Japan Dating Culture

[Kay Hamling]

Areyou new to Japan and looking to meet new people? Are you open to dating? Or are you too shy to get yourself out there in the dating scene? Our comprehensive guide will walk you through the ins and outs of dating in Japan as a foreigner.

One thing to keep in mind is that dating is different for everyone, what could work for someone else might not necessarily work for you. So think of this article as a rough guide to help you triumph in the world of dating as a foreigner in Japan.

The culture and customs in Japan are much different to other countries such as The United Kingdom and the USA, in which it is encouraged to speak your mind. Japan is very much an indirect speaking country, a lot of things are better left unsaid, or the approach would be different.

This comes down to two reasons; privacy and accommodation for others. People in Japan value their privacy immensely, so partaking in something so public as PDA could take away the personal connection of dating.

This is where the differences become especially apparent between dating in Japan and other countries. The frequency of contact is something that is especially prevalent when dating in Japan, and how infrequent this contact can be.

The Japanese seem to be ahead of the curve when it comes to dating. Looking to stay at home and stick on a bit of Netflix? Been there, done that. While for the most part, countries such as England and the US like to go outdoors and socialise for their dates, the Japanese see time spent alone, together as extremely important.

Tinder enables you to set your proximity to eligible singles, as well as your age range to help you find the perfect match. There is of course also the option to pay for Tinder Plus to unlock premium features such as unlimited likes and the rewind feature in case you were a bit too trigger happy.

There are some notable features on Bumble that separates it from other dating apps in Japan. The first is Bumble Bizz: helping you to find people in the same profession, mentor, seek a career change or just chat!

OKCupid asks you everything about your life to find out exactly what makes you tick; and to partner you with someone that shares the same interests or has similar personality traits. This information is then used to gauge your personality match with strangers, ranging from 0-100%.

Match Alarm is a Japan specific app, and in contrast to other dating apps takes the hassle away from the users and suggests matches for you. They believe in quality over quantity, and their unique functionality enables you to wade through the noise and find the right match for you.

Tapple is another popular Japanese dating app similar to Tinder, but with some unique features. While sharing the swiping feature, Tapple also allows you to search for a match based on your interests.

Tapple is also the perfect app for foreigners looking to date in Japan, as they have a specific category for foreigners. Enabling local women/men to search by this category and find you. There is also the functionality to build a community to help like minded individuals find each other based on specific criteria.

Frigg adopts an approach similar to Omiai helping singles to find a serious match, an eligible marriage partner. This is also presented in a similar fashion to the dating app Match Alarm, in which you are presented with one match per day.

After you have completed over 100 questions covering personality, lifestyle, interests etc. you will then start the process of finding your perfect match. You are also able to exclude specific criteria such as drinking, smoking and gambling, for example.

Hatch is an app similar to Bumble in that women make the first move. That move has to be made in the first 24 hours or the match disappears. For same sex couples the first move can be made by either party.

9Monsters is an extremely popular LGBTQ+ app originating in Japan with a central focus on the Asia-Pacific. This Japanese dating app has two features completely unique to them: breeding system and auto translate messaging.

The purpose of Grindr is to create a profile that attracts gay men in your local area, and presents them on a cascade. You can message, tap and even create group chats to build strong relationships with possible connections.

The last is to show your personality through your pictures. Pictures are your first (and possible last) chance to make a good impression. Do you have a hobby that could be shown through a good image? Have you visited somewhere that would make others green with envy? Have a cute dog that you like taking pictures with? Use them!

A common mishap of dating apps is going in with tunnel vision. Having an idea and sticking to it. The best thing you can do is ask your friends for feedback, because something you may think is a good idea might actually be putting people off.

As well as machikon, there is also a similar event called shumikon. Shumikon differs slightly from machikon in that yes, groups are gathered, but it is meant for people that share similar hobbies or interests to do them as a group.

Traditionally, dating was not common in Japan. Marriages (結婚, kekkon) were often arranged and based on social status and practicality. Nowadays, however, young people seek more freedom in their dating lives. Still, you will notice that the dating culture in Japan is a blend of traditional and modern, shaped by cultural expectations. It is essential to keep that in mind to create stronger relationships and avoid misunderstandings.

Even if you have been dating someone for a while, it does not mean you are official. Generally, in Japan, people make it very clear when they want to call you boyfriend/girlfriend (彼氏/彼女, kareshi/kanojo). When you get a kokuhaku (告白), a confession of love, you will know it is official. Family (家族, kazoku) also plays an important role in determining how serious a relationship is in Japan and if marriage is in the cards.

People in Japan, especially younger people, face many obstacles that prevent them from dating. Japanese society emphasizes the importance of work (仕事, shigoto) and career. Long work hours make it difficult to find the time and energy to meet people. However, despite these challenges, people are still finding ways to get out there and meet potential partners.

As with almost everywhere else in the world, online dating has become increasingly popular in Japan. The Japan Times reported on a survey by Meiji Yasuda Life Insurance (明治安田生命保険, Meiji-Yasuda Seimei Hoken) showing that dating apps (マッチングアプリ, matchingu apuri) have become the most common way for couples to meet. In 2022, 22.6% of newlywed couples had found love online.

A more traditional way of meeting a partner in Japan is through mutual friends (友達, tomodachi) or family. After all, the people closest to you tend to know you best. Someone might introduce you through a group outing, typically at a restaurant or bar. This casual approach makes it easier to break the ice and get to know the other person.

It is common for people in Japan to join clubs or group activities. From cooking classes to sports teams, joining a club is a great way for couples to meet in Japan. Romantic feelings can develop while people bond over shared passions and interests.

It has become trendy in the Japanese dating scene to participate in kon-katsu (婚活), or matchmaking parties. The purpose of these parties is to provide an opportunity for singles to meet a potential life partner. Often, you will need to pay a fee. Matchmaking agencies organize many of these events and advertise them on social media. Even local governments organize these events to encourage people to get married and have children.

You may also want to learn some Japanese before embarking on your dating journey in Japan. While the process can sometimes feel like a marathon rather than a sprint, the connection can be rewarding. Here are some scenarios you may encounter.

Spontaneous dates are not the norm in Japan. Typically, Japanese people like to plan their schedules in advance. Planning a date in Japan does not need to be complicated. Japan has a rich food culture, so many dates involve going to restaurants or cafes.

Like anywhere in the world, it is important to be polite, respectful, and mindful of cultural norms when on a date in Japan. Being loud and aggressive is considered rude, but so is paying more attention to your phone than your companion. There are a few social rules to consider if you want to get past the first date.

Punctuality is of utmost importance in Japanese culture, so be sure to show up for your date on time or early. It is not only polite but shows you are reliable. Greetings are essential, too. Notably, refrain from hugs and cheek kisses, as these are typical ways of greeting.

In a more formal business setting, you may bow to each other, but this is often not the case in more casual situations. In most cases, you will use a verbal greeting, such as konnichiwa (こんにちは) or hello. Sometimes your date will bring a small present such as flowers or chocolates. This is a kind gesture but not required.

If you want to make a good impression on your first date, it is best to dress neatly and conservatively. Avoid wearing anything too revealing or too casual. People in Japan tend to dress fashionably, even in informal situations.

Men typically keep a well-polished appearance. If you want to make a good impression, style your hair neatly, dress in well-fitted clothes, and avoid flashy colors. A clean black, grey, or navy dress shirt paired with tailored slacks is a safe choice. Unless you are going on a beach date, avoid sandals. Instead, opt for dress shoes or clean, stylish sneakers.

Women typically put a little more effort into their hair and makeup on first dates. They aim for a more elegant and natural look. It is common for women to wear knee-length dresses or skirts with a simple blouse. Showing some skin is acceptable, but avoid anything too revealing. Japanese culture values modesty. Colors should be neutral, and accessories simple.

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