Sabbat Coord Talks: The Rumor Mill and how it kills Progress
Sabbat Coordinator
I will begin this message, like all my messages, by saying that the below is the opinion of me, and me alone. And who am I you might ask? At the end of the day, I am just a player like you. But currently, I am the Sabbat Coord. I was elected (by a slim margin this time!) to both lead and enforce genre within One World By Night as far as The Sabbat are concerned.
The Sabbat represents a large number of our active players in the Org. Last most recent survey counted somewhere around 100 active and unique players and I know it's functionally more than that. And while the struggles facing all of the Sects/Genres are different in their own way, a lot of them are shockingly the same/similar just wearing a different mask.
So with that out of the way, I want to clarify that the below message is intended to be read in a conversational, not confrontational tone. I welcome positive discourse, constructive criticisms, and intentional dialogue.
At the end of all of this, you only have me for 2 years (or less if I like… really screw up) and at the end of that, someone else will get the chance to hop in the seat, and I remain forever excited about the future of The Sabbat and One World By Night. I ask that everyone take a peak at my automated signature, the tag line underneath is my true belief in what OWBN is and what makes it the best.
With all of that said, I please invite you to join me in the journey of my thoughts below, and ask that you engage with them fully. Take the time to read the whole thing please! And thanks!
The Rumor Mill and how it kills progress
Man, this one is… big. Look I am going to preface this by saying, there is no way that I can, in one email, really dig into all the facets of this topic that I think are ultimately toxic to the very foundation of what we are trying to do here in this Org (Re: My signature) let alone all of the different societal, cultural, regional factors that feed into those facets. So… I am just going to try and address the one thing I think needs the most attention paid and the most light shined on as best I can. Please don’t come for me for not hitting all the issues on this one! Thanks!
So… we have all been there, heck maybe we are all guilty of this (I know I have done it before, I try to do it way less) but there you are, talking about characters, players, the Org, whatever. Then someone says something that gets your goat, causes feelings to stir, or in general causes you to feel upset. So you offer a rebuttal, its stop being a convo and now its a potential debate. Cool debates can breed new ideas… but then someone says it, the dreaded words with so little defense in casual conversation…. “Well I know a lot of people who….” Suddenly you aren’t two or three people talking or debating anymore. Now you are one or two people debating an unknown number of people who all feel exactly the way that person does, and disagreement or disparagement isn’t just putting that one person out, it's a verbal attack on all of those people too! The person who summoned those words is now empowered, they have to defend the call to arms! Justice! Vengeance!
Well that's an extreme example, but I think we have all experienced it before. And you know what? In casual convo, in passing discourse? It really isn’t a big deal or an issue. Where it rears its head and becomes a real problem (in my opinion) is the following instances.
Council Conversations on how to better the Org
Individual Game conversations on how to better the play space
Attempts to resolve disputes, conflicts of interest, or actual conflicts with our CoC or similar statutes and standards
Creating the perception of disengagement or frustration where they may not actually exist (or they do exist but not for the reasons this tactic addresses)
The real issue here is that all of the above points are really important. These are things we need to be able to reliably resolve, engage with, and progress on if we intend to make this Org of ours a more progressive, inviting, and fun place to be. And the dreaded “Well I know a lot of people who….” does not do any of those things (those things being resolve, engage, or progress) it is a phrase that at its core, is intended to shut down and divert a conversation away from its current position and back towards the speaker's goal within the topic, whatever that happens to be.
And maybe their goal is to bring light to something that isn’t being addressed? Hey that's not bad, but maybe their goal is to push the light off of a topic that they don’t want addressed? In general, when I have seen these words (or words like them/with the same intention) pop up, it's always a cause for derailment or to invalidate someone's point.
I see it a lot in conversations about how to address Org wide concerns like Custom Powers, or Blood Magic proliferation, or regulation on lores/abilities/powers/stuff. I also see it during DA (Disciplinary Actions) procedures, or when trying to bring up the need for them. Mind you DA’s are the one thing we as an Org really have to hold our volunteers and players accountable for bad behavior short of voting with your feet (IE: Not going to their games or spaces) and any inability to fairly and reasonable move those processes along, is a huge blow to the Org’s ability to regulate itself.
But it also rears its head when people are just… talking about things. Giving opinions in Discord channels or at live games or at afters, when that person would like to give weight to their opinion. And you know what? In some cases it's likely probable that they do know more people that have the same opinion.
Since Discord exploded in the Org, the nature of our Echo Chambers has only grown. It's easier than ever for like minded players to band together regardless of region to talk about their personal feelings about how things should be. And overall, that's great! Discourse is good! But the nature of One World By Night, is that we need to be accepting of a wide range of opinions, play styles, interests, and so on, so using your particular Echo Chambers opinion to shut down someone else's, is defeating the overall point.
The easiest way to deflate or defeat this tactic… is with information and transparency. “Well I know a lot of people who….” “Oh? Cool, who are they? Can we invite them to engage in this topic? Can we hear their specific opinion? What has their experience been and can I talk to them about it?” The tough part of that is, the individual is under no compulsion to divulge information, and in some cases, even when they are being honest, they can’t. I would point to physical assault allegations that some people may not want to come forward about, and they shouldn’t have to if they don’t feel safe or comfortable, but it again puts us back in this position of… “I either have to believe you or not, and hope that you have said those words in good faith, not as a means to derail or control the situation.”
Let's also not forget that if these words come from a trusted source, a cult of personality if you will, they can also cause my fourth point above. They can create a sense of ground swell for disenfranchisement. This is always so readily apparent whenever the convo of Blood Magic Prevalence in the Org comes around. Every single survey, performed by every single Coord, has always shown that the outrage and negative feelings about how bad it is, just isn’t actually accurate when related to the factual numbers. And that type of outrage has the tendency to cause distrust, disengagement, and even disgust where there might not actually be any call for it.
Who here has ever sneered, snubbed, or dismissed a Coord, Game, ST, or Player because someone somewhere said they kinda suck? Without ever having actually interacted with them personally? Or that their rules calls are bad. Or that they just give out powers to their friends for free? Or that they only protect their friends PCs? All of us at some point or another right? Well… how many of you did the homework to make sure that was true? Did the person who said it provide an example? Did they cite who the incident happened to? Are you sure it wasn’t the HST of that same game 10 years ago? Has the culture of that space changed? Are you even sure the story is accurate with ST’s and Coords inability to do full curtain reveals while plot, players, and actions are still in play even years later?
I know that I personally am still dealing with distrust from some players and games of the Sabbat Coord office… for stuff Adam did as Sabbat Coord 3000 years ago.
The Rumor Mill is…. A problem. It's a problem at local levels, regional levels, and national levels. It's a problem for the entire org. So… how do we fix it? Matt you aren’t just ranting at us and not gonna offer any advice are you? Well… look… I know lots of people who have great ideas. <.<
Funny jokes. Anyway, I think we address the issues of rumor mill and these comments that have a tendency to shut down forward progress by doing the following, when and where possible. It is important that we acknowledge that safety and security is paramount here, but sometimes a person is allowed to be uncomfortable for the sake of making our Org a better place. Uncomfortable, not unsafe.
Get better at calling our friends out on unproven, unfounded, or outdated information
Ask them what HST ran that plot? Are they still in office? Wasn’t that like… 15 years ago?
Okay, if you know a bunch of people, can you get us a list of names? Can you compile that data for us so we can make actionable steps? Can we invite them to participate in this convo?
Be better at accepting our opinion might just… not be the best one for the situation
Hey, your opinion is valid, but so are others, and we need to compromise, so how can we meet halfway or which opinion would be better for the health of the situation?
Hey let's call in the Mediation Team or a trusted Coord/HST/Friend who can help us mediate this dispute/disagreement
Just stop making accusations and statements that we know won’t hold up to scrutiny, hoping that its enough to change, derail, or degrade the situation in our favor
I could say X thing and conflate it to Y thing. I could engage in debate and gaslighting tactics that will get me what I want… but I won’t, because I want this org to be better.
Use empathy and remember this isn’t just your issue and your issue only
Or calling out people for doing (or not doing) the above.
As I said when this all began…. I don’t have all the answers. I have not covered all the ways in which the Rumor Mill damages the Org. I haven’t even really got into the topic of the Rumor Mill being directed at individuals, and I just don’t have the bandwidth to do that.
The real issue we need to all address is accountability. For ourselves, for our friends, for the org itself. We need to stop when we hear those common derailing phrases, and work backwards to identify why they were said, what's the intention behind them, and how do we move forward? Do we just need to address a misconception? Inform and move on? Mediate an old rivalry? Clean up some bad blood? Or is there more that needs done?
We have the institutions to do any of the above. We have enough people who care, and we have the ability for empathy and we need to utilize it more. Brad wrote a pretty devastating piece about how people in the Org just don’t care about each other enough. I am not sure he was right, but he did hit a very strong point that itself is very important. The world is hard. It's hard to love everyone. Some people don’t want to be loved. Some people need to resolve some of their own issues to be loved. And it's unreasonable to expect love where barriers to it remain. All that being true… It doesn't change the fact that for this Org to thrive, we NEED to have empathy for one another, and treat each other and hold each other accountable to that empathy.
I dunno, maybe this Ted Talk doesn’t have a neat bow on it. I just hope it makes people think, gets people talking, and maybe curtails some bad and destructive behavior in the long run (or at least identifies it for people who are experiencing it.) The Rumor Mill is our enemy when it does anything more than offer intrigue in character.
Anyway, thanks again for reading folks!
Sabbat Coord-Office Hours in EST as available-
Adam Sartori
HST and CM for Kings of New York
Subcoord for: Sabbat, Ravnos, Assamite, Salubri, Tremere, and Hunter
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Sabbat Coordinator
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Retired Sabbat Coord
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Lex Lopez
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Sabbat Coordinator
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Lex Lopez
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Sabbat Coordinator
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Eduardo Ambrosio
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