[paronomasia] Fwd: Puns

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priya venkateshan

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Aug 19, 2010, 5:57:08 AM8/19/10
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These are truly brilliant!
 
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
 
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
 
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
 
 Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
 
Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.
 
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
 
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
 
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
 
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
 
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
 
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
 
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
 
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
 
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
 
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
 
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
 
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
 
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
 
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
 
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
 
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
 
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
 
Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
 
Every calendar's days are numbered.
 
A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.
 
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
 
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
 
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
 
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
 
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
 
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
 
Acupuncture is a jab well done.




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