Relationships
rshe...@teleport.com
"Getting the Love you Want: A Guide for Couples" or "Keeping the Love you
Find: A Guide for Singles". Raise you hand. Higher. It's hard to see,
squinting down this wire.
What do you think of his thesis about how we pick partners? Can you
identify with this from past relationships?
Have you tried the communications techniques he proposes? Has it made a
difference for you?
From these books and some NLP training I've taken, I am impressed by how
much more there is to learn about ourselves and how we communicate and
relate to each other. Particularly with potential partners in committed
relationships.
I would benefit from hearing about your experiences and thoughts. And I
would hope that everyone subscribing to this newsgroup would. Share with
us.
TIA,
Rich
Richard B Shepard, Ph.D., President
Applied Ecosystem Services, Inc.
2404 SW 22nd Street
Troutdale, OR 97060-1247 USA
+ (503) 667-4517 (voice)/+ (503) 667-8863 (fax)
Katherine Bjork
> OK, group. How many of you have read Harille Hendrix's books? Either
>"Getting the Love you Want: A Guide for Couples" or "Keeping the Love you
>Find: A Guide for Singles". Raise you hand. Higher. It's hard to see,
>squinting down this wire.
>
> What do you think of his thesis about how we pick partners? Can you
>identify with this from past relationships?
>
reading countless books is that I might have chosen those particular people
because they were unable to commit and at that time in my life I was also
unable to, or afraid to commit and so getting involved with them enabled me to
give free rein to my emotions without fear of being caught....
I believe I have grown a lot in the last few years though and I know I am
ready to find that special someone...:)
> Have you tried the communications techniques he proposes? Has it made a
>difference for you?
Communication has never been a problem for me...they didn't call me chatty
kathy when I was a kid for nothing.....:)
>
> From these books and some NLP training I've taken, I am impressed by how
>much more there is to learn about ourselves and how we communicate and
>relate to each other. Particularly with potential partners in committed
>relationships.
>
Whats NLP training....?
> I would benefit from hearing about your experiences and thoughts. And I
>would hope that everyone subscribing to this newsgroup would. Share with
>us.
>
>TIA,
Okay I admit it...I don't know what TIA means...but I don't feel to stupid to
ask...after all my fifth Grade teacher Mr. Clark said...."the only dummy is the
one who doesn't know and doesn't ask"......:)
Katherine
Kerowyn2
pick and why is a facinating subject. I'm looking for another book that I
heard about"Are you the right one for me?" By Barbara D'angeles. Her
premise is that there are many possible partners out there but,
compatability is the key.
As for me, I think I look between the lines in people. NLP is okay and
you can creatively manipulate the situation if you are aware of someone's
orientation to visual, kinesthetic or aural information but, I have found
that the Meyer's Briggs is just as helpful an indicator for the workplace
and too, relationships.. I only wish I would have known that earlier.
As for past parental issues and relationships I think he is right on the
money. Let's hope that we can all grow beyond that stage and move on.
Anyhow, let's keep this one going.
I am a reluctant lurker and will post from home from now on..please no AOL
jokes.
Jan Holbrook
aka
kero...@aol.com
aka
jhol...@zeus.cc.pcc.edu.
Richard B. Shepard
Katherine Bjork <bjo...@ucs.orst.edu> wrote:
> The only thing I have managed to recognize about past relationships from
>reading countless books is that I might have chosen those particular people
>because they were unable to commit and at that time in my life I was also
>unable to, or afraid to commit and so getting involved with them enabled me to
>give free rein to my emotions without fear of being caught....
>I believe I have grown a lot in the last few years though and I know I am
>ready to find that special someone...:)
That's an interesting insight, Katherine. And it certainly has its place
in our lives. I'm glad you've moved past that point. I know that I
certainly have. The real trick is getting two people at this stage
together at the same place and the same time. Seems like each of us is at
a different stage of evolving toward quiet desperation.
And the latter is not negative, it means at some point we've come to
accept the need for a different basis for our relations and we wonder if
we'll find someone who also recognizes that!
> Communication has never been a problem for me...they didn't call me chatty
>kathy when I was a kid for nothing.....:)
The communications I'm referring to includes *really* listening,
validating, and questioning. That is, working to understand what the other
person is feeling and wanting to do what we can to correct
misunderstandings or problems.
For example, if my eating peas on a knife bothers you (!), you need to
tell me that in a non-challanging way. And I need to accept that it
bothers you even if I don't understand why. Without being defensive and
putting you down. Then we need to work out what I can do about this
bothersome behavior (use a spoon, perhaps?) which I can and will do and
which will be acceptable to you.
THAT'S what I mean by communications.
>Whats NLP training....?
Neuro Linguistic Programming. Among other things, it's a way of breaking
down barriers to communications so we express and receive exactly what we
want or mean to.
So much to learn. So little time ....
> Okay I admit it...I don't know what TIA means...but I don't feel to stupid to
>ask...after all my fifth Grade teacher Mr. Clark said...."the only dummy is the
>one who doesn't know and doesn't ask"......:)
Thanks In Advance. Similarly, TTFN == Ta Ta For Now and BTW == By The
Way. There's a dictionary-full of e-mail abbreviations. Probably created
by the same government agency which develops accronyms. <wink>
Richard B. Shepard
Kerowyn2 <kero...@aol.com> wrote:
...
>heard about"Are you the right one for me?" By Barbara D'angeles. Her
>premise is that there are many possible partners out there but,
>compatability is the key.
I tend to say away from her; too commercial for my tastes. But I agree
totally that compatability is always the key. However, compatability can
be created, too.
>As for me, I think I look between the lines in people.
Good! Some of us have more lines than we did a few years ago! 8-)
>NLP is okay and
>you can creatively manipulate the situation if you are aware of someone's
>orientation to visual, kinesthetic or aural information but, I have found
>that the Meyer's Briggs is just as helpful an indicator for the workplace
>and too, relationships.. I only wish I would have known that earlier.
There's much more to NLP than predicate matching. Much more. I will
suggest, however, that by getting on the same wavelength the communications
is much better. And that benefits each of us and the relationship as a
whole.
>Anyhow, let's keep this one going.
Please. Everyone's got a lot to offer. Those who haven't read the book,
that's your assignment. The others? Get a copy from the library.
We can work through it together.
>Jan Holbrook
>aka
> kero...@aol.com
Is this your pen name?
Don Thaxton
regarding Harville Hendrix. I picked it up this
morning and have gotten about half way
through it. Got wrapped up in it while sitting
on the deck and got a good sun burn!!
Good read so far. Thanks Richard!!
Don Thaxton
Progressive Technologies Group
(503)757-7817
Corvallis, Or.
e-mail tha...@ptgroup.com
Rion Pleiades
Kerowyn2 <kero...@aol.com> wrote:
>As for me, I think I look between the lines in people. NLP is okay and
>you can creatively manipulate the situation if you are aware of someone's
>orientation to visual, kinesthetic or aural information but, I have found
>that the Meyer's Briggs is just as helpful an indicator for the workplace
>and too, relationships.. I only wish I would have known that earlier.
I've always found NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) a positive tool for
listening. I don't know that it is all that useful for manipulating,
unless a person is drawn to manipulation in the first place. NLP provides
a better understanding of another's worldview: Do they recieve stimuli
best Verbally, Aurally, Kinesthetically, Visually, or Tactically? A good
listener can then respond in a manner that is better accepted by the speaker.
Meyer's Briggs inventory is good, but a bit formal outside of an office,
or in the workplace. Also the inventory can be skewed by those who've
taken it enough times and feel 'on guard' to the test.
I've been a lurker here for a few months (men can lurk too!) ;) This
topic is one that fascinates me. How do we deal with all the information
that we receive? What kind of person does our learning style make us? How
can I really get my message across to someone who percieves the world
differently than I?
It really is a miracle that we have successes in relationships. It's a
good thing that I beleive in miracles! (Big Grin!)
Randy Jennings
plei...@teleport.com
Take care!
--
Randy Jennings
Starfleet Marine International #0106
Internet: plei...@teleport.COM
Richard B. Shepard
Steve Peterson <ste...@sequent.com> wrote:
>Can you supply info references to NLP? I'm not familiar with this field.
>TIA.
Steve,
Phew! There are a lot of them out there. The Multnomah Co. library has
only one or two really old ones by Bander and Grinder. Washington Co. may
have more.
NLP is applicable to so many things -- every aspect of our lives, I've
come to learn -- that there's no short list of references or
trainers/therapists, whatever.
Here's what I suggest: either call Judy Sugg at 246-6201 and ask her or
call Lindagail Campbell in Medford; (503) 535-5932 or (800) 243-5932.
Lindagail's the founder of "NLP Institute of Oregon"; Judy's her main
representative in our area.
NLP is neither pop psychology nor New Age fad. The core idea started
with the concept of modeling excellence. Why are successful people
successful? Turns out it has a lot to do with effective communications.
Effective communications involves "reading" the other person's body
language (many very subtle changes), establishing rapport, and negotiating
mutually satisfying outcomes. And this, I suggest, is useful to all of us
in everything we do in our personal and professional lives.
There is, of course, much more to effective communications than the brief
paragraph above. Similarly, there's much more to NLP. Extending the
concept of communicating well and effectively, we can reach within
ourselves to increase our confidence or make desired changes. Listen to
any "how to sell" or "how to succeed" tape (or read the book) and you'll
encounter the same principals.
I have read or heard the same principles proposed for effectively
starting and running one's own business, developing propects into clients,
making the sale, negotiating, et cetera, et cetera.
But, I cannot represent the best picture of NLP. Lindagail and Judy
certainly can. Periodically they offer a one-evening "sampler" in Tigard
for a very reasonable price. I recommend it highly.