Do Indian families see daughters as excess baggage?

[SUSHEEL GOEL]

Do Indian families see daughters as excess

 

baggage?

 

 

Are daughters a blessing from God? Are they a symbol of goddess Laxmi (and, therefore, prosperity) or unwanted baggage that means a life-long obligation? We're all familiar with the predicament of daughters in rural India. But what's their story in the modernized, western shores where numerous Indians have settled? Do they carry with them age-old prejudices? Or does the girl child have it better there?

When a girl child is born

Today it's almost not cool to discuss this. People like to sweep it under the carpet. Nobody wants to be known as a backward person who openly shows disappointment over the birth of a daughter. But observe the reactions when a daughter is born into any family close to you. That sure shot, full-fledged celebration that accompanies the birth of a son is sometimes conspicuously absent. Some old fashioned friends and relatives who drop in to bless the baby are likely to say," these days daughters are like sons" An attempt to 'console' the couple, which only re-emphasizes the fact that sons are a notch higher than daughters.

 

Differentiation

So what makes daughters less welcome in many Indian homes? Is it the extra care one has to take and the worry a parent goes through due to the increasing lack of safety on the streets of our country? One is often guilty of creating different sets of rules for sons and daughters of the same age. While daughters may have a cut off time of 7 pm to be home by, their brothers are allowed to sneak in after late night parties in the wee hours of the morning. It's common to find mothers boast jokingly about the number of phone calls their adolescent sons get from girls as some sort of an accomplishment. But the daughter is supposed to be prim and proper, towing the line of the family traditions.

 

Bride and prejudice

The ultimate difference comes with reference to marriage. Daughters mean lakhs of rupees spent on a grand wedding and sometimes on expensive wedding gifts which become the property of another family if she moves in with her in-laws. If she's unable to prove her mettle as a good wife and daughter-in-law, parents get to hear snide comments. Young girls are often nudged towards the kitchen and household matters in order to be good wives. But nobody really trains a son to make a good or ideal husband.

 

Changes

But things are changing gradually. Daughters have time and again done their parents proud. Aishwarya Rai, Suneeta Williams, Kalpana Chawla, Gurinder Chaddha, Sania Mirza are daughters who've paved the way for many more to come in the forefront and show what stuff they're made of. Women are taking on unconventional careers and storming many a male bastion. People have realized that the ultimate emancipation of their daughters would come with economic independence.

 

Movies say it all

While most Hindi movies still typecast their heroines as mere eye candy, many diaspora movies such as 'Bend it like Beckham', 'Bride and Prejudice' and 'Provoked' have showcased female protagonists with headstrong and determined personalities who chart the course of their own destiny. So a girl who can't get Aloo Gobhi right could well be capable of hitting those goals like any boy. And the idea is to empower them enough so that they make informed choices at every stage in their lives.

 

It's been many a time that daughters take equal or even better care of their parents in their old age. The emotional bond that a daughter feels for her parents, in some ways, is much stronger. Our society being mostly a patrilineal society, a daughter takes on the responsibility of her new family after marriage, and also continues to provide much needed love, affection, time and concern to her own blood relations. It's this realization that's making parents welcome daughters as happily as they do their sons. For a parent the joy of raising a child, be it a boy or girl, should be equally fulfilling and satisfying. But it's true that daughters have very special and endearing ways to find their way right into our hearts. Way to go Indian girls, whether you live in India or abroad!

 

Is the mindset changing? Or do you think we still have a long way to go? Are people justified in treating their daughters differently than their sons?

--
"Try to make at least one person happy every day.
If you cannot do a kind deed, speak a kind word.
If you cannot speak a kind word, think a kind thought.
Count up, if you can, the treasure of happiness that
you would dispense in a week, in a year, in a lifetime!"  

With Thanks : Susheel Goel.