to blue screen before he has the chance to actually run any of them. The finale of the stream can easily be considered one of the most hilarious Joel moments to grace Vinesauce history. He decided to download the "MEMZ.exe" trojan horse by Leurak, showcased earlier by famous malware researcher danooct1 in his Viewer-Made Malware series, not expecting much to happen. When he runs the program, he sees a Notepad message from MEMZ, claiming to have taken over the computer and that ending the process would only speed up the inevitable death of the computer. Joel takes this as a challenge, and the results need to be seen to be believed. How does the trojan respond? It launches all sorts of Google searches via Chrome, including how to kill yourself, downloads of Minecraft Hax (sic), how to create your own malware, and how to get rid of the MEMZ program. Thanks to the later payloads, such as color inversion, random error icons all over the screen, message boxes asking "Still using the computer?", culminating with a Droste effect achieved via BitBlt, making the whole lightshow easily comparable to Vinny's corruption streams. Joel freaks out, then restarts the computer... only to see that the computer has been completely hijacked. As showcased by danooct1 earlier, the virus overwrites the MBR, inserting a message from the MEMZ trojan ("Your computer has been trashed by the MEMZ trojan. Now enjoy the Nyan Cat..."), then playing a Nyan Cat animation. Due to Joel using a virtual machine, the extra Nyan Cat theme is inaudible due to being made to play via BIOS speaker. And the initial message is true, as the MBR overwrite payload is executed before said message is shown. And to whoever had watched danooct1's video, Dramatic Irony was in full effect the whole time. "Windows 10 Destruction" indeed! Joel: Don't snort memes up your cockhole. Just as the virus hits its peak, Windows only then shows an alert that it has detected it and that the computer may be at risk. Joel: "Your computer might be at risk". NO SHIT! The post-Destruction stream is also comedy gold. After dealing with the MEMZ virus, Joel was sent VineMEMZ, a modified variety of MEMZ, to test out. Joel accepts the offer, and he's forced to take a trip down memory lane. The customized trojan has similar effects to the original, but they're changed to be based off of Joel's previous destruction streams and other Vinesauce Joel-derived memes. He's hit with a bombardment of memes that he himself had spawned, including a bunch of crappy MIDI files (most prominently a Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites MIDI from an earlier destruction stream), clips of his own voice, a crude drawing of a penis (complete with a "Who's been drawing dicks?!" soundbite), which had many a viewer wondering if Joel would get banned for having a giant penis on his screen, and Softonic. The searches that the program makes include "FUCK BEES", "Snow Halation", and various MIDI file converters. The best is saved for last, however, as Joel is forced to deal with his "worst enemy" by the trojan. Said enemy? Bonzi Buddy! Joel gets ready to use him one more time, but before he can search something, Bonzi is automatically shut down, with the caption "Rest in piss, forever miss" accompanying Bonzi's demise. The computer crashes to a BSOD, and when it turns back on, Joel is greeted with the MBR code displaying a twisted parody of the "7 GRAND DAD" title screen, showing Unmasked Felix with the title "0 Grand Dead" as a double reference to Joel's bootleg game streams. In a rather touching twist, the title screens says the following message: "Thanks Joel for your awesome Streams!" Early on in the post-destruction stream, Joel asks Cortana to tell him a joke. He finds it so bad he immediately asks how to uninstall Cortana, and when that fails (because he said "de-install") he escalates to asking "how to nuke the entire human race"... which brings up this very wiki's page on Nuke 'em as the second search result.

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