Twas the night before Dicksmas (best read in English accent)
Michael Miller
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creeper was stirring, not even an Andrew Crouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with dog hair,
In hopes that St. Dickolas soon would be there.
The drunks were all nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of naked maidens and Ryan Gosling danced in their heads.
And OD’s mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I with my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap…. Wink.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed and out of the fleshy matter.
Away to the window I flew while I flashed,
Tore open the shutters and children screamed when I threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of this new-fallen sow
Gave our lust to mid-day objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a midget-sized sleigh, and eight deformed reindeer.
With a decrepit, old driver, so smelly, drunk and sick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Dick.
More rampant than beagles his curses they came,
And he whistled, and shouted and looked like he came.
“Now Flasher! Now, Tiny Dancer! Now, you Prancing Gay and Slutbag Vixen!
On, Cumface! On Stupid! On, on Boner and Shitzen!
To the top of this shitty house! to the top of the wall!
Now flash away! Flash away! Whip out your balls!”
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The booting and pooping of each little douche.
As I drew in my head, and zipped up my pants,
Down the chimney St. Dickolas came ready to dance.
His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples seemed scary!
His cheeks were fat and red, like a drunk Drew Carey!
Drool dripped out of his mouth with a creepy grin on his face,
And the beard on his chin was white all covered in lace.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the crack smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad tattooed on his face and a morbidly obese belly,
That shook when he laughed, like OD’s mom’s jelly.
He was half-chubbed up and plumped, a right jolly old midget pimp.
And I laughed when I saw him, move to the bed where OD's mom lay limp.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know she had nothing to fear from his midget-sized head.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all her orifices, with a few quick jerks.
And laying his finger inside of this ho,
He pulled out his rod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his midget sleigh, to his deformed team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew cause of what St. Dick did to her piss hole.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere she was so damn tight,
“Happy Dicksmas to all, and to all a good-night!”
-by Michael Dickins
Eric Gebrian
Eric Gebrian
--
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "partyrockcrew" group.
To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to partyrockcre...@googlegroups.com.
For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/groups/opt_out.
Nick Marcoux
I sprang from the bed and out of the fleshy matter."