The death of Hon. John Damer, 1776
Paul Theroff
As is no secret, I spend a lot of time reading diaries and correspondence of the British aristocracy in the 18th Century. One of the events which I come across in several different sets of sources is the suicide of Hon. John Damer, and I find that the various mentions of it at the time depict many interesting aspects of aristocratic life in that era. I am going to post some excerpts of contemporary accounts which I find of particular interest, and I think might be of interest to others who read this Group. Walpole’s account of other instances of sons running up huge debts is particularly interesting. More details of such instances can be found in his Correspondence.
To summarize, Hon. John Damer, finding that he and his brothers had become heavily in debt, and that their father refused to help them get out of debt, shot himself at a tavern. His father blamed the widow, though everyone else pretty much held her blameless. At any rate the father confiscated all the widow’s property he could, and cut ties with her.
This event appears in many contemporary correspondences and diaries because Mrs Damer, especially, was related to many of the people who wrote them.
John Damer was son of Joseph Damer, Baron Milton [later Earl of Dorchester], by his wife Lady Caroline Sackville.
Mrs Damer was the only child of Gen. Hon. Henry Seymour Conway (brother of Lord Hertford, and life-long closest friend of his first cousin, Horace Walpole) and of his wife, Caroline Campbell, Dowager Countess of Ailesbury. By her first marriage, Lady Ailesbury was mother of the Duchess of Richmond, which explains why Mrs Damer is frequently mentioned in the correspondences of the Lennox, Fox and Leinster families.
Mrs Damer became a skilled sculptress. Walpole left her a life interest in his magnificent house at Strawberry Hill, which went to the more closely related Waldegraves only after Mrs Damer’s death.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne_Seymour_Damer
I will try to break this up into a few separate parts so that no one post is too long.
Paul Theroff
Lord Hertford to Walpole, 15 Aug 1776:
"Dear Horry,
I have just sent a letter to my son Henry at Park Place, desiring him, as he may do it less abruptly, to acquaint my brother and Lady Ailesbury that their son-in-law Mr John Damer shot himself this morning at three o'clock.
He did it in a most profligate and abandoned way at a tavern in Covent Garden, the particulars of which I can tell you when we meet; they are not fit for the public ear, and if possible still less for that of his relations."
Walpole to Lady Ossory, 16 Aug 1776:
"Today I have heard the shocking news of M r Damer's death, who shot himself yesterday at three o'clock in the morning at a tavern in Covent Garden. My first alarm was for Mr Conway, not knowing what effect such a
horrid surprise would have on him scarce recovered from an attack himself; happily it proves his nerves were not affected, for I have had a very calm letter from him on the occasion. They have sent for me to town, and I shall go tomorrow morning. Mr Charles Fox with infinite good-nature met Mrs Damer coming to town, and stopped her to prepare her for the dismal event. It is almost impossible to refrain from bursting out into commonplace reflections on this occasion — but can the walls of Almack's help moralizing, when £5000 a year in present and £22,000 in reversion are not sufficient for happiness, and cannot check a pistol! For the first time in my life I think I do not wish Lord Ossory a son, or Lady Anne greatly
married! What a distracted nation! I do not wonder Dr Battie died worth £100,000. Will anybody be worth a shilling but mad-doctors? " [Dr Battie owned a large lunatic asylum, per a footnote]
Walpole to Rev. William Cole, 19 Aug 1776:
"I a m just now in great concern for the terrible death of General Conway's son-in-law Mr Damer, of which perhaps you in your solitude have not heard. You are happy who take no part but in the past world, for the mortui non mordent, nor do any of the extravagant and distressing things, that perhaps they did in their lives."
Lord Carlisle to George Selwyn, 20 Aug 1776:
"What were Mr. Damer's motives for so dreadful an action? There was no man more indifferent to me, but the account shocked me extremely. It is a bad example to others in misery. It makes people think of having recourse to that method of finishing their calamities, without which, perhaps, it had never entered into their heads. If it were not so selfish an action, it would be difficult, I think, to condemn it in some cases. There never appeared anything like madness in him, yet the company he kept seemed, indeed, but a bad preparation for eternity."
Walpole’s best description of all the circumstances were in his letter to Sir Horace Mann, 20 Aug 1776:
"You will have concluded on the sight of another letter so soon,
that you are to hear of a battle in America. Not so, though you
are going to hear a dismal story, and which is worse, relative to
friends of mine — Indeed the newspapers1 will have told it to you
already—and you have known the principal actor, Mr Damer, Lord
Milton's eldest son, and who married General Conway's only daughter. I think I told you in my last that he and his two brothers, most
unexpectedly notified to their father that they owed above seventy
thousand pounds. The proud Lord, for once in the right, refused to
pay the debt or see them. The two eldest were to retire to France,
and Mrs Damer was to accompany them—without a murmur, and
with the approbation, though to the great grief, of Mr Conway and
Lady Ailesbury. She was luckily gone to take her leave of them, and
to return to town last Friday morning. On Thursday Mr Damer
supped at the Bedford Arms in Covent Garden, with four common
women, a blind fiddler and no other man. At three in the morning
he dismissed his seraglio, bidding each receive her guinea at the bar,
and ordering Orpheus to come up again in half an hour. When he
returned, he found a dead silence and smelt gunpowder. He called,
the master of the house came up, and found Mr Damer sitting in
his chair, dead, with a pistol by him, and another in his pocket. The
ball had not gone through his head, nor made any report. On the
table lay a scrap of paper with these words, 'The people of the house
are not to blame for what has happened, which was my own act.'
This was the sole tribute he paid to justice and decency!
“What a catastrophe for a man at thirty-two, heir to two and twenty
thousand a year! W e are persuaded lunacy, not distress, was the sole
cause of his fate. He has often, and even at supper that night, hinted
at such an exploit—the very reason why one should not expect it.
His brothers have gamed, he never did. He was grave, cool, reasonable and reserved—but passed his life as he died, with troops of
women and the blind fiddler—an odd companion in such scenes!
One good springs out of this evil, the leeches, the Jews and extortioners will lose very considerably. Lord Milton, whom anything can
petrify and nothing soften, will not only not see his remaining sons,
but wreaks his fury on Mrs Damer, though she deserves only pity,
and shows no resentment. He insists on selling her jewels, which are
magnificent, for discharge of just debts. This is all the hurt he can
do her; she must have her jointure of £2500 a year.
“W e have no end of these examples of extravagance. There is a
Lord Coleraine and his two brothers, who have equalled the
Damers, and almost the Foxes and Foleys. Their father, who died
about two years ago, was apprised of their proceedings, and left all
he could, £1600 a year to his wife. The unnatural wretches have
wheedled her out of all, and Lady Windsor has taken her into her house for subsistence. Very lately they told her she must come to
town on business— It was to show her to the Jews, and to convince
them hers was a good life—unless she is starved. You must not suppose that such actions are disapproved, for the second brother is
going minister to Brussels, that he may not go to jail, whither he
ought to go. I am weary of relating such histories. You shall hear no
more of them, for my letters would be the annals of Bedlam. Adieu! "
Paul Theroff
Lady Ailesbury to Walpole, 22 Aug 1776:
"My dear M r Walpole,
I CANNOT be longer silent, when I have so many thanks to return you, for the part you have taken in this melancholy event, and your very kind offer of putting off the promised journey to Brighthelmstone; which I hope to profit by, though not exactly according to our first intentions, for our tour into Norfolk we shall be obliged to give up, for the reasons I a m going to explain to you. Mr Conway has this day received a letter from Mrs Damer, acquainting us, that Lord Milton is resolved to pay none of his late son's debts, and that she after everything is sold for that purpose will set aside part of her own income to make up a sum to discharge the just ones; and offers at the same time to come and live with us for at least the first year. This last circumstance is the best remedy to alleviate the uneasiness the first has caused us, and you may imagine how happy I shall be to have her under my protection! I will make no comments to you upon this affecting scene, and only tell you a bare matter of fact which I know you love; however I shall wish to expatiate more at large upon it hereafter, and hope you will give me an opportunity as soon as it is convenient to you, and perhaps you will meet Mrs Damer here, who I expect in a few days."
Cole to Walpole, 22 Aug 1776:
"Dr Ewin was with me yesterday and told me the sad accident of Mr Damer. I heartily pity his lady and those who are connected with her. Otherwise, by the Doctor's account of him, the public has no loss. I hope it will have no ill effect on the General, who, by your late account, is in no condition for such shocks"
Lady Louisa Conolly to Duchess of Leinster, 17 Sep 1776:
"We have never heard any particulars of Mr Damer's death, and various are the conjectures ; but I imagine madness was the cause and nothing else. I hear that Mrs Damer has given up £1,500 a year of her jointure to pay his debts, and intends to live with her father and mother upon the remaining £1000. I never heard of anything more noble and if it was necessary am glad she should do it, as it must stop every ill-natured idea about her. She is cold in her nature and I don't imagine she and Mr Damer were exactly suited to one another, but I never heard of any disagreement between them."
Lady Sarah Bunbury [née Lennox] to Lady Susan O’Brien [née Fox-Strangways], 19 Sep 1776:
“Was not you surprised at poor Mr Damer's death ? I had no idea he was maddish even, & in my mind he has proved he was quite mad, for I cannot account for his death &the manner of it any other way. I am provoked at Ld Milton, for I was throwing away my pity upon him, & behold! not even the death of his son has soften'd him about his family in general, or taught him generosity. He has been
very shabby about Lionel Damer, very unkind to George Damer, &quite brutal to Mrs Damer, who, by the by, behaves with all the propriety in the world ; when one commends a widow for behaving well, it is allowing that love was out of the question, which is to be sure her case. I think one has no right to blame her more than him ; he had no more business to marry a girl he did not like, than she had to accept of a man she was totally indifferent to, & he was as much to blame in giving her the example of never being at home, as she was to make all her way of life opposite to his. In short, I cannot think it fair to blame one more than t'other, but as it's evident love was out of the question I must give her credit for her present conduct. Lord Milton has taken her diamonds, furniture, carriages, & everything away to pay the debts with, & he abused her for staying in another man’s house, (for she stay'd a few days there before she went to the country, & the house is another's, being seiz'd). Upon hearing this she left it, & chose to go in a hackney coach, taking only her inkstand, a few books, her dog, & her maid with her, out of that fine house. I think itwas spirited &noble in her ; she had but three guineas in her pocket, which was to last her till Michaelmas, for Lord Milton did not offer her any assistance. Her sister [Dss of Richmond], as you may immagine, attended her & gave her money, & she went to Mr Conway's house ; she is to live with him for a year in order to save one year's income (,£2,500), which she gives towards the payment of Mr Damer's just debts, which cannot be quite paid by the sale of everything even. The poor servants are ow'd 14 months' wages, which I think is one of the most melancholy reflections, for you see that they are in absolute want of bread, if they are unlucky in not getting a place immediately. She paid (out of the Dss' money) those servants who were in immediate want, the rest were too generous to take any, & absolutely refused to take more than would serve them for immediate use ; they are all very fond of her, & cried bitterly at her leaving the home in such a way too, but the Dss tells me she walk'd through the house amidst them all, into her hackney coach with a firmness, that is quite heroic, for though she may be accused of not loving her husband, she cannot be accused of not loving her house & all her grandeur.”
Paul Theroff
Joseph Damer, of Winterbourne-Came (1676-1 Mar 1737); m.6 Dec 1714 Mary Churchill
1.Joseph, cr 1753 Baron Milton of Shronehill [I], cr 1762 Baron Milton of Milton Abbey, cr 1792 Earl of Dorchester and Viscount Milton of Milton Abbey (12 Mar 1718-12 Jan 1798); m.21 Jul 1742 Lady Caroline Sackville (6 Mar 1718-24 Mar 1775)
1.1.John (25 Jun 1744-suicide 15 Aug 1776); m.14 Jun 1767 Anne Seymour Conway (8 Nov 1748-28 May 1828)
1.2.George, 2nd Earl of Dorchester (28 Mar 1746-7 Mar 1808)
1.3.Lionel (16 Sep 1748-28 May 1807); m.16 Apr 1778 Williamsa Janssen, of the Baronets
1.4.Caroline (4 May 1752-1829); on her death Milton Abbey and other Damer estates passed to the Dawsons
2.John, of Winterbourne-Came (27 Oct 1720-26 Dec 1783); m.15 Apr 1745 Martha Rush
3.George (28 Aug 1727-14 Mar 1752)
4.Mary, d.2 Jun 1769; m.8 Dec 1737 William Henry Dawson, of Portarlington [later, Viscount Carlow] --> Dawson-Damer, Earls of Portarlington
5.Martha (23 Apr 1719-Jul 1777); m.1st 17 Jun 1741 Sir Edward Crofton, 4th Bt. (12 Apr 1713-26 Mar 1745); m.2nd Ezekiel Nesbitt
Paul Theroff
This is what Walpole wrote when the Damers first became engaged:
Walpole to Mann, 19 Mar 1767:
“Mr Conway is in great felicity, going to marry his only daughter to Lord Milton's eldest son, Mr Damer. Th e estate in Lord Milton's possession is already three and twenty thousand pounds a year. Seven more are just coming from the author of this wealth, an old uncle in Ireland of ninety-three. Lord Milton gives up five thousand a year in present, and settles the rest, for his two other boys are amply provided for. Miss Conway is to have a jointure of two thousand five hundred, and five hundred pin money. Her fortune which <is> ten thousand, goes in jewels, equipage and furniture. Her person is remarkably genteel and pleasing, her face very sensible and agreeable, and wanting nothing but more colour.
--A senator of Rome, while Rome survived, Would not have matched his daughter with a prince.— [this is a quotation from Addison.]
—if there had been such rich lords at home. I think you should write a compliment on the occasion. It is the more creditable, as Lord Milton sought the match, Mr Conway gives up all the money he has in the world, and has no East-India bonds. Adieu!”
I do not recall any significant efforts of Mrs Damer to marry again after her husband’s death, but there is a reference in the Correspodence of Mary Dickenson to the effect that her uncle, Sir William Hamilton (the well-known ambassador at Naples), may have thought of marrying her. Sir William wrote to Mary Dickenson 30 May 1786:
“I cannot have a greater pleasure, My Dear Niece , than hearing from yourself that you are well & happy. I felt for you when I heard of the death of your friend the Duchess of Portland . . . . Mrs. Damer has been here, lodged in my house & is gone home. It is not very extraordinary if after that, there shoud be some conjectures , but the fact is I neither am, or ever was , in love with her. I do believe if I had chosen the part of a dying lover, but I never coud act a part in my life , & consented to live at home in England , I might have succeeded . If she woud have consented to take me as I am, & live chiefly here , I certainly wou'd have married her, for after having lived 22 years en famille it is most terrible to live chiefly alone."
Mrs Damer had been at Naples in 1782, when Sir William's first wife was still living (and several years before he married Emma Hart, the mistress of Lord Nelson). Here is a letter he wrote to Walpole about Mrs Damer from Naples 28 May 1782:
My dear Sir,
THOUGH I cannot yet answer as fully as I could wish to every part of your last letter, I will not defer answering as far as I am able. Though I expected much from what you had told me of Mrs Darner's talents, I was astonished at what she did here; from an idea she took from a profile on a Sicilian medal of a Ceres she made a bust considerably bigger than life, and in my opinion there is not an artist now in Italy that could have done it with so much of the true sublime, and which none but the first artists of Greece seem to have understood perfectly. They might perhaps have made the model more correct, from the great habit of daily modelling, but it would have wanted, I am certain, that true simplicity and dignity which Mrs Damer has given it. She copied also a medallion of a head of Jupiter most admirably—but that is not so surprising as the bust, which may be said to be a creation of her own. When we have peace I will send you a cast from it. At present we have no ships that go directly from hence to England. If Mrs Damer should be with you, pray kiss the fair hand for me that is capable of such wonder-working."
Paul Theroff
"Thursday 15 [August]
The Hon. ______, son to Lord ____, shot himself, about three in the morning, at the Bedford-Arms, in Covent-Garden. He was heir to 20,000l a year, but was of a turn rather too eccentric to be confined within the limits of any fortune. The Coroner's jury sat upon the body the same night, and brought in their verdict Lunacy."