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Just Me

Jul 13, 2007, 8:17:16 AM7/13/07
to Passive Aggression
First let me say I really appreicated your March 23, 2007 posting
Alan. I made my husband "J" read it too.

Anyway here's my bio.

Married 23 yrs, Don't recall how,within last 6-9 months just by
surfing internet stumbled on information regarding PA and learned that
my husband is PA. It was a eye opener. But it's also been hell. There
term start during WWII 1945. Another definition, that might sound a
little softer and men might be more apt to accept is "jerk" or "PITA -
pain in the ass". A rose by any other name would still small as
sweet. :-)

And I've learned a LOT more about the behavior/disorder, whichever you
want to call it. It all started by reading "Living with the Passive
Aggressive Man" by Scott Wetzler, Ph.D. (buy online through Amazon).
Then did a search on Google for "passive aggression" and got more
information. That's how I found this group.

In Wetzlers' book he writes, " The passive-aggressive man will be
unable to benefit from any of these treatments (mentioned in previous
paragraphs) unless and until he is sufficiently motivated, when he's
troubled enough by the consequences of his behavior to act; his
passive-aggression has gotten out of control, and most likely, his
life is out of control. Maybe he was fired from a job he really liked
and pinned his hopes on; or he is so anxiety-ridden about his children
that he wont' let them show any initiative; or his wife finally left
him after threateing to do so for several years." Other methods could
be intervention and/or tough love.

For me I haven't left permanently. We will be living apart for awhile.
In the past I was able to get husband "J" into counseling twice. Both
complete failures. This time I decided to take care of myself. Just
me, myself, I am in therapy and doing well. I am on the road to
healing and taking back my life and being my old self. And "J" has
finally got the message. He is also in therapy. Whether he sticks with
it or not and gets the help he needs to heal so we can continue our
relationship is entirely up to him. The main concern I have is that he
may not have found the right therapist. From what he tells me she
doesn't believe he's PA. She just thinks he has some bad habits. Which
tells me she doesn't recognize one of the main PA traits - lying.??

PA's need to get the message that it's not only spouses that their
behavior effects and hurts. It's other family members as well. "J's"
PA has kept him from having a loving relationship with his daughter
from his first marriage. And he really wants to work on that too. So
I see a light at the end of the tunnel. It's just a "pin light" but
it's a light.

Time for me to get ready for work. I will definitely stay tuned to
this group look for support and hopefully give some back.

Just Me :-)

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