Hi Bob,
I know that Pacer has been used in a variety of projects, but am not aware of whether anyone is using it in a Rails app, and no problems have been reported to me. Given the popularity of Rails, I'd expect that there are people using them together, though.
To alter node or edge properties, you can simply get a reference to the element you want to change and then set it like this: node[:property] = "value". Depending on the graph you use you may need to use a transaction block: graph.transaction { <do work here> }.
Pacer's designed for use with embedded graphs. Neo4j can only be used in embedded mode, while Orient can be used in either mode, but yes it is much slower when using it remote.
I'm glad to hear you are liking Pacer!
Darrick